


Punishment

by Cara_Uchiha



Category: EXO (Band), Kpop - Fandom, SHINee
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-07-19 00:13:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 123,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7336846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cara_Uchiha/pseuds/Cara_Uchiha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being in love was easy, finding time was difficult, exposing your love; now that was out of the question.</p><p>*</p><p>Jongin and Taemin spent most of their years knowing each other in denial, sure they messed about, whether that was kissing or fucking, but it took a lot for them to express their real feelings.</p><p>*</p><p>Being together finally was bliss, but being idols, it made things tough, but will love be enough to get them by~?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coming Down

"We have to keep it a secret, please Tae.."Jongin whined lowly; the elder continued to leave a trail of kisses up his neck, taking his ear between his teeth, sucking it softly, which drew out soft moans from Jongin's mouth.

"..I want to show you off though" Taemin replied, finally breaking contact to look into Jongin's eyes, tiptoeing to try and match their height. It was dark in the storeroom; Taemin had insisted that they'd go in there to make out. It was the rehearsals period for SMtown Osaka; EXO were occupying the stage at this moment, probably wondering where the hell their main dancer was.

"People think we're dating anyway, why can't we just be out with it.." He continued, linking his arms around the taller one's neck.

"Because people might change how they think about us Taeminnie, we've only officially been together for two months."

"Oh c'mon Jongie, we've practically had it for each other since pre-debut days, might I add we've been sleeping with each other for what- 4 years, four bloody years!! I love you Jongin.." Taemin mumbled the complaint in a hushed tone, biting his lip out of habit as he looked at the floor.

KAI!! KAI!! HAVE YOU SEEN KAI!? KIM JONGIN WHERE ARE YOU??? Exo's manager's voice boomed outside the storeroom, muffled only slightly by the closed door.

"Tae I have to go.. We probably won't see each other till the concert tonight, kakao me, I love--" The door swung open, Taemin stumbled back, hiding in the dark corner of the room, frowning tiredly. "Kai what on earth are you doing in here!?" The manager shouted, pulling Jongin by his arm out of the room, not noticing SHINee's maknae scowling in the corner.

"Uhh I thought it was the toilet.."

"You idiot- I thought you'd ran off or something-" Their conversation muffled as the door closed behind them quietly, Taemin slumped down to the floor, digging around in his pocket for his cigarettes. He had quit months ago, but can't seem to throw this box away, sticking one between his lips unlit to release some stress.

 

 

The concert went by slowly; Taemin kept a neutral face on as he performed 'Pretty Boy'- he was mad, mad at Jongin and angry at himself. His pants were fucking tight, a faux-leather of sorts- his mesh shirt was baggy against his chest, and he couldn't bare looking at Jongin in that moment; at that moment, they were SHINee's Taemin and EXO's Kai, nothing but performers.

The song ended with a bow; Taemin headed to the backstage before Jongin could grab his arm or show some 'skinship' to the needy fans, he wanted this concert to end, because he was exhausted and moody- something the fans probably picked up on by now.

The ending stage was a blur; all Taemin could think about was his bed and warmth- concerts were stressful, perhaps changes your mind state. He walked behind Jongin, approaching him dearly, a smile spread on his face as his hand went straight to the latter's waist, pulling him by his side for everyone to see, but this could just be a friendly best friend act right, smiling towards the crowd, he spoke.

"Jonginnie, I want you, I need you- fuck me pleeease."

He kept his innocent smiling image under control as those words rolled off his tongue in a sexy whine, Jongin's face faltered as he heard those words, and his mouth got dry, and his dick twitched.

"Taem-" Jongin tried to say something to the older, but he had started walking elsewhere on the vast stage, Jongin dumbly followed like he was under a spell.

Taemin went on to greet and say well done to various members of SM town, walking by others and making a mental note to touch them all, give out all the skinship he had as Jongin continued to walk behind him with a little gap, it was all a game.

'Jongin wouldn't like this' Taemin thought to himself, as his hand's slipped from Chanyeol's waist, moving forward to the stage edge to wave at fans and be the fabulous idol he is.

Jongin didn't like this, Taemin was his, and he didn't like the unnecessary skinship he was sharing with people who weren't him, how could he possibly do this after saying those things? He caught up to Taemin, holding him around his waist, keeping him in his arms where he was supposed to be.

"What are you playing at, are you mad at me?" Jongin whispered in the shorter one's ear.

"No way, why would I ever be mad at you~?"

"Cause I- What are you planning, Taem, I'm sorry."

"I'm not planning anything, I just want you in me" Taemin kept his cool as he waved at various fans.

 

Jongin faltered again, tightening his grip on the other's side, bringing his lips close to his ear. "Stop saying stuff like that; it'll only make me punish you pabo"

"Uh uh uh, that's where you're wrong Jonginnie; I'm gonna punish you."

And just like that Taemin disappeared into the crowd of artist's and dancers backstage, Jongin tried to catch him but it was no use, he's more than likely to be already dressed.

 

 

It was nearing midnight when Jongin and the rest of exo entered their Japanese dorm; he quickly washed and threw himself on his bed, his hair dripping wet as he wiggled under his blanket's in his boxer's and a t-shirt. Kyungsoo was fast asleep in the bed by his, snoring softly with the blanket covering his whole body.

 

Jongin fiddled around with his phone, thinking of what he could text his tricky boyfriend as he had left so abruptly. Opening kakao, he began typing a message, but received one before he'd even finished, it was an image, no caption; it loaded too slow for Jongin's liking.

Slowly it revealed a picture of Taemin, in what Jongin assumes to be SHINee's Japanese dorms bathroom, in a low riding towel, bulging apparently in one area, Taemin's bottom lip tugged between his teeth, a half-lidded gaze focused into the camera eye.

kaijongin14: taem why?? what are trying to do to me- you know d.o hyung is just there

kaijongin14: I fuckin' groaned you asshole

kaijongin14: fuck you look good

kaijongin14: tae whyyyyyyyyyyyyy

kaijongin14: I hate you

kaijongin14: but also I love you fucker

se7enno.1fan: huhu

kaijongin14: I wish you'd change your fuckin' name ugh

se7enno.1fan: why, I love se7en

kaijongin14: this is beside the issue in hand atm

se7enno.1fan: I can guess what is in your hand eue

kaijongin14: is this my punishment?

 

jongbitchin': nah, it's that I'm gonna ignore ya' & leave u with blue balls <3

kaijongin14: I like your new username prick, yahhh

kaijongin14: tae

kaijongin14: seriously

kaijongin14:taeminnnnn

kaijongin14: I'll let you top again tae

 

jongbitchin': what really??!?

kaijongin14: no but, cmon'

 

jongbitchin': fuck you

kaijongin14: taemin I love you, please let's facetime or somethin'-

kaijongin14: I'll go in the bathroom

kaijongin14: I need youuuu

kaijongin14: taem I ndmccdcgpwxh

kaijongin14: pls

kaijongin14: pls

kaijongin14: I'm sorry

kaijongin14: TAEMINNIE tae tae

kaijongin14: voice note

'I'm sorry minnie, I'll make it up to you once we are back in Korea'


	2. Death Of A Bachelor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is originally posted on AsianFanfic's, under the same title.  
> I'm not really great at posting on this site; it has come to my attention lol. I haven't put warnings on each chapter but this fic includes suicide attempts, smut, mental illness, daddy kink mentions etc.  
> I'm not sure how to format on this website, I find it easier to read on aff because I can format it better there; please comment ^^

Three weeks past, no Taemin, no sighting, no text responses, nothing. Jongin was worried more than anything, yes he's used to going weeks without seeing him, but not hearing from him, that was another story. 

 

His schedule was clear for once, as he was getting too anxious with waiting, he decided to visit the other's apartment was the only way to put his mind at rest, whether Taemin was home or not. He parked his motorbike beside the building, hopping off the bike as he took off his helmet, keeping his head down because it would be a crappy time to get recognized. 

Jongin had his own set of keys, it was in the case of emergencies or if he wanted to get away from the exo dorm for the night as Taemin had put it, but Jongin thought it meant a lot more. 

He took the lift up to the 8th floor, whistling along to the tune in his head. As he arrived at the apartment door he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in, he opted for just going ahead and opening the door. 

The apartment was dimly lit by a small opening of the curtain on the far wall, everything was still and there was a faint lingering smell of cigarettes, Jongin decided the bedroom was the best bet as it was still early. 

The room was even darker, but he could make out the shape underneath the blanket, one small foot poking out of the side. He approached the bed quietly, sitting on the edge as he slowly peeled back the blanket from others face. 

Taemin was dead to the world, his hand unconsciously reached for the blanket back, which Jongin laced his fingers with, running his thumb over the others small hand.

The older stirred at the contact, his eyes blinked open with confusion as they slowly worked out Jongins face in the dark room, but he could already tell with the familiar grip on his hand.

“Jongin-ah?” Taemin spoke with a hoarse tone, a sleepy tone of sorts, a small smile could be seen in the dark. 

“Yes, Taeminnie?”

“Get in, you're letting the cold in” Taemin yawned as he lifted the blanket as an invitation, Jongin slipped his shoes off and rolled in quickly. He pulled the other close to him, rubbing circles into his bare back.

“Are you naked Taem?”

“Nah I'm wearing boxers and sweatpants perv” Taemin confirmed as he pressed his face against Jongins shoulder. 

“Are you okay? Cause I've been worried..” Jongin asked as he ran his fingertips against the others scalp. 

“Yeah I'm good, I lost my phone, by the way, that's why I've been quiet Jonginnie-ah.”

“Oh.. Right, you could have made your manager tell me”

“Been too busy hun, sorry..”

“It's fine, you're easy to worry about, though, I guess I make wild assumptions cause.. yeah.”

“Jongin-ah, don't worry about me, I'm all good now.” 

“You sure?”

“Yes, Jongin!” Taemin whined, smacking his head against the taller ones shoulder.

“Okay I'll stop nagging, but that doesn't mean I'll necessarily stop worrying..”

“Yah, I'm good- chill out for once…”

Jongin hummed a reply as he leant in to plant a kiss on the others head, the action making him poke his head up from his shoulder, smiling dumbly. 

“I love you too..” 

“Huh?” 

“I didn't get to say it back last time..” 

“Ah, right..” Taemin chuckled, shifting up a little to straddle the taller one, fiddling with the pull strings of his hoddie. 

Jongin returned a dumb smirk at the action, wiggling his eyebrows jokingly. 

“You gonna do anything while sitting on me..?” 

“Nah, I'm gonna have a shower~” Taemin laughed and leapt off the other, waddling to the bathroom, only to lock it behind himself. 

“Tae-“ Jongin pouted, wriggling around annoyed, he got up and went around the apartment to open up the curtains, only to reveal the mess of the place. 

‘He's fine riiiight? Then why is his apartment in this state’ Jongin thought to himself, as the state of the others apartment usually matched his mental state. 

Jongin ran around a little, picking up various bits of rubbish, most of which were chewing gum wrappers and cigarette linings, only a few ramen cups; which looked old and unfinished. 

Jongin puffed out his cheeks as he got rid of the last bit of rubbish, he'd run a vacuum cleaner around later after talking to the other that is. 

“Tae, you sure you're all good?” Jongin asked again as the older of the two walked out of the bathroom in fresh sweats only while towel drying his hair. 

“Yes, Jongin! For fuck's sake drop it already..” 

“I can't, cause I care- did you see the state of this place and I noticed the cigarette boxes, Tae you can't expect me not to worry about you baby, I get it, you're older and don't need babying..” 

“If I was as bad as I was before you would have noticed, trust me- I'm just a little stressed, nothing serious Jongin-ah” 

“Alright, I'll drop it..” 

Jongin’s eyes skimmed over the other, rib outlines visible, hip bones visible, face sunken where there were usually squishy cheeks, it was hard not to worry about Taemin. 

“Let me order us something for breakfast, does that bakery still do delivery?” 

“Not sure, I'm not that hungry anyway- so just get me some bread or something” 

“Mhm.. Yup they still deliver~!” Jongin gleamed as he searched it, calling the number almost immediately. 

“Good morning, wonderful thanks, yeah can I get some croissants, 2 yes, one cheese bun, one plain and two large hot chocolates, yes how much, ah okay, bye now” 

“Someone's hungry?” Taemin commented as he approached the other, winding the towel he was using around his neck to pull him close. 

“You're gonna eat the spare ones, I guarantee it” Jongin chuckled the reply, tucking some hair behind Taemins ear, his eyes looking at his face. 

“So pretty..” He whispered with a smile on his face. 

“Yah, I'm not pretty, I'm sexy pabo” 

“Riiiight, keep telling yourself that you pretty little thing..” 

They met in the middle for a slow chaste kiss, their lips were curved into smiles, the world around them seemed to freeze, they broke apart hesitantly.

Taemin looked down at his feet, taking his bottom lip between his teeth. 

"I miss you Jongin.." 

"Then call me, tell me you miss me, nag me, make me sneak out past curfew" 

"I don't wanna get you into trouble superstar" 

"Yah you're a superstar too, let's be selfish for once--" 

A buzz from the door disturbed them, Jongin broke apart from the other to go receive the breakfast from downstairs. 

Taemin waddled off to his bedroom to pull a jumper on, smiling to himself as he found one of Jongins hanging in his closet, pulling it on as it hung loosely on his shoulders. 

 

The evening flew by quick, time seemed to go by too fast when Jongin spent time with his lover, Taemin was humming a tune to himself as he seemingly floated around the apartment while lighting a cigarette calmly. 

“Do you ever stop?” 

“Stop, what?” 

“You know what..” 

“Smoking? I'm gonna qui-“ 

“-no I don't mind that, do you ever stop being breath-taking?” Jongin cut in, a dumb smile covering his face as he sunk further into the sofa. 

“You're so gay Jongie..” Taemin grinned, pretending to dislike the compliment, walking over to the other like a cat stalking it's prey, planting himself in Jongin’s lap. 

“Yup, I can't deny that one” Jongin chuckled lowly, tracing his hands up the elders hips, moving the oversized jumper up to rub circles into his sides.

Taemin continued to hum, leaning to put out the cig in an ashtray, Jongin watched his every move, there was always something about the way Taemin moved or how he carried himself, calculated but effortless, it was hard not to watch Taemin. 

Small hands pushed Jongins hair out of his face; they lingered against his scalp as the owner of the hands stared into his eyes. 

“What do you think about, Kai~ah?” 

Jongin raised his eyebrows at the mention of his stage name, smirking devilishly. 

“You” 

“Me? What's so special about me?” 

“Everything baby..” 

Taemin giggled cutely, leaning his forehead against Jongin’s, his fair hair tickled his cheeks. 

“What am I to do? I try to stay mad at you for not wanting to be out with us, but I can't cause' you're so perfect, and I like you being my little secret..” 

“N'aww my poor Taeminnie.” 

Taemin smiled widely and hid his face into the taller boy's neck, one of his hand sliding out of his hair and down the others jaw, neck, clothed chest and abs, stopping above the belt buckle. 

“I want you..” Taemin mumbled against Jongin’s neck; his breath was hot and moist on his skin. 

Jongin didn't need any more encouragement, his hips bucked to re-position the dainty boy on his lap, his face springing away from Jongin's neck at the motion. 

They held each others gaze for a while, eyes skimming around slowly. 

“What's your schedule like?” Jongin queried with a serious tone. 

“You know how to set the mood..” 

“No no, I just wanna know how hard I can fuck you? Cause we can't have our precious Taeminnie limping through a choreography..” 

Taemin's mouth went dry as he gulped, trying to focus on the boy in front of him. 

“I-I’m free all w-week..” 

Jongin hummed, dropping his hands to grip harshly at Taemin’s hips. 

“Well, I guess that means it's up to you, hard or soft honey~?” Jongin smiled sweetly, bringing his lips to the others cheek. 

“Stop teasing me you bastard; you know how I like it…” Taemin growled as he averted his eyes. 

Jongin chuckled, fisting his hand into Taemin's hair to pull him back, exposing his neck, kissing the bare skin lovingly while keeping his hair in a hold. 

“Rough then..” 

“Y-yes” Taemin moaned as Jongin bit down harshly on his neck. 

“..Bedroom?” 

“Mhm..” 

Jongin shifted forward on the sofa, picking the shorter one up as he made their way to the bedroom, pushing urgent kisses against each others lips. 

It's time's like this Jongin felt he understood Taemin, the feeling of the other's heartbeat hammering against his chest, the desperate gasps for air, tugging fingers wanting touch, wanting warmth, wanting to feel something. 

Their clothes were littered carelessly on the bedroom floor, they always rushed things, being so use to their hectic lifestyles. 

Taemin had his thick swollen lips wrapped around Jongin's large length, taking him deep into his throat. 

"Ugh.. uh- fuck Tae!" Jongin grunted, sliding his slender finger's into the other's hair tugging and urging him forward, Taemin' looked up from in-between his boyfriend's legs, saliva mixed with pre-cum dripping from his chin, his eye's half-lidded as a smirk tugged at the corner of his stretched lips. 

Jongin looked down at him, darting his tongue out the dampen his lips, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth as he shamelessly fucked into his boyfriend's mouth. The way Taemin could look so broken in a moment like this, but be more alright than he has ever been. 

\--- 

"How many of those have you taken!?"Jongin shouted at the other, picking up the empty pill bottle, trying to focus on the instruction sticker. There were pills scattered all over the floor, different shapes and colours, the light in the bathroom was dim, it always had been. 

Taemin shrugged from his position sprawled on the tiled floor, holding an empty vodka bottle to his chest, his eyes blown, and his skin was a sickly pale, he was wearing a huge jumper, it had rips at the sides, exposing his rib outline as he was only wearing boxers and the said jumper. 

 

"I'm calling the ambulance" The younger cried, he couldn't bare looking at the man he admired and looked up to in this state, this wasn't the Lee Taemin he knew, this was a broken man.  
\--- 

Jongin pulled the other up from his position between his legs, bringing him up into a smoldering kiss, Taemin liked kissing, you could always tell by the way he moaned into kisses as if they made him feel some sort of pre-orgasmic bliss. 

Sex was always special between them, they were each other's firsts, all those year's that they hadn't accepted that they had more feeling's than a 'no strings' agreement, all those years where they acted like they were seeing other's on the side wasted, when all they both needed was love. 

Jongin started pushing in shortly after preparing the latter, he pushed in, in one big thrust; kissing against the other's ear tiredly as he set a pace. 

"Jong-Jongin fuck, ahh ah mmphh I I love y-you ah!" Taemin choked on his words as his lover thrusted into him relentlessly, his strong hands dug into his hips, Taemin moaned lewdly as he prayed they left a mark, he always liked being reminded days after they'd done it. 

"I love you too Taemin, fuck- you're so tight mhmm~"  
\--- 

"Jongin-ah" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you love me like I love you?" 

"Well, how exactly do you love me? because love is love Tae." 

"Well with you, I guess it sometimes hurts" 

"Hurts?" 

"Mhm, like I love you so much it hurts, it hurts me when you're sad, it hurts me when I hurt you, it hurts me when I see you smile brightly at someone else, it makes me think too much that my head hurts, I think of you more than I think of myself- I forget to look after myself because I want to look after you, do you feel differently to that?" 

"Hmm, well I love you so much that it makes me feel so lucky that I can spend so much time with you, I get to be there through your ups and downs, I get to hold you close to me and feel your warmth, you fill my thoughts so much that I feel blessed, I look after myself so I can take care of you and when you smile, I get butterflies every time, no matter who you're with, I guess love is love- no matter how you view it, it seems different Tae, but you're just seeing it from a dark view, but someday you'll see it just like me" 

Jongin replied with a smile, dragging his fingers through the other matted hair, the lights in the hospital room were bright, they always were.  
\--- 

 

Jongin kept up a steady pace, he promised it rough, but he wanted this moment to last; he liked feeling close to Taemin; he loved listening to his breath hitch when he let out a moan, he enjoyed watching him. His hand circled Taemin's cock, sliding his thumb through the slick slit. 

"Jongin-ah I'm clos- close ah, make me cum!" 

Jongin picked up his pace, following the orders from the other, flicking his wrist to jerk him at the same pace. 

"How close Taem?" Jongin grunted, leaning down to peck his jaw and ear. 

"F-fuck I'm close okay, stop being Kai, Jongin" 

Jongin halted his movement's and chuckled, the elder had always made that comparison, he said 'When you're Jongin you make love to me, and when you're Kai, you fuck me like a porn star'. 

"Alright baby" 

Jongin continued with his previous pace, bringing them both to climax gradually, the other tightened around his cock as he reached his peak first, the sensation made Jongin climax soon after, pulling out and finishing on the Taemin's stomach. 

They stayed like that for a little while, coming down from their high's as they took in each other's states, eyes roaming and exploring the unknown. 

Jongin rolled over onto his back beside the other, reaching out his hand to lace his fingers with his to bring those small pretty finger's up to his lips, planting tender kisses on his knuckles. 

"Jongin-ah" 

"Yeah Taemin-ah?" 

"It's the same.." 

 

"What is?" 

"My love for you, it is the same as your love for me" 

Jongin smiled till his eyes crinkled, peppering more kisses on the other's hand, slowly turning his head towards the other who was facing the ceiling still. 

"Taemin-ah, it always was, you just didn't see it before" 

"Marry me" Taemin asked the question as he turned to stare into Jongin's dark eyes, no looking away, no unsure tone in his voice, he was serious. 

"Tae? are you serious babe?"Jongin gasped, licking his lips out of habit. 

"I don't have a ring, but yes, I'm dead serious- I want to be with you Jongin and only you" 

"Then yes, I'll fucking marry you!" Jongin confirmed, tears pricking at the corner's of his eyes, he always got emotional easily, unlike Taemin who took a lot to crack. Jongin grabbed his lover like his life depended on it, bringing him to his chest to hug him tight, his heart was racing so fast in that moment all he could think about was Taemin, his boyfriend, no his fiance. 

"I'm g-glad" Taemin sobbed, muffled by Jongin's shoulder. 

"Y-you're crying? Lee Taemin is crying ahaha" Jongin cried, sniffing a laugh into his sentence, all he felt was pure happiness, he pried the smaller man from his chest, revealing his tear-stained cheeks, all red and puffy. 

"Shut up J-jongin" Taemin mumbled as he started rubbing his cheeks clean, which was no use in his current state. Jongin had never seen the other in this state, he'd seen him in his highest and lowest moments, but never vulnerable, crying out of happiness, crying so bloody hard. 

"You're pretty when you cry too" 

"YAH JONGIN!" Taemin whined.


	3. Drip Drop

It was the morning after Taemin had made the impromptu proposal, he woke up to Jongin's sleeping naked glory. Smiling tiredly Taemin took the other's left hand in his, tracing over the ring finger, slipping his rosary ring off on to it, it didn't fit perfectly, a little small for Jongin's finger's but it looked beautiful, a ring on his lover's finger, a ring that symbolised so much. 

"Hmm..?" Jongin huffed with his eyes still closed, clamping his hand down on his. 

"Did I wake you Jongie??" 

"Mhmm, it better not be early.."   
Taemin chuckled, pulling the quilt over them higher, snuggling into Jongin's tanned chest. 

"It's almost 11am, don’t worry hun" 

"Still too early." 

The older of the two rolled his eyes, his hand traveling south on the others body, circling the engorged morning wood gently. 

"Too early still?" 

"Mmm, nope it's a good time to be awake" Jongin grinned tiredly, his eyes still firmly shut as he let go of Taemin's hand to let him get to work.   
The weight on the mattress shifted as Taemin crawled beneath the thick quilt, Jongin held his breath as he anticipated the hot dampness of the others mouth, he raised his hand to pull it through his hair, when the ring slipped a little, Jongin caught it against his knuckle, opening his eyes to examine the silver band, he smiled just as he felt a familiar heat cover his cock. 

“Uhh mm- fuck” He growled, his right hand slipping down to hold a fistful of Taemin’s hair. 

Taemin knew what got Jongin going, he slipped his thick lips over the tip, dragging his tongue around it before dipping it in the slit, taking more into his mouth as his hands encircled the rest of the shaft, the grip on his hair only encouraged him to bring the thick lengthy cock into his mouth. 

 

Jongin gasped, keening his hips up to meet the back of the pretty boys throat, making the older boys eyes water at the contact. 

 

Ring Ring Ring 

Jongins phone rang, buzzing on the side table, shaking the need to answer it, they both ignored it as Jongin neared climax. 

"Fuck-" Jongin groaned as he came, his head falling against the pillow as he fell into a comfortable bliss, Taemin crawled up and sat on the other's chest, tracing out the tanned ones feature with his petite fingers. 

Ring Ring Ring the persistent ringing began again. 

"Is it yours or mine?" Taemin mumbled as he stared at the side table where both their phones lay. 

"Mine.." Jongin sighed, sitting up and cradling Taemin in his lap as he reached for the phone to answer it. 

"Hello?" Jongin whined; as it was the manager's number. 

"There's a meeting with the CEO; we're going to add more tour dates" 

"Neh.." 

"I'm assuming you're with Taemin." 

"Uh neh" Jongin answered, glancing at the boy sitting in his lap stark naked, there was a smile on his lips as he played with Jongin's free hand. 

"Well his manager said that he should turn his mobile phone on and plug his home line back in" 

"I'll let him know, hyung....?" 

"Yes, Jongin?" 

"I don't have to be at the meeting, do I?" 

"It's fine, you have enough members to let you know what's happening, just relax today" 

"Thanks, Hyung~~" Jongin spoke like a baby and grinned like an idiot. 

"Bye Jongin" His manager put the phone down in disgust. 

"How rude..." Jongin pouted at the screen while Taemin stared at him, picking up each finger like his hands were tiny forklifts. 

"What was that about me?" Taemin pondered, taking Jongins attention from his phone. 

"Ah your manager has told my manager to tell me, to tell you to turn your phone on and plug your house phone back in~" Jongin explained in the longest way possible to be annoying. 

"Riiiight, nah" Taemin giggled like the big kid he was. 

"Taeminnie, you have solo activities soon, right? You've got to be professional and ignoring your manager is not bein-" Jongin tried to finish but Taemin's kiss cut him off, he leant against the younger so they toppled over, Taemin kissed him hard, like his life depended on it or something, Jongin felt the other whimper into his mouth, that's when he felt the tear's pelt against his cheeks like rain against a window on a miserable day. 

Jongin gently sat up, prying the other from his lips, Taemin dropped his gaze down, sniffing quietly as more tears dripped down on to Jongin's thighs; Jongin was a little-taken aback, but he was use to this. 

"Taemin, it's alright, I'm sorry if I spoke too much, tell me what's wrong please.." Jongin frowned, bringing his arms around the other. 

Taemin was so strong under the public eye, kept his emotions under control and didn't open up much, but Lee Taemin was weak in reality, he was human after all. 

Taemin dropped his forehead on Jongins shoulder tiredly, more tears spilling from his eyes as he swallowed the lump forming in his throat.   
"I'm just scared Jongin, scared I'll disappoint again, I don't think I deserve this solo.." Taemin choked out between sobs. 

"Tae, don't say that, you worked really fucking hard on this one, I know you have, I keep an eye on you ya' know, I look up to you so bloody much, and I hate when you beat yourself up like this, I love you, and you're going to blow people's minds with this comeback.." Jongin urged, rubbing the other's back as he shook with each sob. 

Taemin stayed quiet, in an attempt to calm himself down, he mumbled something against Jongins skin in a hushed tone. 

"Huh? What was that Taem??" 

"I said, look at me sitting naked in my fiancé's lap naked bawling my eyes out" Taemin chuckled as he lifted his head up again. Jongin chuckled, stroking his hand on his lover's cheek slowly, wiping away the tear tracks. 

"Fiancé, eh?" Jongin chimed, lifting up his left hand to reveal the small ring above his knuckle. 

"Shut up.." Taemin grumbled as a blush rose to his face, shoving the latter back playfully.


	4. This Charming Man

Months had passed, work was pushing them further and further apart, Taemin was starting the promotion's for 'Press your Number' while Jongin was on the other side of the world. 

Taemin was lonely, to say the least, not only was he promoting solo again, Kibum Hyung was on a hiatus from Mcountdown for two more weeks and Minho Hyung was dropped from music core so suddenly. Sure he had support from his Hyung's, that was inevitable, but he couldn't help but thinking he needed more, more meaning Jongin, of course, it meant Jongin. 

It was well past midnight when Taemin arrived back in Seoul from his Busan fan sign, he waved a goodbye to his manager as he practically fell through his apartment door, his body ached and he felt anxious, in need of a cigarette, but he'd quit last week, so that was a no go. 

He stepped into his dim bathroom and started running a bath, he was tired but he was on auto-pilot most of the time, facing the mirror he wiped off the excess makeup that caked his face, pulling his hair into apple hair before so. He began stripping off his sweater, his back cracking in unison, his face twisted and contoured as he rolled his shoulders in an attempt to relax his muscles. 

Ring Ring Ring

Taemin cast his eyes down to his phone on the sink top, the screen showed a familiar dorky face, it was a facetime request, though; of course, it was. Taemin answered without a second thought, looking at the screen waiting for the line to settle.

Jongin was in bed, his hair was a mess, standing up in every direction possible, he was waving madly at the camera. Taemin chuckled, waving back tiredly.

"Tae it's like almost 1am there, I knew you'd still be awake- OH MY GOD YOU HAVE APPLE HAIR!" Jongin lost track of speech as he noticed the sprout like hairdo Taemin was sporting. 

Taemin rolled his eyes as Jongin fiddled with his phone, screenshotting the marvelous hair madly.

"I swear to god Jongin, you're so bloody gay" Taemin laughed as he put the phone down to turn the bath tap off.

"Yeah I know~ OoOOooooooOOOOoooooooohohoooohoooooooooo are you about to have a bath?"Jongin mused, wriggling his eyebrows like little caterpillars.

"Yup." Taemin kept the reply short as he poured some muscle relaxant into the bath.

"Pick up the phone, I wanna seeeeee you, can I join you~? Tae Tae Taaaaaeee Taeminnie~ Pressss Myyyy Nummmmberr~~" Jongin started whining and then singing, and other weird noises, Taemin smiled before returning to the phone screen, his fringe pooled into his eyes, and a cheeky smiled played on his lips.

"You sound good~" Taemin cooed, holding the phone shakily, he reached to put a headband in his hair, to push it all out of his face. 

"No I suck ahaha, you have so many cute things to do with your hair and you never showcase them~" Jongin pouted.

"You don't suck Nini... you swallow" Taemin deadpanned, making Jongin chuckle uncontrollably.

"You're so sweet~" Jongin grinned.

"I know, I have to get naked so I'm gonna put my phone down for a sec-"

"-No" Jongin interrupted.

"No?" Taemin quirked his eyebrow in the camera view.

"Just prop the phone up on the sink.."Jongin smirked, running his hand through his untameable hair.

"Why..?" Taemin whined into the phone, pouting longingly. 

"Why not, can't you strip for me..?"Jongin wised, dragging his tongue across his lip.

"N-nooo way Jongin" Taemin facepalmed, a blush rising behind his hand.

"C'mon, you thought about it, hmm... please~" 

"That's embarrassing, though."

"You do it on stage, now just do it for me but more so.." Jongin smirked again, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

Taemin puffed out his cheeks as he let the breath he was holding in, out.

"Do you really want this?" Taemin mumbled, looking down at his black vest and jeans. 

"Mhmm," Jongin hummed, nodding slowly as the corner of his mouth turned up.

Taemin sighed and put the phone down, shifting it around to get a good angle, checking up occasionally to see what the camera caught.

"I can't believe I'm doing this.." He whispered, smiling nervously at his feet.

"Don't you need music?" Jongin's voice echoed from the phone speaker.

"No I'll sing.." Taemin confirmed, counting the beat off in his head.

"A-ah okay.."Jongin croaked.

'Nae mame, drip drop neon han bangulssik-" Taemin sang huskily, closing his eyes as he swept his hands down his chest, bringing hips around to swing to the beat.

Jongin gulped, his eyes widened as he watched the elder move to the beat in his head, his voice was so sharp and clear, in this moment everything felt so private and a moment they'd only share, intimate and beautiful.

Taemin was already tugging his vest up teasingly; his arms crossed over his abs as he swung to the tune passing his lips.

"Knock knock mameul dudeurin, ganjireoun soksagim, I gamjeongeun baby maybe~" Taemin sang confidently, slipping off the offending garment in one clean move.

Jongin felt his cheeks get hot, as Taemin sang on and began to trace his hand down his chest, the other hand playing with the hoop of his belt buckle loosening it slowly.

'Nae mame , drip drop neon han bangulssik, drop drop deo jeoksyeooji-" Taemin grinned as he glanced at the phone for the first time since he started the tease, Jongin was quiet for once, he tugged at each side of jeans to open as he undid the zipper, pulling it down with each 'drop drop'.

"On me~" Taemin moaned as he slipped his thumbs beneath his boxer shorts band, glancing down and freezing suddenly, his face heating up and going a bright shade of red.

"Taem? Why'd you stop?" Jongin complained, his voice was hoarse and whiny.

"B-because I can't do this.." Taemin whimpered, standing straight and covering his face out of embarrassment.

"What's wrong Tae?"Jongin asked in a worried tone, quirking his head to the side as he glanced at the screen. 

"It's embarrassing.."

"Stripping, but you were so into it-" 

"-No it's not that, I-i'm... I'm.."

"You're?"

"I'm wearing your boxers" Taemin whined, moving his jeans a little to reveal the grey front, with the diesel band. 

"Aww baby~" Jongin cooed, laughing into his hand. 

"Shut up, they were in my apartment and I put them on by mistake.."

"Ahh a mistake? How can I believe that for one second, you're wearing them cause, dare I say, you miss me?" Jongin smiled widely as Taemin picked the phone up again to show the glare forming on his face. 

"You're so full of yourself Kai~" Taemin tutted, putting emphasis on the other's stage name.

"Well, what's not to love?"Jongin questioned, batting his eyelashes like a spoilt child.

"Ugh you're so gross, can I have my bath now?" Taemin huffed, fixing his hair back again.

"You didn't finish your strip though~~" Jongin whined again, pouting for added conviction.

"And I never will; you fool" Taemin giggled, placing the phone facing down on the sink.

"Yah!! Taeminnie you disappeared" Jongin groaned for a while, mumbling about how he missed the others face.

Jongin listened out for movement in the bathroom, there were a few splashes of water here and there, so he assumed Taemin was getting in the bath.

Taemin picked up the phone carefully as he reached from the bath to the sink, exposing his face finally, the bath was deep and covered him in bubbles.

"Have you stopped complaining yet Kim Jongin?" Taemin asked as he noticed the other was distracted with his duvet.

Jongin gazed up, smiling immediately as he saw his fiance "Ugh I wish I was in there with you, It's almost like 11am here, I skipped breakfast to talk to you, you're that precious to me"

"N'aww how kind, I'm probably gonna drop my phone in this bath any second now." 

"Alright, I'll let you go, don't stay in the bath long, I'll worry, just relax a little and then go to bed, understood?"Jongin chuckled.

"Okay, I miss you though" Taemin sighed, a natural pout building on his lips.

"I miss you too; I'll be back in like a week and a bit?" 

"Ugh I hate our jobs sometimes" Taemin huffed.

"I know, I know, I love you."

"I love you more."

"Impossible~~" Jongin practically sang.

"Yeah yeah, if you say so."

"Yeshhh I do, it's equal honey, now get some rest please" Jongin insisted, bringing the camera close to his face while crossing his eyes.

"Ahaha you idiot, I will do, fighting for the concert~" Taemin smiled, gripping to his phone for dear life.

"Thanks, sweetie~"


	5. Love Me Again

"We'll do one more recording" The manager droned on as they monitored the second take on Mcountdown, Kibum was fussing over his cue cards as Taemin got his makeup fixed. 

Taemin puffed out his cheeks as he yawned, the stylist tsk-ed as she smudged some concealer on his lash line, messing up his eye makeup a little. Kibum wandered over and took the seat beside him, slumping into it with a huge sigh.

"You alright Hyung?" Taemin pondered, focusing on keeping his face still.

"Yeah, just a little tired, been a while since I was last on broadcast and all, you alright Taeminnie?" Kibum explained and gave him a small smile as an indication that he was all good.

"Yeah, just a little low cause I miss you guys when I'm alone.." 

"N'aww you're still a baby, after all, I miss you to Taem~"

"Yeah yeah.." Taemin scowled as the stylist left to talk to some other staff.

"You can speak to me you know, you can talk to all of us, your whole world's not centered around juggling the idol life and hanging out with Jongin" Kibum chuckled, smirking to himself as he fixed his hair.

Taemin blushed and fiddled with his thumbs, thinking about what Kibum had just said, it was true, but Jongin did make him feel safe.

"I-I know that Hyung, Jongin isn't my only friend ya' know."

"I know that, but he isn't just a friend, is he?" Kibum wised, leaning over to fix Taemin's mic.

Taemin's eyes widened, and his face turned beet red within seconds, he couldn't think of a reply that made sense.

"H-how did y-you? Uhh, w-we're, hmm-"

"-I was just going to say you were best friends, but I guess you just confirmed my suspicions~" The older of the two grinned widely, poking Taemin's cheek playfully.

"You can't tell anyone, Nini is being a bitch about it."

"Nini? Oh god! this is all too cute, Exo gets back today, but I bet you already know that~~"

"Yeah I know, I missed-"

"-Taemin! third rec now, go to the stage" A staff member interrupted, Taemin nodded at Kibum as he understood the drill of stage recordings all to well too, rushing off to the stage once again.

 

Jongin checked the time for what seemed like the thousandth time since he boarded the plane, huffing when he realised there was still 10 minutes till they landed, Chanyeol was sitting next to him tapping his chopsticks on the tray in front of him like it was a drum set.

Jongin just dealt with the infuriating tapping until the manager told Chanyeol to stop, which upset the friendly giant ever-so-much that he decided to start a conversation with the other giant, the less friendly one in the chair in front. Jongin facepalmed internally; he liked his members; he did, but being on a 3-hour flight can fuck with your mood, he just wanted to throw himself into bed, any bed, preferably Taemin's bed, but his dorm bed would do too.

He felt someone tap on his shoulder, so he turned around and poked his head between the seat margins, Joonmyun smiled at him, offering him a mint, which he took gladly. 

"You okay~?" The leader asked, quirking his head to the side in concern, gesturing for Jongdae to swap seats with Jongin. Jongdae got up and moaned as his back cracked, wandering around the seat row to drag Jongin up from his seat "The old man wants to talk to you" he mumbled as he stole the now empty seat, joining in with Chanyeol and Sehun's antics, Jongin nodded as he slumped into the seat by Joonmyun.

"I'm alright Hyung, just tired.."Jongin grumbled, his tone coming off too cold for Joonmyun's liking, but everyone had their off days, if people were happy every day, they wouldn't be human.

"It's fine Jongin; I can get one of the managers drop you off at Taemin's if you'd like that?" Joonmyun smiled, patting Jongin on the shoulder gently.

"Really? I mean I don't mind, it's just his place is closer to the airport, and I wouldn't want to burden the manag-"

"-It's fine Jongin, you've been working hard, you need a little break; plus I'm sure Taemin wants to see you~" Joonmyun cut in, finishing his sentence to listen to the flight attendants announce that they're going to land.

Their main manager, rounded them all up once they landed, leading them through the airport, Joonmyun caught up to him, presumably to ask about Jongin, Jongin yawned as he adjusted the mask on his face, there were fans swarming them as per usual, he waved at a few, a few fansite Noona's he recognised were snapping pictures too, it was always like this, you'd think they'd create a secret tunnel for idols by now, but he was melodramatic in his current mood. 

One of the other managers lead him to a different car, explaining that Joonmyun had gained permission for him, he sat in the back seat, he was exhausted, even if it was morning in Seoul right now, he checked his phone out of boredom, a message from Taemin sparked his interest, he unlocked his phone quickly,kakao opened up with their chatroom, it was a picture of Jongin in the airport a little while ago with the caption 'you look like a zombie, get some rest~ x'Jongin smiled and sent a quick reply of 'I'm going to rest at yours x'. 

Taeminini18: I'll see you soon then~ ^0^

kaijongin14: Yay, I'll be there in 10 minutes actually ^^

Taeminini18: Realllllly?? I'm in the bath lol

 

Jongin smiled, placing his phone in his pocket, humming to himself as the manager neared the apartment building, Jongin lied about the whole 10 minutes thing because he liked to surprise the other all the time. Jongin thanked the manager and raced up to the front door of the building, sliding into the lift in record speed, there was an elderly lady in there holding a poodle to her chest, Jongin was internally screaming because dogs were everything, especially poodles, she got off at the next floor, probably freaked out by his staring. 

He quietly unlocked the door, closing it behind him as slow as possible, he heard soft singing from the bathroom; the door was open wide. 

'Oh the perks of living alone' Jongin thought to himself as he tiptoed towards the door, the words to the song sung became clearer now; Taemin was singing 'G.Soul's- Love me Again'. Jongin squealed into his hand; he hid by the door frame as Taemin sang the song to himself, Jongin's favourite song, Jongin's fiance was singing his favourite song. 

 

Jongin took a deep breath before joining Taemin's singing with his own on the last verse, Taemin heard him immediately and halted his singing, smiling to himself as Jongin finished the song. 

"Jongin can you stop creeping into my apartment, also stop hiding by the door frame and get in here~" Taemin sang from the bathroom, Jongin chuckled and wandered into the bathroom, smiling widely at the other in the bath, it was steamy in there and Taemin was covered in bubbles from his shoulders and below, his hair was damp and sticking to his forehead sexily. 

Taemin grinned at the other, blowing a kiss at him with his bubble covered hand, promptly covering Jongin's grey shirt in bubbles, Jongin laughed, his bad mood from earlier faded within seconds.

"Aren't you going to join me, Nini~?" Taemin pouted, tilting his head like a curious puppy, as he sat up to make space for his lover.

Jongin chuckled, pulling off his clothes quickly before taking space behind Taemin, the bath squeaked against their skin as they moved into a comfortable position, Taemin sat between Jongin's legs with his head resting on the taller one's shoulder, his eyes peering back at him. 

"How comes you didn't strip for me?" Taemin quizzed, they playfully glared at each other while Jongin processed a good comeback; Taemin just broke out into fits of laughter as you could practically hearJongin trying to think.

"I'll strip another time, I just wanna be close to you right now" Jongin mumbled into the back of Taemin's hair, wrapping his arms around his waist. 

"Is that so?" Taemin smiled to himself, closing his eyes as Jongin rubbed circles into his sides.

"Mhm.."Jongin replied quietly, enjoying the contact between them, they stayed like that for a while, in an embrace with one another, breathing calmly. 

"Can I wash your hair?" Taemin broke the silence after a long while, kissing Jongin's shoulder lightly to grab his attention. 

"You're so weird but sure~" Jongin grinned widely, sitting up as they switched positions, Jongin turned around, and Taemin knelt on his knees behind him as he used a jug to wet the other's hair, cupping his forehead to stop the water getting into Jongin's eyes. Taemin grabbed some shampoo from the side, squirting a good amount into his hands before massaging it into Jongin's scalp slowly, bringing his fingers through the locks of hair soothingly. Jongin closed his eyes and relaxed into the calming touch, Taemin was weird, but this felt too good to refuse, he happily hummed as Taemin washed out the shampoo before massaging conditioner in. 

 

"Oh wait a sec~" Taemin gasped, leaning over to the sink top to get something, it was a product of some sort, he poured some into his hands and started rubbing it into Jongin's neck and shoulders. It was a massage oil, it tingled on Jongin's skin as Taemin worked it into his muscles, it smelt like lavender, and it was honestly heavenly for Jongin.

 

It was a while later, and Taemin was gripping the sheets in his hands, as Jongin worked his long finger's into his entrance, he lapped his tongue around the tip of Taemin's cock slowly, dipping it into his slit, moaning at the taste of pre-cum covering his tongue. At that he made the other arch off the bed in pleasure, it was getting boiling in the pit of his stomach as he neared his orgasm at a quick pace.

"J-Jonginn ahh mm- I'm gonna cum at this r-rate" Taemin moaned lewdly, his toes curling as Jongin took him all in, smirking up at him teasingly as he pulled his mouth off slowly.

"I want you to cum like this, though" Jongin replied huskily, biting his lip as he twisted his fingers against Taemin's sweet spot.

Taemin groaned as his body twisted from the pleasure he felt, he moaned shamelessly at Jongin's actions.

"B-but Jongin- AHH F-FUCK!" Taemin gasped as Jongin removed his finger's and switched it with something a lot bigger. 

"As you wish my love~" Jongin groaned as he felt the heat surround his cock, Taemin's hands grabbed at his shoulder's, leaving little crescents where his nails cut into the skin. Taemin wrapped his legs around Jongin's waist as he took him deeper in, his back arched as the pleasure built up, Jongin alway's liked it like this, getting the other all worked up even before he entered him, in other words, foreplay was his forte.

 

Jongin started pounding into the other slowly, he was conscious of the fact that Taemin had to dance a lot this week, and he didn't want to cause him too much pain, he leant down to share an open mouth kiss with the latter, it was a messy, making love was for the most part, but it was blissful intimacy that they enjoyed, they were boys, and boys were horny, especially gay ones. 

"F-faster Jong- ahh I'm close." 

Jongin picked up the pace, bringing his cock almost completely out before pushing it all in fast, he kept at the same beat, moving his hips as if they were moving to music, Taemin was digging his nails into his shoulders hard now, his head slung back as moans passed his lips like a mantra, his hole started to clench around Jongin tighter, as Taemin began to pump his own cock at the same pace, Jongin groaned at the sight, cause fuck it was hot. 

"J-Jongin!" Taemin screamed as he came over both of their stomachs, Jongin followed soon after as Taemin tightened around him, Jongin groaned as he filled Taemin with his cum; it dripped out of his hole as Jongin pulled out and slumped on top of his fiance. 

"Hi~" Taemin smiled once he caught his breath, Jongin laughed before leaning up to lock lips with his precious lover.

"I love you.."

"I love you too."


	6. Shiver

The alarm clock blared through the quiet room; there was sunlight shining through the small gap in between the curtains, Taemin's eyes sprung open at the sound, his hand automatically searching for his phone, but the sound stopped before he could find it. Jongin turned if off and threw the elder's phone aside in his half-conscious state. 

 

"Are you even awake Nini?" Taemin whispered, a small laugh escaping his lips.

"mm, kinda..." Jongin managed to muster a reply as he rolled on top of the other, his face pressed against Taemin's neck, a small kiss left lightly on his collarbone.

Taemin smiled tiredly, he brought his hands to Jongin's hair, softly running his fingers over his scalp "Where do you have to be?"Jongin broke the silence, nuzzling his face against the other's ear. 

"I pre-recorded my music bank performance, but I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be attending the ending stage, but it's like 5 am now, so I've got ages.. till my manager annoys me" Taemin yawned as he pulled the blanket up more, it was getting cold in Seoul again.

"Well it's my rest day, so when you leave, I'm gonna stay riiiiight here~" Jongin chuckled, the bass vibrating on Taemin's neck. 

"No fair, ohh I know, you can change the sheets, and clean the place up a bit~" Taemin spoke gleefully, pinching Jongin's cheek gently.

"I don't think you have ever changed your own sheets or cleaned, even when you lived in the dorm with the Hyung's cause you had a housekeeper then, and now I'm your housekeeper!?"Jongin whined playfully, faux whimpering at the pinch. 

"Well, what other use's do you have?" Taemin joked, hysterically laughing when Jongin started tickling his sides at the remark. 

 

"I have loads of uses you fool!"

"-J-Jongin ahh hah pleeeasee!!"

Jongin roughed Taemin around a little, in a playful way, shifting his fingers to tickle his tummy, his sides and his neck as Taemin squirmed helplessly, he was screaming Jongin's name while he laughed, his hands trying to beat the other's off him, but it was no use.

Jongin finally freed the poor boy, laughing as Taemin laid back and caught his breath, his face was red and a little sweaty as he failed an attempt at smacking Jongin's arm.

"I'm sorry Tae~" Jongin cooed, leaning down to pepper kisses all over the other's face, Taemin giggled at the action, his arms catching Jongin in place as he pulled him in for a proper kiss, their lips met for a brief moment before they both broke the contact. 

"Morning breath-" They said in unison, causing another roar of laughter to erupt, oh the things's they did at 5:32 am.

They stayed like that for a little while, Jongin hovering over Taemin as their noses were smushed together, their eye's crossing to look at each other.

"You're so beautiful.."Jongin whispered, his hands rubbing circles against Taemin's chest.

"Even now?" Taemin asked quietly, as he crossed his eyes more so. 

"Especially now~" Jongin sang, as he snickered, pressing his lips on the corner of one of the elder's eyes.

"Tae-" "Jongi-" They both started at the same time, resulting in more snort's of laughter.

"You go first~" Taemin grinned,

"Can the dogs stay here sometimes?" Jongin asked with a begging tone, his eyes gleaming with the same light that his dogs held when they wanted a treat or saw a squirrel.

"That's so random.." Taemin smiled a little, thinking about what Jongin had asked.

"Well I saw this lady with a toy poodle in this building yesterday and I thought that maybe we could, I mean you could have them in ou- your apartment sometimes.."Jongin added, casting his eyes down at his mistakes.

"Our apartment? I like the sound of that Nini, but I don't think this place is big enough for them, and when my dogs visit, it'll be hectic.."

"That's a no then, pretend I never asked" Jongin shrugged, laughing off his disappointment.

"Are you not going to ask me what I was going to say?" Taemin pouted, his lips protruding out cutely.

"Oh sorry, what were you going to say sweetie~?" 

"I was just going to say, I'm thinking of moving, there are bad memories in this apartment and I think it'll be good for me, or us even?" Taemin explained, his bottom lip getting caught between his lips as he worried over his suggestion. 

"Do you mean? are you really suggesting what I think you are?"Jongin replied, his eyes went wide as he started looking at Taemin's face as if that's where the answer was.

"Yeah, I mean only if you want to, it's just an idea.."

"OF COURSE, YES I'D LOVE TO!"Jongin gasped as he sat up and shook Taemin a little, to see if this wasn't a dream.

"We could get a house, with a garden for the dogs?" Taemin pondered. 

"We could get a sex room!!"Jongin enthused, gaining a slap across the head from a particular fairy.

"Get your head out of the gutter for a second Jongin" Taemin laughed as he sat up, pulling the blanket around his waist.

"Sorry we're naked and smell like sex, so I got carried away" Jongin mumbled as he got up and cracked his back, wandering towards the bathroom stark naked as if he owned the place, Taemin rolled his eyes, settling back into bed. 

"Tae, I'm gonna have a shower, join me~" Jongin yelled from the bathroom, the sound of the shower being turned on followed. Taemin sighed, not wanting to move much at all, but he decided to brave the depths of 'not bed' a land he didn't like much, a shiver ran down his spine as the cold air hit him, he wasn't one for walking around naked but seen as though he was about to shower he waddled to the bathroom seeking the warm water. 

Jongin was in the shower already, the water trickling down his gloriously tanned body, flowing over the bumps of his abs, dripping down to his..uhm, Taemin shook his head as he got out of his trance, he was practically drooling over his own fiance.

"Oh, so you've eventually finished staring at my dick?"Jongin teased, quirking his head to the side as he squeezed some shower gel into his hand. 

"Oh sorry, must have walked into the wrong bathroom Kai~" Taemin hissed, pushing Jongin aside to step under the hot water, Jongin burst out laughing for the millionth time that morning, bringing his arms around the elder's back and rubbing the soapy gel over his chest. 

"No, you're in the right place cutie~" Jongin cackled, bumping against the other as he brought them closer, leaning down to kiss his shoulder softly.

"Shush, you're always so loud around me.." Taemin joked, leaning into Jongin's touch as the water swept over his aching body. 

"So, engaged, check, moving in together plans, check, now we just need kids~" Jongin chuckled, turning Taemin around to put some shampoo in his hair, almost everything in Taemin's bathroom smelt of vanilla, it had become Jongin's favourite smell.

"Ew no, kids are nasty~" Taemin whined as Jongin began rubbing the shampoo into his scalp.

"I'm going to tell Yooguen that" Jongin laughed, rinsing the soap from his body.

"I don't really wanna think about kids as I scrub cum off my abs thanks.." Taemin grumbled as he moved Jongin out of the way to rinse his hair.

"Nice, it's like you're wiping tiny kids off yourself~" Jongin grimaced.

"Ugh that's gross, this is nothing without an egg and a uterus you idiot" Taemin growled playfully, letting Jongin rinse his hair too.

It was some hours later; Jongin had cleaned up Taemin's apartment and he was going to cook a meal, but, as usual, there was barely anything in the fridge. Jongin didn't want to test his limited skills on the bit's of veg in there, so he ordered some chicken and rice.

He was stretched out on Taemin's couch watching Dragon Ball z re-run's while he waited for his food and Taemin's return, music shows were a long process plus he had a fan sign after, so Jongin had no idea what time the elder would come back.

Getting bored, he started snooping around the apartment, it was all so unorganised, there was a stack of paper's on the window sill, all of which were old schedules and terms, he picked them up to find some space in a drawer; this drawer was bare minus 4 notebooks it seemed, so he slid them in there and placed the notebooks back, but curiosity caught him. 

'Diaries, knew it~' Jongin thought to himself, they each had number's jotted on the cover's.

10-11, 12-13, 14-15, 16-17

Jongin hummed to himself, it was wrong breaching people's privacy, but he wanted to know what Taemin thought about him for the most part, so he opened 12-13 quickly, looking for July 18th, 2012 carefully, that date was important. 

 

July 18th, 2012  
Today was the first time Jongin invited me over to the exo dorm, I was a bit hesitant because h e l l o it was my birthday, I didn't want to spend it in an apartment that smelt of 12 dudes. But when we got there I was surprised to see that there was no one else in, just me and Nini alone... yeah. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I lost my virginity today ;) wow I'm such a loser. So I turned 19 and had sex with my best friend, it wasn't as awful as I imagined my first time being, it was good, hurt a bit but good hurt? Who would have thought that it'd be Jongin, who am I kidding, he was my first kiss too; I guess we're meant to be. 

 

Jongin smiled, even diary Taemin was cute. He flicked through some entries, skim reading them, he was curious about a few other dates, but he felt wrong for reading them, he switched to the 14-15 book, skipping through to August 2014.

 

August 5th, 2014

I'm drunk, pathetic and useless. I mean I've felt shit before but this tops it, I don't even want to breathe right now, I wish I'd just poof into thin air. I'm going to debut as a solo artist in 10 days, who the fuck even want's that, no one, not me that's for certain- Jongin is phoning me, bye.

 

Jongin frowned, realising that Taemin was so depressed then was a slight shock, he knew that's when his mental health was a worry but seeing how Taemin felt in words stung. Jongin heard the door phone buzz, so he put the books back in place, rushing to the phone to answer to the chicken delivery. He had to distract himself with food; otherwise, he would have read all four of those books. He paid for his food, taking refuge on the couch again, digging into his food he thought to himself. 

'Where is 08-09, perhaps Taemin didn't write a diary then'


	7. Inhale Exhale

It was nearing 3 am by the time Taemin stepped into the apartment, Jongin was fast asleep on the couch, the box the chicken came in was now empty and resting on his stomach. 

Taemin tiptoed over, holding back a laugh when he noticed a bit of rice on the other's lips, quietly he knelt by the couch and planted a soft kiss against the sleeping cuties sweaty temple.

"Jongin-ah wake up, you can't sleep here, you'll hurt your waist" Taemin spoke softly, stroking Jongin's cheek as he began to stir in his sleep.

"How many of those have you taken!?" Jongin heard his own voice shout, which was strange, everything was blurry from where he was slumped over on the floor, his natural extinct made him shrug a reply to his own question.

His vision got clearer, that's when he saw himself panicking in the doorway, they were in Taemin's bathroom, he felt something in his hand, he stared down in confusion, a vodka bottle?   
He tried to get up but his body felt heavy, like an anchor, was pulling him down and keeping him still, he tried to scream but he couldn't.

"I'm calling the ambulance" his voice cried out, he stared up at himself again powerless, he felt sweat cling to his body and drool trickle from his lips.

"Uh yeah, he's taken some pills- with vodka, I don't know what pills! Just get here fast" 

"Jongin-ah wake up, you can't sleep here, you'll hurt your waist" Taemin's voice cut in as Jongin blinked his eyes open, he was all confused, that nightmare was terrifying, but it was something that had happened but from a different point of view. 

Taemin frowned at him, stroking his hair out of his eyes "Are you okay Jongin?" he asked in a concerned tone.

"Just had a bad dream.."

"There is no such thing as a bad dream, but there are nightmares, tell me about it~" Taemin chirped, as he sat on his heels and rested his head on the couch by Jongin's face.

"Let's go to bed, I'll tell you in the morning, you must be tired" Jongin shut down Taemin's request as he got up with a groan of pain. 

"Jongin-ah was that your waist that cracked!?" Taemin gasped, getting on his feet to support the other immediately.

"Yeah I guess I was on the couch for a while, you need a longer couch" Jongin joked, wrapping his arm around Taemin's waist and leading them to the bedroom. 

"Don't joke about these things, is it okay?" Taemin grumbled, rubbing Jongin's side. 

"It's fine, it just cracked cause I was all scrunched up, it'll be okay in the morning, now bed" Jongin rambled as he detached himself before flopping into the bed.

"If you say so..." Taemin mumbled as he got into the bed; also, he was still in his jean's, hoodie and a jacket. 

Jongin laughed, Taemin must have been too tired to care right now, so he leaned over and started pulling his clothes off him, getting him to his boxer's in no time. 

"Why're you getting me naked? I don't wanna fuck.." Taemin grinned tiredly, his eyes were fluttering shut every few seconds, but he kept waking up. 

"Like I'd fuck you when you can barely stay awake" Jongin taunted, wrapping his arms around the sleepy one.

"I'd fuck me even if I was asleep; I'm too sexy to ignore" Taemin yawned, burying his face into Jongin's neck. 

"Is that so?" Jongin scoffed, running his finger's through Taemin's blond locks. 

"Mmm" came the reply, which implied Taemin was about to pass the fuck out.

 

Jongin woke up when he heard someone knock on the door; he didn't like being woken up, but Taemin was dead to the world in his arms, so he waddled to the front door while pulling his sweatpants on to open it. 

"Key-Hyung? Tae is asleep-" Jongin mumbled as he revealed his fiance's bandmate, but Kibum being Kibum just let himself in.

"It's alright, I just wanted to drop off his wallet, he left it in the managers car~" Kibum smiled as he placed the item on the kitchen counter, along with some grocery bags. 

"Oh okay.." Jongin yawned, wanting to go back to bed desperately, it was weird being shirtless in front of somebody who wasn't in his band or Taemin, yeah he'd done that highcut photoshoot in their debut year but this just felt awkward.

"How is he?" Kibum asked as he started putting things in the fridge and turned on the kettle, placing two mugs on the counter.

"He's alright Hyung, he was pretty tired- so he just passed out at like 3 something" Jongin answered while shifting around on his feet, he was awkwardly standing by the kitchen entrance, it was open-plan but he didn't want to get in Kibum's way.

"Ah he's worrying me as per usual, do you want some ginseng tea, it's good for you~" Kibum offered but already made two mugs, so Jongin just nodded and took the drink. 

"Why's he worrying you?" Jongin queried, taking a quick swig of his tea, it was gross, but he stomached it to be nice. 

"He's cutting himself off from us; he only ever wants to spend time with his lover" Kibum grinned, taking a sip of his tea gracefully.

"His lover..?" Jongin played innocent, taking another sip of tea, the bitter taste biting his tongue. 

"Yeah, he's always trying to spend time with them, even though they're just as busy as each other and when he's not with them he's all moody and quiet~" Kibum sang, licking his lips playfully, teasing was definitely fun.

"Uhm okay" Jongin spoke into his mug, hoping the tea would disappear and take Kibum too.

"Drop the act Jongin, I know you're together, is that Minnie's rosary ring?" Kibum chuckled, referring to the ring that was now around a silver chain on his neck. 

Jongin gulped, looking at the ring then back at the accusing Hyung in the room "How did you know?" Jongin whined, knitting his eyebrows together out of frustration.

"Well I found out much the same as me teasing you right now, It's obvious Jongin, I asked Taeminnie and he blurted it out under pressure~" Kibum snorted with laughter.

"Nini, who are talking too?" Taemin called from the bedroom; his voice was hoarse with sleep.

Kibum just smiled at Jongin and made his way to the bedroom, with Jongin following in tow.

"Oh, Hyung?" Taemin yawned, as he sat up, pulling the blanket around himself.

Kibum sat next to him and handed his tea over, Taemin smiled and took a sip, his face twisted.

"That's so fucking gross, why did you give me that!?" Taemin complained, shoving the mug back into his Hyung's hands.

"It's good for you!!" Kibum tried to defend it, huffing.

Jongin just awkwardly sat at the end of the bed with his legs crossed, holding the mug still as he watched the two argue about tea.

"Why are you here anyway?" Taemin laughed tiredly.

"You left your wallet in the manager's car again, plus I got you some groceries because I know what you're like~"

"Ahh, I see, thanks" Taemin sighed, dragging his hand through his messy hair. 

"Well I'll leave you two lovebirds alone, the sexual tension is suffocating me" Kibum chuckled and got up, leaving Jongin blushing and Taemin glaring.

"I'm too tired to kick you right now, but I'll do it when I can be asked.." Taemin threatened, as Kibum waved and walked through the apartment to leave.

The front door sounded as Kibum left, leaving the two alone again.

"Sorry about him, he just guessed.." Taemin defended himself as he laid back in bed.

Jongin put the nasty tea on the floor and joined Taemin, wrapping himself around him.

"It's fine, everyone will know someday" Jongin whispered into Taemin's ear.

"Are you serious?" Taemin gleamed, playing with Jongin's hair.

"Of course, I am, I love you Tae.." 

"I love you too, now tell me about that nightmare~?" Taemin asked curiously.


	8. Pricked

"The nightmare?" Jongin mumbled, not really sure whether he wanted to bring it up.

"Yeah, you seemed really upset hun" Taemin cooed, turning around to cup Jongin's face in his hand's.

"It was about that night, the night... you-"

"-Oh, it's okay to talk about it" Taemin cut him off, understanding what he was talking about immediately.

"You sure Taem?" Jongin asked quietly; he pouted his lip's out as Taemin squished his cheeks in.

"Yup~" Taemin gleamed, planting a soft kiss on Jongin's chin as he let his precious face go.

"Alright, it was weird, I was you, and I was on the bathroom floor like... and I was standing in the doorway panicking like I was that night, but it felt real, I felt heavy and sweaty. I even felt the drool on my lips, I was so scared, to think I was afraid when I found you, I never thought of how you felt..." Jongin vaguely explained, his eye's casting away from Taemin's as he skipped details.

"That night was scary; I hate the hell I put you through.." 

 

"The ambulance is on its way, they told me to stay by you" Jongin spoke in a fast pace as he sidled up to Taemin, shifting the other into the recovery position as they mentioned on the phone. 

Taemin kept quiet, he was breathing fast with much difficulty; his pupils were blown and his gaze was so unfocused, Jongin stroked his hair from his eyes, it was slick with sweat. 

"It will be alright Tae; I promise you that I won't let you do this again..." Jongin whispered to himself, knowing Taemin wasn't going to answer, but at that moment Taemin grabbed Jongin's hand and laced their finger's together with whatever strength he had.

Jongin smiled weakly, tears were trickling down his cheeks, but he stayed quiet to be strong for Taemin's sake, minutes had passed, and he finally heard knocking at the door, he let go of Taemin's hand quickly and sprinted through the apartment to let the paramedics in. There was a bit of chaos once the paramedics realised who they were dealing with, but the stayed professional as they got Taemin to the hospital as soon as possible, it all went by like a blur.

One angry call from his manager about his curfew later and now he had the whole of SHINee and their manager, and an exo manager in the waiting room with him; they were all pissed at him for not phoning, but they understood why.

 

"Yeah, I was losing my mind in the waiting room while they pumped your stomach, all I remember was you spewing blood everywhere in the ambulance, and the rest was a blur..." Jongin sighed as he recalled the night.

"I don't even remember that; I just remember taking the pills with that cheap nasty vodka and deciding that was it, I could have thought of a classier way to go..." Taemin mumbled, feeling guilty for taking it lightly.

"You weren't going to go anywhere; I wouldn't of let you and if you did, you know damn well I would have joined you in hell" Jongin spoke bitterly, pulling Taemin close by his waist.

"Hell? as if, I'm a fairy, fairies go to heaven~" Taemin mused, a smile forming on his plump lips.

"Of course, I forgot~" Jongin laughed, bringing Taemin close as he pinched his cheek lightly.

Taemin whined and rolled on top of Jongin, raking his hands through the other's messy brown hair, there was a small smirk on his lips as he hummed along to Exo's 'Unfair.' 

"Jonginnie is so handsome~" Taemin smiled lovingly.

"So is Taeminnie~" Jongin chuckled, poking Taemin's nose.

"No, Taeminnie is sexy~" Taemin argued, his sentence drifting into a laugh.

"That's true too~" Jongin snickered, flipping their positions and planting a kiss on the other's cheek.

"Hmm.." Taemin sighed, he got lost in Jongin's eye's; it happened often; he'd forget to continue conversations because the other made him feel like he was falling in love again every other minute they spent together, and he knew it happened to Jongin also, it felt wonderful.

"Hmm?"Jongin mimicked his lover, planting a longer kiss against his forehead.

"I love you" Taemin whispered, his voice seemed distant, he was thinking loudly if it was possible to.

"Is my face that perfect?"Jongin joked, snapping Taemin out of his thought's, his eye's crinkling as he began giggling.

"Very much so~"

"I love you too baby, have you got a schedule today?"Jongin questioned.

"I don't know; I know that you probably have to go today, right?" Taemin frowned, the stress in his face becoming clear.

"I don't think I have to go today, I can pull some strings~" Jongin tried to brighten Taemin's mood again, playfully biting his cheek.

"Yah don't bite my face, that's my money maker" Taemin whined, his hands pathetically pushing Jongin back.

Jongin shrieked with laughter, nibbling more of Taemin's cheeks softly.

"Your money maker is tempting though~" Jongin chuckled as he stopped tormenting Taemin's poor cheeks.

"I know, but it's not to be eaten, let's get up~"

 

Some hours later, Jongin had managed to pull some strings and get a few more day's free, but Taemin had more recordings, so as per usual he was all alone. 

He had contacted Ravi to see if he was free, but nope, he had a concert. He'd also contacted Moonkyu, but he had practice. Kwonho wasn't an idol but had a regular job so of course he wasn't free on a Wednesday afternoon. 

Jongin was going insane, to say the least, it would be easy if he could just go out for a walk, but he didn't feel like getting caught, and he also didn't want to practice dance, so watching re-runs of Music Bank worked out fine for about 10 minutes.

"I'm the worst at entertaining myself" He mumbled to himself as he looked through some of Taemin's manga.

20 more minutes passed, and he found himself at the diary drawer again, contemplating whether he should be a nosey asshole again or not, I mean surely Taemin would have hidden them more if they were super private, but then again he lived alone most of the time. 

'No No No No No' Jongin thought to himself as he drove himself away from the drawer, his hand still grazed over the drawer knob longingly, in about five seconds he had grabbed all the books and thrown himself on the couch, opting to read them in chronological order. 

 

July 3 rd 2010  
I have long hair, I look more like a girl than ever, it's like my worst nightmare, or is it...? I like it; that's right~ ^0^ As far as concepts go, I think Lucifer is definitely outlandish for SHINee, but I like it- I really really do~ I just hope Jongin doesn't start calling me his girlfriend because of it or do I? I don't know what's wrong with me...

 

 

Jongin chuckled to himself; Taemin mentioned him a lot, and it made his heart flutter like crazy, I mean just how long did Taemin have the hot's for him. He skimmed a few more entries; he didn't want to steal all of Taemin's thoughts.

 

March 1 st 2012

Guess who has long hair again, for real, though, the length is truly something, this time, the extensions were a pain to get in, but I'm happy with them, I sent Jongin a selca during the MV shoot, and I think he likes them... I hope he does >.


	9. Maybe Tomorrow

"I'm home and I've got food~~!" Taemin squeaked as he unlocked the door and closed it behind him, balancing his bag and keys in one hand and a couple pizza boxes in the other, he had a beanie on and his hood up, but he still looked freaking adorable.

Jongin sprung out of his seat to help the other, pulling Taemin's backpack off his shoulder and taking the pizza to place it on the dining table.

"How was your day~?" Jongin asked cheerfully; Taemin could brighten his day so easily sometimes, it was unbelievable.

"I'll tell you while we eat, the sauces are in my backpack" Taemin shouted as he ran into the bathroom, Jongin laughed and picked the tattered backpack up. He opened it up and started laughing loudly when he had picked up the sauces to reveal a huge bottle of lube and flavoured condoms.

"You planning ahead or something~?" Jongin cooed, holding up the lube and condoms as Taemin walked back into the livingroom.

"WE WERE RUNNING OUT, DON'T ACT LIKE I'M A PERV- WE USE SO MUCH LUBE" Taemin gasped, he sounded so serious but just ended up laughing.

They were once again in fits of laughter, Jongin placed the offending items down and grabbed his lover into a hug, placing small kisses against his puffy cheeks.

"Let's eat idiot" Jongin chuckled, pulling the shorter one into the dining area. 

 

"The fans were so sweet today, I wish I could spend more time with them, but it's just impossible" Taemin mumbled as he stuffed another slice of pizza into his mouth, there was tomato sauce collecting around his mouth but he obviously didn't give a flying fuck.

"Yeah, it's the same with my fans, like I want to spare at least 10 minutes with every single one ahaha" Jongin smiled, grabbing some chips while he spoke. 

Taemin always ordered so much, but they never finished, his eyes were forever bigger than his stomach, they abandoned the food, opting to snuggle up on the couch.

"This couch feels so uncomfortable, what the hell" Taemin moaned, shuffling about, he pulled a notebook out from under a pillow. 

"I can-" Jongin whispered but noticed the 08-09 on printed on the front.

"Oh, it's my old diary, imagine if you found this and read all my secrets" Taemin chuckled, getting up to put it somewhere in the bedroom, Jongin felt the pit of his stomach sink, He knew those books were private, but he had more curiosity than sense, what was in 08-09, it was driving him insane, how did he not find that one.

Taemin threw himself into Jongin's lap, linking his arms around his neck, he had a playful grin on his lips.

"You look confused Nini~" Taemin commented, pushing his face close, leaving a trail of butterfly kisses* on the other's forehead.

"I'm not, honey" Jongin whined, pulling Taemin closer, his face taking up residence on the other's shoulder.

"You sure~?" Taemin giggled, his hands playing with the hair falling on Jongin's neck.

"Yup, you're starting to sound like me sweetie" Jongin laughed, slipping his hands under the other's t-shirt, tracing shapes into his skin.

"Well, I am older than you, it's more natural for me to worry constantly" Taemin teased, jumping at the sudden contact of Jongin's hands.

"You know why I worry constantly, but I promise I'll calm the fuck down~" Jongin mumbled, his thumbs dipping into the waistband of Taemin's jeans, going on to grope the shorter ones bottom gently.

"Hmmph got your hands on the goods for any particular reason Nini?" Taemin quizzed, arching his eyebrow cheekily.

"Because these jeans are my favourite jeans" Jongin exclaimed, squeezing softly for good measure.

"Is that so?" Taemin grinned, his eyes crinkling at the edges.

click

The front door opened, causing Taemin to freak out and jump out of Jongin's lap, he then tripped over his foot, and a thud echoed through the apartment.

Jongin sprung out of his seat in a panic, at that moment Mrs. Lee stepped into the living room, revealing her son knocked out on the floor and Kim Jongin standing above him in shock.

"What did you do!?" Kyungsoon (that's Taemin's mum's name for real, not to be confused with Kyungsoo ^^) gasped, taking the scene in all wrong.

"Oh I- he fell, we were- he tripped on his foot and smacked his head on the coffee table, let me pick him up or something.." Jongin explained badly, trembling as he picked Taemin up carefully, he was sprawled out in an unconscious state as Jongin placed him on the couch. 

"Are you sure that's what happened Jongin?" Kyungsoon insisted, worry painting her face, she thought that Jongin had hurt her son, but Jongin would never do that, ever.

"Yes I swear on my career, I would never hurt your son" Jongin convinced her, bowing his head out of respect.

"Okay I trust you Jongin, do you think we should wake him?" 

"Well, he was pretty tired, we'll give him 10 minutes; how have you been?" Jongin smiled, it had been a while since he'd seen Kyungsoon, she had a young and kind heart, she was like a second mother to him.

"I'll make us some tea, let us leave him and catch up" Kyungsoon offered, waddling into the kitchen, gesturing for Jongin to follow, Jongin looked at Taemin before following her, he was still out cold, he just hopes he didn't hurt his head too much.

 

They sat at the small dining table in Taemin's kitchen, sipping their tea quietly, the air felt heavy, like Kyungsoon, wanted Jongin to say something.

"There's this lovely bakery by our house, it's a family business" Kyungsoon randomly brought up, taking the heavy feeling away from the pit of Jongin's stomach.

"Really? Do they make fresh bread?" Jongin pretended to be intrigued by the sudden subject.

"Of course, it's a bakery Jongin~ I've been friends with the owner's for years, and they have a daughter who just finished university" She chuckled, rolling her eye's at Jongin's airheadedness.

"Sweet~" Jongin replied quietly, sipping the tea slowly, it wasn't as bitter as that nasty thing Key Hyung had given him, but it wasn't that great either.

"She's single and ready to marry" Kyungsoon hummed, pouring some more tea for herself, but Jongin just choked on his drink and some air while he was at it, making Kyungsoon bewildered and slightly worried.

"Are you alright, Jongin?" She asked in a concerned tone.

"I'm all right, sorry carry on, it just went down the wrong pipe" Jongin replied sheepishly, looking into his tea cup to avoid eye contact.

"I think Taemin will like her, she's smart, and he needs someone to care for him, she's a little older, but they'll be a good suit~" Kyungsoon carried on, it all sounded like white noise to Jongin as she mentioned Taemin, his eyes went wild and some pent up anger boiled within him.

"He won't" Jongin stated in a clear voice, setting down the grim tea a little too hard, making the old woman jump a little.

"Why do you say that?" She questioned, setting her tea down softly as she awaited an explanation.

"I know Taemin, he won't be interested" Jongin spoke up.  
'I love Taemin, and he loves me' is what he intended to scream, but he bit his tongue.

"Why not?" She queried, her eyebrows furrowing with confusion.

"Cause' I'm marrying Jongin" Taemin's voice travelled from the doorway, he was standing there, holding the wall for balance, there was blood slicking his fringe to his forehead, perhaps he'd had quite the fall.

"TAEMIN!!"


	10. New Flesh

Jongin steadied the elder, who just smiled at him fondly, Kyungsoon took the scene in from an outsiders perspective it looked like they were just close friends, and that had to be the truth, it had to be. 

"You're bleeding!" Jongin whined, trying to move Taemin's hair but the shorter of the two stopped his hand.

"It's ketchup pabo.." Taemin chuckled, moving his hair to show the gooey red substances source, there was a ketchup stuck in his hair.

"What the?" Jongin sighed in relief when Jongin had placed Taemin on the couch, he must have rested his head on a sauce sachet from earlier.

"Is it true?" Kyungsoon cut in, standing up as she demanded answers.

"What Umma?" Taemin replied tiredly, a yawn escaped his lips as he faced his mother.

"You m-marrying Jongin..?" She stuttered on her words, it seemed like a difficult concept to wrap her head around, it wasn't normal.

"Yeah, I was going to tell you at some point, we probably won't get married for a long time, but I intend-"

"-Are you out of your mind!?" The woman cut in, her face was tensed up, and her hands were clenched into fists.

Taemin's eyes widened, his mother had rarely raised her voice at him but when she did it shook him, he only ever wanted to make her proud, and he did for the most part, but other things made her disappointed, and sometimes she'd forget about the important stuff.

"No, I'm perfectly sane thanks.." Taemin whispered; he couldn't bare to look at her at this point.

"Please tell me this is a sick joke, Lee Taemin" She countered, raising her voice a little, she always did that, she made her voice big to make Taemin feel small.

"Why would I joke about this, I love him umma" Taemin spoke calmly, glancing up at Jongin, who just stood there stunned and silent.

"Is this because he saved you when you overdosed, that is not love Taemin!" She screeched, this only fueled Taemin's anger more.

"IT IS LOVE, WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW- YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THERE, YOU MADE ME AUDITION, SO YOU COULD HAVE MY MONEY; I WAS ONLY 14!" Taemin screamed, his lungs burned, he was usually soft spoken and only was loud when singing, but that required warming up, this was raw anger.

"What has that got to do with this, I made you do that because you loved dancing, not for the money" Kyungsoon gasped.

"The only person who cared was Jongin, this was even before I tried to kill myself, I just couldn't see it then, but I see it now, and that's all that matters" Taemin cried out, his eyes had started watering. It was all getting too much for him, he didn't want to scream at his mother, but it all imploded at once, he just wanted to run and hide, but he couldn't leave this mess, he started it.

"You're an adult Taemin, you shouldn't rely on someone like that, you're probably just burdening him" She spat, she wasn't one to back down, she never did.

Taemin closed his eyes and bit his tongue, he couldn't face her, he couldn't believe she was trying to twist his relationship, it was all he had.

"That isn't true, I should have spoken up quicker, but I was just stunned at your outburst. I love Taemin, but we're idols so it was hard getting our feelings across; in an ideal world I would have just grabbed him and kissed him on stage, but it doesn't work like that. We are products, we sell an image and stay with that, and we have reputations, Taemin has loved me since trainee days, and I have felt the same for just as long. We didn't have time to get the message across but now I'm here telling you that I've never felt love as real as ours, I trust he loves me, and he knows I love him!" Jongin shouted after biting his tongue for the longest time, he couldn't take it, it made him sick.

Taemin looked up at Jongin, his heart thudded against his ribcage rapidly, hearing those words, seeing him stand up to his mother like that made him strangely happy. Kyungsoon was silent for the first time in this argument, what Jongin had said was a lot to register.

"Umma, get out of my apartment, I don't want to see you right now" Taemin whispered, the words got caught on the lump that had grown in his throat, there were tears still streaming down his face.

"You can't just ask me to leave."

"Yeah I can, this is my apartment, so go back home to that house that I bought you" Taemin mumbled, walking up to her and leading her to the door gently, he was angry, but he wouldn't hurt his mother.

She left without a word after that, Taemin closed the door behind her, he turned on his heel and slid against the door, bringing his knees to his chest, he let out the sob that was caught in his throat. Jongin sat beside him, he couldn't find the right words to make things better, so he just slung his arm around the small boys shoulders and brought him closer.

"I hate her so much Nini" Taemin choked on his words as he burrowed his face against Jongin's neck,

"It'll be okay..." Jongin whispered; it was the last words they shared that night.

 

Taemin was alone, Jongin was an idol too and had to catch a plane, Taemin didn't like being alone, he was getting used to seeing Jongin in his apartment day after day. His heart still hurts from the argument he had, had with his mother the week earlier, he didn't contact her, and she made no attempt to communicate with him. 

He felt empty when he woke up, the bed felt so big and cold but he made no attempt to move, it was dark in his room, he made sure to close the curtains extra tight the night before, he just wanted to sleep all day, but it was impossible when he was having a hundred thoughts per second, he'd taken a sleeping pill last night, but he shouldn't abuse those pills or any pills for that matter.

He heard his phone buzz on the bedside table, he blindly reached for it, pulling it into the depths of his under-blanket cave, he answered shortly after looking at the contact 'Moonkyu.'

"Moonie sup?" Taemin murmured, his voice coming out gruff and sleepy.

"Nothing, I'm free, so I was wondering if you wanted to go out or something~" His friend replied cutely.

"Uhm, I'm doing things and stuff..." Taemin mumbled, peeking at his digital clock through his blanket cave opening, 12:03 am.

"Nooo, you're not, Jongin told me you were free~"

"Oh, so I'm second-best huh?" Taemin chuckled, popping his head out from the covers.

"Yeah that's kinda true, nah it's cause' you never answer your phone plus you and Kai are always together, so I thought 2 for the price of 1, but I was wrong" Moonkyu laughed loudly.

"Well, I've already got plans, sorry" Taemin lied, he just didn't feel like seeing anyone right now.

"Alright, I'll see ya' later, we need to catch up" Moonkyu sounded disappointed, but he understood, Taemin was obviously in a bad place at the moment.

Taemin hung up quickly, the anxiety that built up in his stomach was killing him, he slung his arm over his eyes tiredly, he wished he could control his emotions, he wished he could stop them even, but giving up sadness will mean that he gives up love also, and that, he couldn't do.

The tears stung at the back of his eyes, he held them back for a while, until a strangled sob left his mouth, it was full of pain and despair, he just wanted to be happy. Taemin wanted that peaceful feeling he felt when he spent time with Jongin to last forever, but his dark thoughts always caught him.

Kibum was right.   
'Your whole world is not centered around juggling the idol life and hanging out with Jongin.'

It hurt Taemin to admit it, but that was all his existence summed up to, the pain he felt from his mother only made him crave Jongin's company more, but fate was cruel and made them be in different places, it was the most fucked up reality check. Here Taemin is breaking down and rejecting one of his best friends because he didn't feel worthy, didn't feel like he was enough, he was a disappointment.

If he had to weigh out the pros and cons in his life, there would definitely be more pros, but because of the way his head was wired, he only saw the cons sometimes. The tears made his skin sting, his face felt raw and damp, his face would be swollen, and his stylist could hate him for it the next day, but he didn't care.

His phone started buzzing again, he huffed and answered it without a glance.

"I told you Moonkyu, I'm busy" Taemin snapped, he choked on a sob following that, he was hopeless at hiding his emotions.

"Minnie, what's wrong?" Jongin questioned, if worried was a sound, he had embodied it perfectly.

"N-nothing Nini, aren't y-you busy?" Taemin croaked, wiping his eyes furiously, he didn't want to burden Jongin.

"I have a spare 30 minutes, tell me what's wrong Tae? Moonkyu messaged me that he was worried about you, and then I phone you, and you're crying..." Jongin replied quickly, he didn't have much time, but he wasn't willing to leave the call until he had answers.

"I just read a sad b-book, don't worry" Taemin mumbled, a quiet sob deceived his lie.

"Please just tell me what's happened, I haven't got much time, and I don't want to tell my manager I have to catch a plane because Taemin read a sad book."

"Don't b-be silly Jongin, stay there; I'm okay, just a little sad I guess, I'll get over it." 

"I'll phone you tonight, just promise me that you won't do anything stupid" Jongin pleaded, he heard his manager call his name.

"Alright Nini, I won't do anything; I might just go and dance for a few hours..." Taemin confirmed; he fiddled with the blanket nervously.

"It will help sweetie, I understand that feeling all too well to" Jongin sighed, if there was any obvious thing that brought them together, it was dance, it was a stress reliever as well as a hobby.

"I'll let you go now superstar, I heard your manager like 5 minutes ago" Taemin sniffed, his tears were falling less and less by just hearing Jongin's voice.

"Okay, just relax Taemin, I'll be back tomorrow, I don't know if I can go to yours, but I'll make sure I see you soon."

"Bye Nini.." Taemin whispered, hanging up on his lover with a sigh.

Rolling over carelessly, he reached under his bed for a book, his first diary.

08-09

A Polaroid picture slipped out onto his chest, a picture of Jongin smiled up at him, that seemed so long ago now.


	11. Hide Your Love

It had been a week, a week apart, a week of promotional hell, Taemin finally had a few days off, as for Jongin, he had no idea, he'd barely heard from him, something seemed off and Taemin still felt crappy about himself. He was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, it was mostly covered in condensation, but he had wiped off a small section to reveal his petite face. Taemin was fresh out of the shower, he had no idea how long he was in there, he was just stuck thinking on an endless loop.

His eyes focused on the image of himself reflected onto the steamy mirror, he looked tired, done in and most of all sad, just plain sad. He pulled on his clothes slowly before stepping into the living room, the couch felt too big, so he stretched out on it the fill in the spaces, he stared at the ceiling with his sleepy eyes, his phone buzzed, his phone always buzzed, he should just turn it on silent, it was only a text this time, so he decided to actually check it. The phone was on his chest, flipping it over he read the notification.

Jonghyunnie: Your buddy better look after my friend... ¬_¬

Taeminini: Huh?

Jonghyunnie: Kai and Krystal, Soojung is my friend, he must look after her, she's fragile... T^T

Taeminini: What are you talking about?

Jonghyunnie: The news, do you live under a rock or smth!?

Taeminini: News? Let me check...

Taemin closed kakao and clicked on Naver to see what his idiot Hyung was going on about, and right there on the front page he saw it; that's when his heart broke, his chest burned as he gasped. Dropping his phone to the floor with a clatter, he ran to the bathroom, there was bile stinging the back of his throat as he flipped the toilet seat up to throw up, he hadn't eaten that day and it was way into the afternoon already.

He could hear his phone buzz from the bathroom, but he made no attempt to move, everything hurt, he felt numb as the tears spilt out of his eyes, what was going on, why now? Taemin felt his head throb, he was so sure about so many things, but all of that was fizzling into nonsense, nothing made sense anymore. Scrambling up from his crumpled position on the floor, he switched the light on in the bathroom, the light was dim, it always was. He flung open his medicine cabinet, shifting things about to find what he needed, he grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills. It was a struggle to open the lid while he was so out of it, he wracked up all his strength and tore the lid off, his nail broke off at the action, it stung and bled but he didn't feel the pain over his internal struggle. 

Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz.

The contents spilt over the sink and floor.

Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz.

"UGGHHH FUCK YOU, FUCKK!" Taemin screamed, dropping to his knees he started gathering the pills into a pile on the floor, he was smearing the blood from his finger everywhere at the action, he couldn't see clearly as there were tears clouding his vision, everything was frantic and animalistic, he needed this and he needed it quick.

Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz.

Sitting up against the bath tub, he moved into a comfortable position, he took in a deep breath, staring at the pile of white pills on the floor, it felt normal, this felt normal, this was just 'take 2' as far as he was concerned, you always get second chances.

Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz.

He held his knees to his chest; he was trembling all over, the taste of bile, the smell of blood and the damp tears covering his cheeks, his senses were on fire.

Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz.

He took a handful of the pills into his left hand, they looked so beautiful, little capsules of escape, the blood spilt out of his ring finger, the nail had come clean off, leaving the pale stub bloody and sore, his ring finger, how ironic he thought to himself. 

Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz.

Taemin felt his body shake, and his breath hitch, this was not the time to have a panic attack, it was now or never, his breathing sped up, his skin clammed up, the light was so blurry in his vision, it felt like he was trapped in a nightmare.

Closing his eyes, he slowed his breath down, tipping his head back, he threw the pills into his mouth, getting up slowly he went to the sink to get some water to swallow the bitter little escape capsules, he jumped as he felt hands grab the back of his shoulders.

"SPIT THEM OUT RIGHT NOW!!" 

Taemin choked, spewing all the pills into the sink, drool clung to his chin, he looked up in the mirror, meeting his pathetic reflection first, then Jongin's tearful eyes. 

"I need to explain Tae" Jongin whispered. 

Taemin shrugged Jongin's hands off his shoulders, he turned in a swift motion, bringing his fist to his lover's jaw.

"Explain then you fucking cunt!" Taemin fumed, all he could see was red; the initial upset had turned into anger quickly.

Jongin held his jaw, wincing in pain, he took in the scene, there were pills everywhere and probably just as much blood, this was different, but the feeling of deja-vu made him shiver, Taemin was standing before him with his fists clenched, one dripped with blood and the other was bruising from the punch.

"Let's go sit on the couch, this room makes me sick..." Jongin whispered; Taemin tutted before pushing past him to go sit on the couch.

 

They sat in silence for the longest time, the only sounds heard were cars passing down on the street and the wall clock ticking, Taemin cried quietly, sitting far away from the man he knew as his lover, his best friend, and now he didn't even know if he knew him anymore.

"It's a marketing scheme.." Jongin sighed.

"That's the best you could come up with, why did you even save me?" Taemin spat back; his eye whites were red, and his skin looked paler than it ever did.

"It's not a lie Taemin, SM made me hang out with Soojung while some shady photographer took a few snaps, It makes headlines and sells, I wouldn't lie to you and I'd never cheat..." Jongin explained, he felt terrible.

"Then why didn't you tell me earlier J-jongin, what if you were too late and I d-died because I was too stupid to phone you, what if-"

"-I was going to tell you, but I was scared and before I knew it the news was out, Taemin, I love you, I'm so sorry" Jongin shifted closer on the couch to wrap his arm around the sobbing man, it hurt, being a product, forcing your private life to be corrupted like this. Taemin wiped at his eyes tiredly, his head hurt, he was thinking too much and wanted to forget.

"I love you to Jongin, can we fuck?" Taemin looked up through his bangs, Jongin stirred, it was always like this one emotion one moment and a completely different one the next.

"Uhm alright, but Taemin can you promise me something?" Jongin spoke in an unsure tone; he was worried, he always was.

"Yeah, what?" Taemin whispered the reply, shifting up to sit in Jongin's lap.

"That you'll see someone, a therapist or a doctor soon" Jongin sighed, letting his hands lightly grip at his lover's hips.

"Why?" Taemin mumbled, his eyebrows furrowed, he rocked his hips, driving his ass against Jongin's crouch slowly.

"We'll talk about it later..." Jongin groaned, he pushed the elders body onto the couch, making him sit up against the sofa arm.

"Jongin-ah?" 

"Take your trousers off" Jongin spoke sternly, causing Taemin freeze up before slipping his sweatpants off his slim legs, he shamelessly brought his knees up to expose himself as he hadn't put on boxers after his shower.

"Legs spread, pop one over the couch back" Jongin instructed, sitting cross-legged in front of his love. Taemin raised his eyebrows; this was different but he liked being ordered around sometimes, plus he stopped thinking which was the whole point he had started this. He listened well, hanging his leg over the couch back, the other dropped to the floor, his jumper draped over his cock, but everything below was on show.

Jongin moved closer, sticking three finger's in front of Taemin's plump thick lips "Suck" He ordered, Taemin flicked his eyes up to look into Jongin's, taking no time to take the three digits into his mouth, it was erotic, it made butterflies flutter around his stomach. The soft squelching noises echoed through the room, Taemin slowly closed his eyes, taking the fingers deep into his mouth, it was odd but it was making hard, just the sheer thought of what Jongin was planning made him moan around them. They continued like that for a little while, Jongin resisted the urge to palm himself through his tight jeans, and they weren't even doing anything yet, it was just the sight of his fiance spread out like that with his lips stretched over his fingers, it was fucking hot. Jongin slipped his fingers out slowly, Taemin let them go with a soft pop, he was smirking devilishly and his eye's had fallen half-lidded.

"Stay like that a sec" Jongin mumbled, sitting up a little to take his phone out of his pocket, he snapped a photo quickly before Taemin could react.

"Jong-" 

"-Shh, no one will see it except me, you just look so fucking hot like that baby" Jongin cut in, he moved closer, closing the gap between them he kissed the elder with urgency, his saliva slick fingers travelled south, the middle finger circled Taemin's entrance, slipping in slowly he curved it to stroke it against that bundle of nerves that always got Taemin going. Taemin's body spasmed as he moaned into Jongin's mouth, the feeling came so suddenly that it made his whole body twitch with pleasure, his cock became more erect by each sensation. 

They broke the kiss to breathe; Taemin flopped against the couch arm, his eyes rolled back as Jongin pushed another finger in, Jongin bit at his bottom lip teasingly, sucking it into his mouth as he finger fucked his partner. Taemin squirmed, his body thrashed about a little, but he kept his legs in place.

"You like that, Taeminnie?" Jongin teased, his free hand grazed against Taemin's leaking cock lightly, causing the elder to arch his back.

"M-mhm Jon-Jongin ahh, please!" Taemin moaned, his eyes snapped open, the sensation was too pleasuring to put into words.

"Please what, Taemin?" Jongin cooed, pushing the third digit in as he curved them all against that oh so sweet spot.

"AHh N-Nini f-fuck me ple-please!" Taemin choked on his words; his body was on fire, and he didn't want to cum yet.

"Why don't we do that somewhere else, hmm?" Jongin pondered, Taemin just nodded as a response, Jongin laughed lightly as he removed his fingers slowly, Taemin whimpered at the emptiness, his lips pouting at the loss of sensation. Jongin put himself between Taemin's legs, wrapping them around his hips before lifting him up and taking him towards the small balcony.

"Jongin, what about the bedroom?" Taemin mumbled, his hands clutched the back of Jongin's t-shirt as he was pushed against the window.

"I want to fuck you against the window, though, people might even see us; it's thrilling" Jongin spoke mischievously, his hard cock pressed through his jeans against Taemin's hole.

"Jongin-ah, that's stupid, can we just fuck regularly" Taemin laughed, his voice was needy and laced with lust; he just wanted a release at this point.

"Alright, another time, though?" Jongin mumbled, taking the elder to the dark bedroom and dropping him on the bed lightly, it was all slow and loving after the initial 'sex god' start, Jongin pressed into Taemin slowly, a moan filled the room as they became one.

From one emotion to the other, they always were filled with love, as they came and parted, they fell asleep and spooned, it was meant to be this way, forever.


	12. Sonnet

3:36am

Taemin's eyes opened slowly, he felt the warmth of Jongin's chest behind him, it was quiet. Peaceful would be the word that popped into his head, he didn't feel heavy headed anymore thankfully. Slipping away from Jongin's warmth he tiptoed to the bathroom, it was still in a state, the dim light made his eyes strain. It was all calm in there, not like the frantic mess that had taken place hours earlier, the blood had dried up, and the pills were scattered haphazardly.

He stepped in front of the mirror, his reflection screamed exhaustion, but he had a dumb smile on his lips, nothing felt real anymore, he stared down at the sink, there were pills clogging up the plug hole along with a flake of some sort, he fished around in the saliva covered pills and pulled the flake out.

"Hello, missing friend.." He whispered to his broken off finger nail, it had bits of skin stuck to it, and the pills had soaked up the blood, he flicked it into the bin. He began cleaning the bathroom, he never cleaned, but he didn't want Jongin to walk into this mess again, he picked up all of the pills and threw them into the toilet, leaning over to close the bathroom door before flushing them away. The little capsules of escape managed to escape, being trapped in his stomach would have been a bad quality of life, they would hold only one purpose, at least; this way they could travel.

The room was practically spotless by the time he had finished, there were no longer any flicks of blood or hidden pills. Taemin was proud of himself, who knew he could clean so well, he plodded over to the bath and started running hot water, pouring a good amount of vanilla bubble bath in as the water stirred around, it may had been around 4am or something, but he wasn't bothered by that, auto-pilot takes over sometimes. He stepped into the bath after he'd mixed some cold water in, his whole body relaxed as the water covered him in warmth. 

4:48am 

Jongin stirred in his sleep, he usually rested well, but it was another nightmare that pulled him from his peaceful state, luckily he didn't remember many details, just a painful replay of events that had happened again. It was cold beside him, where had Taemin gone at this early hour. Jongin groggily got up to check around the apartment; the bathroom door was closed, but he could hear Taemin's hushed humming, he saw Taemin's phone on the floor by the couch, he picked it up, checking the time... Well, he was also checking the notifications out of habit.

Bummie- Are you alright sweetheart, what's going on? 4:09pm  
Bummie-OK, I know you probably don't want to talk right now, but I'm always here xxx 5:31pm  
Bummie-Please just let me know you're alright, I'm out of town right now, so I can't make it to your apartment right now...6:47pm  
Bummie-Lee Taemin I swear I'm gonna hit you...8:01pm  
Jonghyunnie-Key is worried bout' you for some reason, I just got like 5 angry texts about you not being capable enough to use your phone~^^; 8:23pm

Jongin sighed, he opened the 'Bummie' chat.

'He's alright, I explained the real truth to him, Jongin' He sent, before dropping the phone on the couch, he strode over to the bathroom, opening the door quietly, Taemin stared at him with a small smile playing on his lips.

"Hey" He hummed, bubbles clung to his chin like a goatee.

"Hey," Jongin replied with a snort.

"You need to stop walking around naked, I'm taking on the habit, I cleaned the bathroom naked and only noticed when I'd finished" Taemin chuckled lightly, he looked so out of it, he needed a natural full night of sleep, his pretty angel-like face wasn't glowing like it did usually, it had stress painted all over it.

"Don't you like sightseeing, though, he's quite the landmark" Jongin smirked, referring to his 'Nini morning wood junior.'

"You're unbelievable, get in the bath you big whore" Taemin scoffed as he made space for his Nini.

 

The day went by slowly, it was comfortable, they probably had places to be, but they'd left their phone's on the couch. They had each other, and that's all that mattered, Taemin poked Jongin's cheek as he joined him on the bed after smoking a cigarette on the balcony.

"Hmm?" Jongin broke out of the trace the book in his lap had taken him too, he looked confused.

"You're too cute, I have this adorable polaroid of you from years ago, I think we should take more pictures together Nini~" Taemin sang as he started digging around under his bed, planting a box on the bed by Jongin, Jongin opened it without a second thought.

"Yah that's private!" Taemin squeaked and closed the lid quickly, there was a blush painting his cheeks delicately.

"Oh I thought it was a present" Jongin mumbled, he scrunched his face up like a silent apology of sorts.

"I-I don't mind, we can both go through it, it's like a memory box" Taemin grinned, crawling onto the bed to sit in Jongin's lap, his back pressed against Jongin's chest. Jongin was wearing a loose t-shirt and boxers, whereas Taemin was dressed in a big jumper over his boxers, it was like a no trouser zone.

Taemin placed the box in front of them, pulling the lid off with dramatic music he had created with his voice, something along the lines of 'duuuun dun duuuuunnnnnnnnn" Jongin rolled his eyes, planting his chin on his lover's shoulder.

"Alright, first of all, I swear I'm not self-obsessed..." Taemin chuckled as he moved a stack of his own photo-cards from every era aside, there was loads of notebooks and pictures littered everywhere in that box from Jongin's point of view.

"You are self-obsessed, or did you forget kissing yourself?" Jongin laughed, his hand played with loose threads of Taemin's jumper.

"This is a diary, oh that Polaroid is in here~" Taemin hummed as he shook the picture out of the closed book 08-09, it flew onto his lap, a young Jongin smiling dumbly at the camera.

"Oh cringe, my hair! ew," Jongin groaned, flicking the Polaroid across the bed.

"Yah! I love that picture" Taemin pouted as he reached over for it.

"Why don't you read me an entry from your diary?" Jongin cooed, poking at Taemin's side.

"Ew no, I was such a loser back then" Taemin whined, picking up the book and peeking into it. 

"Oh C'mon, I know you 200% remember? I wanna know you 210% now~" Jongin laughed, rubbing the elder's sides.

"Fine, I get to pick the entry, one sec" Taemin sighed, flipping through some pages "Ah here~" Taemin poked a page open, clearing his throat to add effect.

"Dear Diary, I have come to the conclusion that I hate variety shows, I wasn't made for them; they make me sick." Taemin laughed loudly at his own entry, he closed the book and threw it on the bed.

"The funny thing is, you still think like that" Jongin chuckled, a little disappointed that he hadn't read anything more important, but he didn't want to push it.

"Yeah, I don't think I'll ever change, to be honest" He agreed as he rustled around in the box more, showing a few polaroids of Taemin and his SHINee Hyung's.

"OH MY GOD I found it!" Taemin squealed, pulling out a polaroid of them both, it was around the time Taemin had long hair in the Lucifer period, Jongin had his arm slung around Taemin's shoulder's, this was when their height matched still, Jongin's lips were pressed against Taemin's cheek and Taemin was blushing like crazy at that moment.

"Aww you were so cute back then~" Jongin cooed, snatching the picture from Taemin's hand to observe it closer, that was the first kiss, they were messing around and taking pictures in the dance studio one night and Jongin had just pressed his lips there before the flash went off for one of the pictures, after that they'd 'practised' kissing for a while before Taemin had to go back to the dorm.

"That was when I was your girlfriend, now you have a new one apparently~" Taemin acted fake offended, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting out his lips stupidly.

"I thought you hated me calling you that back then?" Jongin chuckled, already confirming that Taemin liked it by reading his diaries but Taemin didn't need to know that.

"Y-yah I didn't hate it particularly, I just wish it was 'boyfriend' instead" Taemin whined cutely.

"Frankly, I think fiance sounds better" Jongin growled playfully, planting small kisses on Taemin's neck.

"I'm sure husband will sound even better" Taemin retorted, turning around and catching Jongin's lips properly.


	13. Cry Baby

Taemin twiddled with his finger's, he was on the plane to Japan with his member's, his heart hurt for Jongin's sake; he didn't deserve all of the hate for a fucking stupid marketing scheme.

Taemin had always thought SM had a shady way of promotion, but this was a step too far, he was bitter about Soojung, but he couldn't help but worry about her too, she had Instagram. Taemin didn't understand SNS, but he knew that it was public, and the comments can make you feel suffocated. The day was all a blur, one minute he was on a plane, the next he was in rehearsal, and now he was in the Japanese dorm, skimming through all of the netizen comments, some were neutral, and the rest were horrible.

Kibum came out of the bathroom, sighing as he flopped onto his bed beside Taemin's. They didn't mind sharing rooms, they all shared in the beginning but it feel's weird once you've lived alone for a short while, Taemin kept his back to his Hyung, he knew it wouldn't shield him from the inevitable conversation, but he didn't want to talk.

"So, what's the truth?" Kibum broke the silence, the question would have happened sooner or later, and Kibum wasn't one to be patient.

"It's a marketing scheme, Jongin is one of SM's major puppets, unfortunately..." Taemin mumbled as he turned to face him, jumping at the sight of Kibum in a 'panda sheet mask' causing the elder to erupt into laughter.

"Ahh, I get it now~" Kibum sang, his voice was rough from practise.

"Why do you wear those things, they're creepy as fuck Hyung" Taemin whined, scrunching his face up at the mask.

"I have a tiger one too~" Kibum chuckled, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Alright, I'll wear it" Taemin smiled lightly, his Hyung squealed with glee as he ran to his bag to get it.

They were now both laying in their own bed's and giggling at each other when they caught a glance of the ridiculous masks, Jonghyun walked in and started howling with laughter "Seriously what the hell guys!?" He laughed.

"Shush, we need to have our spa moment in peace~" Kibum shushed their Hyung.

"The amount of disrespect, I was just asking for a spare charger~" Jonghyun sighed with fake hurt, holding up his tablet.

"There's one in my bag" Kibum scoffed, pointing at the bag on the back of the door.

"Thanks, I bet your bestie is with Soojung right now, it must be nice to find love" Jonghyun hummed as he looked through the bag.

Taemin quirked his eyebrow at Kibum, rolling his eyes bitterly "Yeah, I guess" He gave a short answer, turning to face the wall.

"Ah, got it~" Jonghyun gleamed, he always brought it up because he was close with Soojung, and it frankly pissed off Taemin, but he couldn't say a thing.

Kibum called out a 'goodnight' as Jonghyun closed the door behind himself, he leant over the small gap between their beds, poking Taemin's side softly "Don't mind him, I think you should tell the rest of the members about you and Nini, they'll support you as much as I do" He cooed as Taemin glanced back at him with a smile.

"Thanks, Hyung" Taemin hummed, pulling the slimy mask off his face before flinging it in the bin.

"No problem, get some rest you~" Kibum cooed, before switching the lamp off.

It was hours later, and Taemin hadn't slept yet, his eyes were straining on his phone screen as he read through every article about kaistal, as they named it, many of the articles even mention him. It was weird, there was some good response, but overall it was pretty violent in the comment sections. It was nearing 3am when his phone buzzed, he freaked out to switch it on silent, not wanting to wake his Hyung. He had slipped out of the bedroom as quiet as a mouse, scrunching up in a ball on the couch before he accepted the call.

"Jongin-ah?" Taemin whispered, wrapping his spare arm around his legs in an attempt to stay warm.

"Taemin, h-hey" His voice shook with a wave of anxiety, you could hear the sob caught in his throat even if he was holding it back.

"Nini please don't cry.." Taemin sighed quietly, his heart wretching at the tone of his lover's voice.

"I c-can't stop, I just got curious and read a b-bunch of comments and-"

"-I read some too, it's no big deal, people are just butthurt, as far as fake relationship's go it's made quite the impact" Taemin cut in, he wasn't sure what to say when people were emotional.

"Mhm, I just don't know why it turn's into personal hate, sure hate the relationship, but just throwing hate at me- I just don't get it, I miss you..." Jongin mumbled; some of it sounded incoherent, but Taemin knew what he was getting at.

"I miss you too Nini, I wish I could be there with you" Taemin replied in a hushed voice, he didn't want his manager to wake up or eavesdrop on him. 

"Hmm, your voice calms me down ya' know, I've been listening to your album on repeat every time you're away" Jongin admitted, he sounded calm now, a small chuckled even followed his shameless confession.

"Is that so?" Taemin giggled quietly, his heart racing at the thought, he had put his soul into that album.

"Yeah, I like that it's all about me, right?" Jongin teased.

"Shut up idiot, of course; it's about you, it always has been~" Taemin playfully growled back, looking around the apartment in case he had woken someone, silence.

"Ohh, Taeminnie is cheesy, c'mere I wanna hug" Jongin whined, he sounded like he was outside, which was worrying.

"Are you outdoors?" 

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep, so I'm gonna get some food" Jongin chuckled, cars drove passed in the distance.

"Be careful, you can stay at my apartment when I'm not there, you know that right?" Taemin offered quietly, he was picking at the threads on a scatter cushion to keep him occupied.

"I can? I'm gonna go there now. Instead, I need to get my motorbike" Jongin squealed.

"Like I said, be careful please, when you get there, get some rest, Nini." 

"I will, you get some rest now, you have a concert tomorrow baby" Jongin insisted, a little out of breath as he was rushing back to the dorm to get his bike.

"Alright, I'll sleep now, just let me know you're safe, I love you" Taemin spoke softly as he got up to get back into bed.

"I love you too, Taemin" Jongin replied lovingly before putting the phone down, he just arrived at the garage to get his bike. 

"Taemin?" a voice spoke from behind him, he sprung around quickly to see Joonmyun looking confused while holding his car keys.

"Uhh.." Jongin's mind went blank, he froze, there stood his Hyung, the leader of his group.

"I was just about to go look for you, is there something you need to tell me?" Joonmyun tried again, placing a supportive hand on Jongin's shoulder.

"Nope..." Jongin managed to mumble, Joonmyun quirked his eyebrow in disbelief.

"You love him, don't you?" 

"I don't- yeah" Jongin sighed, he wasn't going to get anywhere by lying. 

"So, what about Krystal?" Joonmyun queried, stuffing his car keys into his pocket.

"What about her? It's all a lie Hyung..." Jongin confessed, huffing out a big sigh while taking the chain off his motorbike.

"Wow really? where are you going?" Joonmyun questioned, it was late, and he was worried.

"Yeah, I'm gonna stay at Taemin's, it's quieter there..." 

"It's pretty late, is Taemin even in, isn't SHINee in Japan?" He continued with the endless worry.

"He said I can go there when he's not in" Jongin hummed as he got on the bike, slipping his helmet on tiredly.

"Please be careful Jongin" Joonmyun gave in, he may have been older, but Jongin was an adult too.

"I will be Hyung, I'll text you when I'm there" Jongin chuckled before starting up his bike.

"Get some rest as soon as you get there, you hear me?" 

"I will, I will~"

 

The apartment was quiet, except the soft hum of the fridge, all the light's were switched off, but Jongin didn't care, he could walk through this place blindfolded, he slipped into the bedroom taking his clothes off before throwing himself into the unmade bed. Taemin had a habit of never making it, something about 'it traps the bacteria', but it was just down to his messy lifestyle.

The cover smelt of vanilla, it was an intoxicating smell, it just made Jongin feel like he belonged, it was home to him, he let out a sigh as he sent a text his leader. It felt weird having someone else know the truth, his own mother and sister's thought he was dating Krystal, it just didn't feel right. It was strange being in Taemin's apartment alone at night, he felt like he was waiting for him to come home after a schedule, his phone buzzed.

Taeminini: Are you safe?? ;~;  
kaijongin14: Yeah, sorry I forgot to text, I ran into Suho...  
Taeminini: ah, okay, you should sleep honey  
kaijongin14: I will if you do toooo  
Taeminini: yh yh, I love you, idiot x   
kaijongin14: love you too <3

It had been an hour, and sleep just wouldn't take over Jongin, he just couldn't stop thinking, from one thing to another, the Krystal thing, Taemin's mum--

"Oh, shit..." Jongin mumbled tiredly, he had completely forgotten about her, now she probably thinks Taemin had lied about them, maybe he should visit her, eventually she would be his mother-in-law, and he wanted them to be on good terms. There was feeling in his stomach, that recurring feeling he had when he was alone in Taemin's apartment, he could feel the presence of the box under the bed calling for him. He wished he didn't feel the need to breach his lover's privacy, but Lee Taemin was like a closed book about his feelings.

Turning the side lamp on, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, he didn't feel tired but his eyes felt grainy and unfocused; he reached under the bed to get the box, he placed it on his lap it was a simple box, the type of box you'd find in an office perhaps, matte black with metal rims. The lid was off in seconds, everything was slung in there chaotically, a jolt if guilt thrummed through Jongin's chest.

08-09

He flipped through the notebook, there seemed to be more content in this one, pictures stuck to pages, sticky notes, and even doodles, it was odd, almost childish, of course. Taemin was only 14-16 years old when he wrote this, but there wasn't many years difference to the other diaries.

2 nd December 2008

It's been a long year, I've worked hard, but I think something is missing within me, I lack so much yet I'm famous to an extent. What I'm getting at is, my parents don't care, I've seen them twice since debut day, and they haven't bothered to contact me, I know I'm busy, but it hurts, I think I just need to work harder, they're probably embarrassed. It's Christmas soon and I think I'm going to stay in the dorms, or practice alone, cause I know Jongin won't be at the dance studio then, it's probably better alone, no distractions, I need to get better.

 

Jongin's heart ached, there was a photo of a snow covered Seoul stuck with tape on the page, it was worn, and there were parts of the ink that smudged, like water droplets, tears. Taemin was so lost back then, but Jongin thinks there are still parts of him that are lost, he wanted to help him, but at the end of the day, it was only Taemin that could fix himself.

 

{no date, on a sticky note}  
If I was to die today, just suddenly, like a bus knocked me down or the earth just swallowed me up, would anyone miss me? I think everyone think's about this at some point in their life, but I'm thinking about it more regularly, I'm thinking about it like it's choosing what to eat for dinner, I'm thinking about it as if it's an option. I wish I saw the light in things, but my life is forever shrouded by a dark cloak, the light I see is dim and fading, I'm sorry, but I'm giving up.

 

The note was stuck to one of the last pages, the pages after it remained blank. This was early on, perhaps a little before 2010, Taemin started his slump then but seemed so happy in Jongin's eye's, but the saddest people acted the most joyous. He closed the book, and dropped it back in the box, he needed a serious conversation with Taemin, he needed to let him know that he had read away at his privacy as if it was a novel. The contact with the book and the box made something crack, Jongin moved all the contents around to see what he'd damaged, he found a small jar with a crack on the side, he sighed, it was full of bits of paper, and had a label on the front.  
'To Nini, Read a message when you miss me, Tae 08' the label stated, Jongin had never seen it before, and it was addressed to him, popping the lid off he emptied a few of the folded bits of paper into his palm, they were all pretty pastel colours. He unfolded a few, his eyes welled up immediately.

'at least, when you debut, you'll have a better haircut ^^'  
'the day we get to perform together, I'll treat you to a meal.'  
'you'll be a superstar, I guarantee it, you've got that handsome face.'  
'I'm jealous of you, yes I admit it uwu'  
'I'll be taller than you, but once they introduce you to insoles, you'll be tall too.'  
'before you ask, you can have free SHINee albums forever.'

Jongin sobbed, this was honestly the most beautiful thing he has ever found, it was meant to be a present for him, but Taemin obviously was embarrassed about it, he unfolded another message and his heart swelled.

'Jongin, I love you.'


	14. for him.

Waking up without Taemin was odd, the bed smelt of him, the pillows had stray, blond hair's stuck to them, but he wasn't there. It felt like a missing piece of a puzzle, yet Jongin felt consumed by him. 

Vanilla.

It was everywhere, his cock felt hard and heavy, you'd think being in his twenties would make him stop getting morning wood, but no luck. He felt shame as he squirted lube into his hand, his eyes closed as it circled his length. His strokes were slow and soft, the same way Taemin touched him, his breath hitched as he imagined Taemin doing it instead, he let out a small groan when his phone rang, his eyes sprung open with panic, he held the phone in one hand against his ear and his cock in the other.

"Uhm, hello?" Jongin croaked, he didn't check the ID, so he was confused.

"Nini, did I wake you?" Taemin mumbled; Jongin let out a sigh when he heard his fiances voice.

"N-nope..."

"Are you wanking right now?" Taemin snickered, he could just tell by the tone of Jongin's voice.

"No... How did you know ugh?" Jongin whined, slowly continuing to stroke himself.

"I know you Jonginnie, morning wood every morning, don't make too much of a mess on my sheets" Taemin teased, his voice was deep from sleep.

"Mhm.."

"Such a waste..." Taemin sighed.

"H-huh?" Jongin questioned, his concentration level was terrible.

"I'd prefer to swallow you..." 

"F-fuck" Jongin groaned, his wrist flicked quicker.

"Or I could just lick it off your hand when you're done, Daddy..." 

"Oh, s-shit Tae!" Jongin groaned, cumming quicker than normal.

"Oh my god Nini" Taemin laughed.

"What the fuck, Taemin, Daddy!? Where did that come from?!" Jongin whined, he was so embarrassed.

"I don't know, but I can't stop laughing, Kim Jongin has a daddy kink!" Taemin howled with laughter.

"I hope you're alone while you shout that..." Jongin grumbled, his cheeks felt hot with a blush.

"I am, the other's went out for breakfast~" Taemin confirmed, his laughs died down into small giggles.

"I misssssss you." 

"You haven't seen me in 3 days, and you're already wanking in my bed, that's low Nini" Taemin teased.

"Shush, I feel like a teen again, come home" Jongin sighed, wiping the cum on his hand on a tissue.

"Ahaha, I wish I could, we need to book a day off and just fuck constantly considering how horny you get~" Taemin chuckled.

"I'm up for that..."

"I thought so, I'm going to the concert hall soon, I just wanted to say, have a good day Nini~" Taemin hummed, you could hear the smile forming.

"You too, I love you." 

"I love you more~"

"Impossible~"

"Alright, I love you as much as you love me, okay?" Taemin laughed cutely.

"That's correct~" 

 

The concert finished successfully, Taemin's body ached but it felt like he'd worked hard, which was a great feeling. They arrived back at the Japanese dorm exhausted but full of adrenaline; they were all sitting around and eating, talking about anything.

"Did you see me during the encore, though?" Jinki rambled on, Minho nodded furiously and started laughing when Jonghyun impersonated their Hyung. Taemin sat on the floor while the rest sat on the couch, he was texting Jongin to let him know how the concert went, he felt someone lurking behind him, so he shielded his screen and glared at Kibum.

"Can I help you Hyung?" Taemin whispered to his nosy elder.

"Yeah, let's go to bed~" Kibum chuckled before announcing that it's bedtime and dragging Taemin to their shared room.

Taemin got ready for bed tiredly; he flung his exhausted body into his bed.

"Did you check naver today?" Kibum spoke as he got into his bed, another strange beauty mask hugged his face.

"No, I don't like checking it..." 

"Here check this..." Kibum sighed as he threw his phone onto Taemin's bed.

Taemin looked at the article 'KaiStal spotted in a hotel'. He scrunched up his face at the awful quality photo's of a couple in a pool, it could have been anyone, but it still made him annoyed nonetheless, he handed the phone back with a huff.

"I just hate this bullshit" Taemin grumbled.

"You should tell the other's Taemny* or I could tell them for you?" Kibum suggested, placing his phone under his pillow.

"You'd do that for me?" Taemin gleamed, his face changed from a stressed mess to an angel within seconds, Kibum chuckled a little; Taemin was too endearing for his own good.

"Of course, I think I've had enough of Jonghyun bringing up Soojung every five minutes as much as you are" Kibum snorted, peeling the mask off of his face.

"Yeah, he think's he's hot shit cause it was his birthday." 

"Yah, he's your Hyung, but yeah that's kinda right" Kibum teased while laughing at Taemin's sassiness.

"I'm gonna get some rest, thank's..."

"For what?"

"Being there."

"No problem Tae."

 

Jongin yawned for the third time during the meeting; Soojung looked just as bored; he could even see her phone on her lap, she was playing candy crush on mute while pretending to listen.

"Now there are several different reaction's to the news.." The director droned on, Jongin didn't see the point of being there, it's not like they cared about his or Soojung's opinion. His phone buzzed in his jean pocket, it was short, and thankfully none of the staff realised, he pulled his phone out, balancing it on his lap.

Taeminini: /photo/ I just woke up ^^

Jongin unlocked his phone sneakily, smiling at the picture of Taemin in bed with messy hair, his eyes were half lidded and he had a dumb smirk on his puffy lips; he glanced up to see Soojung smiling at his phone too, he locked it quickly.

"-Alright that is it for this meeting, we'll work hard to cover up the gaps in the story" The director announced, the other staff got up and started filing out of the room, Jongin sprung up and followed, but something, well, someone caught his wrist.

"Huh... Soojung?" Jongin mumbled at the girl holding his wrist.

"Hey, can we talk?" She spoke quietly; a small smile was on her lips.

"Uhm, sure, what is it?" Jongin questioned, he felt uncomfortable, not because he didn't like her, but because of their 'relationship.'

"We could go to a cafe, add to the press stuff?" She suggested; which he agreed to with a small nod.

It had taken about 20 minutes to walk to a quiet cafe, a few people snapped pictures of them walking by each other, it all added to their unusual scandal.

The cafe was small, it had floral wallpaper flaking off of the walls and odd illustrations in frames, the waitress was a lovely elderly woman, a little wobbly on her feet, she even put the closed sign on, so no fans came in. Jongin stirred his hot chocolate quietly; his frame was stiff; he felt uncomfortable, and it was evident.

"Jongin, don't worry I don't bite" Soojung chuckled before swigging some of her mocha, cream clung to her lip, but this wasn't a drama, he wasn't going to kiss it off her lip, he wasn't in love with this girl, and she wasn't in love with him, she licked the remnants off her lip with a bored expression.

"I know, how are you?" Jongin mumbled, he could see some fans across the road; he didn't stare too long, not wanting to catch their eyes.

"I'm alright, still in shock with this new concept Jagi?" Soojung snorted, dipping her biscotti in her mocha.

"Ahh, yeah.." Jongin cringed, it felt weird being called that by someone else.

"How's Taemin Oppa, sleepy?" She grinned.

"Uhm, I don't know, he's probably good.." Jongin mumbled again, sipping some of his hot chocolate to end his sentence.

"Drop the act Jongin, I know.." Soojung laughed before stuffing the biscotti into her mouth.

"Know what exactly?" Jongin played dumb.

"I saw you guys kissing years ago, you're so cute" She continued, flicking her long hair over her shoulder as she leaned in.

"Huh?" Jongin kept playing dumb, when exactly did she see them?

"It was when Taemin Oppa had his cute Lucifer hair, you guys were in dance studio 2, it was late, and you were taking selca's" Soojung chuckled, sipping her mocha with a smirk.

"O-our first kiss?" Jongin gasped, his face turned red at the confession.

"That was your first kiss!? Woah you had so much chemistry then too, I saw you during our photoshoot too, you guys are sneaky, but I'm more devious" She grinned widely.

"What, how? I- huh I'm confused" Jongin groaned into his mug.

"Is Taemin Oppa okay with this?" She sighed, biting her bottom lip nervously.

"Not really, I'm not going to expose him too much, but he isn't as okay as he perceives to the public, and not just about us, just in general" Jongin spoke quietly, it was only them and the old woman in the cafe, but he still felt like he was under a microscope.

"Hmm, I wanna see him, if that's possible..." 

"I think he'd like that, if he knows that you know, I think he'll trust you more" Jongin smiled, finishing his hot chocolate in one gulp.

"When is he back from Japan, Jonghyun Oppa has been texting me constantly," She asked while rolling her eyes.

"He's not sure, I'll let you know, maybe we could all have a meal at our- Taemin's place; if that's okay with him of course..." 

"That'll be nice, I'm assuming we're getting takeaway cause' you both can't cook" Soojung giggled, finishing her drink with a smile.

"I'm better than him, he's hopeless at normal things" Jongin scoffed, smiling at the waitress as she collected their mugs.

"It's like you're married wow" She squealed quietly.

"Engaged" Jongin grinned, pulling the chain out of from his shirt, the ring gleamed in the light.

"Oh my god! Isn't that his?" Soojung gasped, her eyes were wide and sparkly.

"Yeah, he proposed ahaha" Jongin showed off a little, he was proud and happy Soojung accepted them.

"Please invite me to the wedding, please please please" She begged, leaning over the table.

"Of course, you're welcome, you are my girlfriend after all" Jongin joked, he had to make light of the situation a little.

"Yeah, yeah.."

 

"He didn't reply to your text Taemin; it's not the end of the world..." Kibum scoffed at the over-reacting maknae.

"But he's seen it, see the seen thing" Taemin grumbled as he pointed at the chat screen.

"I didn't take you for the type to send cute selcas" Kibum purred as he snatched the phone, to see the selca closer.

"YAH GIMME THAT!" Taemin screamed in panic, trying to take the phone back.

"Well, I never thought I could say this, but I've seen EXO Kai's dick..." Kibum whispered as he dropped the phone into Taemin's hands, the dick pic burnt into his mind permanently.

"Ugh, I told you to give it back" Taemin whined.

"I'm officially scarred for life" Kibum laughed.

"It's your fault... I wonder why he hasn't texted me" Taemin pouted.

"You never reply to my texts, this is karma" Kibum sighed as he got out of bed finally.

"He always replies, though..."

"Maybe he's busy, stop thinking too much, it's been 40 minutes, calm down sweetie" Kibum chuckled as he walked into the bathroom to have a shower.

Taemin ignored the last comment as his phone buzzed.

kaijongin14: you're too cute, sorry I replied late, been busy  
kaijongin14: I hope you have a good day, I love you~ <3  
Taeminini: I was worried;3;~  
kaijongin14: hey that's my job, btw Krystal knows about us~ ^^;  
Taeminini: oh rly? Btw key has seen your dick  
kaijongin14: WTF, yeah she always knew o.o  
Taeminini: he took my phone lol, how is your gf?  
kaijongin14: she want's to have a meal with us  
Taeminini: Oh I hope you're not cooking  
kaijongin: hey I'm better than you!!  
Taeminini: pfft we're both hopeless, I need to go ;;  
kaijongin14: Okie bye my love <3  
Taeminini: <3   
Taeiminini: OH AND I LOVE YOU TOO ^0^

Taemin sprung out of his bed as he heard his manager call him into the kitchen, something about leaving his plate on the floor last night. His phone buzzed in his bedroom.

kaijongin14: we need to talk when you get back~x


	15. Still Into You

"So, let me get this straight, Jongin is not with Soojung but is with Taemin in reality?" Jinki broke it down again; Jonghyun looked beyond confused, he was staring at Kibum as if he'd just explained the meaning of life.

"Yes, how many more times do I have to explain it" Kibum scoffed, glancing at the bathroom door to make sure Taemin was still in the shower, it was early in the morning, they were about to fly back to Seoul and Taemin had woken up a little late.

"So, Soojung has been lying to me!?" Jonghyun gasped, looking down at his phone as if Soojung was inside there, a glare painting his face.

"Stop treating that poor girl like another sister, Hyung~" Minho chimed in, patting Jonghyun's shoulder.

"I can do what I want, thank you very much~" Jonghyun mumbled in fake annoyance.

Taemin screamed as he ran out of the bathroom in a towel "WHY DID NOBODY WARN ME?!? YOU TRAITOR'S!" He screamed as he hid in the kitchen.

"Uhm, I'm a little lost, what's wrong?" Jinki asked softly as he walked over to the kitchen, to see their maknae holding his towel up with a scowl on his face.

"THERE'S A MONSTER IN THERE!"

"A monster? Stop shouting and explain properly..." Jinki tried again; he had the patience of a saint.

"There was a spider above the shower and it fell on me..." Taemin breathed out, his shoulder's were shaking and there were soap suds clinging to his chin and chest.

"Oh, we didn't see it Taeminnie, calm down, Jongin- Jonghyun can go and check if the shower is clear now" Jinki cooed, gesturing for Jonghyun to check.

Taemin's face looked puzzled at the mention of Jongin, but he just nodded went along with it.

The flight from Hiroshima to Seoul wasn't that long, it took less than 2 hours and it was a relief when they reached the last 30 minutes, and that just meant an hour away from home, from Jongin in other words. He fiddled with his earphones as the sound wasn't coming out correctly, he noticed the small tear exposing copper wires, sighing he threw them into his bag.

"I told them" Kibum mumbled as he saw Taemin finally got rid of the useless earphones.

"Huh, told who, what?" Taemin whispered back, their chairs were separated by rows.

"The member's, about you and Kai..." Kibum explained with a sigh, Taemin was the most forgetful person that existed.

"Really? Oh fuck, why? What did they say??" Taemin groaned, looking around the stewardess as she walked past. 

"Because I said I would, do you not listen? They're fine with it, Jonghyun is just confused about the 'KaiStal' thing" Kibum grumbled.

"Ohh, okay..." Taemin sighed, staring down at his feet as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. The thin long sleeved sweater he wore pooled on his lap, he smiled as he tucked the front into his jeans, Jongin's clothes always looked better on him.

The plane landed successfully, Taemin followed his Hyung's and staff through the airport, there were fan's taking pictures, and some handed him fan letter's, one was even shaped like a chick, cute. The manager dropped him off first, he sang a 'thank you~' as he ran into his building, he climbed the stairs with vigour, the lift always took too long in his opinion.

Jongin never anticipated how difficult making fried chicken would be, sure making the marinate was a piece of cake, but making batter and frying the food was scary for starters and painful, the amount of oil that spat up at him was rude, Taemin would be back any minute and he wanted the food to be perfect; but the bits of chicken he salvaged were odd shapes and he was seconds away from just ordering a takeaway, he placed them all on a plate in a bundle.

Buzz Buzz

Taeminini: I'm 10 mins away~x 

Jongin's eyes widened at the screen, 10 minutes meant 2 minutes in their relationship, there was always this element of surprise with them, but 2 MINUTES WAS NOT LONG ENOUGH TO GET RID OF THE EVIDENCE. He ran around the kitchen, opening up the balcony door to let the smell out, he peeked down and saw Taemin run into the building, that little shit. Sprinting back to the kitchen, he started cleaning all the utensils he had used, throwing them back into the designated places, before putting things back into the empty ass fridge, he let out a sigh of relief.

The front door clicked as Taemin unlocked it, Jongin smiled lovingly before glancing at the unidentifiable plate of chicken, how could he forget to throw the chicken out, fuck. He quickly stood in front of it before Taemin stepped into the kitchen.

"Nini~" Taemin squealed as he dropped his luggage, running into his lover's arms, his chin resting on the taller one's shoulder, he chuckled softly.

"How was the flight?" Jongin smiled, pulling back from the hug by an inch.

"Fine, is that chicken?" Taemin questioned, tiptoeing to poke his head over Jongin's shoulder.

"Damn... I was meant to throw that out, but you came too quickly" Jongin sighed, the chicken was a failed experiment he didn't want to do ever again.

"N'aww only you cum quickly, Daddy~" Taemin teased, walking around Jongin to inspect the food closely.

"Stop taking the piss out of me..." Jongin pouted, grimacing as Taemin picked a wing, or was it a leg of chicken up.

"Sorry sweetie, this smells good-" Taemin laughed before taking a bite of the chicken.

"OH MY GOD, PUT THAT DOWN, WHAT IF YOU GET SICK!?" Jongin squeaked.

"It's good, though~" Taemin hummed as he sat down to eat more, his luggage forgotten in the hallway. 

"You're just saying that; Taemin seriously I don't want you to get sick..." Jongin whined, pulling Taemin's arm back.

"I'm serious, try some~" Taemin chuckled, lifting the chicken up to Jongin's mouth, he hesitantly sunk his teeth into the tender meat.

"It is!? Oh my god, move over" Jongin moaned, shimmying Taemin's chair over so he could sit on the other.

"No beer?" Taemin pouted, picking up another piece.

"Uhm, I don't think so, I could buy some?" Jongin offered, about to get up, but Taemin stopped him.

"I know where some are~" Taemin grinned before getting up, he knelt in front of the sink, opening up the cupboard doors while humming, he lifted up a plank of wood and revealed a stash of alcohol.

"Taemin, what the hell?" Jongin mumbled while eating some more chicken.

"The manager doesn't let me drink much after the incident and he checks my apartment occasionally, just think of me as Jack Sparrow, but Captain Taemin Lee with a secret stash~" Taemin giggled with a wink, flopping back into his chair with six beers.

"He was trying to survive on an island, though, what's your reason then?" Jongin chuckled, opening up a can.

"Getting drunk and masturbating is thrilling, less shame." 

"You are the worst~" Jongin laughed, leaning over to wipe a sesame seed off of Taemin's lip.

"I know, I can't help it" Taemin smirked, biting Jongin's finger as it swiped across his bottom lip.

"So, when can Soojung come over?" Jongin had asked before they got distracted.

"Uhm, whenever... Oh yeah, what did you want to talk about?" 

"Hmm, I want you to see a doctor-" Jongin sighed when Taemin started laughing.

"I'm serious Taem..." A sigh left his lips; Jongin just wanted Taemin to see it from his perspective.

"Uhh, okay... I could see one in a couple weeks maybe?" Taemin accepted, it didn't sound like a promise, but it was something.

"Thank you, at least my mind will be at rest more" Jongin gleamed, chugging back some beer, the bitter taste stung his tongue.

"You should think about my wellbeing less, you have yourself to think about, you know?" 

"I don't stop looking after myself, though, I can think about, you and me collectively~" Jongin hummed, their knees bumped together under the table, the dining table was probably better for just one person but they managed.

"I worry about you too..." Taemin sighed, pouting as he bit into more chicken.

"I know you do, but you forget about yourself, when was the last time you even had groceries or food in your house that wasn't brought by me?" Jongin quizzed, chuckling at Taemin's 'thinking' face.

"I'm rarely home; I eat when I'm out..." Taemin mumbled behind his hand, rolling his eyes at Jongin's laughing.

"So, you wanna..?" Jongin smirked suggestively, caressing Taemin's puffy cheek.

"Wanna do what?" Taemin chuckled, leaning into Jongin's familiar touch. 

"You know what~" Jongin teased, pinching Taemin's cheek softly.

"Nope, you've lost me~" Taemin playfully growled.

"Instead of booking off a day to fuck, can't we just do it all night long...?" Jongin hummed, stroking his fingertips against the elder's jaw.

"Hmm, depends on how long you can last, Dadd-" Taemin started, but Jongin covered his mouth before he could finish, laughter vibrated against his palm.

"Stop it, come on, let's just go snuggle for a bit" Jongin whined, getting up and playfully dragging Taemin to the bedroom with him, holding his hands in his own, Taemin's eyes shone as Jongin backed into the bedroom, they were laughing loudly, the apartment held so much sentiment, good feelings and bad alike, but in moments where they were lost in each other's eye's, the scenery didn't matter, they could be in hell and the fluttering feeling in their stomachs wouldn't fade.

"I love you, Taem" Jongin snickered as they collapsed onto the bed, Taemin fell on top of him gracefully as ever, he started pecking gently at the stubble growing on Jongin's chin. 

"Hmm, I love you too, Jagi~" Taemin clucked his tongue, squishing his face against Jongin's cheek. 

"We should go on holiday, I just want to spend loads of time with you; with no interruptions" Jongin whispered, it was quiet in the apartment after their fits of giggles, whispering was something they did often, it had become habitual.

"Where should we go, no hotel swimming pool's, though~" 

"Ugh, that wasn't even us, like my head is remotely square-shaped?" Jongin grunted, clearly offended by the article.

"No, your head is handsome-shaped, like the rest of you~" Taemin mumbled, planting wet kisses against Jongin's jaw.

"Mmm"

"I can feel that Nini~" Taemin teased, rubbing his thigh against his lover's stiffening cock, his kisses became more frequent, moving from his jaw to his neck. 

"Yeah, then do something about it" Jongin groaned lowly, Taemin's knee slipped against his crotch comfortably, kneading it slowly; the friction was creating unbearable pleasure.

Taemin shifted up, straddling Jongin's clothed cock, his hand's fiddled with the hem of Jongin's shirt, rubbing at the skin hidden there, he rocked his hips slowly.

"Taemin, I want you" Jongin encouraged the salacious movement, thrusting up to meet Taemin's perky butt.

"How do you want me?" Taemin asked softly, tilting his head to the side, his eyes fell closed as he continued his movement.

"Ride me..." Jongin licked his lips; his mouth fell dry at the thought.

"Yeah?" Taemin hummed the agreement, sliding his hand down Jongin's clothed chest to unbuckle his belt, he worked fast, helping Jongin out of his clothes as Jongin helped him, they weren't too persistent, but eager nonetheless.

Taemin chuckled as he took refuge straddling Jongin again, his stark naked body on show for Jongin to admire, Jongin's cock stood against his stomach, resting in-between Taemin's buttcheeks comfortably. He smiled sweetly, moving back cheekily, sinking between Jongin's legs, nuzzling his cheek against Jongin's hard member lovingly, slipping his tongue out to trace the thick vein protruding on the underside. It was teasingly slow, he kissed and licked at the sides, sucked softly on his sack and tip before taking him all into his warm mouth, Jongin emitted a moan, his hand fisted Taemin's blond locks tightly, keeping him in place and urging him forward.

Taemin bobbed his head slowly, keeping his tongue flat against the length, and his eye's focused on Jongin's, looking up at him in a slutty manner, he enjoyed this just as much as Jongin did, his finger's wrapped around the base, collecting the saliva that dripped from his mouth, he brought his mouth up, dipping his tongue into the tip as he reached around with his soaked finger's; dipping them into his entrance, as he began prepping himself.

"AH- fuck Taemmm!" Jongin groaned as Taemin's spare hand pumped his hard cock slowly, dipping his thumb into the tip slightly, leaning in to take that sweet pre-cum onto his tongue, moaning at the taste as he stretched himself simultaneously.

"Oh, b-baby I don't wanna cum yet unnf!" Jongin whined, pulling Taemin's hair a little to urge him off his pulsing cock.

"Hmm, no fun, I am ready to take you in me, though~" Taemin chuckled cutely, but cute in a sexy way, too sexy for his own good way. He shifted onto his knees, hovering over the proudly stiff cock, Jongin rested his hands behind his head, a smirk played on his lips widely as he watched his fiance position himself and sink onto his thick lengthy cock, he groaned as the heat surrounded him, Taemin let out a sensual moan as he stretched around it. 

"Fuck, why are you so big?" Taemin growled, supporting himself up by leaning back on his hands, he caught his breath a little before rocking his hips slowly, Jongin groaned in pleasure; shifting up and helping Taemin move, bringing his hands to his hips and thrusting up to meet all of Taemin's rocking, being dancer's was a plus when it came to moving your hips perfectly, the room was filled with moans instead of laughter, their heavy breaths coated the air and their sweat glazed their skin. 

"So, b-bloody tight, l-love you-" 

"Love y-you too, Nini mhm." 

Jongin took hold of Taemin's shaft, jerking the hard member in the same pace with his thrusts, Taemin's lithe body became jelly, his back arched and his moans raised in pitch, Jongin bent forward, taking Taemin's legs over his shoulder's before pounding him deeper and harder, Taemin screamed in pleasure; his voice begged for release, it was barely coherent but Jongin was close too, with one finally push of energy, he thrust in fast, hitting Taemin's prostate right on, a fit of moans left his lips as he came in Jongin's hand. 

Jongin brought his hand to his mouth, licking some of the substance off as he came soon after, leaving a kiss on Taemin's ankle, Taemin was still in a daze from his orgasm, Jongin chuckled as he pulled out of his lover's spent body. 

"I love you, Jongin-ah"


	16. Home

The morning after sex was comfortable, it was warm, it felt right, Taemin belonged in Jongin's arms. Last night's activities were a rush, just happened, like it always does, they made love a few times that night, when you miss somebody it's easier to paint that in sex than say the words, the curtains were drawn open still. Taemin never had them open, he liked the dark, but Jongin liked having that difference between night and day, it's little details like that Taemin holds on to; Jongin must have stayed there the few night's Taemin was away, the bed even smelt different. Jongin's sleeping face resembled that of a baby, all puffy from sleep, his lips were parted, and his hair was standing up in its messy wonder. Taemin ran his finger's against his lover's neck; there were purplish red marks printed on his tanned skin, nothing a little makeup couldn't cover up, Jongin's face twisted, his eyes fluttered open slowly.

"Mmm..?" He groaned sleepily.

"I didn't mean to wake you, Nini~" Taemin cooed, giggling when Jongin let out a whine and pulled him closer, his lips pressed softly to the elders cheek.

"It's okay, the more I'm awake, the more I see you" Jongin purred, dropping his head down to place kisses on Taemin's collar bone.

"That's so cheesy, Jagi~"

"You liked it, though, didn't you?" Jongin teased, cupping Taemin's face, his thumb traced his cheekbone slowly.

"Yeah, a little..." Taemin hummed, a blush staining his cheeks, Jongin smiled brightly, pushing his nose against Taemin's petite one; Taemin's eye's instantly crossed causing Jongin to burst out laughing like a kid. They wriggled around on the bed a little; Taemin rested his head on Jongin's chest, his finger's traced his abs lightly, bumping over the curves. 

"Soojung can come over today; if she's free?" Taemin whispered, his attention still on the glorious bronze abs.

"I'll text her now" Jongin replied as he reached for his phone on the side table, Taemin let out a quiet 'mhm' before getting up, pulling Jongin's t-shirt over his small naked frame, waddling to the bathroom with a slight limp.

It was mid-afternoon when the door buzzed, Taemin glanced at Jongin who was shaving his stubble in front of the mirror, Jongin rolled his eyes, it was funny how lazy he could be with his career. Jongin wandered over to the door, peeking at the security camera screen, Soojung was bouncing on her feet with her hood up; he clicked the door release and watched her rush into the building.

"Who is it?" Taemin mumbled from his scrunched up position on the couch; he had a bag of crisps balancing on his lap and a can of coke sitting on the floor.

"Krystal, you absolute goldfish~" Jongin chuckled, wiping his face clean as he stole some crisps, there was a soft knock at the door, Jongin opened the door immediately as he was close, Soojung jumped at the fastness.

"Hey guys~" She laughed as she stepped into the apartment, Taemin grunted a reply, waving with his greasy crumb covered hand. 

"Heya, how are you?" Jongin awkwardly directed her into the apartment, not sure where to make her sit, cause Taemin had stretched out on the couch and was being an ass for some reason.

"I'm good, do you want me to order some food?" Soojung offered quietly; she could sense the atmosphere steaming off of him.

"I'll order the food, why don't you sit down with Taemin...?" Jongin spoke calmly, poking Taemin's side with his foot, Taemin glared at him and sat up, patting the space by him for Soojung to sit down; she took the place cautiously; Jongin left the room to get his phone.

"How are you, Taemin?" She asked quietly, fiddling with the rips in her jeans. 

"Alright, you?" Taemin bluntly replied, staring at the wall instead of her, 

"Y-yeah I'm good, just been busy with schedules."

"Aren't we all.." He replied sharply, she was brave and placed a hand on his shoulder, taking his attention away from the ever-so-interesting wall "I'm not going to take Jongin away from you, I never would disturb such genuine love." 

"It's not that I'm scared you'll take him, I'm just pissed off, if my gender was different we could sell our story, we could be happy and open, but it's not, I'm a man in love with another man, but that's not right, is it?" Taemin sighed, his smile didn't meet his eyes as he stared into her eyes, he was hurt.

"I wish I had the power to change everybody's opinion, love is love, and your love really deserves to be public, you should be able to scream from the rooftops that you love Jongin; and hopefully, one day you can~" She soothed, squeezing his shoulder lightly as Jongin walked back into the room.

"-I don't know about you guys, but I fancy pizza~" Jongin sang as he looked through the takeaway app, looking confused at the two having a moment on the couch.

"Uhm can you get off my boyfriend, and can you get off my marketing girlfriend?" Jongin glared at Soojung's hand on Taemin's shoulder, and Taemin's hand above her knee. 

"Don't worry, no hetero babe" Taemin chuckled, snatching the phone from Jongin to stare at the menu, Jongin rolled his eye's at the idiot he was madly in love with.

"Ooo~ they have dough balls, yeah let's get pizza" Soojung giggled as she looked over Taemin's shoulder, Jongin stood in front of them, hand on hip with a silly look on his face.

"Pick what you want and we'll get it then~" Jongin snickered at the pair, it was funny how only minutes ago Taemin was staring dagger's into Soojung, and now they got on as if nothing happened, it reminded him of the photoshoot they shared.

 

"So, we'll be taking solo shots and duo shots, and a few of all three of you-" The director droned on, as the stylists fussed over their clothes and makeup.

Taemin fiddled with the short striped turtleneck he was in, it showed off a strip of his skin, he was moaning on about how short it was and if it looked weird to Jongin, Jongin leant in to whisper into his ear "You look good in anything sweetheart, you also look good without anything on~" a smirk played on his lips as he walked over to the stylist the beckoned him over, his silk silver shirt hugged his shoulders, Taemin watched him walk off, a blush tinted his face; Soojung sat in the makeup chair beside his, a loose fitting shirt on her small frame, she smiled at him, he looked away.

A few of the shots went on for ages, and some were questionable, the various outfits seemed unnecessary, Taemin was confused when the director told him to sit on Jongin's lap, sure he'd done it hundreds of times, but not so publicly, he pointed at himself puzzled when the director repeated the order, a small 'o' formed on his lips as he wandered over to Jongin who was sitting in an armchair, his mouth went dry as he sat in Jongin's lap, the younger boys hands draped around him straight away, they waited for the directors next instruction, but he was busy. Jongin let out a sigh, shifting back a bit, Taemin bounced back a little from the shift in position, Jongin's hand stroked Taemin's slowly.

"Why do photoshoots take ages?" Jongin whispered the complaint.

"Cause' everything in our lives takes forever, Nini, do you have a boner?" Taemin spoke quietly, not drawing too much attention to them.

"Not like a full on boner, but sorta hard, sorta not, you get me?" 

"You're unbelievable, why are you even hard?" Taemin snorted, lacing his finger's with Jongin's.

"You're too pretty, also your cute ass is on my lap~" Jongin explained shortly, as a stylist came over to touch up their makeup.

They took a couple of photos like that, changing position occasionally, Jongin's arms wrapped around him loosely as they got up to monitor the pictures, Jongin didn't pay attention, he was just hypnotised by the vanilla smell Taemin constantly oozed, he pushed himself closer, concealing the hard-on that grew as Taemin was constantly fidgeting on his lap earlier, Taemin looked over his shoulder and gave him a playful smirk. After that shoot, they took an hour break, Taemin sat in the garden by himself, sipping at the cold water the staff provided, the sun shone against his skin, and the wind blew his hair about, he was wearing some blue jeans and a white t-shirt, he'd had braces on too, but he slung them against his hips; usually, he would have stay indoors but it was loud in there, and the weather was too good to miss, he sat on a little bench at the back of the gardens, it was a huge area, and it was peaceful at the back. His eyes were lightly shut, but something had blocked the sun, he opened his eyes slowly to see Jongin standing in front of him; he smiled a little. 

"Why're you all alone~?"

"I prefer being alone because my best friend is really annoying~" Taemin playfully growled back, Jongin pretended to flick him as he sat next to him, they were quiet for a while, basking in the sun like cat's on a summer's day, Jongin leant over and pecked Taemin's cheek softly, Taemin jumped back a little.

"Jongin, someone might see us" Taemin hissed, shoving the other back a bit, Jongin ignored him, though; going for his lips, this time, Taemin melted into the kiss, his heart sped up, his hands stilled, he didn't know what to do, there was no one around, so he gave up worrying and closed his eyes as the kiss deepened a little. When they broke apart to breathe, Taemin cast his eyes down; it was always like this, shame? If that was what he could describe this relationship, they weren't together, but were, when would Jongin accept them, or maybe Taemin needed to accept them. They both looked up as Soojung wandered over, they separated, and she planted herself between them with a huff.

"Can't wait for this to finish~" She sighed.

 

"You always order too much" Taemin chuckled as Jongin collected the food from the delivery guy, Soojung suggested they had a picnic set up on the floor as there was more space there, they sat on a thin blanket a fan had given Taemin ages ago, it was the one he usually used when he passed out on the couch.

"I know, its cause' my thoughts are too ambitious whereas my stomach is never prepared, it's the same for you~" Jongin laughed as he placed the food down, skipping to the kitchen to get some drinks, opting for Coke instead of beer, he wasn't sure if Soojung was much of a drinker, he wandered back into the living room and glared at the two who had started eating without him, he had paid after all.

They ate and chatted for what seemed like minutes, but hours had passed and it was nearing 10pm, a yawn escaped Taemin's thick lips as Soojung finished a braid in his fringe, she chuckled as she glanced at the wall clock.

"It's getting late, I should get going~" She sighed, getting up carefully, not wanting to stand on the various pizza boxes.

"It's late, and no offence people hate you at the moment, why don't you stay and get a manager to pick you up in the morning?" Taemin suggested tiredly; Jongin's eyed him a little, he never had other people stay the night.

"No, it's fine thanks, I have a friend who lives nearby, I can stay with her~" She giggled, ruffling Taemin's hair as she walked towards the door.

"Jongin walk her" Taemin mumbled, getting up to see her to the door, Jongin looked puzzled at the request, why couldn't Taemin walk her...? Jongin sighed as he got up, grabbing his coat and shoes.

"No, it's alright seriously~" She insisted.

"It's fine, Taemin's right, you shouldn't be walking around alone this late" Jongin butted in, slipping his trainers onto his sockless feet, Taemin grimaced; Jongin was certainly one of a kind he thought to himself.

"Fine, we won't be long Taemin~" She confirmed with a wave, Jongin nodded at Taemin before escorting the girl out with him; he wasn't sure if he should be open about their skinship in front of Soojung yet.

"He seems okay~" Soojung smiled at Jongin as they left the building, he shuddered as the cold met his face, tightening the coat around himself.

"Yeah, he's suspicious, though." 

"Why do you say that?" She quizzed, leading the way to her friend's house.

"He seemed so insistent for me to walk you, for me to get out of the house..." Jongin mumbled, grabbing her shoulder before crossing the road in front of a car, he tutted at her carelessness but didn't mention it.

"Well, maybe he has a surprise for you?" Soojung winked at him, dragging him across the road as he froze with sudden dirty thoughts, she cackled at the sight.

"What type of surprise...?" He asked no one in particular, his mouth went dry.

"Wow, you're a perv~" 

"N-no I'm not, Taemin is weird, and I never know what is going on in his mind..."

"Oh, is he into kinky stuff?" She asked so casually.

"Oh my god no, not like that, Soojung you're younger than us, stay innocent" Jongin lectured as they stopped in front of an apartment building.

"I'm born in the same year as you idiot, I'm not a kid~" She whined, hitting his shoulder playfully.

"Yeah, yeah, now you go join your friend, I need to return to my boyfriend for some 'kinky stuff'" Jongin chuckled, as she stepped into the building, she rolled her eyes and waved him off.

 

Jongin got back into the apartment fairly quick, he had jogged on the way back, he walked into the apartment quietly, it was silent until he heard a pained sob coming from the bedroom, he kicked his shoes off and ran into the dark room, spotting Taemin sat against the headboard with his face in his hands, his frame shaking as he cried.

"Taeminnie, what's wrong?" Jongin spoke softly as he crawled over to the broken figure, wrapping his arm around his lover, rubbing his back softly to calm him down.

"Y-you should be with h-her, she's nicer than me, and you can be o-open and h-happy..." Taemin choked on his words; his face stayed cradled by his small hands, and his shoulders shook more with each word.

"Taemin, how could I possibly be happy with someone I don't love? I love you, I always have and always will, I'm happy already, and we'll be open someday, please stop thinking up stupid things, I love you, Lee Taemin" Jongin broke down Taemin's thoughts quickly, it hurt seeing him like this, and it hurt knowing Taemin thought these things.

"K-Kim Taemin..." 

"Huh?"

"W-when we marry, I'll take your name.." Taemin laughed, he was still sobbing but always managed to switch his mood up.

"We don't take each other's surnames here idiot" Jongin chuckled, bringing the boy closer, running his hand against his back.

"Yeah, we also can't marry here, so I'll make our rules up" Taemin snorted, burying his face against Jongin's neck.

"That's a good plan, let's just make our rules from now on, Kim Taemin~" Jongin smiled, shifting under the blankets with the man he loved, Taemin clung to him, keeping his face hidden as he mumbled a 'goodnight.'

"Goodnight, Taem~"


	17. You

Taemin woke up with no body warmth beside him, there were quiet voices echoing in his apartment, he slowed down his breathing to concentrate on who was talking, it was quiet for a short while, Jongin, that was Jongin's voice, but there was another voice, a woman, she cut in, it was his mother, he stilled, pulling the quilt around him, he felt scared, he hadn't talked to her in ages, and here she was talking to his lover so early in the morning, it felt weird. He stepped into the corridor quietly, sitting on the floor outside his bedroom, this way he could hear them. But they wouldn't see him.

Jongin woke up when he heard the front door open, he was usually a heavy sleeper but as of late, he was on edge, he slowly let go of Taemin's waist, to his surprise Taemin was still sound asleep, his face was scrunched up like he was having a nightmare, he stepped out of the room, closing it softly in his wake.

Lee Kyungsoon, she was a small woman, but she had a strong presence, she probably wasn't even half of Jongin's height, yet she made him terrified, it was only a recent feeling, before the argument he felt close with the woman, the amount of dinner's and Lee family events he had attended, he was practically part of the household. She sighed at the sight of him, perhaps disappointed, she probably expected her little boy but was faced with Jongin instead, her son's lover.

"Jongin-ah.." She spoke quietly; she had placed a couple of bags on the small dining table; she looked tired and sad.

"Kyungsoon" He greeted coldly, he couldn't stand this woman after what she had said about him; she basically stated that Jongin hadn't cared for her son, and she was so wrong, she didn't know their relationship to its full extent.

"Is Taemin asleep?"

"Yeah, is there something you want? Money? Cause' I could give you that" Jongin hissed quietly, his chest burned with anger, he didn't want to become venomous in front of the poor woman, but he just felt let down by her, how could she treat her son like that? 

"I'm not after his money Jongin; I just want to talk..." Kyungsoon replied, defeated. She felt guilty because, in most ways their relationship was just that, Taemin earned money and paid for his families expenses, he had never spoilt himself, he just wanted to look after his parents, always had. 

"Talk about what exactly, I'm sure you can say whatever you have to say to me; Taemin is tired..."

"Fine, you're with that girl now, so why don't you leave my son alone, he doesn't need you" She spat back, if he was going to be cold, two could play at that game.

"I'm not with her, it's a marketing scheme; he doesn't need me? Is that a fucking joke? Cause' it certainly fucking sounds like one" Jongin growled, he was keeping his voice down; Taemin may have disliked this woman right now, but he wouldn't want Jongin speaking to his mother like that.

"No need to swear Jongin." 

"I'm sorry, I'm an adult, an adult who has saved your son's life, I may not have been the doctor pumping his stomach, but I found him, I supported him, I was in that hospital day after day, telling him that it'll be alright, someday he wouldn't hate his fucking self, and then I confessed, we knew we loved each other, we use to say it all the time before we were together, but he wasn't my boyfriend, and I couldn't face the reality that someday he'll get tired of me not asking him to be mine, I needed to confess, he wasn't strong enough, he thought the whole world was against him, and I was worried about our future because we could never be open with our love as people like you exist" Jongin cut off his speech, he could rant about this for hours, it made his head spin and his stomach churn, but it felt right, admitting it all, Kyungsoon stayed silent for the longest time, it felt weird hearing this all for the first time, and it hurt her knowing how little she knew about her son.

"Jongin, I want to know when this all started, I want to understand it, I may be against the idea of it, but I want to get used to it, you're right, Taemin needs you..." She said in a hushed tone, moving over to the couch, Jongin followed, sitting as far as he could from her.

"What do you want to know?" Jongin spoke softly; he wanted this to be easy.

"When it started, when did you start loving each other?" 

"Uhm, I don't know exactly when, but it felt instant, we met in trainee days, I liked his dancing and wanted to know him, it worked like clockwork, it must have been early on when I felt the butterflies attack my insides, anytime I heard him speak, every time I saw him dance, I just fell more and more, and with him, I feel it was the same..." Jongin explained with a sigh; it sounded overly cheesy, but it was the truth.

"So, when did you know about each other's feelings?" She quizzed.

"Uhhh, we were constantly hugging and holding hands, but we thought that was normal, I don't think I knew of his feelings until we kissed" Jongin hummed, a blush highlighted his cheeks, she nodded as to say continue.

"It was in 2010, he had long hair, it was pretty-"

 

Jongin took a break, he had been practicing for hours, no matter how many times he did the choreography he found more faults, it was late, nearing 10pm, but he was going to go through it a couple more times, he closed his eyes as he sunk into the couch in the dance practise room, he caught his breath slowly, the studio lights were bright and made his head hurt, but something; someone blocked them, he opened his eyes slowly.

"Hello, stranger~" Taemin hummed, his hair was framing his beautiful face perfectly, it'd been months since they'd seen one another, it didn't feel real.

"Taeminnie~!!" Jongin shouted, getting up and hugging his best friend tightly, lifting him up and swinging him around out of excitement, Taemin clung to his shoulders giggling while he was air bound.

"Did you miss me~?" Taemin sang, flicking his hair over his shoulder as they parted.

"Not at all" Jongin hummed, his hand automatically stroked Taemin's hair, it was gorgeous.

"Hmm, I think you're lying, Jonginnie~" 

"Of course, I missed you, you're my girlfriend" Jongin teased, running his fingers through the soft locks.

"Girlfriend, I don't wanna scare you Nini, but I'm actually a dude" Taemin growled, pretending to be offended, but his heart raced, and the blush on his face spoke volumes.

"I like your hair" Jongin mused, playing with the hair constantly.

"I thought so~" Taemin giggled, swatting Jongin's hand away, flopping into the low couch, Jongin joined him with a huff.

"So, what brings you here~?"

"I knew you would be here, and I have some hours to spare" Taemin grinned, grabbing his backpack, that he must have put down when he first stepped in front of Jongin.

"How sweet, how's the practice for Lucifer going?" 

"It's cool, I can show you the choreography in a bit~" Taemin gleamed, pulling out a polaroid camera "Look what Kibum-Hyung gave me as an early birthday present~" 

"Woah, those things are so cool~" Jongin gushed with jealousy. 

"I know right, pose~" Taemin sang as he pointed the camera at Jongin, he smiled dumbly, not sure what to do with his face.

"Oh damn, I look stupid..."Jongin sighed, Taemin knew how to pose; for the most part, the number of cameras Taemin had posed for in his career so far had made it easy for him to act quickly, but Jongin never knew what to do with his face.

"You look cute, don't be an idiot~" Taemin cooed, leaning back and angling the camera above them both, Jongin gulped not knowing what to do with his face again, he threw his arm over Taemin's shoulder, he turned his face quickly, kissing Taemin's cheek softly as the flash went off. The camera printed the image; it fell onto Taemin's lap, Jongin's face hid into Taemin's hair, he didn't know why he did that, had he just ruined their friendship?

Taemin lifted the picture up, it developed slowly; the ink revealed the image a little fuzzy at first, then it cleared, revealing the pair, they looked like a couple.

"We look cute~" Taemin giggled shyly, poking Jongin's cheek to make him stop hiding, he peeked at the photo Taemin held up, a small smile played on his lips.

"Yeah, we do..."Jongin whispered, stroking Taemin's cheek as he sat up, Taemin looked into his eyes as if he was asking something.

"Can I kiss you properly?" Jongin asked carefully; a small nod was the only reply he had got before he joined their lips at last.

"-I guess it started then, from then onwards we would kiss every time we met in private of course, it became a habit; we became inseparable, then when I debuted it was harder to have private moments, we managed, though..." Jongin smiled, it felt weird explaining this to Taemin's mother, but it was nice to reminisce.

"You really love him, don't you?" She returned a small smile; Jongin nodded happily.

"When you talk about him, your whole face lights up, you understand that boy better than anyone, it is a lot for a silly old woman like me to understand fully, but I want to understand, I want to support you both, my son-in-law-to-be" She chuckled, resting her hand on top of Jongin's. 

They both looked up when they heard a sob, Taemin was standing there with a tearstained face, the quilt hung on his shoulders like a cape, he wiped his face madly, it's like he wanted to say something but the words wouldn't come out, Jongin stood up, hugging Taemin tightly, whispering 'It's okay' on repeat into his ear, Taemin's face hid against his tall lover's shoulder.

"Jongin, can I hug my son?" Kyungsoon croaked, she had started crying at the sight of her broken son, and she just wanted him close, Jongin nodded, prying Taemin off of him slowly, Taemin tried to cling back onto him, but he lead Taemin to his mother instead.

"I'm so sorry Taemin" The woman sobbed as she wrapped her arms around her youngest son, he fell into the embrace easily, a hug from a mother was the most natural for most people, and it was no different for them, it just felt really over-due. 

"It's fine, I heard e-everything right now, you're right, Jongin really loves m-me..." Taemin sniffed, Jongin smiled a little, it was heartwarming, yes they were in tears, but it was because she accepted him finally.

"Yeah, he's not too bad, really?" Kyungsoon chuckled, she had that same habit Taemin held, cracking jokes when they cried, the woman parted from her son a little, opening her arms to Jongin, who joined gladly.

"Yay~ group hug" Jongin squealed, ruffling both of their heads, oh the wonders of being tall, Taemin glared at him; Kyungsoon laughed lightly.

 

Kyungsoon stayed for a few hours, the bags she brought were full of foods to be eaten over the next few months, some she stored in the freezer while the rest stayed in the fridge, Jongin was just impressed with the amount of plastic containers this woman owned, and how hard she must have worked to make all of those dishes, it was a good start to an apology.

Taemin had fallen asleep on the couch; emotions made him tired and the last few days were hell, Kyungsoon said goodbye to Jongin and told him to tell Taemin she loved him, she left quietly after that. Jongin smiled at Taemin's squishy face as he draped a blanket over him, he tiptoed into the bedroom, opening the curtains and making the bed, he saw the box, he must not have put it back properly the other day, he picked it up to double check everything was in place, it was cluttered still, the diary and jar at the top, he fiddled around with everything, so it looked legit, he opened the book briefly, staring at the picture of himself, he smiled.

"What are you doing, Jongin?" Taemin's voice stung like alcohol on a fresh wound, Jongin's face dropped.

"I can explain..."


	18. Snap Out Of It

"Explain then, you absolute twat!" Taemin shouted; he'd never raised his voice at Jongin, not in all the years they've known each other, there had been time's he'd scream when mad. This was anger, he sounded defeated, he snatched the book, closing it against his chest, tears threatened to fall again, but he held them back.

"I need to come clean about this, you're not going to like it, but I don't want to lie anymore, Taem..." Jongin sighed, slouching as he sat on the bed, grabbing his hair in his fists, Taemin smacked his hands lightly for him to stop, he did.

"Just tell me what you read, please..." 

"Alright, it wasn't only from this one, I've read from all of them, cause' I'm a shit boyfriend..." Jongin sighed, not daring to look into Taemin's eyes. 

"You're not a shit boyfriend; you're a shit fiance..." Taemin laughed lightly, rubbing Jongin's shoulders soothingly "Just tell me what you know, Nini~" He purred, he was still angry but calm, he needed to be.

"I was cleaning one day, and I found the other three in the drawer out there, and curiosity caught me up, I didn't read everything I promise, just parts..." Jongin confessed, the guilt he had been feeling had reached its peak, getting caught would have happened eventually, it is karma for being nosy.

"Was there anything bad? I don't remember what I exactly wrote in most of them, I was re-reading 08-09 a little while ago, that time I found it on the couch, I just picked it up one night to see how I've changed or if I was the same, I read a few entries and went to bed once I realised that I was always kinda sad..." Taemin cooed, he sounded far away, like he was talking about someone else; it was worrying that he only labeled his self-hatred and depression as being 'sad'; it made Jongin want to wrap him up in a blanket and hug him forever.

"There were a few sad entries, I expected them, but I wanted to know how you really felt because you're so closed off with your feelings, sure your emotions are all over the place, but you never put it into words. That is no reason to read your diary, for the most part; I just read entries about me to be honest.." Jongin grinned weakly, Taemin blushed, looking away as he was beyond embarrassed, hoping it wasn't certain entries. 

"Which ones...?" Taemin hummed quietly, scared to hear which ones. 

"Uhm, the ones you consistently bring me up like 'what would Jongin think of this, or will he call me his girlfriend' and others" Jongin admitted, trying to cover his smile, as it was entirely inappropriate.

"What others!?" Taemin squeaked.

"Ahaha, I think you can kinda guess, diary you; is way hornier than real you..." Jongin whispered, earning a punch to his shoulder and the deadliest glare he thinks he has ever seen.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU NINI, GETTING OFF TO MY FANTASIES!" Taemin groaned loudly, covering his face.

"Hey, I never had a chance to get off, I always got interrupted.." 

"This isn't a modern erotica novel, it's my life idiot" Taemin pouted as he pointed at the book on his lap "Actually this one is tame, it only changed when I lost my virginity.." he added. 

"I know, I don't even think 'sorry' cuts it for how bad I feel right now" Jongin sighed.

"It's alright, we all have our reasons for doing things, you reading my diary is nothing compared to some of the hell I've put you through, yes I'm mad, but I love you and forgive you..." Taemin smiled, nudging Jongin's side with his elbow playfully, leaning against him till he toppled on top of him, the diary smacking Jongin's chin.

"Ow.." Jongin chuckled, poking Taemin's cheek.

"We should go out tonight, go for a meal and a walk~" Taemin suggested with a silly pout.

"Sure, just us two~"

"Well, I think we should invite Moonkyu cause I was kinda rude to him the other day" Taemin hummed, nuzzling his cheek against Jongin's like a cat.

"Ugh, I like him, but we have to act like such dudes when we're with him and don't get me started on his skinship with you" Jongin complained, he liked their friends, but he preferred acting normal around Taemin. He felt like he had to sustain an image in front of Moonkyu, Wonshik, and Kwonho.

"Hey, I'm the one out of the loop, you're all evil tall Kim's, minus Kwonho of course, maybe we could have a meal and then meet Moonie after for billiards~?" Taemin added, biting Jongin's chin lightly.

"Fine, as long as he doesn't come back here" Jongin moaned, catching Taemin's bottom lip between his teeth.

"Oh, cause' you're in charge of who comes back to my place, huh?" Taemin teased, pulling his lip free.

"W-well no, but I wanna make it up to you tonight~" Jongin mumbled, wriggling his eyebrows up and down.

"Hmm, actually, we'll see about that, I'm gonna have a shower, you wanna join, no funny business?" Taemin asked with a smile, hopping off of Jongin and the bed, walking backward gesturing his lover to follow with 'come hither' hands, a smirk on his lips as Jongin jumped up, they raced to the bathroom even if it was literally a few steps from the bedroom.

Jongin kicked the door closed out of habit; it's not as if anyone could see them, he pulled Taemin's shirt off while Taemin fiddled with the shower switch "Yah! Jongin give me a sec!" Taemin shouted, chuckling as Jongin tickled up his sides, squirming when Jongin pulled down his sweatpants and boxers, Jongin laughed his head off as Taemin almost slipped into the shower. Taemin grabbed the shower head and pointed it straight at Jongin's face, soaking his t-shirt and pants through "Lee Taemin!!!" He cursed as the water hadn't heated up yet "That's Kim Taemin to you~" Taemin sang as he got into the shower.

 

Jongin got dressed quietly as Taemin chuckled in his towel still "I think you own more of my clothes than I do" Jongin snorted as he found a complete outfit of his in the closet, along with several others.

"I like wearing your clothes~" Taemin hummed as he moved Jongin over to get some clothes for himself, going straight for Jongin's stuff.

"I noticed" Jongin chuckled as he pulled his jeans up, Taemin smugly smiled as he pulled the t-shirt on after his boxer's. 

"You should just move the rest of it in here, to be honest" Taemin snickered, pulling up his skin-tight jeans.

"Instead of always hinting at it, just ask me to move in already" Jongin pouted, watching Taemin pull on one of his hoodies also.

"Fine, move in with me" Taemin grinned, linking his arms around Jongin's neck, tiptoeing proudly.

"Are you serious this time?"

"Of course, I am" Taemin mouthed, bringing his lips to Jongin's softly, Jongin smiled into the kiss, darting his tongue out against Taemin's bottom lip; asking for entry quietly, the elder granted it quickly, the kiss became heated so they broke apart "We'll continue that later, let me phone Moonkyu~" Jongin chuckled.

Taemin yawned as he nodded, throwing himself on top of his bed as Jongin started calling their friend, Taemin watched him like an animal stalking their prey, Jongin's body was so perfect, the length of his legs and the plane of his shoulders were so lovely; Taemin would forever be jealous of his body, but he got to appreciate often, so he was thankful for that.

It was like everything was on mute as he focused on Jongin's lips forming into a grin while talking to Moonkyu, he had one hand on his waist, it added more fantastic shape to him, he had god-like proportions, Taemin's eyes skimmed from his head to toe "Perfect being" He whispered to himself.

"-Yeah, okay we'll see you then~" Jongin finished the conversation, finally catching the stares from his Taeminnie, he raised his eyebrows at the boy who was too busy staring at Jongin's knees to notice "Tae~? Are you okay there? You look like you're falling asleep" He laughed loudly as Taemin finally snapped out of it, a quiet 'hmm' left his mouth, and he made no attempt to move, he smiled, though, it was so genuine compared to the fake ones he pulled at variety shows, it reached his eyes as he let out the throatiest giggle. 

"Yeah, just admiring your bulge" Taemin side-eyed Jongin's crouch, Jongin snorted, rolling on top of the idiot.

"Do you wanna go out or not?" Jongin quizzed, the boy beneath him shrugged dumbly.

"Yeah, let's go out but not for a long time, okay?" Taemin spoke quietly as if he was exposing the world's biggest secret; his index finger traced down Jongin's chest ever-so-slowly.

"Agreed.."

Billiards was fun; it always was, seen as though none of them played correctly, Moonkyu won, or thinks he did, so they just went along with that. They walked by the Han river; Moonkyu munched on the fries he had insisted Taemin needed to buy as a prize for his tremendous billiards skills.

"Yeah, Ravi says we should make a song together, all of us and Kwonho can be the cover art ahaha~" Moonkyu snorted, feeding a fry to Taemin, Jongin glared but kept his cool.

"Is that so?" Taemin chuckled, reaching for more fries.

"Taemin will have to be the main vocal, with three rappers" Jongin commented, smiling at Taemin, they walked in a line, all wearing black hoodies like they were part of a cult.

"Oh, shush, your voice is wonderful, and you're talking like rapping isn't a talent" Taemin pouted at him, he wanted to stroke his face and tell him he was stupid, but Moonkyu would think it was weird.

"Yeah, you dickhead, you just disregarded us three, sure Taemin can sing like an angel, not to mention has the face of one, but we're cool too~" Moonkyu laughed, wrapping his arm around Taemin's shoulders, Jongin sighed quietly at the action.

"Oh, stop Moonie~" Taemin purred, playfully pushing him away.

"I can't help it, you're an absolute cutie~" He continued the unnecessary flirting, pinching Taemin's cheek lightly.

Jongin yawned loudly (fakely) stretching as if he was super tired "Wow, I'm so tired!" He cooed, giving Taemin a 'let's go home' look. 

"Are you an old man Kai, it's only 10:30 damn" Moonkyu snickered, pulling Taemin to his side "You can go home, Tae and I aren't losers like you; oh, I get it, you wanna see Krystal, am I right?" He added with a smirk.

"What, no, haven't I already told you that's a marketing scheme" Jongin growled, holding back the urge to drag Taemin to his side.

"Yeah, I don't believe you, though~" 

Taemin loosened Moonkyu's grip on him "Uhm, I'm pretty tired too actually, I've been promoting, and I think it's catching up with me suddenly" He cut in with an awkward grin.

"Oh, C'mon guys, where has your sense of fun gone!?" Moonkyun groaned, fisting his hands into his pockets as he distanced himself from his friends.

"Taemin has been busy with his solo, and Japanese activities, photo shoots, and all sorts, how is he not tired?" Jongin argued, becoming overly possessive and sensitive.

"You do know Taemin can talk for himself, right?" Moonkyu snapped, raising his eyebrow sarcastically.

"Can you two calm the fuck down, there's fans watching us, and how bad would it look if you started fighting" Taemin shut them both up, sighing when they all began walking in silence. 

"I'm going home..." Taemin spoke to nobody in particular, turning on his heel to start walking home, Moonkyu tried to reach out to stop him, but Jongin stopped him from doing so.

"What the hell?" Moonkyu pushed Jongin's hand off of his sleeve.

"Don't 'what the hell' me, you know how Taemin get's, you just made him uncomfortable, and you're blaming me?" Jongin scoffed.

"Who said I was blaming you, it's not all about you Kai..." 

"I wasn't making it about me, I'm just worried about my Taeminnie, just chill out..." Jongin sighed.

"Your Taeminnie? Hmm...?" Moonkyu questioned, his eyes wide.

"Yes- No, my tongue slipped, ignore that" Jongin replied, blushing and looking away from his friend.

"I get it now, you're jealous, you don't like it when I touch Taemin, cause' you have a secret crush on him, I knew it~" 

"I don't have a crush on Taemin; we're together!" Jongin blurted, covering his mouth after revealing the truth.

"Oh..."


	19. Naive

"Oh... You guys are gay?" Moonkyu whispered, leaning closer to Jongin, there weren't any fans around at that moment, but they'd heard a camera earlier, so he didn't want to risk it.

"That's none of your business" Jongin growled, his eyebrows knotted together, he was so annoyed, and he wasn't sure why.

"We're friends, of course; it's my business, I never imagined you being gay, but Tae, well he does kinda look gay."

"Looks gay? How the fuck does someone look gay, what because he's pretty? Grow the fuck up Moonkyu, that's beyond ignorant" Jongin scoffed, checking his phone; incase Taemin had contacted him, nope; just a bunch of snapchats from Sehun, he pocketed his phone as he received another.

"Oh, I didn't realise there was a correct way to talk about your kind.." 

"My kind!? Oh my fucking God, I'm about to throw you into the river" Jongin threatened, glaring at his so-called friend.

"Shit, calm down, I've never met a gay dude before, I don't know how to talk about it..." Moonkyu defended himself.

"You've known me for years you bellend, and Taemin, just speak normally to me." 

 

"Does Wonshik know?" 

"No, I think Kwonho knows Taemin is gay, actually I'm not sure, all I know is that he and Taemin got drunk a couple of years back, and Taemin kissed some dude at a club..." Jongin mumbled, remembering when Taemin phoned him that night.

 

Buzz Buzz

Jongin answered on the second buzz; it was nearing 1 am, and he was still in the dance studio.

"Taemin, what's up?"

"J-Jongin I fucked up!"

"Huh, what is it, are you drunk?"

"There was this man, and we were flirting.." Taemin on slurred his words; he sounded like he was trapped in a wind tunnel; it was always windy in Autumn.

"Alright, are you okay?" Jongin asked calmly; he wanted to get angry, but he couldn't, Taemin wasn't his boyfriend.

"N-no, his hands were all over me, it made me feel sick, I don't k-know what's wrong with me."

"Shush, it's alright, where are you?" 

"I'm near the PC bang we use, what if someone saw me? Kwonho saw, but he didn't say a word to me, he just left me" Taemin sounded like he had, had a panic attack, Jongin needed to find him  
soon, he grabbed his hoodie and backpack.

"Just stay where you are, I'll find you" Jongin commanded. 

"Okay, I'll sit on that bench nearby" Taemin mumbled, ending the call.

Jongin left the SM building quickly, jumping onto his motorbike without a second thought, he sped off, it would only take about 10 minutes to get there if he was driving safely, so, it took about 5 minutes. Taemin was hunched over, wrapping his jacket tightly around his body, he was shaking all over, and that wasn't from the cold.

"Taemin-ah.."Jongin called out quietly; he'd parked around the corner as he didn't want to draw too much attention to them, Taemin sprung up, pulling Jongin into a bone-crushing hug; he hid his face against the taller one's neck; it was damp with tears.

"Take me home.." Taemin whispered; the elder had recently started living in his own apartment. 

"Come on then"Jongin replied quietly, pulling out of the embrace a little, Taemin smelt of alcohol and his hair was sweaty, he nodded, following Jongin to his motorbike silently.

"Here, you have the helmet; I haven't got my spare.."Jongin held the helmet out to Taemin, who scrunched up his face and shook his head "You take it, I'll just hide in your jacket" He hummed, playing with Jongin's leather jacket.

"We wouldn't both fit in this..?" Jongin said baffled.

"A-are you saying I'm fat? I'll prove it-" Taemin snorted, opening up Jongin's jacket, and backing into him, pushing his arms into the sleeves too and reaching around to zip it up "See" He snickered.

"Yeah, I get your point you drunkard, but I can't ride my bike like this..."Jongin whined, getting Taemin out of his jacket and putting the helmet on the idiot.

"You always order me around.." He pouted, getting onto the bike after Jongin, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

"Just stop complaining and let me get you home safely..."

Taemin went quiet as Jongin started up the bike, it took under 20 minutes to get there; Taemin insisted Jongin stayed for a while.

"So, I kissed him cause' I wasn't thinking, and then he grabbed my ass, and I punched him, it was loud in the club, it didn't feel right..." Taemin explained as they sat on the couch, there was barely anything in the apartment, it was bare and simple, Taemin didn't care much for things, and it was very evident. 

"What do you mean it didn't feel right?"Jongin questioned.

"It wasn't y-you, I mean cause' I haven't kissed anyone else..." Taemin whispered, his embarrassment had sobered him up to some extent.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense.."

Taemin leant his head on the younger's shoulder; he could barely keep his eyes open "I love you, Nini..." was the last thing he muttered before passing out, it was probably the drink talking Jongin thought as he carried Taemin's sleeping form to bed. 

"I love you too" He whispered as he tucked the sleeping boy in, leaving the apartment quietly.

 

"I'm gonna need some time to think about this if I'm honest" Moonkyu mumbled, checking the time on his phone.

"I get that, but don't judge us, I want to trust our friendship Moonie" Jongin sighed, patting Moonkyu's shoulder, he flinched.

"I'm gonna go back to the dorms now" He shrugged Jongin's hand off before walking off, leaving the dancer confused and pissed off.

Taemin slammed the door when he got home; he was so pissed.

"Why is everyone an asshole!?" He shouted at no one as he kicked his shoes off, he smacked at his Bluetooth speaker, connecting his iPod quickly; he clicked on his dance playlist before moving his coffee table out of the way; the music was loud, but he couldn't care less.

He threw his body into the beat, not caring if it looked good or not, just if it felt good. The music vibrated the floor; he knew this was inconsiderate considering he lived in an apartment complex, but he was aware that it was somewhat soundproof, as he asked the estate agent when he moved in, he said it was for dancing to loud music, not the real reason(sex with Jongin).

An hour had passed, and his t-shirt clung to his skin, sweat coating his body lightly, he didn't stop moving, the song made his head hurt, so much bass played loudly does that. The front door opened and slammed, but he didn't notice, his head was spinning, but the music went on, so he continued to dance. 

The music stopped, he opened his eyes and faced the intruder, Jongin, well, of course, it was, his mother and manager wouldn't visit at this hour.

"Can I help you...?" Taemin asked quietly; he was pissed off, and he wasn't giving in this time.

"Moonkyu is such a bastard; I can't believe him!" Jongin whined, moving closer to Taemin, he tried to hold his hand but failed when Taemin moved away.

"As far as I'm concerned, you're both bastards, do you know how immature you are?" Taemin snapped, his arms were crossed, and he gritted his teeth "Do you know how much trouble we could have got in back then? You could've outed us and fucked everything up" He added, Jongin's blood went cold, guilt, again.

"I'm so sorry; I didn't think-"

"-Exactly, you never think!" Taemin shouted at him mid-sentence, he added quietly "You always fuck things up."

"Oh, I always fuck things up!? Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Jongin spat back, he didn't mean it and he knows Taemin didn't.

"Oh, this is how you really feel then, I knew it, I'm just a burden to you, but I give good head, so you just string me along like a fool!" Taemin screamed; tears sprung out of his eyes angrily.

"N-no Taemin I didn't mean any of that, calm down please..." Jongin pleaded; stepping forward to cup Taemin's face, wiping the tears with his thumbs "I b-blurted the truth to Moonkyu, I'm sorry Tae..." 

"Huh? You told Moonie..?" Taemin hiccupped. 

"Yeah, b-by accident, my tongue slipped, I don't think he took it well, he said he needed time to think..."Jongin muttered; Taemin was just frozen, he couldn't read how he felt, he was still crying but his face was so blank, he didn't lean into Jongin's touch like he usually would. 

"He hates us, doesn't he?" 

"No, I don't think it's that, I believe he's just not used to the idea..." Jongin reassured Taemin, he pulled him into a hug, in hopes that he'd snap out of his trance-like state. 

"I don't care if he hates us, we shouldn't have to hide..." Taemin whispered into the younger's ear. 

"Yeah, that's true" Jongin sighed, rubbing Taemin's back lightly, it was sweaty but that never bothered him.

"I'm gonna have a bath" Taemin mumbled against the taller one's shoulder, stepping out of the embrace to go to the bathroom.

"Can you keep the door open?" Jongin called after him.

"You're such a perv-"

"-It's not like that, I just-"

"-Worry that I'll commit suicide, I get it, I was just trying to lighten the mood" Taemin chuckled weakly, before stepping into the bathroom to run the bath.

Jongin followed him in, hugging him from behind as he poured bubble bath into the running water "I love you, Taemin, I'm sorry I keep slipping up, things will get better..." He whispered.

"I love you too, you're not slipping up, things happen for reasons, why don't we get a partnership certificate in Shibuya?" Taemin hummed the reply, leaning against Jongin's front.

"What's that?" Jongin questioned, apparently puzzled.

"It's like a licence, equivalent to marriage but not as significant as a marriage certificate, it's still something, though?" Taemin explained, lacing his fingers with Jongins.

"Yeah, let's do that~!" Jongin enthused, planting kisses at the back of Taemin's neck.

"I'll book us an appointment for when we're in Japan, Suho can be our witness" Taemin chuckled, turning off the taps.

"Sounds like a plan" Jongin hummed, his heart beating hard in his chest.

 

Jongin had gone back to the EXO dorm in the morning, he had to pack for the Louis Vuitton exhibition in Tokyo, Taemin was shaking as he phoned the registry office, this was real, this was happening.

"H-Hello.." Taemin greeted, his Japanese was good but he felt himself trip on his words several times during the conversation, the woman was nice, she knew it was short notice, but she found them a booking. 

He put the phone down and sighed in relief, now he had to pack, the question was, does he pack a suit or were they going to do this casually? Taemin fumbled about with his suitcase, packing a few outfits, seen as though he had clothes in the dorm there, he packed some lube in case; he wasn't being too ambitious, it was just in case he told himself ten times.

"Phew.." He sighed as he looked in the mirror, now he just had to wait for his manager.

 

"You're getting a civil partnership, wow~" Joonmyun cooed, pinching Jongin's cheek, the younger playfully pushed him away. 

"Yeah, now be quiet, I don't want the others to hear" Jongin mumbled, they were both in Joonmyun's room, packing a suitcase.

"Are you going to bring a suit?" 

"I didn't think about that...?" Jongin gasped.

"I can get you one in Tokyo, maybe I'll get Taemin one too~" Joonmyun offered.

"Don't be absurd Hyung, we can sort that out, oh, by the way; Taemin wants you to witness if that's okay with you?" Jongin cooed, throwing his clothes into Joonmyun's suitcase, as he claimed, it was easier that way. 

"I'd be honoured, I need to get married soon; I can't believe you beat me to it" Joonmyun laughed, folding the clothes Jongin had thrown into his case. 

Buzz Buzz 

Taeminini: I'm on my way to the airport, I think we should get suits in Japan cause' I totally forgot after I thought about it ^^;

kaijongin14: Agreed, Suho say's he'll buy them ㅋㅋㅋ

Jongin smiled to himself; everything felt right, he couldn't wait for the certificate to be in their hands.


	20. This Modern Love

The Japanese dorm was so quiet when Taemin entered, he was used to it being hectic and full of his members, the manager had gone out to collect his sponsor outfit for the Louis Vuitton event. The quiet hum of cars passing by on the street level made it less eerie, he flopped against his bed, the cleaner had visited, his bed cover was now a dark shade of red, he ran his fingers over the material out of habit. He was calm, but his head was processing thousands of thoughts at once, his heart hammered against his chest, he chewed at his bottom lip, and he blinked rapidly; an old habit that haunted him on occasion.

Nervous. 

To this day he still got nervous, he could bare his emotions through singing and dancing on stage, this raw feeling; it felt too new. Him and Jongin tomorrow in a registry office vowing their love, signing a contract, the last official contract he signed changed his life forever, would this change his life much? Would he feel better? Is this what he needed? Did Jongin want this?

Taemin felt his throat bubble, the familiar taste of bile stung the back of his tongue, lurching forward too slow; he threw up all over himself, once then twice; a third followed before he started dry heaving. A pool of sick laid over his lap and the freshly cleaned bed linen, it clung to his chin, neck and chest; he couldn't bring himself to move, cold sweat coated his forehead, he stared blankly at his lap, his hands shook, his eyes pricked with tears.

"TAEMIN, WHAT HAPPENED!?" His manager's voice cut him out of his daze, he held the labelled bag in one hand and his phone in the other; almost dropping both when he saw the maknae's current state.

"I f-felt sick, I g-guess..." Is all Taemin could mutter our before gagging again, the manager dropped his stuff, this time, rushing over to the younger's side, helping him get to the bathroom without making too much of a mess; he sat him down by the toilet, before rushing to get his phone. 

"I'm going to call the coordinator of the event; we're not going, don't worry..." The manager soothed, leaning against the bathroom door frame, before nodding and walking off to give Taemin some space.

After cleaning himself up he waddled back into the bedroom wearing a bathrobe, it was probably Kibum's, it smelt like a fancy cologne, so he could only assume. The bed was clean again, there was a note on the blanket, he picked it up tiredly.

I've gone to the event to apologise officially; please rest up :) / His manager's handwriting scribbled across the small post-it note, that was shaped like a dog paw, cute. The dancer hummed, flicking the light off and throwing himself into the bed; he didn't budge for 45 minutes, not finding a reason to move.

Buzz Buzz 

His phone vibrated, the sudden noise broke his daze; he weakly reached for it, it buzzed again as he received another message.

nini88: I JUST SAW YOUR MANAGER, U OK?  
nini88: srry I didn't mean for that to be in caps

 

Taemin giggled at Jongin's worry; he felt fine; sudden nausea happened because he got himself all worked up; it wasn't a regular thing, it depended on the situation.

Taeminini: I'm alright, I'm just going to rest, for now, I'll see you on the aisle tomorrow xxx

He switched his phone on silent, chucking it under his pillow with a sigh, sleep would help.

 

Jongin slumped into the bed in his hotel room; Taemin hadn't replied; there were times he didn't, and in this case he understood why; he continued to check his phone every other minute, though. A soft knock on his door made him glance up.

"Come in?" He called out quietly; he'd left it open because the manager had to collect the sponsor clothes. 

Joonmyun stepped in, cooing a quiet 'hello' as he closed the door behind himself.

"Hey..." Jongin yawned, making space on his bed for his Hyung to sit down.

"I stole Taemin's measurements from his stylist at the event, and I've contacted a tailor who I'm close friends with, he's working on your suit, he's already sent Taemin's to the dorm." 

"Seriously? You're sneaky; I didn't even see his stylist..." 

"She was there to seek fashion inspiration for SHINee sunbaenim's, I just saw her notebook unattended and took a picture of Taemin's measurement's~" Joonmyun chuckled, stretching out over Jongin's bed.

"I'm so nervous, but I really can't wait..." Jongin hummed, playing with the threads on the pillows.

"Don't be nervous, this is only one thing, just imagine; one day you'll get married officially and everyone will be there, not just me~" The Hyung spoke smugly, obviously happy he was the one attending this event.

"Oh goodness, I didn't even think about that--" 

"This will be the second wedding of Taemin's I've attended" Joonmyun mused, chuckling at memories of 'We Got Married.'

"Ugh don't remind me about that..."

"It all makes sense to why you were so pissy after that schedule now~" The elder teased.

"That was awful, okay, I had to act alright with it because Taemin and I weren't even together, but in all truth, it was torturing Tae too, he probably feels how I felt back then about the Krystal thing..." Jongin sighed, checking his phone again, it wasn't on silent, but he hoped it was just not working correctly. 

"Probably worse, considering you are together- ah, sorry" Joonmyun pointed out, making Jongin feel even worse at the same time.

"Listen, Jongin; I will try my hardest to make the company finish 'kaistal' without mentioning you and Taemin, I'm sure they'll end your scandal soon; it's not fair on you or Krystal.." He added, getting up as he heard the manager voice down the corridor.

"Oh, you're both in here" The manager quizzed when he opened the door without knocking, stomping around the room the collect the Louis Vuitton outfits.

"Yeah, I was just saying good night~" Joonmyun sang, winking at Jongin before leaving.

 

Taemin woke up later that evening when there was a knock at the door, he cautiously got up to answer it, they usually didn't get visitors to the Japanese dorm, and his manager was still out, he opened the door to see a smiling man, holding a garment cover.

"Hello, you must be Taemin Lee, am I correct?" The man spoke in broken Korean; he could hear the thick Japanese accent shine through.

"Y-yeah?" Taemin stuttered back in Japanese, hanging on to the door nervously.

"Ah, this suit is for you, Joonmyun made me deliver it tonight; I hope it fits well~" The guy spoke fast in Japanese, Taemin heard a few words and put it together.

'suit' 'for you' 'Joonmyun' 'deliver it tonight' 'fits' He nodded, accepting the suit and dismissing the lovely guy.

Sauntering back into the apartment; he unzipped the garment cover, revealing a pinstripe suit, it was wonderful, he wanted to try it on, but he'd be wearing it tomorrow, his heart skipped a beat. Tomorrow he'd somewhat be official with Kim Jongin.

Hiding the suit in his suitcase he slipped back into bed, pulling his quilt over his mouth, squealing out of excitement, it was out of character, but it was fine as he was alone. Sleep would take over him again; he needed to rest up. Otherwise, he wouldn't sleep a peep.

 

He woke early in the morning; he could hear his manager on the phone; it sounded important, so he didn't want to disturb it, tiptoeing to the his shared bathroom, he closed the door and locked it behind himself. The cupboard was full to the brim with beauty and skin care products, none of which were his, but today was important, and he'd pay Kibum back eventually.  
He picked up a golden gel mask, whatever it symbolised or did; he wasn't sure, he skim-read the instructions, clipping his hair back, cleaning his face before putting the slimy thing on his face, he shuddered at how cold it was, admiring how stupid he looked at that moment. There were many products; he even slipped these strange hand mask gloves on, for no reason; it's not like he had rough hands.

He ran a bath and sat in it as it filled up, keeping the ridiculous beauty items on, humming a tune to himself as he poured some skincare bubble bath in, it smelt like candy, like childhood to some extent, but a regular childhood, not his one. The bubbles whirled around; it had a purple tinge, the same colour that ran from his hair a year prior when wet; he splashed the water around a little; the colour contrasted with his skin well, the heat surrounded him as he began cleaning himself. Taemin was never one to shave regularly, well, not his face, his other area's but seen as though it was a special occasion he did a little bit of manscaping, he wasn't being too ambitious, alright he was.

Once he'd finished his spur of the moment beauty regime, he applied moisturiser and put a pair of sweats on before stepping back into his room; the apartment was quiet, he checked around and indeed he was alone again. Taemin dried his hair, applied bb cream and a little bit of eyeliner, it was a maximum effort, he wanted to look good. The appointment was in under an hour and he still needed to get in his suit and book a taxi, he remained calm throughout this, though; he booked a private taxi just in case he was recognised.

'This is it" He thought to himself as he stepped into the taxi, the suit fit well, not hugging too much and not too loose; he needed to thank Joonmyun for that once he saw him.

 

Jongin woke up when his phone started ringing; his eyes opened slowly as he flopped about to find the loud device.

"Hhhey.." He answered sleepily; his eyes had barely opened.

"Jongin, it's your older sister, I met with Kyungsoon by chance today; you have a lot of explaining to do.." His sister's voice bled through the speaker.

"Fuck.." Was all he could mutter out.

"..I'm in Japan right now Noona, we can meet tomorrow?" He added, not really sure what to say.

"No, you're coming back right now, Umma know's, no hanging about, get on the next fight or you're in big trouble" She growled, ending the call abruptly.

Jongin sprung out of bed, rushing around to get dressed, there was no time to have a shower, this was serious, his mother knowing was all types of wrong, he packed his stuff and rushed to the managers room. He stated that there was a family emergency, he got on to it quick and booked the next flight back to Seoul. 

Joonmyun was informed and rushed out of the hotel, with his stuff barely packed, he was confused as he sat in the back seat next to Jongin, he quirked an eyebrow at the boy who had stayed quiet for twenty minutes now, they were already outside the airport. Joonmyun wanted to shout at Jongin but the manager was just there and it would ruin everything.

"Why are we rushing to the airport..." Joonmyun whispered to Jongin as the manager took a phone call.

"Cause' I need to see my m-mum" He gulped, fidgetting with his earphones.

"What about the-"

"-Okay boys get out, we're here" The manager cut in, parking the car before getting out to handle the suitcases and security, they weren't expected in the airport for at least another 8 hours but the fans always hung around.

It was all a rush, Joonmyun tried to call out to Jongin, but there were fans and Jongin had his earphones in, before he knew it they were already on the plane. The manager sat a few rows ahead with other staff; Joonmyun sat right by Jongin; they were not great seats because it was short notice, but they managed. Joonmyun leant over and pulled the earphones out of Jongin's ears; the boy looked at him confused, his knee bopping up and down nervously.

"Hyung?" He asked, a little shocked.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Joonmyun fumed, his eyes were wide.

"No- I, fuck!" Jongin gasped, he was about to get up but the air hostess told him to sit down and put his seatbelt back on; as they were just taking off.

"I can't believe you forgot.." 

"My sister phoned me and my mum knows, so she urgently needs to see me... Tae..." Jongin sighed, his heart hurt, he's fucked up before but this tops it.

 

"He's probably running late.." Taemin told the receptionist again, it had been thirty minutes and Jongin hadn't answered one call, and all of the texts hadn't been seen, he tried Suho too, no luck. 

He stood there all dressed up for no good reason; he fiddled with his phone to distract himself, the receptionist sighed for the hundredth time, muttering "Time waster" under her breath. 

Opening Naver, he saw airport pictures, of none other than the man he was supposed to be registering to and their witness. Biting his tongue with anger he threw his phone at the marble wall in the registry office, it shattered on contact, security rushed over to calm him down.

"O-Oh don't worry, I'm sorry for wasting your time; I'll take my leave now..." Taemin cooed in Japanese, picking up his phone before stepping out of the office building to catch a taxi.

"I can't do this anymore..." He spoke to himself; a single tear slid down his cheek.


	21. Tears Dry On Their Own

"Baby bluuuuuuue~~" Jonghyun sang as he walked into the Japanese dorm, the other members following in tow, the manager who'd taken Taemin over a couple of days prior had met them at the airport, in hope that Taemin would rest up more.

The maknae was sat on the couch staring blankly at the TV, it was on but he paid no attention, dried tear tracks cut through the makeup on his cheeks, the eyeliner was smudged and had no shape. The blazer was thrown over his lap, the white shirt was opened up a little, the tie was twisted; he'd been broken down before, but never this numb.

"Taem?" Minho whispered at the sight if him, crouching down before the silent youngest.

"Y-Yeah...?" He spoke back, his voice cracked from the stress of wracked sobs, he wasn't crying now, people ran out of tears eventually, it was natural.

"Bummie.." Minho called out to the member who was still fussing in the hallway.

"What?" He called back, apparently not interested.

"It's Taemin" 

Footsteps were heard right after Minho mentioned the younger, Kibum gasping at Taemin's image.

"Taeminnie, come on, let's go to our room, the manager will be up soon" Kibum soothed, squeezing Taemin's shoulder lightly as he helped him up to their bedroom.

Kibum sat down on his bed and patted the spot next to him, Taemin plopped himself beside the elder; bringing his knees up to hug them, he just wanted to disappear.

"You have to talk Minnie, what's wrong?" Kibum sighed, wrapping his arm around the maknae as a sign of comfort.

"I don't have anything to say.."

"Of course, you do, Tae, I've known you for years, I know when something is wro-" Taemin's lips cut him off, Kibum's eyes widened out of shock, he pushed the boy off lightly, his head hung low.

"Taemin, what the fuck was that!?" Kibum squeaked.

"I wanted to know if it felt different..." He whispered, his eyes remained cast down, he was shaking, anxiety was a bitch but it was his best friend at the same time.

"And?" Kibum scoffed.

"It didn't feel the same, it felt empty, no spark, there was nothing..." 

"Is there a reason to why you even... Ugh, Taemin just spit it out" Kibum snapped, he was worried but frustrated more than anything.

"I made an appointment at the registry office, to get a civil partnership with J-Jongin, and he agreed, Hyung, he said he wanted it, and he never turned up.... I just stood in the o-office like an idiot for an hour, claiming that my p-partner was just running late, and I was not wasting their time, he ignored all of my calls and texts. The next thing I see, he's in the airport in Tokyo going back to Seoul, I just can't deal with this feeling anymore, but I don't think I can leave him Hyung. I l-love him so much, but I'm so fucking angry with him, first, he got caught up in a fantastic marketing scheme, then he bloody read my diaries and then potentially ruined one of my friendships; now this, I keep forgiving him, but is it fucking worth it?" Taemin spat out the truth like word vomit; he thought tears eventually ran out yet his cheeks were damp again.

"I see..." Kibum sighed, pulling the younger closer so he could rest his head on his shoulder "You love him Taemin, and a big part of a relationship is to forgive and forget. I'm sure there is a good reason to why Jongin left you on the 'altar'; the relationship you share is special, and you know that; I would kill to find a relationship like yours. I'm serious, Jongin is stupid, okay? But, he tries hard with you Taemin, and I'm not saying you are difficult or a burden, I mean that you're going through a lot up there-"

Kibum poked Taemin's head "-and when you're with someone, you take on their problems, vice versa, Jongin may only be a little bit younger than you, but he hasn't got nearly as much experience in life as you do. I remember the first day I saw you in the company; I thought you'd disappear if you turned on your side, you were so young and you didn't get to be a kid, I can't even imagine how difficult it was, but just think, who was next to you through all of that?" Kibum hummed, leaning around to wipe a tear off of Taemin's cheek.

"It was Nini, I probably annoy him..." Taemin sniffed bitterly.

"Don't ever think that Taemin, you're so lovable, do you not get that? You work so hard and deserve all the love you receive, no one thinks you're annoying... Except if you kiss them unexpectedly and remind them how thin their lips are compared to yours" Kibum chuckled, he needed to get Taemin out of his dark place.

"I'm s-sorry about that, I just thought that if it felt the same as it did with Jongin, I could get over him and meet someone else, but I don't think I could get over him.." Taemin breathed.

"Well, practise on someone else next time, we're better off not mentioning this to Kai, alright? Cause' I don't want to deal with his possessive anger aimed at me" The elder laughed, ruffling Taemin's hair about "Have you checked your phone, surely he's explained himself by now?" He added, looking around to find the phone.

"Oh, it doesn't turn on..." Taemin winched, this was his third phone this year alone.

"What do you mean it doesn't turn on?" Kibum quizzed, raising his eyebrow at the battered device Taemin pulled out of his suit slacks pocket "Lee Taemin, you never change~" 

"You wash yourself up tear track boy, and then we can go out to get a new phone~" Kibum announced as he got up.

 

Jongin was on the verge of a panic attack, he was in the back of a taxi on the way to his family home, his phone alerted him of twenty-three missed calls and four texts, Taemin never liked leaving a voicemail. 

Taeminini: um where are you? There are only 5 minutes till the appointment time.

Taeminini: can you hurry up, the receptionist is getting shitty ^^;

Taeminini: I'll give it another 10 minutes, and then I'm leaving, where the fuck are you?

Taeminini: FOR FUCK SAKE NINI, ANSWER ME!? 

There were no other calls or messages after that one, Jongin had been calling continually since he landed, even leaving the whole explanation and apology in a text.

nini88: Taemin, I'm so fucking sorry, I woke up with an angry call from my sister and my mind went blank, I just forgot everything I had to do that day; cause' my mum knows about us and she's angry. I'm walking through the airport rn, and I'm so mad at myself, I don't even know what to say to make this better because I am the worst, I just keep letting you down, over and over again, I love you Taemin...

nini88: I'm so worried Taemin, please answer me, I know I'm a hypocrite right now but don't play with my emotions like this, please be alright...

Jongin read through the conversation countless times, it hadn't been seen by Taemin, and his heart felt heavy because even if Taemin were mad at him, he'd usually look at it and give him the silent treatment, he'd prefer that treatment over this any day, was Taemin harming himself? He could be and it would all be Jongin's fault; also, he was so helpless in Seoul, he couldn't run to his apartment like the last times and make things okay again. 

The taxi pulled up to the front of his parent's house, a shiver crept down his spine, like somebody had just walked over his grave, glancing at the drive, he could see Jungah's car in the drive, his eldest sister probably was too busy to attend this meeting or argument?

He paid the fare and waited as the taxi drove off, he gulped when he saw the curtain in the front window twitch, he sighed before walking towards the front door, it was now or never, the door opened before he could get his set of keys out.

"Come in, Umma is in the living room" Jungah hissed, moving out of the way for him, his middle sister was petite and cute, she ran the Kamong cafe most of the time, she liked working there except when 'fans' became unreasonable. He nodded at her as he walked into the living room, it was deadly silent in there, if you were to drop a feather, you'd probably hear it, his mother was sitting in her armchair cradling a cup of coffee on her lap, there was a cold expression on her face, the poodles were sleeping in their individual beds.

"Umma, I missed you~" Jongin tried, it felt like he was cutting through a steel bar with jelly, the atmosphere could suffocate him.

"Jongin sit down, we need to chat.." 

Jongin did as he was told, sitting on the edge of the footstool in front of her, he felt like he was being scolded like a kid again, he fiddled with his jacket nervously "What is it..?" He whispered.

"You haven't seen your sisters or me in months, a month ago there was big news about you and this girl, Krystal? We all congratulated you and you thanked us, telling us how much you liked your relationship, fast-forward to today when Lee Kyungsoon walked into your sister's cafe and dropped the bomb on her; that you are in fact not dating this girl but her son, what exactly is the truth?" His mother growled she tightened her grip on the mug in her hands.

"The truth is, I can do whatever I like, I'm in my twenties Umma, I'm sorry that I played along with the scandal news with you, I should have been honest, but you were so proud of me for once. I was dating a lovely girl and we are the 'it couple' right now, but its all a lie, I'm actually with my best friend, the love of my l-life..." Jongin explained, his voice cracked at the end, his voice shook as he started to cry.

"Jongin, I'm fine with that, I just don't want you to lie to me, don't cry, I accept you as you are no matter what, I'm always proud, I'm pleased it's Taemin, I always knew you liked him.." She chirped, leaning over to wipe Jongin's tears.

"I messed up Umma..." He hiccupped, leaning into her touch.

"What do you mean?" She cooed, sweeping his hair out of his face.

"We were supposed to be getting a civil partnership today, but I forgot when Jungah Noona phoned me; then I rushed here to apologise..." 

"You were going to get married without me present!?" She squawked, slapping him across the head lightly.

"It's not like real marriage.." He pouted, rubbing his head.

"It's still something I should be involved with, Jongin" She laughed, stroking his cheek, Jungah stood in the doorway smiling at the two, she missed having Jongin around as much as her mother did.

"How did you know I liked Taemin?" Jongin mumbled out of curiosity.

"Well, not just Taemin, you were different as a child too Jongin, not as if different is a bad thing, you were a happy boy who use to prance around his room after a ballet lesson, showing off his moves to his older sisters. Then when you passed the audition and joined the company; I would ask how your day went and all you talked about was this amazing dancer with long black hair and a beautiful face, that's when I sussed you out~" She chuckled, tucking a short bit of Jongin's hair back.

"All that time you knew, but didn't question me?" 

"Well, I didn't think I had to, it's not like I asked your sisters if they were straight, it should be no different, I didn't want to assume your sexuality, I just wanted you to be happy and Taemin makes you happy" She hummed, taking a sip from her coffee.

"You're really wise Umma, I feel bad for assuming you'd react bad..." 

"When have I ever not stood by your decisions, you wanted to dance, I paid for dance lessons, you wanted to be an idol and now look at you, my little superstar~" She smiled proudly, pinching his cheek playfully. 

Buzz Buzz 

Jongin's phone vibrated, he looked up at his mum to ask if he could check it.

LTaemin: I think we should have a break.

"N-No.." He whispered to himself, the username change cut as hard as the text.

"What's the matter Jongin?" His mother questioned, patting his wrist, he showed her the screen. 

"Let me phone him..." She mumbled, taking the phone.


	22. Settle Down

"Umma, don't" Jongin whined, but his mother pushed him back lightly; resulting him to slip off of the footstool onto his butt, Jungah laughed quietly helping Jongin up.

"Hello, it's Jongin's Umma.." She spoke quietly, Jongin facepalmed, this was beyond embarrassing, she pushed her face on the screen making the speaker go on.

"Hello, this is Taemin's Hyung, Kibum" Key's voice echoed through the room, Jongin raised his eyebrow.

"Can I speak with Taemin?" She pleaded.

"Uhhm, why?"

"Because I need to apologise on behalf of my son, he was supposed to be there but I prevented him from doing so.."

"He's rehearsing on stage at the moment, I'll be sure to pass the message on, bye now~" Kibum sang and put the phone down.

Jongin snatched the phone back, his mother's face was in shock, she had never been so disrespected in her life, but she thought it was probably the correct reaction.

"Is he usually that rude?" Jongin's mother asked him softly.

"No, he just cares a great deal about Taemin and that'll never change, don't take it personally Umma, I can only imagine Taemin's condition at the moment..."Jongin sighed, pocketing his phone, this was going to be a long week.

 

5 Days Later

Taemin walked through the airport in Seoul, his members left a few days prior; so he was alone sans the manager and security. It was calm, most of the fansites didn't know he was coming back today; he'd stayed a few more nights in Japan to rest up as he was 'sick'. He blocked Jongin's number, the first night of freedom he had received over 100 messages and just as many calls, none of which he had replied to or answered; that's when he decided to block him. 

He tugged his mask around his face tighter, his eyebags spoke volumes, he hadn't slept much for a few days, his thoughts drowned his brain into constant white noise, he just wanted to get to his place and crash out for a few days. Taemin nodded at a few fans but he couldn't smile, he didn't have the willpower to, rushing to the manager's car, he mumbled "Just take me to my place I need to sleep..." before putting his earphones in, to blank the surroundings out.

It was always a short drive to his apartment but it felt longer taking his exhaustion heartbreak into consideration, he waved at his manager as he sluggishly walked into his building, opting for the lift as his legs weren't carrying him well, the door pinged to signal he'd reached his floor; it took him three attempts to unlock the door, his eyes were beyond unfocused.

Kicking his shoes off, he waddled towards his bedroom, glancing at the man sitting on his couch, he rolled his eyes and ignored him; getting in bed was his main mission, he couldn't care less that Jongin was there. But Jongin being his stubborn self, he followed him quickly; wrapping his arms around him softly.

"Taemin, please..." Jongin whispered. His touch felt so warm and right, Taemin missed it; he felt a part of himself fizzle into nothing when he typed that message days ago, he couldn't push Jongin away, he didn't have enough energy to and deep inside he didn't want to. 

"I'm tired Jongin, can I sleep, we can talk later.." Taemin mumbled out, a yawn left his lips as he finished his sentence.

"That's alright, but I'm not going anywhere Taem" Jongin replied, holding back from nuzzling Taemin's hair like he used to, he didn't smell like vanilla, it was more cinnamon-like, it was different.

Taemin nodded, his body went limp in Jongin's arms and a soft snore escaped his throat, he'd passed out; just like that, Jongin scooped him up in his arms, the elder's face cradled near his neck. Jongin tucked him in bed, he sat by his head and stroked the sleeping man's hair, he looked so peaceful like that, sweeping his fringe back, how could someone be so ethereal? Jongin wanted to cry, he needed to fix this, but he had no idea what to say once Taemin woke up, he was scared that he'd make things worse.

It was funny how quiet the apartment got, Jongin could hear his own breathing along with Taemin's, the clock ticked in he living room; just a reminder that time was passing, he gave up on sitting up; it was easier to go to sleep, less thinking.

"To think I didn't think this up earlier~" Taemin purred, dipping the knife deep into his wrist, the blood spilled out like billions of raging rubies, it covered the marble floor. 

Jongin tried to scream for him to stopped, but his lips were sealed shut, and the ballroom they resided in was vast, Taemin seemed to be miles away, the closer he got the further away Taemin felt. Taemin's sobs filled the air, it bounced off the walls similar to a concert; Jongin got closer but he slipped on the gushing red beneath his feet, the sobs and screams got hoarser, fading away with each breath.

"I'm doing this for us Jongin, you don't need me..."

Jongin scrambled to his feet, his suit was covered in blood, it soaked through to his core, the smell of iron invaded his nostrils, Taemin dropped to his knees before him, the knife glistened on his lap, his thumb ran over the sharp side, the ballroom that was once a stunning white, was a blood bath, everywhere Jongin looked there was blood, the walls seemed to fritter away like burning paper, Jongin screamed but again nothing came out, no matter how hard he tried.

Taemin's body flopped to the floor, his movements stopped, the last cry left his mouth, the blood ran cold, his eyes rolled back slowly. 

"No, please Taemin!!" Jongin's voice finally broke through but it was too late.

"Jongin, wake up please!" Taemin's voice shook the ballroom, it all began to wither into nothingness.

"P-Please!!" Jongin screamed as his eyes sprung open, he thrashed around a little, thinking he was still in the blood-covered ballroom, his breathing calmed down, he looked up at Taemin confused and on the verge of tears, sweat slicked his fringe down. Taemin was straddling his waist, holding the younger's arms down at his sides, there was a frown masking his face.

"Jongin calm down, it was just a nightmare, you started screaming and flailing about in your sleep, I was so scared..." Taemin soothed, his vice grip let go of the others wrists, small red lines marked them, they disappeared gradually.

"I t-thought it was real.." Jongin cried, the tears danced down his cheeks, gliding onto the pillow under his head.

"It wasn't jagi- Jongin, tell me about it, what was it about?" Taemin murmured, wiping the tears that fell on the back of his fingers, shushing him to quiet his sobs, he cooed at the younger who just cried louder, choking on each weep. Taemin hummed, the boy beneath him was shaking all over, leaning down gently he joined their lips together, Jongin hushed, his eyes slipped closed, his cries got lost in Taemin's mouth, his shaking relaxed. They broke apart after a while, Jongin stopped crying; he just looked at Taemin dazed, the elder stroked his cheek delicately.

"Are you going to tell me now?" Taemin mumbled, pushing Jongin's hair back tenderly.

"It was about you..."

"When isn't it, I am a living nightmare, hmm?" Taemin taunted, poking Jongin's nose.

"You're not, you're splendid..." Jongin muttered back at Taemin's comment.

"Just tell me about it already Nini"

"We were in a wonderful ballroom, it was so white and pure, but it wasn't calm, you c-cut your wrist down the middle, there was blood everywhere, I shouted at you to stop but no sound left my mouth, you were saying crazy things and you just crumbled to the floor, I couldn't d-do anything.." Jongin explained, the images still claimed his mind.

"You should know by now, that I'm not one to do things simply, cutting wrists is so cliche-"

"-Stop taking your suicide attempts lightly please, because I didn't" Jongin cut in, he was hurt, he just wanted Taemin to be realistic for once.

"I have to take them lightly, okay? You weren't always there, there were other times, I even know how to make a slipknot, I know I should just admit I'm fucked up, but it's easier to pretend I'm happy, it's part of the job description, sweetie!" Taemin snapped, he caught his lips between his teeth; looking away in the dark room.

"Taemin I didn't mean it like that, I just don't think it should be a joke, you could have killed yourself, do you understand the severity if that?" Jongin sighed, the words cut deep.

"I w-want to be genuinely happy, I really fucking do, I want t-to get on a stage one day and not paint that fake smile on, I want to give back to my fans without being f-fake; I want to marry you Jongin.." Taemin was the one to cry, this time, he bit his tongue to stop himself from talking, the number of tears that had left his eyes over the last few weeks was more than he's spilt in his whole lifetime.

Jongin sat up, cuddling Taemin close to himself, the elder hung his head low, mumbling "I'm sorry, I cry too much.."

"Hey, shhh you know out of both of us I cry the most, you're just not happy Minnie, you admitted that, and people cry when they're sad" Jongin uttered, planting soft kisses on the top of Taemin's head.

Taemin stayed silent, he was calming down gently, his hands clung to the back of Jongin's t-shirt, this was the most clothes they've worn in bed together for ages, it was funny really.

"Instead of having a break, can we slow down a little, I feel like I'm pressuring too many things on you.." Taemin broke the quiet, looking into Jongin's eyes, the street lamp reflected in them, neither of them knew what time it was, it was dark, but time didn't matter that much to them; as long as they had time together.

"I don't think you're pressuring me at all Tae, I want all of the same things, I want to marry you, I want to live with you, I want to make love to you without worrying about a schedule or somebody catching us, I want to adopt children with you; I'm serious Lee Taemin, you mean the world to me and I wouldn't exchange it for anything" Jongin cheered, nuzzling his cheek on Taemin's.

"Are you sure?" Taemin questioned, his heavy eyes pooled into Jongin's.

"Positive, I g-got a ring for the other day, I thought you should have one, seen as though I'm wearing yours on a chain, your fingers look so bare and cuter but I think they need an accessory" Jongin hummed, moving Taemin off of his lap as he got up to get the ring. Taemin sat awkwardly on his heels, was Jongin serious? His heart skipped a few beats.

Jongin wandered back in with a small black velvet box in his hand, he handed it to Taemin, but Taemin shoved it back into his hands "Do the knee thing idiot!" Taemin pleaded, with a huge pout.

"You already proposed, though; that's embarrassing Taemin~" Jongin whined, stomping about and making a scene out of nothing.

"Exactly, it's your turn, I want this time to be special" 

Jongin cringed as he got down on one knee, Taemin squealed into his hand patiently. 

"Uhm, I have loved you for the longest time, my heart still flips when you do the simplest thing, whether it's flipping your hair or flipping me off; I don't think it's physically possible for me to love you more, it's like a fever without the sickness, you're an asshole sometimes, but so am I, so we match well, right? Lee Taemin, will you marry me?" Jongin proposed, fumbling to open the box at the end of the speech, revealing a simple white gold band with a small flat diamond in the center, lines crisscrossed beside it, it shimmered brightly.

"Mhm.." Taemin wept.

"Can you manage an 'I do'?" Jongin smirked, lifting the box higher.

"I do, you stupid cunt!" Taemin playfully grumbled, holding his hand out for Jongin, he slipped the ring on, it fit flawlessly.

"I love you Kim Taemin..."


	23. I Wanna Be Yours

Taemin woke up with warmth by him, breath coating his neck with strong arms wrapped around him; this was it, he wanted to wake up like this every morning, he wanted to never smell like vanilla again, he preferred cinnamon over that any day. There was something about how the ring fit, how it was Taemin's style, he rolled it against his ring finger, at least he could wear it there, for now, he'd probably get a chain like Jongin's.

His phone buzzed quietly from under his pillow, his eyes stung with the sudden intrusion of light as he checked the notification, a message from Wonshik.

Raviii!!!- Is Kai on crack? cause I just checked naver and seriously? I can't be asked to talk to him atm, he's so vague, I'm sorry I haven't been in contact as much, you know what comebacks are like o.O

Taemin rolled his eyes, changing apps to Naver with a sigh, he read the article quietly as Jongin snored behind him. The article was so obscure, the fact that people released those details was ludicrous.

'Snacks, check, ramen, check, candies, check, 6 packets of condoms, check. Definitely, Nini' Taemin thought to himself as he read the receipt, he lightly nudged the younger "Nini wake up~" He whispered.

"I don't wwwanna wake up Umma..." He blabbed in his half-conscious state, Taemin giggled, poking Jongin's cheek over his shoulder.

"Hmm..." Jongin groaned as he woke up, a yawn left his mouth.

"Have you seen this?" Taemin asked as he held the phone in front of Jongin's face.

"I don't wanna open my eyes unless it's a sexy picture of you.." He mumbled back, Taemin elbowed him to help him snap out of his sleepiness. 

"Exo Kai condoms, Krystal was there later.." He read quietly, skim-reading the netizen comments.

"So, was it you?" Taemin bugged, locking his phone when Jongin finished the article.

"Well, yeah but I didn't think people could expose that information..." Jongin growled, letting go of Taemin's waist, rolling about to open the drawer by the bed, grabbing a black plastic bag, he dropped it on Taemin's chest "See" 

Taemin sat up and opened the bag, candy wrappers and six packets of condoms stared back at him, one empty condom wrapper also, he flicked the empty one at Jongin "Stop masturbating in my bed, where's the other stuff?" Taemin snorted.

"In your kitchen cupboards, I missed you.." Jongin whined, his head flopping onto Taemin's lap dramatically.

"Technically we weren't together for the last few days, so that's just creepy Nini, imagine Baekhyun or someone else jerking one in your bed, it's not a nice thought, right?" Taemin teased, playing with Jongin's hair softly.

"That's different, though, you said I could stay here" Jongin cringed, a soft moan escaped his lips as Taemin's fingers ran against his scalp.

"It's alright, at least you used a condom, this time; sweetie~" Taemin chuckled, tracing Jongin's facial features lightly, Jongin smiled nuzzling the back of his head against Taemin's groin.

"Subtle, much?" Taemin grinned, pinching his lover's cheek tenderly.

"Well, I didn't just buy condoms for wanking in your bed" Jongin cackled as he reached up to stroke Taemin's cheek "You wanna?" He smirked, Taemin scoffed but nodded nonetheless, Jongin snickered as he flipped over; mouthing Taemin's dick through his sweatpants, the elder gasped, covering his mouth out of shame. Jongin lifted his mouth off, a damp patch was left and a thin drool line dripped off his lip, he didn't hesitate to slip the pants off along with Taemin's Donald duck boxers, his half-hard erection sprung up a little, tapping Jongin on the chin, he dipped his tongue into the slit before taking the head into his mouth; Taemin winced in pleasure, his legs splayed apart naturally, small hands gripped into Jongin's dark brown hair.

"Ah- Nini, fuck" Taemin breathed as Jongin took him deeper into his mouth, he couldn't take it, he needed more; he couldn't handle the slow approach, he needed Jongin. Taemin slumped back, his slender leg perched over Jongin's shoulder as he fucked into his mouth, his fast pants filled the room, the wet noises of Jongin's slick mouth on his cock made his senses tingle "J-Jongin just fuck m-me please, fuck me senseless, I can't take t-this" Taemin let out in a lewd moan, his head fell back to meet the pillow, the ceiling light with the gray lamp shade taunted him, his eyes became hazy.

Jongin slipped his mouth off with an exaggerated pop, he licked his lips seductively, kissing wetly across Taemin's milky thighs, moving further down with each peck, he sucked at the skin on Taemin's ass cheek, leaving small marks in his wake, his tongue dipped between the cheeks, prodding at his lover's entrance, Taemin let out a hushed moan, his hands fisted the sheets with vigour, Jongin spread Taemin's legs further, leaving open-mouth kisses on Taemin's hole, smirking to himself when Taemin's body began twisting in pleasure "Kai! fu-fuck uh, plea-" He pleaded, the stage name slipped out, all from habit.

"Alright honey, pass the lube~" Jongin laughed at Taemin's eagerness, the elder sighed in frustration as he reached for the drawer, he didn't like that sex wasn't as smooth as it was in the movies porn, plus how everything was coincidentally next to the couple, real life was never that planned out; he grabbed the lube and chucked it at the laughing idiot in between his legs, thankfully he caught it with his face, he glared at Taemin before resuming. Jongin coated his finger's with lube, before dipping his middle finger into Taemin, the man beneath him shuddered, shifting around to make it more comfortable for them both.

"Nini t-take your clothes off, I hate being the only naked one" Taemin complained before Jongin started his ministrations again, Jongin rolled his eyes; slipping his finger out of the elder to strip his clothes off quickly "Happy? You still have your t-shirt on though" He cooed, moving to take the garment off the other.

"No, put your finger's in me so we can get to the fun part" Taemin pouted as Jongin got the shirt off of him.

"You're so impatient this morning~" He taunted the elder, slipping his middle finger back in with ease, Taemin sighed, his cheeks tinged a light pink.

"Have you been fingering yourself?" Jongin quizzed, quirking an eyebrow up, slipping a second finger in smoothly.

"M-Maybe.." Taemin groaned as Jongin started scissoring his fingers inside him, a third finger followed, all three digits fucked into him slowly, prodding his sweet spot with feather-like touches.

"Hmm, or was it something else?" Jongin teased on, his finger's barely grazing that spot Taemin deeply craved to be touched.

"F-Fuck off Kai, it was my bloody butt plug in Japan, now can you just fuck me!?" Taemin squeaked in embarrassment, he covered his face in defeat.

Jongin grinned, removing his finger's as he grabbed two condoms, not hesitating to slip them onto both of their cock's, he jerked his slowly as he looked at the state his lover was in, his legs spread wide for him, his arms crossed across his face; his dick standing proud, Jongin took it all in, Lee Taemin truly was a work of art. He guided Taemin's hips around, flipping him onto his front gently, Taemin knew what this meant, he got on his all-fours and presented himself shamelessly, wiggling his hips like the real tease he is.

"Take me then, Daddy~" Taemin purred as he looked over his shoulder, his eyes were full of sin and his bottom lip was caught between his teeth alluringly, Jongin swallowed dryly, frozen for a second before he lined his hips up with the elders "If you think you can handle me, baby, so be it" He growled cockily, thrusting his shaft into Taemin in one swift motion, Taemin's body shook in pleasure "OH F-FUCK" He cried out, his arms gave way immediately. 

 

Jongin started with a quick pace, thrusting into the elder with intensity, as he snapped his hips back and forth "You like that, Tae?" He groaned into Taemin's ear, his arm wrapped around Taemin to pull him up again, his hand traced down the faded abs on the other's stomach, taking his cock into his hand.

"M-mm fuck Nin-Nini, yes!" Taemin whimpered in pleasure, his arms shook as he tried to support himself along with Jongin's powerful thrusts, the hand around his dick stroked in time with each thrust, Taemin's body was under the spell of pure ecstasy, he couldn't think straight, the warm coil-like feeling in his stomach built up with each jolt of pleasure.

Jongin angled his hips differently, pounding against Taemin's prostate with each movement, he slowed down a little as he went in deeper with each thrust, Taemin writhed in lust beneath him, each delicious moan egged on his yearning to cum.

"I-I'm close-" Taemin choked out, a low wanton moan followed as Jongin's cock hit his g-spot dead on again.

"Y-Yeah?" Jongin breathed, sweat dripped off of his chin onto the dip in Taemin's back.

"Mm"

Jongin flicked his wrist with more urgency, his thrusts picked up the pace again, a few thrusts later and Taemin screamed out in ecstasy, his hole tightened around Jongin's cock as he came into his condom, milking Jongin to his climax too. The younger slumped over Taemin carefully, rolling them both onto their sides; he kissed at Taemin's jaw gently, as he slipped out of him.

"Kim Jongin has a Daddy kink.." Taemin chortled quietly, his hand finding Jongin's to lace their finger's together.

"Taemin has a butt plug in the Japanese dorm" Jongin countered as he came down from his high, he earned a sharp elbow in his ribs.

"That stays between us.."

"Of course, I wouldn't want the world knowing my fiance has a butt plug in Japan.." Jongin continued to tease.

"Shut up or I'll bring it back and shove it in your ass" Taemin threatened with a laugh.

"Should we get up?"

"Nah"

 

Hours later they were cuddled up on the couch together watching a repeat of Running Man, Jongin wasn't paying attention as he was still focused on the new smell Taemin had, it was driving him insane, it was familiar but he couldn't put his finger on it, his nose buried into Taemin's blond locks, he was trying to be subtle but he'd been at this for 10 minutes. 

"Are you ever going to stop sniffing me?" Taemin questioned with a grin.

"You smell different, where has my vanilla baby gone?" Jongin whined, he was such a cutie sometimes, it hurt Taemin.

"I started using this cinnamon shower gel and shampoo, didn't you see it in the bathroom?" Taemin chuckled, pinching the younger's cheek playfully.

"Nope, is it new?" Jongin asked dumbfounded.

"Don't you remember?" Taemin cooed.

"Hmm, remember what?"

"You used to use the same cinnamon body wash during trainee days, I loved that smell on you, I became addicted. So, I thought I'd start using it~" Taemin hummed.

"You're so cute, can I marry you- Oh wait, I already asked~" Jongin joked, nuzzling Taemin's neck gleefully. 

"You're so cringy, but that's why I love you I guess" Taemin retorted, patting Jongin's head softly.

"Mhm.." 

"Can I confess something? I don't want to lie to you.." Taemin sighed, his head needed to be at peace with this.

"Sure, what's up?"Jongin hummed as he sat up.

"Don't get mad at me, promise?" 

"I don't think I have the right to, after all I have done recently haha, I promise~" Jongin smiled warmly.

"I k-kissed someone the other day; after you left me..." Taemin uttered, he felt guilty and he could only make things right by confessing.

"Oh, who?" Jongin asked, trying not to come across as possessive, but failed.

"You don't need to know, because I kissed them, and they pushed me away; I was in the wrong, I just didn't want to lie-"

"-Was it Key?" Jongin cut in.

"Yeah..." 

"I thought so.." Jongin whispered, looking away sadly.

"Jongin, please don't be mad at him, I did it for a stupid reason, okay?" Taemin sighed, cupping Jongin's face delicately to face him.

"I'm not mad at him.."


	24. Lovecat's

"So, you're mad at me?" Taemin sighed, letting go of Jongin's face in defeat.

"No, I'm mad at myself; you wouldn't have done that if it weren't for me, come here~" Jongin whined and beckoned Taemin closer, taking his face into his hands before crashing their lips together, Taemin moaned into the kiss; his eyes fluttered closed, Jongin was usually a passionate lover, but this kiss was fierce.

The kiss broke slowly, Taemin looked up at Jongin confused, smiling foolishly at his lover "What was that for?" He cackled at the younger's actions.

"I wanted to get Key off of your lips..." Jongin whispered against Taemin's cheek huskily.

"Hmm, back to being cheesy I see?" Taemin chuckled quietly, fiddling with Jongin's sweatshirt.

"Of course, it's in my nature~" The younger grinned, taking Taemin's left hand in his, he slid the ring off "Hey, that's mine-" Taemin pouted, trying to snatch it back.

"I forgot to show you the engravement on the inside, calm down sweetheart~" Jongin cooed, presenting the inside to Taemin "What does it say?" The elder pondered.

"It says 'TaeKai forever, 210%' see?" Jongin laughed as Taemin examined it.

"Wow, and I thought you couldn't get any gayer~" Taemin teased, snatching the ring back to put it back on.

"I just love you; I haven't really had time to look anyone else, I was just blinded by your beauty and personality, I don't label myself as gay, I identify as yours~" Jongin rasped with a shit-eating grin, Taemin flicked his nose softly "Well, you just out-gayed yourself, congrats Jongin" He giggled.

"As long as it's with you" Jongin hummed, stroking Taemin's cheekbone tenderly.

"S-Stop getting deep and loving, it makes me embarrassed" Taemin shied away.

"I like making you blush, though~" 

"You're evil Kim Jongin..." 

"You love me as I am, though, so love the evilness within me too~" Jongin uttered, a strange 'evil' smile plastered on his face.

"Yes, I love you too, you big baby" Taemin chortled, planting small kisses on Jongin's hand.

"You're going to Japan tomorrow, right?" Jongin questioned, pinching Taemin's bottom lip lightly.

"Yup, then you come to Japan the following day, right?" Taemin spoke funnily with his lip protruding out like that, he was endearing in his own special way sometimes.

"Yeah~" Jongin snickered, letting go of the elder's lip.

"It'd be nice to go Hakone again, seen as though it's cold now" Taemin hummed, knowing full well that they're both too busy as of late, it was a nice thought, though.

"Yeah, that'll be nice, hopefully, we can meet up in Japan in couple days but we probably have no time to go to Hakone again; we should plan a trip for next year, perhaps~?" Jongin suggested; dropping his head against Taemin's shoulder, the TV was screening adverts quietly; they never watched TV properly, both of them had a fear of seeing their own faces or cringe references to their bands.

"Mhm, maybe somewhere different, in the US or Europe, I'd like to go to Switzerland again someday, maybe I'll bring you with me next time, seen as though you've never been to Europe" Taemin mumbled a reply, running his finger's through Jongin's hair, it was relaxing for the younger, also it distracted Taemin from thinking too much.

"I've been to London once" Jongin chuckled, playing with the small tear on Taemin's sweatpants, the threads stood up and his light skin stood out through the deep gray surrounding it.

"I've been there too, I've been to France, Spain, Russia and the Czech Republic; along with Switzerland, and a couple airports; I'm going back to Paris in June too, I wish you could come with us" Taemin chirped, bragging about his various trips.

"No fair, I want you to take me to all of those places in the future, then we should go on an a road trip in America or something~" Jongin smiled, feeling warm inside as he thought about the future, hopefully by then they'll be married and free.

"Mmm, we'll do it when we're in our forties and start going grey" Taemin giggled when Jongin outwardly groaned at the thought.

"No way, I'm staying this young forever, do you think I'll still be this sexy when I'm forty?" Jongin quizzed.

"You're not even sexy now Nini, so probably not~" Taemin teased, laughing at Jongin's fake upset face.

"I must be somewhat sexy, I mean you spread your legs pretty quickly for me the first time-"

"-Yah!" Taemin cut in, pulling his hair.

"Ow! It's the truth, though.." Jongin whined, rubbing his head pathetically.

"You know it's not, we were both nervous as fuck" Taemin grumbled, kissing Jongin's scalp better.

"Well, I enjoyed it, I did plan it after all" Jongin purred.

"You said it was a spur of the moment thing!? Now that I think about it, you had lube and condoms... You little bitch.." Taemin gasped as the revelation settled in.

"Well, I wanted it to happen and clearly you did too, so I thought I'd wait for your birthday that year, forgive me?" Jongin whined, pulling Taemin into an awkward side hug.

"I seriously can't believe I thought it wasn't planned, wow I'm dumb" Taemin chuckled as realisation dawned on him, shoving Jongin to lie down on top of him "At least I was less crazy then" He added with a yawn.

"You're not crazy Tae, but you were cuter back then~" Jongin taunted the elder.

"I wasn't cute back then, 2012 is when I became manlier" Taemin laughed, grabbing the remote control to change the channel when he saw their Running Man episode coming up on the preview, it was a wonder why TV constantly repeated programmes.

"Boy came back as a man, your favourite phrase, but after 2012 you became more sexual on stage; with the exception of the 'I' word" Jongin mumbled, flashbacks to 'Internet Wars' drowning his thoughts.

"Are you still upset about that?" Taemin giggled, opting to turn the TV off as there was absolutely nothing on. 

"Not really, I just wish they picked the correct Kim Jong something for that performance" Jongin pouted, he was forever jealous of Jonghyun's role at that time, and the fact that they continued to perform it all year long, then repeated it in 2013 too got to him; they weren't together then but Taemin could sense a change in their 'fuck buddy' life, it was more possessive and rough, but Jongin didn't admit it then.

"That was only a few days after my birthday, I just imagine Jonghyun Hyung as a very short you; don't tell him that though~" Taemin smirked, planting small kisses on the tanned man's neck.

"You liar!" Jongin let out a faux sob.

"It's true I promise; when we initially started practising that I kept messing up, because they wanted me to look sexually infatuated with Hyung, and I didn't know shit about sex, then my birthday came around and I finally knew how to get it right, so I closed my eyes and thought of you, I'm pretty sure Jonghyun thought about someone else too~" Taemin cooed, peppering more kisses against the other's cheek.

"I'm glad I have some use's" Jongin grinned.

"You have loads of use's idiot"

"Yeah, somehow I got Lee Taemin to love me, I'm super lucky~~" Jongin joked, running his finger's over the other's back lightly.

"Of course" Taemin replied, rolling his eyes.

"When I took your virginity, did it hurt? I don't think I asked much when it happened, I kinda feel bad..." Jongin asked with care in his voice, he wasn't one to let subjects go.

"I-It was fine seriously, you did ask; you pestered me for weeks about it, I'll admit that it hurt a little but it was fine..." Taemin blushed, mumbling against Jongin's neck.

 

The walk from the SHINee dorm to the EXO dorm took about 30 minutes, but it was nice to get out; now that they were both idols, it was tricky to be in public, but with their hoods up and mouth masks on they were unstoppable. Jongin had turned up to the dorm uninvited at 10 am, it was a shock for Taemin because Jongin wasn't a morning person, but schedules change your sleeping habits; he practically dragged Taemin out of the dorm and yelled a 'Goodbye, it's Taeminnie's birthday~' to the other member's and manager present. 

Taemin's blood ran cold with nerve's, sure he had met all of the EXO members previously but he'd never intruded their personal space before, the elevator ride up to the apartment was awkwardly quiet, Jongin had been quiet all morning; when Taemin asked what was wrong he just said 'I'm thinking' or 'I'm tired'. Taemin followed Jongin in tow, the younger pushed the pin into the security pad, Taemin's heart pounded against his ribs, he shouldn't be nervous about going to a dorm full of people he knew, but he was just hoping it would just be him and Jongin.

"It's just you and me, I hope you don't mind~" Jongin sang as he opened the door, gesturing for Taemin to go in first "Of course, that's fine" he smiled, relief ran through him.

The dorm was spacious, it had to be, Taemin took off his shoes quietly, crouching down, he looked up at Jongin who was just standing and kicking his shoes off of each foot their eyes met once, the position was compromising, Taemin's face level with Jongin's groin, Taemin snapped his head down quickly, his hands shook as he tried to undo the stubborn lace's. Jongin walked around him, waddling off into the kitchen, Taemin let out the breath he didn't know he was holding in, placing his shoes by the door, there were pairs strewn everywhere by the door; it was a wonder how they knew which were theirs.

Jongin popped his head around the corner with a dumb smile "Do you want something to eat?" He asked nicely, helping Taemin out of his jacket as he wandered over to him, there was always a comfortable air that surrounded them, things came naturally between them. Taemin nodded, playfully pushing Jongin aside to snoop around the kitchen, it was packed with food, you could feed an army with the number of ramen packets in the first cupboard Taemin had opened "Wow~" He chuckled.

"Hey, you can't just act like you own the place~" Jongin wisecracked, opening the fridge while cackling at his own joke.

"You act like our dorm is your own place, so I can do what I want" Taemin retorted, poking his tongue out at Jongin as he sat on the countertop, Jongin rolled his eyes and placed a few plastic containers next to Taemin "Jajangmyeon or Tteokbokki, my Mum made them for your birthday~" Jongin offered, pointing at the containers with a grin on his face "Both~" Taemin chanted, Jongin nodded, placing some into dishes to reheat them, they went into the microwave with a few buttons clicked.

Jongin sauntered over to Taemin, his hands dropping to pat his thighs "So, 20?" Jongin smiled, his eyes crinkled at the edges, Taemin returned a smile, looking at the hands on his lap "Yeah, I feel like I've achieved a lot for a 20-year-old" He whispered the reply like a secret, he looked up to meet Jongin's gaze again, his breath hitched at Jongin expression, they kissed a lot, so he knew what was coming.

Beep Beep

The microwave interrupted them, Jongin flushed, stepping away from the boy sitting on the counter to tend to the food, Taemin watched him silently, Jongin never blushed in front of him, it was strange, he'd get to the bottom of Jongin's weird behaviour later surely. He hopped off to help Jongin, there wasn't much help needed with reheated food, but in all honestly he was just hungry and wanted to start on the tteokbokki, he stole the plate along with a set of chopsticks on the side.

"Those are my chopsticks, I got you a disposable pair" Jongin pouted, holding up the wooden sticks.

"I wanna use these ones, so you use those you butthead" Taemin chuckled, already sitting at the table and eating the rice cakes greedily, the sauce clung to his lips.

"Alright" Jongin puffed out a fake annoyed sigh, sitting next to Taemin.

They were always quiet when they ate, who wasn't; people who talked with their mouths full were the biggest sinner's in this world, but it also meant they eat too quickly. Taemin slouched down in his chair as Jongin placed the bowls into the sink, he could probably eat another bowl but he didn't want to pig out a few days before a concert, the lights flicked off; Taemin saw little flames glowing against Jongin's face, as he held a plate and sang happy birthday while returning to the table. Taemin covered his face in embarrassment, which made Jongin sing with more enthusiasm as he placed the cake in front of Taemin.

"Blow the candles out and make a wish~" Jongin cooed, turning the cake, so the '20' shaped candle faced the birthday boy, Taemin blew them out in unison, closing his eyes as he made a wish "What did you wish for?" Jongin questioned as he handed the knife to Taemin to cut the first slice.

"None of your business Kai~" Taemin giggled, cutting a slice but not bothering to serve it, Jongin dipped his finger in the cream and wiped it on Taemin's cheek with a smirk, he knew what he just instigated but he didn't care, next thing he knew there was a piece of cake flying at his face, he dodged, gasping when it hit the wall, he turned back at Taemin to scold him but another flying bit of cake cut him off, it hit him on the chin, cream staining his shirt as it fell to the ground. 

Jongin charged at Taemin, grabbing the whole cake and ruthlessly shoving it in Taemin's face, it slid off with comedic timing, Taemin swiped a bit off his chin and popped it in his mouth "Mmm vanilla~" He moaned at the taste of the sponge cake, cackling along with Jongin as he laughed at his crumbly cake-face. Jongin wiped some off of Taemin's face and tried it too, making the situation funnier, Taemin smacked his lips together, using the cream as a lip gloss, Jongin edged closer, taking a taste of the whipped cream first-hand, Taemin melted into the kiss, laughing into Jongin's mouth when he was dipped back dramatically, as they broke apart Jongin kept his hands wrapped around the elder's waist, they stared back at each other as if there was a question hung thick in the air.

"L-Lets watch a movie or something, you can clean yourself up in the bathroom while I get the cake stain off of the wall" Jongin stuttered out, letting go of Taemin as he strode to get cleaning supplies. Taemin nodded, waddling over to the open bathroom by the kitchen, he closed the door behind himself, he glanced at the mirror, cake and cream clung to his cheeks, but he could still see the blush shining through, his hands were shaking as he cleaned off the cake, he took a while, he just liked looking presentable in front of Jongin, when he returned to the kitchen it was empty, as was the living room.

"I'm in here~" Jongin's voice called from one of the rooms, he followed it, Jongin was sat on one of three beds in the room, his legs were crossed with a laptop sat in front of him, he smiled and patted the space next to him.

"Who do you room with again?" Taemin asked curiously as he sat by Jongin, staring at the screen, there was a list of movies downloaded in a file.

"Chanyeol Hyung and Kyungsoo Hyung, the room is big enough though~" Jongin answered as he scrolled through the list, Taemin replied with a simple 'ah', his head rested on Jongin's shoulder as the younger read out some titles.

"I don't feel like watching a movie, hmm" Jongin mumbled to himself "What do you want to do birthday boy?" He added with a smile, moving his laptop away by an inch.

"I don't know, I don't mind, as long as I don't have to sing sherlock today~" Taemin laughed, falling back onto Jongin's bed with a sigh, Jongin closed the laptop and placed it on the floor, flopping back next to Taemin.

"Can you imagine having a normal job?" Jongin asked randomly.

"Probably not, I wouldn't have met you then" 

"That's probably the cutest thing you've said~" Jongin cooed, pinching Taemin's cheek lightly.

"I just turned 20, don't give me that crap Jongin" Taemin whined, pushing the hand off of his face.

"You are cute, though" Jongin teased, rolling on top of the elder to pinch his cheeks more.

"I will kill you.." Taemin threatened, his face scrunching up from all of the abuse.

"You'd never do that, who else will deal with your sulking~" Jongin pestered him more, the glare staring back at him was deathly but he knew that there was no substance behind those glowing eyes, flicking his eyes down to the pouty lips he got lost in love again, Jongin joined their lips together softly, Taemin kissed him back with a little more vigour, his tongue slipping into Jongin's mouth needily.

They had kissed more times than they can count, there were times that they were worried it was going too far but other times they both wanted it to go further, Jongin didn't know what it was about kissing Taemin, he didn't know what this secret was between them; but he did know that he wanted more, though. 

He cupped Taemin's dick through his jeans as the kiss deepened, Taemin rolled his hips against it, moaning into their kiss quietly, Jongin's hand rubbed through the rough material more, Taemin keened closer with each stroke.

"You want this?" Jongin asked as he broke the kiss gently, Taemin's eyes were hazy and half-lidded as he looked up at Jongin "Y-Yeah" He squeaked out purely. Jongin mouthed 'ok' to himself as he crashed his lips against Taemin's again, his hand went to unbuckle Taemin's belt with much difficulty, in the end, Taemin helped him undo it.

The kissed turned a little sloppy when Jongin slipped his hand into Taemin's boxers, he began stroking it slowly and it drove Taemin insane, he was wriggling and squirming beneath him, their teeth clashed together and the elder nipped Jongin's top lip by accident, the bitter taste of iron painted their tongues but it went unnoticed as Taemin started pulling at Jongin's belt.

Everything around them seemed to freeze as they became more turned on, and their clothes started coming off, they were stroking each other as they kissed in the nude, all the pent up sexual frustration was coming out in one big mess of limbs. 

"Wait!" Taemin moaned into the kiss, Jongin broke apart from him hesitantly, breathing hard as they stopped all of their movements "W-What is it?" Jongin breathed.

"I'm going to bottom, aren't I?" Taemin pondered aloud, he looked terrified.

"Uhm, yeah, if you don't mind?" 

"It's not that I mind, I've a-always imagined it this way; it's just I'm scared it's going to hurt, I have to dance an-"

"-I promise I won't hurt you Tae, I never will" Jongin cut it to Taemin's worry. 

"O-Okay, do you know what you're doing?" Taemin questioned, it was funny how a conversation could spark between them in the oddest situation, but it was best to get the concerns out of the way.

"Yeah, I've watched enough porn" Jongin admitted shyly, they rarely talked about porn; unlike most boys, so it was weird hearing it from Jongin.

"You watch gay porn too?" Taemin quizzed.

"Yeah, c-can we continue?" Jongin whined, frustrated clearly; he couldn't take it all in at once, Taemin naked beneath him, hard and willing; if maybe nervous.

"Okay" 

"I have lube, oh and condoms.." Jongin mentioned as he reached under his bed, a small black bag in his hand.

"That's good, should we skip to that part because I think I'm going to cum already, that's also why I made you stop..." Taemin revealed with a blush creeping up his neck.

"Oh, same.." Jongin laughed coyly "If I do this slowly it won't hurt as much, so be patient; it'll feel good eventually" He continued tensely, leaning down to leave a small kiss on Taemin's nose.

Taemin nodded, breathing deeply as he spread his legs for his best friend, Jongin gulped as he fiddled with the bottle of lube, the elder just closed his eyes and anticipated it, he heard a squirting noise and couldn't help but laugh, Jongin shook his head; would Taemin ever be mature about anything? He was literally lying naked beneath him and laughing at a noise because it sounded like a fart. Jongin spread Taemin's legs further, he was flexible enough and Jongin really didn't want to hurt him, Taemin breathed deeply, his eyes still sealed shut; he just kept telling himself that he trusted Jongin and didn't need to worry about it.

Jongin moved his lube-slick finger's to Taemin's entrance anxiously, he grazed it ever-so-slightly and Taemin jumped, his eyes sprung open "S-Sorry I didn't know you were there, continue!" Taemin squealed, covering his face and nodding furiously for Jongin to continue "It's alright if you want to stop Taemin.." He piped in quietly, Taemin shook his head "Please continue, I want this" The elder encouraged, Jongin nodded to himself, patting Taemin's leg to let him know he was about to start again "W-Wait-" Taemin sighed "Yes?" Jongin chuckled, removing the arm covering Taemin's face gently "Don't we need a safeword?" Taemin asked genuinely, his face contoured with worry adorably.

"What porn have you been watching?" Jongin replied puzzled, trying not to laugh at Taemin's naive suggestion. 

"Normal porn shhh, I'm serious..." 

"We can make one if it makes you feel better, doesn't it have to be something random that we don't mention in daily life?" 

"How about 'Sooman'?" Taemin cackled.

"No, just no." Jongin scoffed, flicking Taemin's thigh playfully "Piccolo..?" Jongin recommended; Taemin nodded, holding back the laugh caught in his throat "Piccolo it is" He replied, Jongin smiled patting the other's legs apart properly again "Anything else before I continue?" Jongin asked with a snicker.

"I trust you, now do your thing.." Taemin giggled, the word 'trust' warmed Jongin's heart more than he thought it would, it was all the reassurance he needed to take control. 

He pushed in his middle finger slowly, it was tight and Taemin let out a grunt "Relax, it hurt's more when you're tense, just go limp, you trust me, right?" Jongin spoke softly, kissing Taemin's leg delicately, Taemin's body went flaccid immediately, Jongin cooed "Good boy" under his breath, pushing past the first ring of muscle, Taemin winced soundlessly "It's okay.." He urged the younger.

Jongin got his finger in past the knuckle, cheering internally for getting this far, he squirted some more lube on his finger's and some on Taemin's hole too, he decided that there could never be too much lube, and he thought that was better than hurting Taemin. 

The elder jolted about when he started moving his finger around carefully "S-Sorry, am I going too fast?" Jongin stumbled on his question, halting his finger again "N-Nope it's just weird, just hurry up so I don't think about it too much" Taemin soothed quietly.

Jongin nodded apprehensively, he moved his finger about, pushing against the tight walls as he squeezed his second finger in gradually, he kept it slow, but didn't freeze every time Taemin shuddered or made a noise, they had a safeword for whatever reason, and Taemin could always use it if it got too much.

He scissored his fingers gently inside Taemin, stretching the hole tenderly, he'd seen it countless time's in porn and he wanted to get this right, he knew porn wasn't always accurate so he searched up advice on anal sex a few times, it was all out of innocence and not wanting to hurt Taemin if they were ever to do it. He dipped his finger's in, to switch up from the stretching feeling, Taemin's back arched and his hands went to fist the sheets, he let out the most beautiful mix of a moan and a scream.

"Are you okay?" Jongin asked concerned, halting his movements again.

"Y-Yes, c-can you do t-that again?" Taemin breathed.

Jongin repeated his action again, the same reaction from Taemin occurred again, realisation dawned on Jongin as he started stroking his digits against the elder's sweet spot, the gorgeous body beneath him twisted in pleasure, with that distraction; he mustered up the courage to slowly slip in a third finger, stretching the elder enough, he tested the water's by fucking his finger's in and out of him, it was slippery and smooth enough to consider going further.

"Jongin I'm going to c-cum at this rate, can you?" Taemin moaned, his legs quaking, giving permission for Jongin to continue without mentioning it.

Jongin nodded, slipping his finger's out and grabbing the packet of condoms with shaking hands, he tore open a wrapper carefully before slipping the item on his cock, he was embarrassingly still hard from Taemin's moans and elegant body. Lining his erection up with Taemin's hole, he started pushing in slowly, tightness and warmth surrounded him, he let out a low groan before leaning down to join his lips with Taemin's again, Taemin's long slender legs wrapped around him needily.

They hungrily kissed each other as Jongin slid his full length in, Taemin gasped lewdly into the other's mouth, the kiss broke soon after, Jongin stilled to let Taemin adjust "I feel so full, it's blissful.." Taemin groaned, stroking Jongin's cheek lovingly "Move" He commanded simply.

Their moans filled the room as Jongin began thrusting in and out like clockwork, he went slow and deep, he wanted it to last; knowing they hadn't done this before, it gave him a little confidence to create his own pace.

"I.." Taemin groaned, his breathing cut off his sentence in parts "L-Love" He tried to continue but one particular thrust hit his sweet spot dead on "Ah! Fuck- I'm gonna c-cum" Taemin gasped, his body spasmed in apprehension.

Jongin thrust in at the same angle, Taemin's body shuddered and he tightened around Jongin's cock, cum coating their stomachs in a few spurts, his body went limp as Jongin came into the condom a beat after, he shivered and groaned through his climax, breathing heavily as he pulled out and pushed his forehead against Taemin's.

"Happy birthday.." 

"Idiot..." Taemin chuckled back, leaning up with all of his strength to join their lips again.

"You're having a party tonight, aren't you?" Jongin asked quietly, it felt surreal.

"I do?"

"Oh, you weren't supposed to know that, sorry~" Jongin bit his lip at his mistake, the SHINee Hyung's had planned a small surprise get-together for later, that's why Jongin had to get him out of the dorm; the EXO members were at the SHINee dorm helping with the plan.

"Oh goodness Jongin, I'll act surprised don't worry~" Taemin mused happily, cuddling up to Jongin.

"I'll give you your present later"

"Oh, I thought I already received it" Taemin smirked giddily. 

"This wasn't planned, hun" The lie slipped off Jongin's tongue easily.

 

"Piccolo~" Jongin teased as he thought back to that time.

"I still can't look at Key straight, when he told me he was cosplaying him, I just went blank for like 3 hours; it's seriously the worst inside joke I could be involved with" Taemin grumbled, kissing Jongin's chin affectionately.

"It's not an inside joke, it's our safeword, the word we never need to mention" Jongin howled in laughter, Taemin got up and stretched with a yawn bubbling in his throat.

"You never know, maybe one day I'll tie you to a chair and torment you till you have to use it~" Taemin laughed childishly, as he spun on his foot to go back to bed, the flight to Japan was in the afternoon and he wanted to wake up to spend time with his lovely fiance in the morning.

"I like the sound of that~" Jongin growled, speeding after Taemin and tackling him onto the bed.

Taemin giggled as his sides were attacked with tickles, his pathetic attempts to push Jongin off went unnoticed.

"I love you, Kim Taemin" Jongin grinned as he stopped his 'savage' attack.

"I love you, too, you big sap" Taemin replied tiredly.


	25. Grammy

Taemin sat in the Japanese dorm quietly, the room around him seemed to be buzzing with energy, it was like his schedule and Jongin's schedules always clashed, they were never in the same country at the same time, fate wasn't on their sides and Taemin just sulked silently. He didn't even know why they were in Japan, of course, they had to plan for Tokyo Dome and various promotions; one involving cats? Okay. 

One of the managers handed him a schedule list, it was packed, May was going to be a long month; the high demand from the company was mind-boggling, he snapped a picture of the sheet and sent it to Jongin.

Taeuwu: /photo/ kill me seriously.

Jonghyun flopped on the couch beside the youngest, his legs taking refuge on Taemin's lap "How are things~?" He sounded chirpy, he was focused on his phone, this Hyung was always on his phone.

"I'm alright, you?" Taemin replied shortly, attempting to push the legs off his lap but failing.

"That's not a proper answer Taeminniekins~" Jonghyun sang, kicking his legs about softly (annoyingly).

"My boyfriend and I can't be together because our nation is ignorant, in more recent news he's 'dating' your friend; and as a result, people are breaching his privacy; he's miserable and won't admit it to me, our relationship has suffered as a result, sooner or later I'm probably going to get sasaeng's knocking at my door" Taemin sighed, patting Jonghyun's shins.

"Mhm, sounds shitty, Taemin I'm gonna be honest and tell you that I think the company knows about you two; Soojung has been snooping around the SM building and she heard some stuff..." Jonghyun murmured, handing his phone over to Taemin.

Taemin read through the chat between Krystal and Jonghyun and his eyes widened.

f(soojungie): Oppa~~ 

KJjong08: Soojung~ ^0^

f(soojungie): I know it's all I talk about lately, but I'm worried about Kai and your precious maknae ;A;

KJjong08: What's wrong? o_o

f(soojungie): Sighs, I was eavesdropping at the company today, I think it was an EXO manager and one of the publicists?? idek. They were chatting and I heard my name and listened in 'well it's best that Krystal stay's by Kai, and that troublesome maknae from SHINee stays as far away from Kai; he's packed with schedules all over, Japan, Chicago and Paris'   
They just kept mentioning keeping them apart :(   
f(soojungie): Do you know Taemin's schedule, I'm required to have a copy of Kai's already ^^"

KJjong08: No, I don't; I'll get a copy of his when I see him next ^3^

Taemin's face paled, his eyes cast to the manager across the room, Jonghyun applied more weight on Taemin's lap; he looked thirty seconds away from pouncing on the main manager and pulling his guts out with his bare hands, too graphic? Probably not, Taemin glared at Jonghyun, the information chilled his veins; all he saw was red.

Buzz Buzz

Taemin's phone snapped him out of his trance, he slid it out of his pocket, unlocking it quickly as he saw it was from Jongin.

KimJongKai: /photo/ here's mine, I'm going to be in Japan free for one day, the rest is the fan meet, and then I fly back ;~; how come's you keep flying back alone??  
KimJongKai: I'm flying to Japan today quq 

Taemin sighed, he wanted to tell Jongin but he didn't want Jongin to go ape shit crazy on one of the EXO managers, he showed the text to Jonghyun with a huff "What do I say?" Taemin questioned quietly.

Jonghyun took the phone, typing out a sentence and showing the finished message to Taemin, the younger nodded, taking the phone and pressing send.

Taeuwu: Is it possible to come to our dorm? I'm sure you're not urgently needed at the hotel right away~ ^^

KimJongKai: I can pull some strings, or sneak out? ;) We'll probably land within 2 hours~ 


	26. One Dance

Jongin stayed quiet, he could hear his heartbeat thump in his ears, his manager stood next to him with anger in his eyes "Are you going to tell me Jongin?" The manager hissed.

"Sehun wanted snacks, and so did I..." Jongin whispered, trying to hide his terrified state from the daunting man before him.   
"I know that, but you've been gone for hours, haven't you?"

"Y-Yeah, I got lost.." Jongin gulped, the door dinged to signal they'd arrived at their floor, Jongin slipped out of the lift quickly but the manager caught the back of his shirt.

“You went to see SHINee, didn’t you?” The older man sighed, loosening his grip on Jongin’s t-shirt.

“Y-Yeah, Jonghyun-Hyung borrowed something of mine and I went to get it back; and you know what that band is like, I just lost track of time..” Jongin lied, a fake smile plastered on his face.

“Oh okay, just let me know next time; anything could have happened in this city, now get some rest” The man smiled weakly, before turning on his heel and walking the other direction. Jongin all but sprinted to his room, swiping the key card a couple times before tumbling into the room and locking the door behind him.

“Oh Sehun!” Jongin shouted as the door closed, he heard a light switch go off and a quilt rustling.

“Don’t pretend to sleep, I’m not mad, I’m just terrified. I got your snacks..” Jongin whined, the figure in the bed sat up and turn the side lamp on again at the mention of snacks.

“I’m sorry bro, the manager came by and I said you were in the bathroom; but then he hung about for like 45 minutes and you obviously didn’t leave the bathroom, so he opened the door and saw no one in there..” Sehun explained, leaning over and grabbing the bag of snacks as if he was innocent. 

“I think I got away with it; but he doesn’t really know the truth, I said I was getting something back from Jonghyun-Hyung but I was just seeing Ta-”

“-Taemin, I know; I’m not stupid Kai, I knew SHINee were here and when Taemin is somewhere, you’re there too” Sehun cut in, a chuckle ripping from his throat as he opened a bag of crisps.

“Well, he is my best friend..” Jongin sighed as he threw himself onto the empty bed, his stomach twisted in his initial fear of being caught; he couldn’t see himself eating any of the glorious snacks Sehun was diving into.

“Yup, super duper best friend~” Sehun mumbled as he munched on a handful of crisps, the crumbs collected around his mouth.

“Mhm, what is that supposed to mean?” Jongin muttered, closing his eyes tiredly.

“Nothing, I’m just saying you’re really close; I wouldn’t be surprised if you got married one day” Sehun muttered as he tore open a packet of kit kats.

Jongin smiled to himself, one day that’d be true and hopefully Sehun will be present to say ‘I told ya’ so’ but for now he wanted to keep it quiet.

“Ugh, I wanna eat more but I’m so tired, can’t you feed me while I sleep?” Sehun yawned, dusting the crumbs off of his lap.

“Nah, just get some rest; the crisps will still be there in the morning” Jongin laughed, taking the snacks away from his peer to put them aside.

“Stop making sense dickhead..” Sehun whined before getting back into bed properly, Jongin just called out a quiet ‘good night’ before stripping to his boxers to get into his own bed too.

 

A couple weeks passed and Taemin had been all over and not seen Jongin once, a few calls and texts here and there but it wasn’t enough; it was driving him insane.

He flopped into his bed in the Japanese dorm, they’d just arrived back in Seoul from Chicago and had to fly back to Tokyo the next day; he just wanted to punch something or someone at this point.

Kibum was already asleep in the bed beside his, Taemin had a couple cigarette breaks outside; like a habit that wouldn’t die, he felt irritable and anxious. Jongin was being odd with him, like he was hiding something from him; probably to protect him, but he didn’t need protecting at this point, he was too far gone.

Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he pulled his exhausted body under the blanket; the stench of nicotine surrounded him, because he quit smoking as much as he did smoke, he never got too used to the smell. It felt empty in the single bed, it felt like there was too much space that wasn’t filled with body warmth, he shook nervously; he had bad nights often but he couldn’t turn off his thoughts in any moment recently.

“Taemin-ah..” Kibum’s sleepy voice echoed through the small room, making the younger jump a little at the sudden breach in silence.

“Mm?” Taemin sighed back, but he didn’t get a reply; he just saw Kibum’s blanket lift as an invitation. 

Taemin didn’t hesitate to throw himself into the bed with his Hyung, Kibum’s inviting arms wrapped around him easily; they often shared beds in their band, it was a normal exchange of comfort.

“You miss Jongin, right? It’s written large, you can talk to me, you idiot..” Kibum sighed, his fingers ran through Taemin’s light locks of hair affectionately.

“I don’t know what to say, though, you already know what’s wrong with me because you can read me like a book…” 

“It’s better to talk it out sweetie; if you say things aloud it makes things easier sometimes” Kibum wised, wrapping the duvet around Taemin tighter.

“I don’t want to burst into tears or anything stupid because that’s what I feel like doing at the moment; just torn to pieces and upset..” Taemin whispered, his head was resting on the elder’s arm and a frown was painted across his face.

“You can cry Taemin, we all feel like a loose cannon sometimes..” 

“But it’s all I do recently, I am a constant loose cannon; I just want to be happy but I feel helpless..” Taemin admitted bitterly, closing his eyes in hope that sleep would take over him soon.

“You’ll be alright someday, just get some sleep and we can talk in the morning” Kibum cooed as he pulled the younger closer, it wasn’t cold at all but the younger craved affection.

“Mm” Was the only reply Taemin managed before passing out.

The morning was chaotic, there wasn’t even a chance to say ‘good morning’ to Kibum let alone have a conversation; they had rehearsals at Kyocera dome in Osaka all day until the concert in the evening, the few breaks they got weren’t long enough and the stress of the approaching concert made it hard to focus.

When the concert came around they all performed their hearts out, Taemin flopped onto the couch backstage and he felt someone sit on his stomach; Jonghyun hummed his song ‘Crazy’ as he got comfortable.

“Hyung you’re squishing meeee” Taemin whined in fake annoyance, wiggling his legs around in an attempt to get the man off of him but somebody sat on his legs too; Jinki’s voice joined in as he began singing the lyrics to ‘Crazy’.

“Yahh! Get off of him” Kibum moaned as he walked into the room, dragging his Hyung’s off of the baby.

“My hero~” Taemin squealed as he wriggled free, the manager stepped in and mumbled about going back to the dorm.

“C’mon, let’s get up and go!” Minho cheered and started grabbing his stuff to get changed into his regular clothes.

The drive back to the dorm was quiet, all of the members fell asleep minus the maknae, who stared at his phone waiting for something to happen; the car halted at a set of lights, the street was pretty clear and the manager was tutting and sighing as he waited for the lights to change.

“Taemin why don’t you sleep too, it’s a long drive back to the dorm from here..” His voice whispered in the quiet car.

“I’m not sleepy yet, I’ll try in a bit..” Taemin whispered back, Jonghyun stirred in his sleep beside him so he bit his tongue to not wake the elder.

“Alright..” 

Taemin was the first out of the car, followed by Jinki who had woken up during the drive when they went over a hard bump and the elder had stirred and complained for ten minutes straight.

They raced up the stairs with the little amount of energy they had left, Jinki managed to win as he pushed ahead and ‘cheated’ in Taemin’s eyes; they heard the other members sluggishly enter the building down the flights of stairs as Jinki opened the door chuckling breathlessly.

Taemin occupied the shower before Kibum had even entered the apartment, he shouted hoarse complaint’s through the locked bathroom door, silly statements like ’I’m older, I should get the first shower’.

It was early morning by the time they finally got into bed, Taemin skipped getting into his own bed and just opted for Kibum’s because he didn’t want to waste hours not sleeping; he was too exhausted for that. Having Kibum’s warmth beside him was enough to help him drift into sleep.

Taemin woke up when he felt Kibum get out of bed, he didn’t want to wake up yet so he kept his eyes sealed shut in hopes that he'd fall asleep again; picking his phone once he gave up trying.

The lock screen presented a few notifications, he unlocked it with a yawn.

KimJongKai: I’ve been quiet, I’m sorry love.. 2:33am  
KimJongKai: It’s because my manager caught me the last time; when I snuck out… I didn’t want to worry you, but he soaked up the lie I told him and I think it’s alright.. 2:36am  
KimJongKai: I really fucking miss you, I can’t even sleep; I want to stay at your place but we’re too busy preparing for the comeback ;w; 2:56am  
KimJongKai: I’m glad you’re sleeping, though, that makes me happy… It’s 3am, wake up and entertain me T^T 3:01am  
KimJongKai: I bet you’re dreaming about me ;) 3:14am  
KimJongKai: I bet it’s a dirty dram ;))))) 3:14am  
KimJongKai: *dream fuck.. 3:15am  
KimJongKai: Hello, 4am. 4:03am  
KimJongKai: I have to go to dance practice in an hour .___. 4:05am  
KimJongKai: Good luck with the concert babe!! xxx 4:46am

 

Taemin smiled at the spam-like messages Jongin had sent, he sent back a simple ‘I love you, idiot..’ because he knew Jongin was just as busy as he was as of late; he missed the closeness to Jongin but there was nothing he could physically do to change it.

 

Jongin sat against the cold mirror in the dance studio, his sweaty back clung to it disgustingly. The dance instructor was mad at him because he kept messing up the routine for the rest of the members. 

‘Stop thinking about Krystal!’ He had shouted a couple thousand times and Jongin was fuming; he had off days just like everybody else, he was lacking sleep and that added to his anger. A couple other members laughed at the ‘Krystal’ comments because they were none the wiser, it hurt his pride.

“You alright?” Joonmyun asked quietly as he sat next to him, handing him a cold bottle of water.

“Yeah, just tired” Jongin mumbled, he didn’t want to talk to anyone; he knew his Hyung was only trying to help but he wasn’t in the right state of mind.

Joonmyun nodded, he remained quiet as he could sense the uneasy tone running through Jongin’s voice, the dance instructor had been unreasonable because the younger was usually one of the best in the group.

“When can I leave?” Jongin questioned blankly, his teeth gritted together as he heard Chanyeol make a ‘Thinking about Krystal’ joke for the hundredth time since the instructor started it.

“Not for another hour I think…” Joonmyun hummed the reply, his eyes were casting around the room at the other members.

“I need the toilet, let the staff know if they ask” Jongin yawned as he sprung up to his feet, grabbing his backpack on his way out, Joonmyun nodded as the younger stormed out.

“Fuck this..” Jongin whispered to himself as he snuck out of the building, there were fans spread across the other side of the lot but he managed to get by unnoticed. He ran around the other side of the block as he heard someone squeal his name, he kept running for 20 minutes before reaching Taemin’s apartment. 

He slammed the door behind himself, it was dark and quiet in the apartment. The stale smell of nicotine and dust filled his senses as he slumped against the door, he opened his bag to fetch his phone.

Taeuwu: I love you, idiot.. 7:06am

Jongin grinned stupidly, clicking the call feature without a second thought, it dialled for a while, each ring sent a bad feeling to Jongin’s stomach.

“Jongin..? I’m backstage” Taemin answered wearily, his voice sounded strained and there was bass pumping in the background. 

“Oh, I totally forgot..” 

“It’s fine, I’m in the waiting room while Key is performing; I perform last, so I have a little bit of time..” Taemin replied, it sounded distorted from all of the noises.

“I miss you…” Jongin blurted out because of the scarce time limit.

“I gathered as much, you text spammer, I miss you too” 

“Good luck with your solo stage my feisty soldier” 

“Thank you ahah, I’ll dance till my legs are numb and sing till my throat hurts~~” Taemin laughed lightheartedly, Jongin could hear staff members calling Jonghyun’s name.

“Good..” Jongin smiled weakly, hearing Taemin’s voice made him miss him more and it felt wrong being alone in thei- Taemin’s apartment.

“Are you okay, Nini?” Taemin sang over the line. 

“I want to see you” Jongin sighed, holding back the fact that he had ditched dance. 

“Let me quickly find somewhere quiet, I’ve probably got less than 10 minutes now-” Taemin spoke in a rush, you could hear him get up and wander off like the rebellious child he was.

The facetime request came a few seconds after Taemin put the call down, Jongin answered the call without a hint of hesitation.

“Nini, you look so tired; is that my door?” Taemin pondered as he examined the younger with worry in his eyes.

“Yeah, I just got to your place; I hope you don’t mind” Jongin laughed weakly, Taemin looked so good; his hair was lightened since the last time he saw him and his stage makeup was fierce.

“I don’t mind at all, do you like my jacket?” Taemin smiled as he angled his camera at the tasselled jacket proudly, he swung his chest about to show off the movement.

“It’s wonderful, very MJ~” Jongin gleamed with sparkling eyes, he couldn’t conceal the stress in his face, though.

“What’s wrong, Daddy~?” Taemin teased, but his voice was laced with concern nonetheless.

“Stop calling me that, I left dance in a huff because the instructor was pissed at me; I’m such a child..” Jongin confessed, a laugh escaped him at Taemin’s ongoing ‘daddy’ game.

“Oh, Nini; that’s alright, just apologise and say you were sick. We all have off days and you haven’t slept which isn’t normal for you, my sleepy teddy bear, don’t worry too much..” Taemin cooed, his hair fell into his eyes as he made his usual over-the-top gestures, he winced thinking about what the stylist would say.

“Do you have any cigs at your place?” Jongin quizzed tiredly, he rarely smoked; he could probably count a number of cigarettes he’d smoked on his finger’s, and maybe his toes also.

“Yeah, why?” Taemin mumbled, squinting his eyes in a glare to seem threatening.

“Cause’ I want to eat them, what do you think Tae?” Jongin joked, flipping his hair out of his face.

“They’re in the fridge” Taemin snorted, rolling his eyes.

“Why?” Jongin asked, clearly confused by the concept.

“It keeps them fresh, sweetie~”

“Ah, right” 

“I need to go..” Taemin whined, clearly soaked with his minor stage fright.

“Alright, you’ll do well; I love you” 

“I love you too” Taemin grinned widely as he blew a kiss and ended the call.

Jongin got up after a few moments, waddling over to the fridge with a sigh; he opened the door and saw about ten packets of twenty Marlboro red; grabbing one before closing the door.

The drawer that had a small collection of cutlery had a few lighters in there, he picked up a silvery glitter one, laughing at Taemin’s odd taste.

Slipping into the bed with a huff, he lit the first cig and started puffing on it slowly because it had been a while. The feeling of the smoke filling his lungs calmed him in a weird way.

Buzz Buzz

He looked down at his phone.

‘Soojung’ the screen displayed the contact.

“Hello?” Jongin answered after taking another drag.

“Kai, I need your help; can I see you?”

“Of course, I’m at Taemin’s; what’s up?” Jongin queried, bringing the cancer stick to his lips again.

“I’m on my way..” Soojung mumbled before cutting the call off.

“Huh..” Jongin mumbled to himself, before shrugging and taking another puff.


	27. Keep On Keeping On

Jongin heard the door bell go off about ten minutes after Soojung had phoned so he knew who it was without asking, he hit the door release and waited with the door open. 

"I'm sorry about this.." Soojung sighed as she let herself in, she looked flustered; as if she'd ran there.

"It's fine, I shouldn't even be here right now but what's up?" Jongin chuckled as he closed the door lightly, Soojung just wandered over to the couch and sank into it; she looked tired, it wasn't a surprise.

Jongin wandered into the kitchen and looked around for a drink because he didn't want to be a horrible host, not that he owned the place; he came back with a can of coke because that is all there was in Taemin's deserted fridge full of cigarettes.

"Here, have a drink, are you okay?" Jongin questioned while offering the drink, she took it gladly as he sat beside her.

"Yeah, I'm just exhausted in all honesty.." She grumbled before taking a huge gulp of the sugary drink.

"You mentioned that you needed my help on the phone..?" Jongin queried, twitching to have another cigarette but he didn't want to smoke in front of the other. 

"O-Oh that was just back then, I managed to outrun them.." Soojung explained in a whisper, her eyes focused on the drink in her dainty hands; Jongin huffed when he worked out what the problem was.

"Sasaeng, eh? Where did they see you?" 

"I was near the company building in a coffee shop and I just exited and this fan was already running for some reason and then she saw me and I had to run, good thing I wore trainers today; I had to hide in a bush for 10 minutes, then I phoned you and you said you were at Tae's, so I ran here because it was close to where I was hiding" Soojung concluded in a long breath, there were leaves in her hair but Jongin didn't want to question her.

"Oh, sorry about that; that fan was probably the same one who shouted out to me, I ran here earlier and maybe she followed.." Jongin mumbled, a sense of guilt hit him but he wouldn't have known that Soojung would suffer from his misconduct.

"It's alright, do you usually run here?" Soojung teased as she kicked off her shoes, so she could pull her knees up; Taemin would be fine with her treating his place comfortably, as she needed to unwind for a little while.

"Nope, not really, it's because I snuck out of dance" 

"Oh, how comes?" She asked with one eyebrow raised in confusion, she knew the bare minimal about Jongin and that was all related to dance; so it came as a shock that he'd miss out on dance.

"I was having a bad day, but I'm all good now" Jongin grinned to back up his statement, making the woman chuckle madly at his silly face.

"How's Taemin?" Soojung mused, she always seemed interested in their relationship and it warmed Jongin's heart to no end; it was nice having support from his 'girlfriend'.

"He seemed alright on the phone earlier, I called him while he was backstage by mistake; He just seems agitated, he is rarely in Korea at the moment, he's been travelling a lot, right now he's in Japan and when he finally comes back here it's just to just fly to Taiwan the same day. I'm worried about him, I'm not saying he needs me but I need to see him; to have peace of mind"

"Yeah, I've done some more snooping around the company building but I have failed as a spy as of late, I can't seem to dig any info up but I'm honestly convinced they know about you and Taemin..." She murmured, she was fiddling with her phone; reading her Instagram comments bitterly.

"They want an update with you.." Soojung laughed, while showing the comments to him; they were all about him or Jessica, and he could see the sadness coaxing her face.

"You should just upload a picture of my middle finger" Jongin snorted, snatching her phone and closing the awful app adding a quiet "Instagram is evil"

"Yeah I know but I like being connected to the fans a little" She giggled at Jongin's childish behaviour. 

"I had it for less than two weeks and didn't know what to do with it, I guess I'm not that good with social media but at least I tried, unlike Tae who just doesn't get it at all"

"I don't think Taemin could handle the comments" The girl added as she took her phone back from Jongin who was taking ugly selfies with her camera.

"Yeah, it doesn't stop him from reading netizen comments, though~" Jongin sang with a forced laugh, his finger's played around with the cigarette box in his hoodie pocket.

"Mhm, we all do that; I should probably head out soon, I have a meeting" Soojung sighed as she checked the time on her phone screen.

"Are you scared the 'fan' is out there?" 

"Yeah.." She laughed nervously.

"I'll call a taxi and I'll walk you to the car once it arrives, you shouldn't risk it" Jongin offered, patting the girls hair awkwardly.

"You're too kind, thank you~" She gleamed as Jongin already started ringing the taxi service.

 

Some days later.

SHINee filtered out of Tokyo Dome, it was a successful second day and they were all emotionally drained; they were always humble and thankful for being able to perform in such prestigious places.

The car drive wasn't as long as the one back from Osaka, so they all stayed awake and chatted for a little while.

"They did the heart thing again, I feel so loved~" Kibum cooed, his solo had a fan event that made him swoon for hours.

"That's cause' you are loved~" Jinki cackled, all of their voices were hoarse from all of the singing but it didn't make them stop babbling like idiots.

"I love our fans, the 'always with you' banner thing was beautiful" Jonghyun piped in, sniffing at the memory of it.

"Yah! We were talking about me and my amazing fans with the little hearts~" Kibum joked, earning a glare from Jonghyun.

"I wish we could do it again tomorrow" Minho hummed, planting his tired head on Jinki's shoulder.

"You can if you want, I'll be in the audience sleeping" Jonghyun howled with laughter, hitting Taemin's arm out of habit.

"I'd love to watch you guys perform" Jinki mused, thinking about how amazing it would be to be on the other side of the stage for once.

"N'aww shucks, Hyung~" Taemin purred from the back, he was sitting in the further backseats with Jonghyun, while the rest were in the middle seats.

"Yeah, I'd love to watch Taeminnie's performance properly~~" Jonghyun gasped at the thought.

"What about mine?" Minho whined in a fake offended tone.

"Hey, I'm Taemin's fan club president, not yours" Jonghyun spoke proudly, wrapping his arm around the maknae.

"Yeah, yeah" Minho mocked his Hyung bitterly.

"But you have to admit that medley was a work of art" Jonghyun went on.

"Oh shush, you're making me blush" Taemin chuckled through a yawn, he felt exhausted and was finding it hard to keep up with the rowdy conversation.

"Aww, Minnie is tired, can you idiots be quiet and let him rest~" Kibum cut in, turning in his seat to pat Taemin's head.

"I'm not a baby, stop treating me like one" Taemin yawned again, his eyes fluttered a couple times as he tried to stay awake.

"Oh chu chu, the wittle baby is tired and grouchy" Jonghyun spoke in a baby voice, adding in copious amounts of aegyo as he pulled the younger close; so he could rest.

"Mm" Taemin sighed, sleep taking over him just like that.

Taemin woke up in bed, with no memory of how he got into bed but he just assumed he either walked here half-conscious or somebody carried him. Kibum was sitting up in his own bed looking at his phone screen with sleepy eyes, the light shining off of the phone made him look like a mystical being.

"Hyung" Taemin croaked with his sleep-laced voice, he sat up slowly; his body aching from the constant dancing at the energetic concert.

"Mhm?" Kibum hummed as he looked up at the younger, his bottom lip was caught between his teeth; he was worrying about something but Taemin had known him long enough not to ask what was up.

"How did I get into my bed?" Taemin mumbled, his hair was standing up in every direction and his skin felt sweaty.

"Minho carried you, even though Jjong wanted to" Kibum chuckled, sliding his legs off of his bed tiredly.

"Ah, when do we go to the airport?" Taemin continued asking mundane questions, he reached to check his phone but it didn't respond as it had run out of charge, he huffed while plugging it in.

"In a couple hours, we should start packing and get ready soon to be honest.." The elder yawned as he got up slowly, he winced as his back cracked a little.

"Ugh, alright I'll get the packing out of the way" Taemin groaned as he got up to find some clothes to keep out for his shower, he rummaged through his suitcase; it was scattered in fan gifts and dirty clothes because he was a classy man.

"Do you think I can leave the dirty clothes for the cleaner..?" Taemin asked as Kibum starting fussing with his suitcase.

"No, don't be an ass" Kibum chortled as he sorted out his already organised stuff. 

"Fiiiiine" Taemin grumbled as he picked out all of the clean clothes to separate them from the other crap, he liked performing but all of the travel meant he had to pack and he was hopeless at that.

In the end, Kibum had to help him pack and pick him out an outfit from the limited amount of clean clothes Taemin had remaining, they were in the car on the way to the airport and they all seemed quiet for once.

Jongin fidgeted in Taemin's bed, he was in getting bored of waiting; Taemin was supposed to be back today for a few hours and thankfully Jongin was free for the afternoon. The apartment was eerily quiet, Jongin could hear his own heartbeat and the shower head dripping in the bathroom; he felt at ease that he may see the elder in a little while but sad at the same time, Taemin probably only had time to pack some fresh clothes before taking his leave for Taiwan; fate was cruel. 

He heard the front door click open with a shove, the quiet footsteps of Taemin followed "Jongin?" Taemin called out into the supposedly empty apartment; the other's trainers were on the floor by the door.

Jongin skipped out of the bedroom, catching Taemin into his arms in excitement; he squished his lips on the top of Taemin's head "I missed you" He mumbled against Taemin's platinum locks.

"I missed you too" Taemin sighed happily, he rested his head on the taller one's shoulder.

"Mhm, let me help you pack now because I want to spend a little bit of time with you before you go.." Jongin smiled, breaking away from the hug but Taemin just pulled him back; greedy for closeness.

"Yah! Taemin you don't have much time" Jongin whined jokingly, trying to pry his lover off of him.

"I don't wanna get on a plane again" Taemin groaned, brushing his lips on Jongin's cheek and jaw "Mm stubbly baby~" Taemin added with a purr, pressing more kisses on the younger's face.

"Kiss me" Jongin pouted, his lips getting lonely as all of the attention was on his stubble, Taemin obligated with a silly smirk playing on his lips as he crashed his lips against Jongin's; it felt like they were finally home, being together gave a sense of that.

Taemin's hands wandered up Jongin's t-shirt slyly, the kiss got more heated by the second, the elder couldn't bare the thought of leaving again; he needed Jongin close and a couple hours would never be enough.

"Taemmmin-ah" Jongin whined into the kiss, breaking it off hesitantly "Let's get the packing out of the way, okay?" Jongin huffed, his body felt hot and needy already but he tried to calm himself down.

"Ok" Taemin grunted, grabbing his suitcase before barging past the younger to the bedroom; Jongin sighed, brushing his hair out of his face as he followed the other. Taemin had strewn the contents of the suitcase onto the bed, picking out the dirty clothes and throwing them on the floor.

"Taemin calm down, please.." Jongin tried quietly, wrapping his arms around the elders waist to calm his frantic movements, he stalled and dropped the clothes; relaxing into Jongin's arms.

"I just want to be in the same place as you for a week at least, is that too much to ask?" Taemin sighed, batting the younger's arms off of his middle to continue packing, Jongin helped out by getting some clean clothes from the closet.

"We'll be alright, do you want these jeans or these ones?" Jongin pondered while holding up one holey pair of jeans next to an equally as holey pair of jeans.

"The blue ones, I know we'll be alright; but will you be alright? You said you weren't sleeping.." Taemin mumbled as he collected the dirty clothes to put them in his empty laundry basket, it was full when he left for Japan (oh the perks of having a fiance who stays at his apartment).

"I'll be alright, I'm the one who is supposed to be worried sweetie; how's your head?" Jongin queried as he folded up the jeans along with a couple tee's, Taemin started grabbing underwear and sweatpants to fill the suitcase more.

"You said I'm pretty good at it, so it's brilliant I guess" Taemin teased as he curved the subject with his perverse ways, he had a playful glint in his eyes as he chucked some socks into the case too.

"Ha ha ha, blowjob jokes aside, are you okay, mentally? Because you still haven't visited a doctor.." Jongin chuckled as he switched the subject back.

"Yup I'm alright, I'm working too much to think, to be honest, and you know my Hyung's look after me~" Taemin replied with a lovely smile while throwing a hoodie into the case, Jongin picked it up to fold it, the younger was no better with his own packing, he was known for using paper or plastic bags but he naturally fussed about Taemin.

"Yeah I know but I wanna look after you" Jongin grinned as he snatched the bottle of lube Taemin was about to pack "Why do you need this, huh?" He teased.

"To wank, what do ya' think?" Taemin grumbled while he took it back and packed it along with his other toiletries.

"Oh, you have a buttplug in Taiwan too?" Jongin laughed immaturely, dodging a playful punch from Taemin.

"No you fucker, I do have a dick ya' know? I don't always need something up my ass to get off" Taemin snorted, zipping the case up with a huge sigh.

"Hmm, but you prefer having something up there, right?" Jongin continued with his shameless teasing.

"Listen, Daddy, I can get off how I want to" Taemin hissed tenderly while shoving Jongin against the nearest wall, his hands pressed into Jongin's hips harshly.

"Mm, is that so?" Jongin replied huskily, his thumb traced Taemin's delicate cheekbone with feather-like grace.

"Shower? I haven't got much time and I need a shower, so two birds with one stone, right?" Taemin whispered, his authority-like tone dropped immediately as he tugged Jongin towards the bathroom without an answer.

Their clothes littered the bathroom floor within seconds as they waited for the shower to heat up, their lips joined in a fiery kiss, Taemin chuckled as Jongin backed into the shower ungracefully, their naked bodies rutted against one another, as the kiss deepened. Jongin dropped to his knees to graze his lips on Taemin's cock, taking the tip into his mouth sluttily; his eyes slipped closed as he took his lover deep into his throat. The elder's hips bucked at the sudden heat, his breathy moans bounced off of the walls as the water rained down on them both, he felt Jongin's long fingers wrapped around his dick briefly before reaching around to his entrance, his digits were slick with spit as they fingered into his tight heat. Taemin's lewd moans filled the room as Jongin slowly prepped him while busily deep throating him.

"Ah Nini f-fuck!" 

Jongin's lips popped off of his length, he lapped up the pre-cum hungrily as he slipped a second finger in "You like that, baby?" Jongin teased, his puffy lips pressed a long kiss on Taemin's tip after the unnecessary question. 

"Mmhm- AH!" Taemin moaned as Jongin pressed against his prostate without warning, he prodded it ruthlessly as Taemin became putty in his hands, and mouth perhaps.

"Nin- can you just fucking fuck me you fuckhead!?" Taemin managed to squeak out between his breathless moans, his fingers dug into Jongin's hair as he tried to pry him away.

"Alright, my impatient pretty baby" Jongin granted, slipping his finger's out as he stood up; he grabbed Taemin and made him face the wall, pinning the elder's lithe arms above his head. He lined his hips up smoothly before pushing in, Taemin braced himself against the wall as Jongin's hard cock filled him "Mm yeah, right there!" Taemin cried out, backing himself onto Jongin.

"Mm yeah, who's your Daddy?" Jongin groaned as he pumped in harder, hitting Taemin's sweet spot repeatedly.

"AH FUCK, you!" Taemin moaned loudly as the pace picked up, his hands slipped against the white tiles hopelessly.

Jongin slid his hand around Taemin's hip, taking his cock into his hand; rubbing it at a teasingly slow pace "Who?" Jongin teased on, slowing his thrusts down to meet the same pace as his hand.

"YOU'RE MY DADDY, FUCKING HELL J-JONGIN; JUST FUCK ME HARD!!" A growled ripped out of Taemin's throat, his head sunk between his arms as low moans left his mouth "As you wish" Jongin chuckled in a husky tone, he quickened his pace again, jerking Taemin's shaft just as quick. The moans that escaped Taemin's mouth were delicious, his vocals were impressive in all ways imaginable and Jongin was soaking it all up.

"I'm gonna c-cum fuck!" Taemin choked on his words as he became undone, his body shocking from his climax, Jongin followed soon after; Taemin's high drove him to his, it was blissful.

 

They washed in a rush, getting dressed was troublesome because Taemin couldn't stop blushing about the sudden change in Jongin's tone, the younger looked proud of himself, a shit eating grin stretched across his face.

"Stop smiling you twat!" Taemin laughed, elbowing the other who was pulling his shirt on slowly.

"No, I feel like the Daddy kink thing has backfired on you sweetie~" Jongin laughed, pulling the other into a soft hug, Taemin just glared and pushed him away.

"Whatever, you're still the freak who has the Daddy kink" Taemin fired back, wandering to his bedroom to get ready to leave.

"Do you have to go?" Jongin pouted while entering the bedroom too, he flopped onto the bed and hugged the suitcase in an attempt to keep Taemin there.

"Unfortunately yeah, I'll be back Jagi~" Taemin purred, pinching Jongin's perky butt to get him off of the case.

"I knooooooow, have a safe trip; is your manager picking you up?" 

"I will and I'll bring you back a souvenir, the manager is gonna be outside in like 5 minutes; we have great timing~" Taemin giggled, dragging the case out of Jongin's arms.

"I love you.." Jongin sighed, rolling onto his back with a huff; he just wanted to have a calm evening with Taemin but it could only be rushed intimacy and a bitter goodbye.

"I love you too" Taemin cooed, throwing himself on top of Jongin to join their lips briefly before he left.

"I'll miss you" 

"I'll miss you more.." 

"Impossible...." Jongin grinned as Taemin's phone rang, a call to indicate the manager was waiting outside.

"It's equal, I've gotta go, love you, Nini"


	28. One Love

Taemin huffed in his aeroplane seat, he was on his way back to Seoul; the showcase in Taiwan had been fun but he could feel his body giving into exhaustion, he was in the final hour of the flight and he wanted to stay awake but his eyelids deceived him several times. He jumped in his sleep again, an air hostess brushed past him so he woke up again; he checked the time and they were actually landing in less than five minutes now, even if it felt like he'd closed his eyes for a mere second.

He felt his body go into familiar auto-pilot as he practically glided to the manager's car, he slumped into his chair; hugging the fan gifts and letters to his chest, a huge yawn escaped him.

"Do you want me to drop you off at your apartment or your parents?" The manager hummed as he exited the maze of a car park, airports always felt like extreme labyrinths in his opinion; there was just so much going on in one place, people travelling to find themselves or people saying goodbye to their loved ones, in a strange way it was similar to a hospital.

"My apartment thanks.." Taemin sighed, he should really contact his mother; it had been a while.

The drive was long, traffic surrounded them and it was funny for Taemin at points when the manager got random spurts of road rage; he took a sly selca, sending it to his one, with a small caption 'I'm in Seoul and my dark circles have their own postal code at this point ;;' 

He was pouting childishly in the picture but he knew it would brighten Jongin's day even if by a little bit, he felt his phone vibrate with an instant response.

KimJongKai: /photo/ ughhhh I'm in dance practise, I've gotta sneak out again >.


	29. S_x

"Oh she is~" Taemin sung to himself as he got dressed, Jongin was sitting in his bed with the sleepiest expression, like a sad little bear who got disrupted during his nap.

"Is that Jonghyun's song?" The younger mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes for the umpteenth time.

"Yup, top secret SHINee stuff~" Taemin chuckled as he pulled his shirt on, Jongin's barely open eyes were glued on him.

"Aww no fair, I bet you've heard the whole album already" Jongin whined, thrashing himself about in the bed like a child.

"Well, of course, he is my fan club president; I get the exclusive release a week prior, it's on my phone" Taemin hummed, as he sat on the bed to pull his socks on.

"Can I listen to it?" Jongin queried, shuffling with the quilt around his waist to slump himself over to Taemin.

"Sure, my Bluetooth speaker is in the lube drawer" Taemin chuckled at Jongin's eagerness, the other threw himself to the bedside table dubbed 'the lube drawer' even if there was more than lube in there, as in condoms and handcuffs; they weren't that experimental because time was against them constantly.

"You should get a butt plug for here too" Jongin chuckled as he threw the small speaker towards Taemin, Taemin caught it and glared at the younger "When are you gonna drop that?" He laughed it off.

"When we retire or something~" Jongin grinned widely as Taemin connected his phone to the speaker and started playing the album.

"This is 'White T-Shirt' it's my favourite~" Taemin cooed as the music blasted.

"I want to listen to the album from the beginning!!" Jongin whined, crawling over and snatching Taemin's phone.

"I'm only doing small parts of each song, you should buy it tonight at midnight idiot!!" Taemin pouted as Jongin took his phone.

"Nice lock screen, what's your passcode?" Jongin smirked when he saw himself as the background.

"What's your pathcode, London 3pm?" Taemin teased as he jumped the younger in an attempt to steal the phone back, they flopped about on the bed, the phone eventually falling on Jongin's face.

"Ow! Now you have to give me the passcode" Jongin whined childishly, rubbing his chin pathetically.

"No! It's not my album to release~" Taemin snickered, pinching Jongin's nipple playfully as the younger was merely in his boxer's still.

"You're just here to put me in pain" Jongin sniffed in fake hurt, leaping up and tackling to get on top of Taemin.

Taemin smiled up at him, before taking a photo of the younger without warning "Sexy~" Taemin growled as he revealed the awful picture, Jonghyun's album changing to another song.

"Yah!! I look so ugly in that, delete it" Jongin huffed as he tried and failed to get the phone out of Taemin's hands.

"Never, I'm keeping it as blackmail material" Taemin giggled, leaning up and capturing Jongin's lips with his with lively intention; his hands traced down Jongin's fading abs lovingly as he deepened the kiss. The world kept spinning but in that moment it was just them, they could be anywhere in the world and this would be perfect; as long as they had each other.

Jongin shifted their position a little, taking refuge in between Taemin's jean-clad legs, he slipped his tongue past Taemin's wanting lips, he tasted of mint and it was addicting; his hands roamed down the elder's side, pulling his shirt up eagerly.

Taemin broke the kiss, catching his breath "I h-have to go soon.." He breathed, stroking Jongin's cheek fondly.

"But the event isn't until 8pm?" Jongin pleaded, his eyes filled with want.

"I wanted to get there and support Jonghyun earlier.."

"You don't need to, you'll be there for the showcase and that's enough Tae.."

"You're only trying to convince me because you're horny as per usual" Taemin cackled, pinching the younger's cheek tenderly.

"Oh c'mon, it was worth a shot, right? Plus you're going to Shanghai tomorrow, I just wanna be close to you before you go traipsing around the world again.." Jongin mumbled, his hands ran up and down Taemin's covered thighs lightly.

"Fine, but no funny business, make me cum and make yourself cum, a simple quickie Kim Jongin and I promise to give you a blowjob before I leave tomorrow" Taemin mumbled, pursing his lips at Jongin's disappointed face.

"Hmmm, handcuffs?" Jongin whispered inaudibly.

"Pardon, what was that?" Taemin quizzed, leaning up on his elbows.

"Can we use handcuffs?" Jongin pondered louder, avoiding Taemin's judgemental eyes.

"Fine." Taemin sighed, sitting up and shoving Jongin over, straddling him with a lust-filled look in his eyes, Jongin smirked up at him as Taemin leant into the drawer and pulled the handcuffs up, placing them in Jongin's hands but quickly flipped the younger's arms up, cuffing him skillfully.

"Yah! I meant you being the one handcuffed" Jongin shouted, wriggling about as he got used to the fluffy leopard print cuffs.

"I know what you meant, but I knew your intentions; you were gonna keep me here all day, weren't you?" Taemin quizzed sceptically, as he shifted about on Jongin's lap.

"N-No, what made you think that way...?" Jongin wailed, dropping his head back in defeat, he was growing hard from the compromising position and he felt helplessly embarrassed 'Why am I so weak for Lee Taemin..?' Jongin thought to himself, it was true, Taemin was his weakness. 

"I'm not an idiot cutie~" Taemin chuckled, running his hand over the growing bulge in Jongin's boxers softly, creating wonderful friction.

"Hnnng, can you take the cuffs off, I wanna touch you too.." Jongin grunted, Taemin pulled the boxers down teasingly slow; his small soft fingers traced the underside of the younger's hard cock.

"Nope, you always take your time doing unnecessary things; so, it's my turn~" Taemin giggled as he dragged the back of his nail on the vein protruding on the side, Jongin sighed submissively.

"Come on Tae, I wanna make you feel good too" Jongin whined lowly, his hips jolting up which made Taemin bounce up a little.

"We should invest in a gag too damn, the cuffs were your suggestion~" Taemin smiled widely, shifting down Jongin's body slowly; his breath graced the younger's tip ever-so-slightly.

"Ugh, fuck you Tae- AH!" Jongin choked on his words as Taemin licked his balls casually.

"Stop talking.." Taemin whispered huskily as he kissed up the length of Jongin's dick, dipping his tongue into the slit with vigour, his lips slipped over it gradually.

"Mm fuck.." Jongin winced in pleasure, trying to keep quiet as Taemin took him deeper; it took all of his willpower not to fuck into his pretty little mouth, a bead of sweat fell from his brow.

Taemin moaned around the cock lustfully, it was the truth that sucking dick got him off as much as other stimulation, he straddled one of Jongin's legs and ground his hips against it sinfully; his hard cock rutted against his rough jean zipper uncomfortably through his boxers.

"Taem- ride me please, I can't take it!" Jongin groaned, his hips shuddered as Taemin sucked his shaft with intent, the feeling of Taemin's hardness only fuelled him more.

"Hmm" Taemin hummed on Jongin's cock, the vibrations driving the younger insane. The elder's plump lips slipped off of Jongin's thick cock with a pop "I'd say pass the lube then, but you're occupied.." Taemin laughed quietly, holding his face in his hands shaped like a 'v' and batting his eyelash.

"Stop being beautiful and get the lube.." Jongin huffed, his arms went numb as they stayed in the same position for too long. Taemin crawled up while laughing to himself at the situation, grabbing the lube and some condoms.

Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz

The taunting tone of Taemin's phone buzzed "I should get that, be paitent.." The elder mumbled as he reached for his phone, Jongin's mouth widened in disbelief.

"Mhm, you're outside my door...?" Taemin asked whoever was on the phone, his eyes widened "O-Okay, I'll let you in.." Taemin continued before putting the phone down, he jumped off the bed and rummaged in the lube drawer.

"What's going on?" Jongin pleaded answers "My brother is outside my apartment door and I can't find the fucking cuff keys!!" Taemin hissed as he threw things about in the drawer.

"What the fuck! Oh, my God, this is like a nightmare I've had" Jongin squeaked, panicking as Taemin went through the other drawers.

"Shh, he thinks I'm alone, oh my fucking god where's the key!?" Taemin almost screamed but bite his tongue to silence himself.

Jongin rested his face against his arm, he felt like crying, this was the worst situation ever, Taemin sprung his head up as his brother smacked on the door "Fuck fucking fuck" Taemin growled, pulling the blanket from under Jongin and throwing it on top of the younger "Are you fucking kidding me?" Jongin sobbed as the quilt covered his face, he heard Taemin run out of the room and close the bedroom door.

"Taesun~~! Hyung, what brings you here?" Taemin cooed as he opened the front door.

"Well, I was nearby and thought I'd drop by and see my little brother" Taesun gleamed "You look flustered, are you alright?" His Hyung questioned, as he let himself in.

"Y-Yeah I'm fine, I just have been getting ready for Jonghyun's showcase and I rushed because I woke up late" Taemin struggled on his words, he caught a glance of himself in the mirror, he was a mess; there was literally pre-cum on his chin, but it kinda looked like toothpaste, so he wiped it off with his thumb casually.

"Ah I see, I'll get going in a few; Umma just wanted to know if we'll be having dinner together anytime soon? Oh and, are you free on your birthday?" Taesun quizzed, ignoring his brother's odd behaviour because Taemin was Taemin, and Taemin was weird.

"Oh I don't know, I'm going to Shanghai tomorrow and I'm pretty busy for the next month or so, but I'll let you know when I'm free" Taemin hummed, awkwardly leaning against his couch whereas Taesun just stood in the hallway.

"I'll let Umma know, I told her you were busy but you know what she's like, do you have my shirt, you know the light blue one?" Taesun asked while walking towards the bedroom, Taemin threw himself in front of the door "U-Uhh nope, I broke it- I ripped it.." Taemin gasped, his eyes wide as he guarded the door with his life.

"I'm just playing with you, who's the girl?" Taesun chuckled, his hands rested on his lap as he laughed way too much about the situation.

"Girl? Yeah, she's beautiful- no she's sexy, now can you get out!" Taemin whined; shoving his Hyung back, he felt his heart rate increase the longer Taesun was close to the door but now knowing he thought it was some girl, he couldn't help but laugh a bit "Hyung please.." Taemin pleaded, a grin stretched across his face.

"Fine, I'll let you get back to her~" Taesun cackled, patting his younger brother's shoulder "Fighting!" He cheered embarrassingly loud, Taemin just nodded and pushed the elder out of the apartment "Bye Hyung~" Taemin sang as he slammed the door.

Taemin stormed back to the bedroom, halting when something caught his eye; the fruit bowl that was forever empty, a small key, his eye twitched as he grabbed it and ran into his bedroom. 

He could hear quiet snores coming from under the duvet, he rolled his eyes as he crawled onto the bed on top of Jongin, he peeled the blanket back and saw his sleeping face "Who falls asleep this quick..?" Taemin whispered to himself, he stroked Jongins cheek and placed his lips on the younger's lightly.

"Mmm" Jongin mumbled, his eyes opened slowly and the first thing he did was pout, one because Taemin woke him and two because he remembered his current situation.

"Hey cutie~" Taemin purred, peppering kisses on Jongin's cheek.

"What did Taesun want?" Jongin quizzed, a yawn escaping him.

"Nothing honestly, he thought I was hiding a girl in here" Taemin cackled, leaning up and unlocking the cuffs on Jongin's wrists, mistake.

Jongin rolled on top of the other and pinned his hands above his head, grinning as he cuffed Taemin's wrists on the metal bar on the bed "Nini! Fucking hell, I shouldn't have done that.." Taemin sighed, the cuffs fluffy familiar bands chilled his wrists.

"Ahaha, oh how the tables have turned~" Jongin sang happily, his hands gripped Taemin's clothed hips tightly.

"Jongin-ah no funny business, just prep and then do me; remember you promised" Taemin huffed, at least he wasn't completely exposed like Jongin had been; not that Jongin minded being naked in his apartment.

"I promised, so I'll obligate; chill out~" Jongin cooed as he grabbed the discarded lube from earlier, he undid Taemin's jeans effortlessly and slid them down those gorgeously lithe pale legs, he patted his thigh to make Taemin spread his legs open.

Jongin squirted lube onto his fingers and started pushing a digit in "Q-Quick" Taemin uttered as he relaxed around the finger, Jongin worked in his fingers at a good pace, not too fast nor too slow; he had done this hundreds of times before and it came naturally to him now, he knew Taemin's body better than his own.

His finger's curved and scissored in Taemin's tight hole, grazing his prostate intently "Do you like that baby?" Jongin groaned as Taemin's body arched off of the bed, the cuffs clinked against the bar as he shook in pleasure.

"Y-Yes Daddy.." Taemin moaned, the pet name slipped off his tongue by accident but he was too lost in pleasure to notice. Jongin smirked to himself as he slipped his finger's out, reaching over for the condom wrappers; he slipped one on himself and one on Taemin, sex was messy and the elder didn't appreciate cleaning his bed sheets every few days. Jongin lifted Taemin's leg, placing it on his shoulder as he started pushing in deeply.

"Ah fuck!" Taemin moaned as Jongin filled him from a different angle, his other leg wrapped around Jongin's waist with want, he pulled Jongin in needily "Ugh so fucking perfect" Jongin growled as he snapped his hips back before pushing in harder.

"Mm ahh Jong- fuck" Taemin lewdly moaned as Jongin pounded into him vigorously, his arms ached as his body twisted in pleasure, his cock was begging for attention but he was restrained.

Jongin somehow read his mind when his long finger's encircled his hard dick and started pumping in time with the harsh thrusts, Taemin's body felt like it was coaxed in ecstasy. When Jongin heard the word 'quickly' he took it seriously, his dancer's hips drove into Taemin with no hesitation, the slapping noise from skin on skin was deafening, moans and cries of pleasure left Taemin's mouth like a mantra.

"I'm gonna cum Ni-Nini fuck, harder!" Taemin screamed as his body went into overdrive, his stomach fizzed at the feeling of coming undone. Jongin slung the other leg over his bare shoulder and started thrusting in ruthlessly as he rode Taemin through orgasm, the tight feeling on his cock made him finish soon after, their pants filled the room as they caught their breath in unison.

"Whe- When I get back from the showcase.." Taemin started but stopped to breathe deeply.

"Yeah?" Jongin hummed.

"Let's do that again.." Taemin grinned up at his lover with a sinful glint in his eyes.


	30. Hello, Hello

The walk through the airport was delightful, as it was their 8th-anniversary after all; the fans expressed their love and support, gifts and letters filled Taemin's arms as he got into the car. Kibum let out a loud yawn beside him as the car pulled out of the airport, Taemin shifted his various things to the floor, scouting closer to Kibum, patting his own shoulder; Kibum smiled as he rested his head on the younger's shoulder, he wasn't sleeping much recently and just like Kibum with him, he could read his Hyung like a book.

The ride took a while as they were heading to Kibum's apartment first, he had a schedule in a few hours and the manager didn't want to wake him every time he dropped a member off, Jonghyun was in the back seat with the other two sleepy heads, their heads resting on his low shoulder's cutely, Taemin smiled at Jonghyun in the rearview mirror, the elder looked up and tried not to laugh. 

They parked outside of Kibum's apartment, the manager gave Taemin a look to say 'wake him up'. Taemin sighed as he patted the elder's head on his shoulder pathetically "Bummie Hyung~" He cooed quietly, the other's face scrunched up as he woke.

"What?" He grumbled, not moving but merely looked up at Taemin tiredly.

"We're outside your apartment.." Taemin smiled, ruffling Kibum's perfect hair annoyingly.

"Ah, thanks for the lift Hyung, I'll be ready in a few hours; so can you pick me up or another manager can? Also thanks for your boney shoulder Taem" Kibum yawned as he began collecting his belongings, his frame clicked and cracked as he slipped out of the car.

They did a full circle after that, Taemin being the last to be dropped off; he strolled into his building, taking the stairs to stretch his legs a little because he was always the active type and being scrunched up on a plane and then in the car felt alien. As he reached his door he heard his TV on, it sounded like a game was being played; that's when he heard voices, more than one; he unlocked the door and trudged in, there were a few pairs of shoes strewn on the floor where he usually kept his.

Wandering further into the apartment his eyes were greeted with his friends, Moonkyu, Kwonho and Wonshik, plus Jongin of course; they were squished on his couch sans Moonkyu who sat on the floor. It was so loud in there they hadn't even noticed his presence, letting out a huge huff he stormed to his bedroom, his suitcase in tow; he wasn't in the mood for this.

Jongin's head snapped up when he heard the bedroom door slam, handing his controller to Wonshik "I think Tae is back..?" He mumbled as he got up to check the bedroom, opening the door slowly to the dark room, the curtains were open when Jongin left in the morning but Taemin always preferred the room in darkness, he closed the door behind himself quietly.

"Tae..?" Jongin whispered to the figure under the quilt, he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the duvet back to reveal Taemin's face; he looked pissed "What?" Taemin hissed, pulling the blanket back and turning his back to the younger.

"How was the flight?" Jongin tried quietly, he could feel the atmosphere seeping off of the elder.

"Splendid, there was turbulence the whole time and I didn't like the in-flight meal so I gave it to Jinki.." Taemin murmured back, his mouth was slightly covered by the quilt, so the words came out muffled.

"Uh, happy 8th anniversary.." Jongin breathed, placing a hand on Taemin's arm soothingly.

"Jongin?"

"Mm"

"When did I say you owned my apartment?" Taemin quizzed, flipping over and facing the younger, the dark room made their vision hazy but Jongin could still work out the furrowed brow on Taemin's face.

"Y-You didn't.."

"Exactly, so why the fuck are there people here?" Taemin spat vulgarly.

"Well, I thought that maybe you'd like to see your friends and they miss you.." 

"If I wanted to see them I would arrange to see them, besides isn't Moonkyu weird about things.." Taemin growled, sitting up slowly, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and index finger.

"Taemin what's your problem? They are our friends and Moonie wanted to stay later to apologise to us.." Jongin sighed, trying to move closer but Taemin was making it hard.

"Jongin it's my apartment!" Taemin shouted, his chest was heaving and his hands were balled into fists.

"I know that" Jongin hushed, his head dropped in shame, an eerie silence fell between them; Jongin's head snapped up when he heard a sob, Taemin's face was buried in his hands and his body was slumped over as his body wracked with each sob.

"Taemin-ah, what's wrong?" Jongin whispered, crawling over to the elder and wrapping him in his arms.

"I d-don't know, I'm just sad... T-Today should be happy but I just feel so d-down" Taemin choked out with a lot of struggle, his hands clung to the back of Jongin's t-shirt helplessly.

"Shh, let me get them out of here and then we can talk, okay?" Jongin soothed, rubbing circles into the others back, Taemin nodded, pushing Jongin lightly.

 

"Ah dudes, Taemin isn't feeling well.." Jongin announced as he took the remote control to mute the noises from Fifa, they all looked up to scold him but stopped when they heard what he had said.

"How comes?" Wonshik asked, pausing the game.

"He's got a migraine" Jongin lied, they were all still none the wiser of Taemin's depressive ways and he didn't want to reveal the elder like that, they just wanted to be normal guys when they were with their friends, even if Taemin was the oldest, they were all guilty of babying him.

"Oh damn, can I go and apologise..?" Kwonho piped in quietly, he was making the most noise out of the group.

"Uhm nope, I just think it's best to call it a day and let him be" Jongin hummed, he raised his voice a little when he heard a quiet sob coming from the bedroom, but it didn't go unnoticed as Wonshik barged by him and went into the bedroom, Jongin turned to stop him but the bedroom door was already closed.

"Taemin?" Wonshik's deep voice whispered into the dark room, Taemin had taken refuge under the blankets again; it was like a soft shield "R-Ravi?" Taemin mumbled as he tried to calm his sobs, he stayed covered in embarrassment, he didn't cry in front of many people, he felt pathetic and exposed. 

"What's wrong?" The other questioned as he awkwardly crouched by the bed.

"Nothing, don't take this wrong the wrong way Ravi but can you get everyone out of here.." Taemin sniffed, he poked his head out from the covers, smiling through his tears at his friend in the dark.

"If that's what you want..?" Wonshik uttered quietly, he couldn't help but brush Taemin's hair out of his face, he had never seen Taemin so vulnerable, it was heart wrenching.

"Mhm, Jongin can stay.." Taemin hiccuped, his tears seemed to never end but he tried to relax.

"You're always relying on him, I can look after you too, ya' know?" The other sighed, withdrawing his hand.

"I k-know that, I just-"

"-You like him, don't you?" Ravi cut in, his eyes pooled into Taemin's with the limited light in the room.

"N-No, why would you think that?"

"You're always with him, you always reply to his texts, when I contact Kai; he's with you, why wouldn't I think that?" Ravi hissed softly.

"Are you jealous? Do you like Jongin??" Taemin questioned, his eyes were wide in disbelief.

"No!" Wonshik whined, running his finger's through his black locks of hair "I like you.." He added inaudibly.

"What did you just say?" Taemin queried, he hadn't heard the last part of the sentence.

"I said no"

"No, after that?"

"I said 'no, of course not'" The other laughed the lie and Taemin soaked it up.

"Ah, right" Taemin hummed, his tears were less frequent.

"I'll let the others know that you're tired and apologetic" Ravi concluded and got up.

"Oh thanks, can you ask Jongin to get me something to eat?" Taemin requested, he sat up and bunched the duvet around his waist.

"Sure, call me when you're feeling better~" Wonshik smiled as he opened the door, Jongin fell through the doorway embarrassingly. 

"H-Hey, I was just coming to tell you the others are waiting for you in that Japanese restaurant.." Jongin stuttered as he walked into straight into Wonshik.

"I'll get going now, look after Tae" The other chuckled as he walked around Jongin "See ya'" He called out as he wandered towards the front door.

They heard the door close quietly as he left, Jongin huffed and threw himself onto the bed beside the elder "I was gonna stop him but I couldn't and then Kwonho stopped me from coming in here and ughhhhhhh, are you okay?" Jongin whined.

"Yeah, Wonshik think's I like you" 

"Oh really, do you?"

"Nope"

"You cunt.." Jongin joked in an offended tone.

"I love you"

"You sweet-talking piece of shit, but seriously are you okay?" Jongin smiled as he leant his head against Taemin's.

"Mm, honestly I don't know, I'm just having an existential crisis; 8 years Jongin, it's such a long time.." Taemin sighed, his finger's carded through Jongin's soft blond hair affectionately.

"Yeah and you still love performing, right?" Jongin hummed, the small finger's pressing against his scalp were soothing.

"I do, I was born to perform... I just want to live normally sometimes" Taemin whispered, his voice sounded distant as if he was stuck in his thoughts.

"You will live normally someday but right now keep on doing what you love, you're an amazing performer Taemin-ah" Jongin spoke softly, he rolled on his side to wrap his arms around the other.

"I want to go to the park in broad daylight and eat ice cream without worrying about my face getting fat.." Taemin huffed, he looked drained but still beautiful in Jongin's eyes.

"I like it when your face is squishy" Jongin grinned, pinching the elder's cheeks tenderly.

 

"The company doesn't" Taemin giggled while leaning in for a slow short kiss.

"Mm" 

"I'm going to a party tonight with the member's, it's just a small get together at the dorm" Taemin mentioned quietly, his fingers were lost in Jongin's hair, he was bunching it up in random places childishly.

"Oh sweet~ I hope you have fun" Jongin mumbled with a cute smirk on his face, he was enjoying the feeling of Taemin's hands against his scalp too much.

"I want you to come with me.." Taemin pouted.

"But it's a SHINee thing, I'm in EXO babe" Jongin chuckled, his hands smoothed against Taemin's stomach fondly.

"Yeah but I'm pretty sure they'll invite other people too, I'll drop a text in the group chat" Taemin mused, wriggling about as he got his phone out of his skinnies.

"I don't wanna cramp your style sweetheart" Jongin whined softly as he tried to stop Taemin from messaging them.

"You won't I promise, besides I need someone to help me home when I get drunk" Taemin cackled as he already sent a message.

"If you insist, don't drink too much" Jongin gave in, glancing at the phone.

Tae-can-i-have-a-break-min: Hyungssss, can I bring my better half tonight?

O.Key: You're bringing your dog??

JjongJjong08: If he's bringing eve, can I bring roo?

O.Key: I meant Kai you idiot..

Min10ho: Ohh that's cold Bum

JjongJjong08: That's idiot HYUNG to you!!!

Tae-can-i-have-a-break-min: You guys are savage, I hope you know Nini read all of that, also none of you answered my question ㅠㅡㅠ

JINsdcvhujkmKI: Sure ㅎ_ㅎ♥

O.Key: Ah Onew Hyung so nice of you to join us... 

JjongJjong08: How comes you call him Hyung??????????????

Tae-can-i-have-a-break-min: Thanks, Jinki Hyung ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Taemin put his phone on silent to get away from the spam of Jonghyun and Key's upcoming argument, Kibum would eventually go on stage and leave Jonghyun to question his life for a while, Taemin chuckled at Jongin's still offended face.

"You never use that many hearts with me.." Jongin grumbled.

"I'm sorry Daddy, I'll only send hearts from now on" Taemin teased, his eyes rolled at Jongin's only observation of the group chat he'd been roasted in.

"Stop calling me that out of context" Jongin chuckled, placing a couple kisses on the elders cheek as he nuzzled down his jaw to his neck.

"It's not like I say it when we do it, unless you turn into Kai and ya' know~" 

"You said it last time without prompting!!" Jongin laughed as he recalled Taemin saying 'Daddy'.

"I did not" Taemin defended himself, glaring at Jongin.

"Yes you did!" 

"I didn't"

"You did~~" 

"When?"

"Last time, you were all like 'Y-Yes Daddyyy'" Jongin impersonated Taemin's plea in a long high pitched moan, the elder smacked his shoulder.

"I do not sound like that" Taemin pouted, blushing in shame.

"You so do! It's all 'Mmm Jongin yesss' 'Ahh f-fuck' 'Harderrr' 'I'm so c-close Nin-Nini ahh uh fuckkkkk'" Jongin mimicked Taemin again, over exaggerating the pitch a little, just a little.

"Yah, I don't sound like that!" Taemin squeaked in justification of his masculinity "Well, you're all 'Uhhh Taemm you're so tight' 'Fuckkkk I'm gonna cum'" Taemin added in the most feminine voice he could muster up.

"That's just ridiculous" Jongin whined as he burrowed his face against Taemin's neck.

"Well, you were being ridiculous tooooo" Taemin giggled as Jongin started kissing his neck.

"Mhmm" 

"Jongin we need to get ready for the party and I'm hungry, so let's order some food and get ready after we eat, stop eating me" Taemin laughed when Jongin began leaving small bites and sloppy wet kisses on the junction of his neck and shoulder.

"Mmm"

"Jongin!" Taemin squealed and started thrashing around to get Jongin off of him, he didn't want to get aroused and he knew he would at this rate; neck kisses were one of his biggest weakness but ear kisses were the ultimate turn on.

"Mm" Jongin hummed as he started kissing up Taemin's neck, just below the ear.

"J-Jongin c'mon let's get ready" Taemin whined, pushing the younger's shoulders with a strong shove.

"Okay~" Jongin cooed, pressing a light kiss on Taemin's earlobe.

"I hate you" Taemin groaned while getting his phone to order some fried chicken.

"I love you too" Jongin sang happily, flopping onto his back beside Taemin.

The taxi arrived at the SHINee dorm, Jongin insisted on paying the fare as he claimed it was an 8th-anniversery gift; Taemin sprinted into the building with Jongin in tow, they got to their floor within minutes and Taemin smashed the combination into the pin out of habit. It was loud in the dorm, they were blasting 'Married to the Music' from the various speakers and Jonghyun was doing some sort of interpretive dance in front of Onew and Minho.

 

"I'm home Hyungs~" Taemin sang sweetly as he threw himself into Jonghyun's arms, Jongin stood awkwardly by the couch and greeted Minho and Jinki.

"Aww Maknae-ah~" Jonghyun squealed and spun the younger around.

"Don't act so awkward Kai, you're always welcome, I've invited Suho, he'll be here soon I think" Minho cooed at the youngest in the room, moving over so Jongin could join him on the couch.

"Where's Key-Hyung?" Taemin questioned as he walked over to the table with beer can's on it.

"He'll be here in a bit, offer your lover a drink before you get totalled" Jinki piped in, getting up and wandering off to the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah.." Taemin mumbled inaudibly as he already gulped some of the bitter drink, skipping over to Jongin with another drink in his hands; taking a seat on the younger's lap.

"Thanks" Jongin hummed as he opened the can, his arm going naturally around Taemin's waist.

"Ooo~ look at you two" Jonghyun squealed as he sat on the floor after his interpretive dance finished, Jinki sang along to 'Alarm Clock' as he came back into the room, a platter of food in his hands.

"Shh" Taemin grumbled, placing his hand on top of Jongin's.

"Nope, we're your Hyungs and rightfully we can embarrass you and interrogate Kai~" Jonghyun cackled evilly, Taemin just rolled his eyes and took another swig of his beer.

"Leave the poor kid alone" Minho defended Jongin as Jonghyun gave him a menacing look.

"I'm home~" Kibum cheered as he stepped into the dorm, dancing into the room as 'Dream Girl' started.

"Yes! My partner in crime" Jonghyun squealed as he went to hug Kibum who gave him a weird look "We have to interrogate the EXO kid together, make him regret joining us tonight~"

"No way, get me a drink" Kibum chuckled at his deluded Hyung.

Jinki howled with laughter as he handed a drink over to him as Jonghyun was just standing there with his mouth agape, offended "Fine, Minho you'll help me; you can't refuse your Hyung like this rude bitch from Daegu" Jonghyun spoke smugly as he pulled Minho up from the couch.

"What exactly are you gonna interrogate him on? What did he eat for breakfast? Which of his dogs is his fave secretly? What's EXO's comeback concept?" Taemin quizzed, giggling at his own suggestions.

"Wait, which of his dogs is his favourite?" Jonghyun asked in all seriousness.

"I love them all equally" Jongin protested, resting his chin on Taemin's shoulder.

"Bullshit, I prefer Comme des way more than Garcons because he actually listens; there's no way all of your dogs are angels" Kibum cackled as he took Minho's spot on the couch.

"Well they are" Jongin laughed lightly.

"It's obvious you like Mongyu more" Taemin cut in snidely.

"Okay, dog talk aside; why do you like our Taeminnie?" Jonghyun questioned strongly.

"Isn't it obvious? I have a great ass and plump lips" Taemin chortled sarcastically as he got up to get another beer.

"Wow, do you really think I'm that shallow?" Jongin gasped in fake hurt.

"Ignore Taemin and tell us" Jonghyun grumbled as he slung his arm around Minho's shoulder as they sat opposite the couch on the dining table chairs, Jinki was beside them munching away at rice cakes.

"I just do, I c-can't actually put it into words; he is just a part of me I can't let go I guess.." Jongin mumbled quietly, a buzz from the front door made everyone snap out of awe.

"That must be Joonmyun" Minho cleared his throat and got up to answer the door.

Taemin stared blankly at the beer in his hands, his heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest, there was a blush staining his cheeks and he couldn't bear to look up, he felt frozen in that moment; Jongin said meaningful things a lot but never so openly, never in company.

"Hey, Sunbaenim's and Jongin?" Joonmyun chuckled as he walked into the room, Sehun looking at his phone in tow.

"Happy 8th anniversary Hyung's~" Sehun mused as he pocketed his phone "Why's everyone just silent, did something happen?" He added in confusion. 

"Jonghyun farted, anyway, you guys make yourselves at home" Kibum greeted them with a lie that made Jonghyun pout to himself, Sehun's laughter filled the apartment.

"I'm gonna have a cig" Taemin muttered as he headed for the front door to get to the roof.

Jongin sprung up and followed him in a rush, the other's in the room watched them filter out of the room "When are they gonna admit they love each other?" Sehun sighed as he picked up a can of coke, there was a stony silence that followed and then everyone else in the room who knew the truth started laughing

"Hmm?" Sehun hummed at everyone's odd behaviour, taking Jongin's seat on the couch.

"Well, they are together" Jinki mumbled before putting some rice in his mouth, his eyes widened "I wasn't supposed to say that aloud.." He added with his mouth full.

"Wait, you all know don't you?" Sehun asked sceptically.

"Uhm yeah.." Joonmyun answered quietly as he grabbed a handful of crisps.

"You know too!?" Jonghyun gasped "Here's me thinking it was a SHINee secret, hmm" 

"Well, I didn't know.." Sehun grumbled.

 

Taemin slowed down as he heard Jongin's footsteps follow him, the younger caught up and held his hand "Are you okay?" He asked soothingly as they reached the roof.

"Yeah, my heart just needs to stop freaking out every time you say something nice" Taemin grinned as he slipped his cigarette box out of his hoodie pocket.

"Aww you're so cute, even if you'll disagree with me" Jongin cooed as he wrapped his arm around the elder's shoulders.

"I'd complain and shove you away like I usually do but you're warm and I love you, do you want a cig?" Taemin offered his box up to Jongin who rejected by scrunching his nose up politely.

"It's funny, you rarely smoke in front of me" Taemin giggled as he lit the cigarette.

"I don't wanna base our relationship on passing smokes between us" The younger chuckled, the cars on the street below them weren't frequent, it was pretty quiet for a spot in the city.

"Hmm" Taemin mumbled as he leant closer to Jongin, offering the cig he just had between his lips, Jongin moved his hand holding the cancer stick away and joined his lips with Taemin's instead, the bitter bite of tobacco coaxed their mouths.

"I was going to ask you when you were planning to tell me about your relationship but I guess this sums it up" Sehun's voice filled the cold night air, the couple broke apart, Taemin's laughter followed when Jongin glared at the maknae.

"Oh sorry, did I ruin the moment?" Sehun quizzed sarcastically as he took the cigarette from Taemin's finger's to take a few puffs casually.

"Hell yeah you did" Jongin joked, Taemin just got a new cigarette as Sehun claimed the other.

"So, this is why you're wearing Taemin-Hyung's ring on that necklace?"

"I'm surprised you know what my ring looked like?" Taemin mused as he leant on the fencing.

"I'm observant, also what does this mean about you and Krystal?" Sehun asked puzzled, zipping his hoodie up as a chill ran down his spine.

"It's a marketing scheme, can you do me a favour and keep this between us for now; I'll let the rest of the members know sooner or later" Jongin smiled sweetly, he felt better having more people know, he just didn't want to go too far.

"Really? Wow, fuck SM.." Sehun scowled at the thought, he flicked the cigarette butt off of the building "Can we go back in soon, it's cold out here.."

"We can go back now" Taemin deemed as he also flicked his cancer stick and shuffled back into the building quickly. 

Sehun stopped Jongin before he followed the elder, smiling warmly "Hmm?" Jongin hummed and gave the younger an odd look.

"I accept you, you two are perfect together"

"I know" Jongin grinned.


	31. The Bad Thing

Jongin had phoned a taxi about ten minutes ago, they were standing discreetly outside the SHINee dorm building and Taemin was beyond drunk; he was leaning on a street light to keep his balance.

"Nini, you l-look so beautiful right now; you're so blond!" Taemin slurred his words, grinning stupidly at the younger as he started chuckling, he went to hug him but he couldn't let go of the pole.

"So are you cutie" Jongin laughed, he had drank but not as much as Taemin and he was never one to get completely drunk, a car pulled up in front of them, the driver gestured them in while apologising for being a little late, Jongin lead Taemin to the backseat of the car slowly as gravity was definitely not on Taemin's side as of late. 

"Where am I taking you this early morning?" The driver asked politely for someone who had to work around 3am.

"My apartment thanks" Taemin cackled as he clung to Jongin who put both of their seatbelts on, the younger rolled his eyes as the taxi driver smiled fondly a the drunkard before explaining the address to the too kind driver.

"Jonginnie.."

"Yeah" Jongin whispered back to Taemin's endless whining, he was so clingy and childish when he got a drink in him, thankfully he hadn't started stripping like he usually did, yet.

"My head hurts" Taemin pouted as he undid his seat belt and laid down, placing his head in the younger's lap and kicking his legs up on the expanse of the seat. Jongin looked up to apologise but the driver looked too focused to give a shit, the elder wriggled about until he was satisfied with his position; Jongin put his arm around him in place of a seatbelt, thankfully the streets were pretty clear at this time.

Taemin started nuzzling against Jongin's crotch inappropriately, Jongin could see his little suggestive smirk as he flipped over and mouthed him through his jeans; the younger froze because if he freaked out and made Taemin stop the driver would probably notice and if he let him continue the driver might notice anyway... Thinking long and hard he pulled his hoodie off and covered Taemin's head and shoulders like an invisibility cloak, Jongin was going to hell, to be honest.

Taemin giggled to himself as he undid Jongin's zipper, he shifted the material around uncomfortably as he pulled the other's length out, the hoodie covering him was making his forehead sweat a little but that didn't put him off from taking the tip into his plump awaiting lips. Jongin bites his bottom lip to silence himself from the upcoming pleasure, he could feel Taemin's mouth working further down his cock wonderfully, the elder was keeping his hand busy at the base of Jongin's growing hard-on, stroking him with confidence, he knew Jongin, he owned Jongin.

The slow graze of the other's tongue pressing into his slit sent a shiver up Jongin's spine, it felt surreal not seeing Taemin's lips around his dick but feeling them; the city passed them in a rush of colours and lights, the driver turned his radio up to keep his tired his mind stimulated as he drove at these ridiculous hours. Jongin's hand slid under the hoodie, his long finger's dug into Taemin's soft hair as he encouraged the elder to take him deeper, Taemin hummed around his shaft as he obligated, relaxing his throat while taking him further.

The younger's head leant against the headrest as warmth surrounded him, his teeth dug into his tongue as he winced quietly in lust; the alcohol in his system only joined the fog in his head as he edged towards orgasm, Taemin's mouth slipped off of his length slowly before taking his cock into his throat deep again, his tongue laid flat on it as he kept up a pace of fucking his mouth onto his lover's cock.

A growl rumbled in Jongin's throat as he was close, Taemin's teasing lips kissed down his length as he mouthed his way down to the younger's sack, his tongue traced up the side again as he sucked the tip and wrapped his small finger's around the girth to pump it. Jongin's hips jutted about as he came into Taemin's mouth, the elder lapped it all up, the salty sweet taste coaxed his taste buds as he sucked Jongin clean.

Just like clockwork the driver pulled up to the front of Taemin's apartment block as the elder sorted out Jongin's jeans and sat up like an innocent being "How much is that~?" Taemin sang in a sickly sweet tone, batting his eyelashes at the driver vigorously enough to make anyone uncomfortable.

"24000 won" The man uttered, he raised his eyebrow at the idols odd behaviour but didn't question it, Taemin fiddled about with his wallet and collected the right amount with a healthy tip "Support EXO's comeback" Taemin cackled as he slipped out of the car to join Jongin who had left the car a beat earlier, rolling his eyes at Taemin's behaviour.

The apartment was warm when they entered, it had been Taemin's call to leave the heating on; the younger grabbed Taemin by his waist and spun him around in an impromptu ballroom dance, dipping him before joining their lips in a kiss fuelled with laughter. In no time, Taemin was pressed against a wall in a heated makeout session, Jongin's hands gripped onto the elder's hips with bruising pressure sinfully; he didn't want to let go, he knew Taemin would be on a different continent in a weeks time and that reality never settled well in the pit of Jongin's stomach, he would feel empty again, the emptiness and loneliness took mere minutes to settle in sometimes. 

Taemin jumped up as he wrapped his lithe legs around Jongin's hips, leaning into him needily; the younger took it as a hint to take this to the bedroom but Taemin broke the kiss quickly "W-Window, fuck me against the window" He breathed as his finger's pulled on Jongin's hair.

"Mhm" Jongin gulped as he turned on his heel. 

The elder's hands roamed down Jongin's chest, taking in every bump and dip before stroking his jean-clad cock, his finger's struggled to undo the zipper again but he managed, Jongin pressed Taemin's back against the cold glass as he helped him out of his clothes; they were intoxicated and rushing as their jeans littered the floor, they kept their shirts on because that was too much effort. Taemin's legs kept their place on Jongin's hips as the younger's big hand encircled their lengths together, his free hand travelled up Taemin's chest, his middle finger and index finger walked suggestively up to the elders beautiful lips; there was no hesitation as Taemin took the digits into his mouth, his eyes slipped closed as Jongin started kissing the other's exposed collar bone.

Taemin moaned around the finger's in his mouth as Jongin started pumping their cocks together, the chill of the glass pressing into his back added to the thrill somehow, the deft slide of Jongin's hand coaxed his body with ecstasy while the finger's in his mouth slipped out slowly, the spit glossing them clung with a thin layer of drool to Taemin's lips dirtily.

They bounced about a little as Jongin's hand went under him, his spit-coated fingers rimmed Taemin's entrance shamelessly before pushing in skillfully; Taemin's hands took over from Jongin's on their erections as the younger focused on prepping him "Mm fuck Da-" Taemin moaned but bite his tongue before the pet name slipped out.

"Haha, what was that baby?" Jongin teased as his finger's scissored into the elder quickly, he squirmed and twitched before him, it was delightful.

"Nothin'" Taemin groaned, his body felt limp and powerless.

"Is that so?" Jongin hummed as he positioned himself before pushing in slowly, they usually wore condoms but there was no time to practise safe sex when they were horny and drunk, the raw feeling of skin on skin was bliss.

"Yes..." Taemin lewdly moaned, his legs felt like jelly after being held the same way for a while, the glass behind him didn't feel cold anymore, his back was slowly coated with a thin layer of sweat and quiet squeaks sounded as Jongin started thrusting in and out of him.

"Mhm fuck Tae, you're so... Fucking... Perfect.." Jongin choked out his words through the euphoric pleasure.

"Ahh, I love y-you" Taemin cried out in contentment, his blunt nails dug into the plane of Jongin's broad shoulders, tiny crescent shaped moons imprinted into his perfectly tanned skin.

The desire that drove them sobered them up to an extent, the feeling of intoxication wasn't from alcohol anymore if was from their love in the cheesiest way, it was true, the way their half lidded eyes pooled into one another's, the moans that left their mouths weren't in shame, the feeling of being connected wasn't new to them but it never felt dull; it was right, if it was with each other it was perfection.

"I l-love you too, I'm c-close" Jongin growled as he picked up his pace, Taemin touched his own cock, that sight alone drove Jongin insane.

"Mhm" Taemin managed quietly before crying out as he came, his body shook through his high.

"Fuck!" Jongin groaned as he came soon after, he wobbled back a little; falling onto the couch with Taemin in his lap, his cock was still pressed into him and his cum leaked out slowly, he shifted back a little as he pulled out, Taemin whimpered to himself at the loss of contact.

"Let's have a quick shower and then get some shuteye because I don't know about you but I'm exhausted.." Taemin mumbled cutely, his eyes could barely stay open but he had full intention to get clean.

"Agreed.." Jongin chuckled.

Taemin woke up with his face pressed into Jongin's blond hair, it tickled his nose as he breathed in; it smelt of cinnamon, the same shampoo Taemin used last night, the same shampoo Jongin used during trainee days. He wrapped his arms around the tanned god-like man, leaving feather-like kisses on the man's shoulder, Jongin had dance practise in a few hours; comebacks didn't come easy, they'd been working on this top-secret choreography for a while.

"Nini" Taemin cooed sweetly as he danced his hand down the younger's naked side, his head was a little dizzy from the alcohol the night before but rather than being hungover, he was low-key drunk still.

"No" Jongin whined sleepily, his hands encircled with Taemin's on his waist; he actually preferred being the little spoon for the most part because Taemin was like a little blanket of heat covering his back and it was soothing.

"You know you have to wake up baby~" Taemin purred as he wriggled up and kissed the side of Jongin's face, faint stubble was covering his chin and jaw again, Taemin loved it; it was beyond sexy in his opinion.

"Don't wanna" Jongin muttered childishly, playing with Taemin's finger's lovingly, they were so petite and cute he couldn't help himself; if he could write a book about things he loved about Taemin it would be about every inch of him and then his personality would fill at least ten chapters.

"You big baby" Taemin giggled.

"Mhm" 

"Don't fall asleep again Jagi" Taemin growled adorably in the younger's ear, Jongin scrunched up his face at the cuteness, he rolled over and grabbed his fiance into his arms.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you so much" Jongin chanted against Taemin's neck and ear, his stubble tickled the other.

"I love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love you so much too" Taemin cackled back, he played with Jongin's hair instinctively, it was one of his favourite things to do.

"Can't we just stay in bed?" Jongin mused moodily once he realised he had to get up soon.

"Well, I can but some of us have a comeback upon us, so get to working on your choreo so you can crush your fans with your slutty dancing~" Taemin chirped.

"I don't dance like a slut.." The younger whined in defence.

"Uhm.."

"I don't"

"You kinda do but so do I, so it's cool" Taemin grinned "C'mon get up, I'll get you some breakfast while you shower" 

"Fiiiiine" Jongin sighed as he got out of bed, the quilt tackled him a little but he escaped in one piece.

"I'll get dressed and run to that cafe by the station" Taemin chuckled as he got up and went straight to his closet, Jongin was making all types of groaning noises as he looked for his clothes "Here, there's plenty of your clothes in here" Taemin smiled and pointed in the closet, Jongin rolled his eyes before back hugging the other as he looked through the closet with Taemin.

They stayed close for a little while even after Jongin found an outfit, Taemin gave a small smile to Jongin on the closet mirror door before pushing the arms off of his waist and directing Jongin to the bathroom, the younger sighed but obligated as he wandered to the bathroom, the shower sounded a few seconds after.

Taemin pulled on some sweatpants, and a vest with a hoodie over it; boxers weren't necessary when you were going to end up staying in bed all day, he grabbed his keys and wallet before slipping out of the apartment. The walk from his apartment to the small cafe by the station took less than ten minutes, so he strolled leisurely there, there weren't many people out at this time, a few business workers and people getting in their morning exercise done. The bell above the cafe door jingled as Taemin opened the door, the old man behind the counter smiled and greeted him as he stepped up to order some simple energy foods, South Korea wasn't notorious for having breakfast but when you worked like an idol it was essential; the man thanked him as he paid for the goods. 

The walk back was annoying as it had started raining a little and that didn't go down well with tracksuits, he took a shortcut, cutting through the back of a few buildings; he ran straight into someone, they fell to the floor from the action.

"I'm so sorry" Taemin turned and apologised to the girl, he helped her up politely.

"It's okay, I wasn't looking where I was going; sometimes people do things without thinking.." She whispered quietly, there was a strange smirk tugging on her lips.

"Uh yeah.."

"I followed you here, I got in the way on purpose" She continued, her long black hair was damp and clung to her face, she couldn't have been much older than himself.

"Oh" 

"Do you think the press will like knowing about your private life?" 

"Uhh" Taemin muttered, the bag of food rustled against his leg, there was whirling sounds from the wind; he wasn't sure what this girl was getting at but he was a little intimidated.

"I have evidence"

Taemin remained silent, he wasn't sure where the girl was taking this but it made his stomach twist uncomfortably, he felt like turning and running but he felt he needed to know what she had to say for some reason.

"Why don't you leave Kai alone? He doesn't need you, you and Krystal should rot in hell; you're both disgustingly hideous and I hope you suffer.." She pulled out her phone, unlocking it before swiping through her apps; she turned the phone and revealed a picture of him and Jongin, it was in an alleyway, they were kissing but it was clearly them "I'll ruin you" She added menacingly, Taemin's eyes widened, he couldn't think straight; he was terrified.

"Unless you have a way to pay me.." 

"Pay you?" Taemin asked quietly as he finally snapped out of it.

"Yes"

"How much? If I give you the money, you must delete this picture from all of your devices" Taemin mumbled.

"It's simple, all you have to do is break up with Kai"


	32. Free Somebody

"I'm not with him, we're just friends; we were drunk when that happened, he's with Soojung and nothing you can do can change that.." Taemin muttered, his heart was thumping in his chest, his breathing was becoming uneven, those words slipped off his tongue like blood from a wound, painfully.

"How can I trust you? You're lying to the camera constantly, so why should I believe you now" The girl hissed, the rain got heavier, the pelting against the floor made it hard to work out what she was saying.

"Because I have a girlfriend too!" Taemin blurted the lie, his clothes were soaked and clinging to his body, probably not the best choice to go commando.

"You lying faggot, I know what you are!" She screamed, her hair whipped about unattractively; Taemin's blood ran cold, his hands clenched around the plastic bag.

"You don't know me, you fucking cunt, so don't go throwing those insults about; yes I'm a faggot but so is your precious Kai oppa" Taemin growled, he dropped the bag and shoved the small girl against the wall, his grip on her shoulders was sinister, he could hear his heart beating in his ears, she looked scared as he brought his head back and smacked it against hers; her body fell limp on the wall.

Taemin froze, he had just knocked out someone because he was so angry, he let go of her shoulders and she slumped toward the floor, his eyes went wide when he saw blood seep from the back of her head, her glossy wet black hair cradled it disgustingly, her phone had clattered on the floor beside her, he picked it up without hesitation along with the breakfast before taking his leave, sprinting to his apartment without a second thought.

 

Jongin heard Taemin practically fall through the door, it was slammed shortly after, the normal shuffle of him kicking his trainers off was louder, as if the elder had kicked his shoes at the wall. 

"Are you okay?" Jongin asked as he walked out of the bedroom while pulling his t-shirt on, his hair was damp and messy; Taemin didn't have a hairdryer much to Jongin's distaste.

"No" Taemin cried out, he could barely catch his breath as he dropped the bag and phone littered with EXO sticker's, the tears started before he could even register what he had to explain.

"Oh baby, what happened?" Jongin asked in concerned, sidling up to the other and wrapping his arms around him.

"A girl, this girl threatened me and I think I've just made things worse" 

"How so?"

"She has this picture of us kissing on her phone and she was gonna give it to the press, so I knocked her out and stole her phone, blood- I left her bleeding in the rain, Jongin, what i-if she's dead?" Taemin breathed.

"You knocked her out!?" Jongin gasped, stepping back a little to look at the shaken man before him "Don't worry she's probably all good.." He promised quietly, he didn't know what to think about this situation.

"Yeah I grabbed her shoulders and head-butted her, I really hope she's okay.." Taemin whispered guiltily, he'd lost control before but never to this extent, he just moved on impulse.

"I've got a plan.." Jongin hummed, soothingly rubbing his thumb over Taemin's forehead that was a little red.

"Mhm?"

"We'll phone the girl's mother or father.."

"How? She's probably got a passcode.." Taemin sighed as he picked the phone up, and as he expected there was a lock, her lock-screen background was Kai, big surprise.

"Siri you nob.." Jongin murmured as he took the battered iPhone from Taemin, he held the circular button down and said "Phone Umma"

"What are you gonna say?" Taemin squeaked when the phone responded and began ringing the girl's mother.

"That her daughter has been threatening you.."

"Like she'll believe EXO's Kai and SHINee's Taemin are on the phone.." Taemin tutted at the dumb idea.

"I'll facetime her, now shut up.." Jongin hummed as the call connected.

"Hello?" A woman's voice responded, she sounded tired; it was rather early.

"Uhm Hello, this is going to sound strange but I'm obviously not your daughter; is there a way I could video call you..?" Jongin requested hopefully.

"What have you done to my daughter?" The lady gasped, thinking something bad had happened.

"Nothing, it's just you wouldn't believe me if I told you I was EXO's Kai.." Jongin sighed embarrassingly, Taemin just stood by him awkwardly because he still didn't get the plan.

"Okay.." The woman sounded off, obviously, she didn't believe him, who would?

Jongin tapped the facetime symbol and waited for the woman to accept, Taemin wandered off to the other side of the living room; he didn't want to be in the shot; the screen showed a table and a small cup of tea.

"I don't want to show my face, I'm not wearing makeup and if you actually are this idol I don't want you to see me.."

"Ahh don't worry I'm not wearing makeup either" Jongin chuckled as he brought his face into the camera view, he heard the woman gasp "Okay, now you know who I am; I can let you know why I have your daughter's phone.."

"Yes go ahead.." 

"Well, I don't want you to think wrongly about your child but she's threatening me and my friend; I'm friends with this other idol-"

"-Taemin, I'm a fan of Onew from his band.." The woman's voice cut in.

"Yeah Taemin, she has a picture of me and Taemin kissing while we were drunk; we were intoxicated and my girlfriend is aware of it, but I don't want that mistake to be dragged up again, he's just a friend and your little girl is trying to blackmail him, which is illegal, so either I take legal action or you take mother action.." Jongin hummed the truth through the mountain of lies, the words 'just a friend' and 'girlfriend' didn't feel correct slipping off his tongue.

"She's done what? Aish Seoyun... I knew she's was a little obsessed with you but going as far as threatening your friend, I didn't think she'd go that far; she must have stalked you, is Taemin-ssi okay?" The lady replied; he could see her aged hand hold onto the teacup softly, she sounded tired and let down, perhaps her daughter wasn't that crazy.

"Uhh yeah, he's a little shaken; he's just over there eating.." Jongin answered while gesturing with his head in Taemin's general direction, he was scrunched up on the couch munching on some rice, some clung to his chin and lips cutely as he looked up at the mention of his name; he motioned the younger over while he wiped his face.

"H-Hello, I'm Taemin-"

"-I know" The woman interrupted with a chuckle as Taemin got into the shot, Jongin perched on the couch arm and got them both in the view of the camera.

"Earlier when I ran into your daughter I may have pushed her because I was scared and as an idol I'm exposed to anti-fans a lot, but not nearly as violent and threatening as your daughter, I'm willing to pay you for any damage, like her phone cracked a little and I can cover the costs.." Taemin offered with a small smile, he felt strange being on the camera in such a private setting, sure he was in the limelight a lot but it didn't mean he enjoyed the camera lenses constantly being pointed at him.

"Don't be ridiculous, my daughter had attempted to do something highly illegal; I may not agree with homosexuality but you've explained the story to me and I trust your side; if that picture got released not only your careers will be on the line but Kai's relationship with that Krystal girl.." The woman sighed, they heard a door slam in the background.

"Ahh thank you for being so understanding.." Jongin spoke quietly, a chill went down his spine at her comment on sexuality.

"Umma.." A different voice came out, Taemin's eyes widened as he recognised the girls voice, he got up a practically ran to his bedroom, Jongin's eyes followed him worriedly.

"Seoyun, sit down right now.." The woman's voice became stern suddenly.

"Why? Who are you on the phone with?" The girl's whiny voice filled the speaker again.

"Your idol"

"Yeah right.."

Jongin could hear the phone clatter about before he was put face-to-face with a girl with long black her who suddenly looked star struck "Oh" was all she could get out before she started full-on screaming, Jongin winced a little from the sound as he waved at her awkwardly, yes she was a fan but that didn't mean he liked her; especially when she'd just threatened the love of his life.

"Calm down Seoyun, now I need you to be mature for the first time in your life and get rid of those images; start by telling this handsome man your passcode.." The mother spat, Jongin felt a little awkward hearing the woman scold her daughter but it was kind of what she deserved.

"...1994" The girl hissed bitterly, her weakness was obviously her mother and Jongin was correct in approaching it this way, he huffed as he unlocked the phone, he went through the images and found the one before ridding of it.

"Thank you.." Jongin grinned happily, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders.

"Now the rest.." The mother's venomous voice growled, the phone followed the poor girl to her bedroom, the walls were littered in EXO memorabilia and Jongin watched quietly as the girl accessed her laptop and deleted the picture, also taking her USB and wiping that too.

"I've deleted them all, are you happy now?" The girl cried "Good girl" The mum soothed, patting her hair lightly "Blood? Are you okay Seoyun?" She gasped when blood painted her fingertips.

"It was that bastard Taemin!" The girl shouted, she clearly had a few issues mentally and Jongin didn't call her out on it because he didn't judge people with mental illnesses, they are real illnesses and shouldn't be treated any differently.

"Seoyun, you scared him and he's very apolegetic.."

"You saw him too? So he ran straight to you Kai; I'll kill him!!" The girl screeched, trying to grab her mother's phone.

"I'm in his apartment at the moment, Seoyun, right? You really scared him and it's partly my fault; I just want you to promise me one thing?" Jongin addressed the girl, she was all glassy eyed and blank.

"What?" Seoyun pondered quietly, she was sitting on her bed quivering.

"That you'll never disturb an idol again and please don't talk bad about Taemin, he's a good friend of mine and if you respect me, you'll respect my wishes.." Jongin hummed, his arm felt heavy from holding it up for so long, sure that sounded pathetic but he usually face-timed when he was in bed and only with Taemin.

"I promise you, how am I going to get my phone back?" The girl whimpered, she clearly didn't feel like this was real at all.

"I'll mail it to you, and then I'll send you EXO's new album when it's out; signatures and all, just give me your address" Jongin smiled lightly, he truly hated this girl but he had to keep her sweet; even if deep down inside he wished Taemin had hurt her more.

"Really!?" The girl squealed annoyingly, he could her the mother tut in the background.

"Yes"

"My address is in my phone notes, thank you so much; I love you Kim Jongin" 

"Okay, bye now, support EXO, I'll send your phone with express mail, so you'll get it soon, bye" Jongin spoke quickly before hanging up the call, he felt stressed out by the whole situation; sure he'd acted fake before because it was a part of his job, there was no way he could be happy 24/7 and acting that sweet when he felt sick to his stomach was just wrong.

He wandered into the bedroom and flopped onto the bed beside Taemin who was sat up hugging his knees "I think I sorted the situation out" Jongin groaned into the quilt, it was muffled and barely audible but Taemin understood, his small fingers naturally carded through Jongin's ash blonde hair. The younger flipped over, nuzzling his face against Taemin's hand "Are you okay Taem?" He spoke softly.

"Yeah I'm good, your food is in the bag on the counter and you have to leave in ten minutes or so.." Taemin hummed, his hand cupped the younger's cheek tenderly before shifting forward and got on top of the other, pressing his lips with feather-like touch on Jongin's, it was a sweet kiss, it lingered for a while, their plump lips fit so perfectly together and when they broke apart finally, matching dumb grins painted on their lips.

"I love you.." 

"I love you too"

A little while later Taemin was left alone, he slumped against the front door after kissing Jongin goodbye, he felt sick and cold, this bad feeling settled within him and he knew everything was wrong, he knew he was being paranoid but those words that he spat out, those words could ruin everything.

"yes I'm a faggot but so is your precious Kai oppa"

Fisting his fingers into his hair, he pulled at it viciously, he wanted to disappear again.

"Fuck" was the single word that passed his lips, he felt his anxiety take over.


	33. Either/or

It was the day of Dream Concert and honestly Jongin just wanted to stay in bed, he hadn't seen Taemin all week and he had stayed in the dorm; which was beyond chaotic compared to Taemin's quiet apartment. They were all in the midst of preparing for the comeback, whether it was dance practice, vocal practice or bloody V app solo broadcast practice, the worst. He could hear Baekhyun singing in the shower down the hall, he was so loud, and then there was the clinking of various things in the kitchen, he wasn't sure who it was but he was pretty sure it was Joonmyun; he decided that his concept for his V app live stream was to make a cake and he kept doing practice runs at ungodly hours.

Beep Beep Beep- His hand came down on his phone like thunder, his alarm; that signalled it was only 5am now, he heard an orchestra of everybody's alarms go off at the same time as his, besides the few who were up already, groans and yawns filled the apartment; then there was the rush, they had four bathrooms in their dorm and the mornings were no joke, he saw Kyungsoo leap out of his bed, his toiletry bag was skillfully hidden under his pillow and while Chanyeol stirred a bit longer in his bed before rushing off too. 

Jongin just picked up his shoe from the floor and threw it at the open door, closing it on impact, he smiled smugly before pulling his blanket over his head, a few moments of silence, that's all he required, his hand reached for his phone and after a few swipes of his thumb he looked up Taemin's flight, there was still hours yet. If he could change things, it would be Taemin's schedule, why on earth did they book him in for an event in Paris and then an event in South Korea a few days later? One thing was for sure, Taemin was going to be exhausted.

Sleep took over him again, it was a light sleep but he could feel Taemin's arms around him and that's all he wanted then, his dream-like state was bliss; those short fingers ran through his hair habitually, his pretty plump lips caressed his jaw--

"Yah! Stop dreaming about Taemin and get up" Sehun's voice cut in, Jongin scowled as he opened his eyes, he reached up and grabbed the unsuspecting maknae, wrestling him into a bone-crushing hug "I'll murder you Oh Sehun"

"I'll tell Taemin about those boxers you keep under your bed" Sehun cackled, wriggling about until the lanky fucker was free.

"How do you know about those? You nosey bastard" Jongin whined as he threw the blanket off himself, he couldn't help but laugh at the others ridiculous laugh but then again; that meant Sehun ended up laughing at his ridiculous laugh too.

"Well I know they aren't yours cause' you have a fat ass" Sehun commented before speeding off and out of the room, Jongin rolled his eyes before getting up to shower and get ready. 

 

A few hours passed like nothing and they were already on their way to Dream Concert, once they were about 10 minutes away from the venue he received a text, the oh-so-annoying youngest wriggled his eyebrows at him, all puns intended on the 'oh-'. Jongin angled his phone away from the other before checking the message.

TAEMee: I just landed and I'll more than likely miss the red carpet event *~*  
TAEMee: I want to crawl up in a ball and sleep rn but I'll have to settle with resting my head on the car window  
TAEMee: All the others got in a different car ;;  
K_A_I: n'aww, have you been sleeping?  
TAEMee: no T__T  
K_A_I: ahh my poor baby ;3;   
TAEMee: yah you're the baby.. ¬_¬

Sehun chuckled beside him as he read the whole conversation anyway, Jongin was a little embarrassed because he acted completely different with Taemin to what he acted with everyone else but he kind of liked showing off his relationship a little; as it was a secret for the longest time. The car halted as they reached the arena "Okay boys, smiling faces and give me all of your phones" The manager cheered as he opened a bag that belonged to one of the stylists, huffs were heard as they all threw their phones in there, Jongin dropped a quick text to Taemin before doing so.

K_A_I: The manager has my phone, I'd advise you not message me for a little while, red carpet now uwu

 

Taemin wriggled about in the backseat, he felt restless, all he could think about was Seoyun, that stupid girl, her menacing behaviour haunted him; Jongin had mailed the phone back and presumably she'd have it by now, he was scared to fall asleep, terrified she'd turn up in his unconsciousness and consume him, the long black hair and pale skin competed with that of Sadako Yamamura from the Japanese novel/film 'Ring'. Even if his eyelids felt heavy, he refused to sleep, they'd get to the venue in a while and he'd be thrown into uncomfortable clothes and layered in makeup to disguise his dark circles.

Taking a deep breath he decided to tune into the red carpet broadcast, his earphones were plugged in as he saw EXO step onto the red carpet; Jongin was too handsome for his own good, he looked beautifully tanned and his hair was styled to perfection, Taemin's mind wandered inappropriately for a little while, the things he wanted to do with Jongin, especially looking like that, it was truly criminal. The camera panned to Chanyeol acting like a fool, so he calmed down a bit, now was not the time to get horny, the stream ended all too soon and Taemin felt like a bitter fanboy. The traffic surrounded the car like the plague, the manager driving had yawned about twenty times already and Taemin contagiously followed, he didn't want to sleep but his exhaustion took over eventually.

Jongin flopped onto the couch in their dressing room, the stylists said they could have a break before they were rushed into their stage outfits; seen as though they were performing last, the manager handed all of their phones back thankfully, he played a few games as he waited. A knock was heard at the dressing room door and Jongdae opened it to reveal Wonshik "Jongin your friend is here~" He called out sweetly before skipping back over to the seat he was residing in. Jongin sprung up to greet the other, nodding to his manager and showing his hand with his fingers spread to signal five minutes. 

They stepped into a quiet hallway beside a vending machine, small talk filling the time for the most part "How's Taemin? When's he getting here?" Wonshik pondered as he leant on the mechanical fridge, he was holding onto a bottle of sprite he'd purchased a few seconds prior.

"Yeah, he's alright; I didn't hear much from him while he was in Paris, don't worry about him, what you saw the other week was just his emotions getting the better of him, you know what its like to be an idol" Jongin hummed as he helped himself to some of the fizzy drink.

"I've been thinking about him a lot lately, he seems so distant.."

"Well, he's just tired and stressed I think; I see him quite a bit, as often as I can... Next time I'll convince him to come out with the squad ahaha" Jongin murmured uncomfortably, there was a certain air he felt around him when he lied to his friends, it wasn't a complete lie but it just wasn't his place to talk about Taemin's real mental state, because at the end of the day he still didn't know what happened in the other's his mind.

"Why is he always with you?"

"W-We're best friends Ravi, I've just known him for a long time and I guess we click.." Jongin defended, he could hear a hint of jealousy in the others voice and honestly it kind of angered him, he was a little possessive about Taemin, okay 'overly' was a better word choice.

"I think there's something more, I think Taemin likes you and I think you should stop stringing him along, you have a girlfriend now, remember?" Wonshik pointed out as he snatched his drink back.

"Hmm, but I don't actually have a girlfriend, by chance Wonshik, do you like Taemin?" Jongin interrogated, he needed to know for peace of mind, there was a nauseous feeling rising in the back of his throat.

"What do you mean you don't have a girlfriend?" The other asked, ignoring the question.

"I just don't, it's media play and all that bullshit; now tell me the truth, do you like Taemin?"

"I do-"

"-Ugh you guys would never believe how much traffic there was, I thought I was gonna die in that car" Taemin's voice cut in as he squished in between the two to get to the vending machine, slotting a few coins in before getting an energy drink.

"Turn's out there was a small collision but the man was making a big thing about this small ass dent on his bumper, my manager was so pissed pfft- are you two cool? Or did something happen?" Taemin carried on running his mouth as he slurped the fizz from his red bull.

"Yeah, just chatting" Jongin gleamed as he wrapped his arm around Taemin's shoulder and pulled him by his side, the elder sipped at his drink awkwardly; sure him and Jongin had skinship everywhere but there was this strange possessiveness about this particular touch, it was kinda scary.

"Well, my dudes, I stink like shit cause' I've been on a plane for hours, so I'm gonna have a shower and get ready for the show, I'll see ya' in a while~" Taemin mused, pulling Jongin's arm off his shoulder before speed-walking off, he was too tired to deal with friendship drama.

Jongin gave Wonshik a small smile before taking his leave too, he wandered back into the dressing room and sat on Baekhyun's lap as there were no seats left "Of all the laps you chose mine? I know I'm stunning but you're crushing me" Baekhyun commented sarcastically as he wrapped his arms around the younger.

"There's no seats and you were the closest" Jongin chuckled, the manager stepped back into the room and announced it was time for hair and makeup to begin, the stylists got up from their clique table and started hurrying the members around to get ready, Jongin waddled over to the dressing table to get his makeup done whereas some were getting their hair done.

An hour had past and the concert was still going, there were at least ten acts to go before EXO's performance, Jongin fiddled with his phone as the stylist did the finishing touches to his hair and out of the corner of his eye he saw Taemin creep into the room, he bowed and greeted the other members before sneaking into the chair next to Jongin's.

"Hey" Taemin whispered.

"Hey" 

"I'm so bored in my dressing room, so I thought I'd harass my favourite juniors" Taemin smiled, the stylist walked off to get something after greeting Taemin.

"How have you been?" Jongin grinned as he offered some chewing gum to the elder.

"I'm alright, just tired and in need of a cigarette" Taemin sighed as he grabbed a piece of gum, his hair and makeup were already done but he was in a tracksuit because he wasn't trusted to not ruin the suit.

"I'm surprised you haven't quit again" Jongin laughed lightly as the stylist came back and touched his hair up with more hairspray "All done~" She hummed as she walked off to attend to Chanyeol.

"I'll quit next week or something but right now I just wanna sleep, smoke and repeat" Taemin whined, he looked knackered, no amount of concealer could hide that.

"Just get this concert out of the way tonight and then go home and do exactly that" 

"Are you gonna come home with me or go back to the dorm tonight?" Taemin asked hopefully, he was leaning over the armrest of the chair cutely and Jongin just wanted to grab him and get out of there.

"I don't know, we've got dance practise tomorrow and then I have that bloody V app thing the day after ugh" Jongin groaned as he thought about that broadcast again, comebacks were stressful enough and then they had to throw in that little surprise.

"C'mon, just say you're going to your family home but come to mine instead, I need someone to watch me smoke and complain.." 

"I'll see what I can do but I really can't guarantee anything, you know what-"

"-comebacks are like, yeah I know" Taemin finished the younger's sentence just as Sehun pulled a chair up to join them "Hey Hyung and Kai~" The younger purred.

"Hello Sehunnie~" Taemin smiled at the other, it was annoying how tall these bastards were but at this point, he was used to it.

"How's it going? Your love and what not~" The youngest asked curiously, batting his eyelashes as if he was cute.

"Fine, now go back to hell where you came from" Jongin sneered jokingly.

"So mean, I'm hurt; Taemin, from maknae to maknae, are you ever treated this badly?" 

"Not really, I have everyone wrapped around my little finger, to be honest; whereas some of us have to wait eleven minutes for a simple birthday wish, I'm appalled.." Taemin sighed in fake hurt for the younger. 

"Oh, you heard? Well, that's my reality I guess, eleven minutes hmm..." Sehun bites back his fake tears, shielding his face with his acting skills.

"Why did you bring that up Taemin?" Jongin complained.

"As a maknae I relate to him, and that story was truly heartwrenching, it took me eleven minutes to compose myself after that" Taemin cackled, Sehun howled with laughter too as he high-fived the elder.

"I'm technically a maknae too" Jongin pointed out with a huff.

"Not the real maknae, though" Sehun noted.

"Yeah you're a fake, Nini" Taemin snickered, it was like an evil duo had formed from the words 'eleven minutes'.

"Shush, why are you on his side Tae? I thought you liked me?" Jongin pouted, the fake-hurt was bleedingly obvious and they all ended up laughing obnoxiously loud, Minseok turned around in his seat and put his index finger in front of his lips to signal 'be quieter' but there was a little smug smile on his lips nonetheless.

A chorus of "Sorry, Hyung~" filled the room from the three idiots in the corner, which resulted in more cackling before they slowly but surely calmed the fuck down. Taemin's manager wandered in with a folder in his hands "Ah there you are, I thought I'd find you here" The man mumbled as he approached Taemin.

"I'm sorry, I told the stylist to let you know; What is it Hyung?" Taemin hummed expectantly at the man before him.

"I've just got your schedule for the next few weeks" He explained while handing the folder over "Look through it and drop it off in your dressing room when you can" The man added as he took his leave.

Taemin skim-read through the booklet while humming to himself "Japan, Japan, Japan, Milan!?" He squeaked as he read over the timetable "I'm going to a fashion week..?" 

"Isn't Tao going to that?" Sehun mumbled to himself as he pulled some lint off of his trousers.

"I don't know but why me?" Taemin whined as he kicked his legs about childishly "I don't even care about fashion"

"We know honey" Jongin commented as he glanced at Taemin's slippers "But you're a model for a fashion brand now idiot" He added while taking the schedule from Taemin's hands to check it himself, it was packed unnecessarily again.

"That was so sassy, don't judge my slippers, I'm all about being comfortable" Taemin defended himself "You're no better than me, at least I wear socks" He added with a huff.

"I'm going to agree with Kai on this one, some of the stuff you wear Taemin is very questionable"

"It's tramp couture, okay? I don't need to wear expensive clothes to look good" Taemin smirked smugly, taking the folder back from Jongin who was about to take a picture of it "I'll forward it to you once I get an email version"

"That's true, you look good in anything" Jongin smiled all gooey-like.

"Jongin you're so gay, how did I not realise this earlier?" Sehun commented at the others cheesy behaviour.

"That's what I always say" Taemin giggled as he slipped out of the chair.

"Yah, you can't quantify how gay a gay person is.." Jongin grumbled, thankfully it was loud in there and nobody was paying attention to them.

"Well let's just keep it as pretty darn gay, I've got to get going~" Taemin snickered, patting Jongin's shoulder as he leant close to his ear "I love you" He whispered, Jongin looked up at him before he left, his eyes did the talking for him as Taemin turned on his heel and slipped out of the room.

"What did he just say?" Sehun asked curiously as he leant closer in his chair.

"He said; let's fuck in the store closet down the corridor in ten minutes" Jongin lied, his laugh deceived his obvious lie.

"You're so gross, it was obviously a short sentence you perv" the youngest groaned, getting up and deciding that he'd had enough of Jongin's antics, making the 'fake maknae' howl with laughter.

The ending stage finally came around, Taemin felt dead on his feet as he stepped onto the stage again, he blended in badly with EXO, his red suit stood out in the midst of their various blue suits, he stepped beside Jongin, tiptoeing to whisper in his lover's ear "I missed you".

"It's been an hour" Jongin whispered back a laugh vibrated against Taemin's ear, they exchanged a few words before Taemin turned to greet Ravi, but the other averted his eyes, a little confused, Taemin turned on his heel and greeted a few other juniors and then he saw Jongin gesture to follow him, he obeyed like a magnet, weaving between other artists as Jongin lead them to the front of the stage, his arm loosely fell over his shoulders but slipped off shortly after.

It was a blur of colours and stars, and before he knew it Wonshik was gone and Taemin was already backstage getting into his comfortable clothes again; he felt like he'd missed something, even Jongin didn't greet him, surely it was something to do with the tense atmosphere by that vending machine, but what exactly had happened?


	34. Monster

Taemin threw himself into his bed after his shower, the towel around his waist moved off uselessly, he hadn't heard from Jongin, so he just assumed that the younger had to stay in the dorm, he reached for his phone and pressed Wonshik's number, it rang endlessly it seemed and eventually reached voice mail.

"Wonshik-ah, are you okay? I didn't see much of you at the concert and I wanna know what's up?" Taemin spoke softly as he left the messaged, he put the phone down and chucked it at his pillows, it made a notification noise mid-air but he couldn't be asked to move; so he ignored it. There was a breeze coming from the open window, goosebumps ran up his arms and bare chest, he was tired but didn't feel like sleeping; the more and more he was alone, he started to wonder if it was better to be alone. 

"Why am I sad?" Taemin hummed to himself, his deft fingers skimmed down the smooth skin of his stomach, the tips of his small finger's grazed against his pubic bone.

"Or maybe I'm crazy?" The man whispered into the darkness, his eyes fluttered closed as his hand encircled his cock, it was limp and heavy as his index finger ran down the side of his shaft slowly.

"Perhaps scared?" Were the last words of nonsense that slipped from his lips in a hush.

 

Reaching up and under his pillow, he grabbed hold of the lube and vibrator he'd hid there prior to his shower, he was all wound up and he needed to release; the number of sex toys he hid was unbelievable, there were always points where the frustration got the better of him. The small black probe shaped vibrator was resting against his hip as he squirted lube onto his fingers, he wasn't going to rush into it with the toy, he had all the time in the world in his opinion. Sliding his fingers along his thigh as he raised his lithe legs to expose his hole from the useless towel, he circled his entrance with his middle finger before pushing it in ever-so-slowly.

Breath hitching at the cool slip and slide of his finger's, he prepped himself with will, there was a dull ache building in his wrist as he pushed in another finger in, as he scissored and stretched his tight hole he imagined it being Jongin's long finger's instead, he was shamelessly letting out wanton moans, unashamed as they bounced off the walls of the dark room. Easing himself up on his free elbow he slipped his fingers out before grabbing the small black pleasure device, coating it in lube as he started pushing it into himself smoothly...3...2...1 and he switched the vibrating function on, his body shuddered as the pleasure ran up his spine.

"Ah, s-shit!" Taemin groaned loudly as the device abused his sweet spot, his hands gripped at the sheets till his knuckles turned a sickly white, he struggled to keep his knees up and his feet planted on the bed, the feeling was overwhelming, he hadn't even touched his cock and it was already leaking. 

"Oh, fuck.." Jongin's husky voice joined the buzz of the toy and Taemin's lewd moans.

Taemin tried to look up at the intruder but his body was enchanted by the pleasure, Jongin wandered over after initially being frozen in one spot, he sat next to Taemin's head and stroked the elder's sweat-slick hair out of his eyes, his chest was heaving up and down.

"Jong-Jongin-ah" Taemin cried out as he managed to compose himself and switch the vibrate function off, his body fell limp while he caught his breath "You're... staying here?" Taemin breathed, not bothering to cover himself up.

"If you don't mind? Or do you want some privacy?" Jongin smirked down at the elder teasingly, Taemin rolled his eyes as he flipped over, crawling over to Jongin erotically, the moonlight washed over his body. 

"Actually, I could use your help Daddy" Taemin cooed softly, his eyes were glassy and his bottom lip caught in between his lips as he finished his sentence.

"I like the sound of that" Jongin growled, his hand stroked the others face tenderly, Taemin leant into the touch; moaning lowly.

"Can I taste you, Daddy?" Taemin hummed, the pet name stuck; there was no flash of embarrassment, just pure lust as his fingers grazed against Jongin's jeans fly "You're hard already, I'll be good to you, I promise.."

"Of course, you can sweetie~" Jongin purred, his index finger tipped the elders chin up, grazing his skin lightly with his blunt nail; seeing Taemin all needy and naked like this was driving him insane, catching him in the act was enough to make him lose his mind, he was tempted to flip him over and fuck him there and then when he stepped into the room but he'd never do anything to Taemin without permission.

Taemin's tugged the zip puller down with his teeth as his hands worked on the stubborn button, pulling the other's thick length out; licking his lips at the touch of it "Every inch of you is perfect and that's not just your dick" Taemin commented before taking the tip hungrily into his mouth, it was amazing how ethereal Kim Jongin looked with the moonlight working wonders on his skin, a God.

Jongin's hand fisted into Taemin's hair loosely as the other took him deeper, it didn't matter how many blowjobs he got from Taemin, they were always consistently wonderful because they both enjoyed it. Taking the younger deeper into his throat Taemin lets out a long moan as he arched his back and felt the toy shift inside him, his body was already so overly-sensitive, he felt a burning feeling form in the pit of his stomach; he tried to concentrate but it was too late, he came on the duvet beneath him.

The elder choked a bit as he got Jongin's cock out of his mouth, his body shook as he came down from his high, he was so ashamed; he came without being touched, just simply having Jongin's shaft in his mouth. A blush crept up his face as he kept his gaze down "Taeminnie, are you okay?" Jongin hummed, cupping the other cheeks and to make him look at him.

"Mhm" Taemin averted his gaze, he felt so venerable; completely exposed and fuzzy "I'm tired ahah" He added quietly, it wasn't a lie, his body felt heavy as he crawled into Jongin's lap, planting a light kiss on the tanned man's cheek.

"Too ambitious for your own good, eh?" Jongin grinned sweetly, nuzzling his cute nose on Taemin's jaw.

"I guess, damn I'm such a whore.." 

"You're my whore, though" Jongin joked, poking Taemin's butt cheek adorably "Let's go to bed"

"No way, you haven't cum yet" Taemin whined, shaking Jongin's shoulders pathetically.

"I'll survive Taemin" Jongin cackled, peppering Taemin's cheek in kisses.

"Unacceptable, I'll give you a hand job now cause' with our schedules I have no idea when we'll next see each other" Taemin complained, he kept yawning in between sentences and honestly he was too cute for his own good sometimes.

"How can you be cute when you're talking about hand jobs while sitting naked in my lap with a vibrator in your butt? You're a mystery Lee Taemin.." Jongin mused, a genuine smile was permanently covering his face when he was with the elder, it was contagious.

"It's not like the vibrator is on, I'm gonna clean myself up a little and then I'll somehow give you a 'mindblowing' hand job before I pass out" Taemin giggled as he hopped off of Jongin's lap and the bed before sauntering to the bathroom buck naked. Jongin laughed to himself, of course, his fiance was the most endearing person to walk this planet, in his own unique way sometimes; getting up the younger made use of himself by changing the cover on the duvet. Taemin's phone flipped up as he pulled the blanket off, he picked it up and clicked the button out of habit. 

Wonshixx: I like you. 

Jongin's eyebrows furrowed together as he unlocked the phone, he knew the passcode because Taemin often forgot it and asked him for it; with a few taps, he deleted the message and blocked Ravi's contact, this wasn't right but Jongin was scared, such a simple message with so much meaning; it was terrifying.

 

Taemin waddled back into the bedroom in an over-sized t-shirt and boxers while letting out the longest drawn out yawn ever, he crawled under the quilt next to the younger "Nini, you awake?" Taemin mumbled as he wrapped his arms around the taller.

"Mhm sorta" 

"Do you wanna sleep? It's almost three a.m." Taemin whispered, his small hands patted the others stomach lightly "You're all squishy, I love it" He added as he poked the younger's belly.

"Yeah, let's just sleep" Jongin muttered quietly, his finger's laced with Taemin's effortlessly; there was a scowl painted on his face in the darkness that Taemin couldn't see, he got upset too easily, he couldn't blame Wonshik, it was hard not to fall for Taemin.

Jongin sat on the floor in the dance studio in a huff, the last few days were torturous, one, the comeback was today and two; Taemin was rushed to Japan for some reason. The showcase was in a few hours and they were holding a small meeting in the dance studio before then.

"Remember, this is a live broadcast that people paid for; so that means no swearing and I'll repeat that for some of you, no swearing" The manager grumbled as he looked at Chanyeol, all of the solo broadcasts went well except Chanyeol managed to swear in English on-air.

"Now, after this meeting; I want you all to shower quickly before you get prepped for the stage; some of your hair will be dyed or touched up with dye, so don't wash your hair; that goes for you Xiumin, Chanyeol and Jongin, Jongin & Xiumin you'll have pastels in your hair, but it's necessary for you three to wet your hair. Get ready and follow the showcase rep to the car once you're done" He droned on before leaving the room, they were all exhausted from practice and now they had to get ready and do rehearsals; Jongin rested his head on Joonmyun's shoulder with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" The elder asked, as the rest of the members started filtering out of the room to hit the shower room.

"I liked being blond"

"It'll be chalk, it washes out, you'll still be blond tomorrow" Joonmyun chuckled, patting the younger's head before getting up and offering his hand.

"Oh right, I thought he meant the tone or something.." Jongin gasped as he used the elders hand to help himself up, his body was in pain; the dance was no joke and he felt tensed up.

"I don't think this is just about your hair.." The other commented as they wandered towards the shower room.

"It is, I love having couple hair" Jongin joked, he opened the changing room door for the elder; the room lead to the showers, there was steam rising from the various shower cubicles on the far side of the room.

"If you wanna talk just ask, obviously we're really busy now but maybe tonight?" Joonmyun offered with a smile, wandering into a cubicle before Jongin could answer. 

The showcase was successful, Jongin felt proud to be in such a fantastic group, they all worked so hard and it paid off; his phone had several notifications from friends and family saying fighting, and there were loads of messages from Taemin, of course, there were. The MV's were all released but Jongin hadn't had the chance to check his phone because he'd fallen asleep in the car, so he checked as soon as he got into bed.

TAEMee: i missed the showcase, but 3 mins till the MV release *^* 23:57pm  
TAEMee: /photo/ whahhhafhad 0:06am  
TAEMee:/photo/ yyou fck 0:10am  
TAEMee:/photo/ omg nnini 0:14am  
TAEMee:/photo/ hubba hubba 0:21  
TAEMee:/photo/ listen boi 1:02 am  
TAEMee:/photo/ can you let me live or? 1:06am  
TAEMee:/photo/ k bye, I'm Kai trash. 1:23am

The messages were screenshots from the MV's and the last message was a screenshot of Taemin's new lock-screen, an image of Jongin and his bloody lip in the Monster MV with heart stickers all over it.

K_A_I: You're so cute ;3;  
TAEMee:AHHH YOU'RE REPLYING asdfffrgbhjkim cnzsjl  
TAEMee: hey uwu  
K_A_I: how's Japan?  
TAEMee: boring and lonely but the food is good, I'm eating way too much but sashimi is worth it ^0^   
K_A_I: there's no such thing as 'eating too much' for you, you're skinny regardless cutie~  
TAEMee: yh yh, have you eaten????????????? Cause' if you haven't, I'll kill you xxx  
K_A_I: I ate some rice and stuff earlier, dw~  
TAEMee: I'll worry anyway because I forget to eat when I'm promoting and me being in this crappy industry for a long ass time can tell you, fainting ain't fun; now go and make some ramen <3  
K_A_I: Alright, you should sleep; it's almost 2am  
TAEMee: you too, eat some ramen, brush your teeth, have a cheeky wank in the bathroom and then sleep ;)  
K_A_I: you're so strange, why must it be a 'cheeky wank' or is that just what you've called it?  
TAEMee: Dorm life was hard, in all sense of the word; I'd like to remind you I slept in a room with 4 other dudes while we were all going through puberty, well I was and it was hell; if I needed a quick wank the bathroom was the only option, so it became a 'cheeky wank' by default >.>  
TAEMee: now eat, brush your teeth, wank and sleep you dickhead.  
K_A_I: I'm making ramen rn :p  
TAEMee: you can multitask!?!?!?!?!!!?!? omg, nini is learning   
K_A_I: i hate u  
TAEMee: love ya' too, ok I'm gonna pass out now; I'm over all the exo hype, I still think SHINee is better, Kai is pretty hot though lol  
K_A_I: -____- sleep well idiot x   
TAEMee: /voice note/ 


	35. Let It Bleed

Jongin stirred when his alarm went off, it was the first time he'd not woken up before his alarm in a while, the light from his phone made his eyes strain as he turned the piercing noise off, a couple messages floated about on his notification tab, no matter how sleepy he was his eyes widened at two messages in particular; without a second thought he threw himself out of his bed and barged past Kyungsoo to get to the bathroom down the hall first.

"Yah Jongin!" Kyungsoo shouted after him but Jongin just got to the room and locked the door behind himself, switching the shower on before dialling Taemin's number.

Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring- the thunderous sound of the phone dialling taunted him, he was sure it would run to voice mail but he was in luck, or was he?

"Hello Jongin" A different voice answered, Taemin's manager.

"Euisoo Hyung, is everything okay?" Jongin answered, the shower was running in the background because honestly privacy was impossible in that dorm, so if that meant wasting water to be alone, so be it.

"Yeah, now it is.." The man hummed quietly.

"What do you mean 'now it is'?" 

"Taemin was a little drunk last night..." I know "..and I left him alone in the dorm, when I got back I heard a strangled noise; so I rushed to his room and found him on his back with vomit filling his mouth, thankfully I acted fast and put him on his side, he was asleep at the time but woke when I moved him"

"He choked on his vomit while you were out, doing what? Your job is to look out for him!" Jongin shrieked, he wanted to keep his anger mute but it wasn't happening.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that, he willingly drank too much last night after the photo shoot and I sent him back to the dorm to sleep it off but what does he do? He buys more drinks on the way back and gets totalled, I left him alone for less than an hour" The manager growled, he had a point but Jongin felt his over-protective self taking over.

"He's my friend, I'm sorry I over-reacted; how is he doing right now?" 

"He's fast asleep on the couch because he was too tired to change his bed linen yesterday, I changed it anyway but by the time I came into the living room to tell him; he was asleep, it's not like there are 4 extra beds he could choose from" The man snorted sarcastically at Taemin's odd ways.

"He left me a message saying he was sad last night but I didn't see it because I was sleeping, so I was worried; I guess it was the drink talking.." Jongin mused, he wanted to talk to Taemin but obviously he had to put his trust in the manager.

"Ah, what can I say; he refuses to accept the meds and doesn't want a therapist, at the end of the day he's an adult"

"Meds? What meds?" Jongin interrogated, was he missing something?

"You don't know? Oh I assumed you would have; nevermind, pretend I never said anything" Euisoo cleared his throat "Anyway, I'm a busy person and need to hang up on you and judging on the time, you have to leave soon"

"You can't just mention something like that then leave-" Jongin spoke but the phone was hung up on him, he almost threw his phone at the wall but remembered it was a fan gift.

"FUCKING FUCK!" Jongin shouted in frustration, he wasn't surprised that Taemin was hiding something from him; they couldn't know everything about each other, except Jongin thought he knew almost everything.

"Are you okay, Jongin?" Jongdae's voice filtered through the door "Tell him to hurry up" Kyungsoo's voice echoed in the background.

"Yeah I just stubbed my toe, I'll be out in a little while" Jongin called out as he rushed to strip and get into the shower.

Taemin's eyes peeled open slowly, his head felt like a drummer had done a whole solo concert in his head, he winced as he tried to sit up "Euisoo Hyung?" He called out pathetically into the apartment, silence replied to him.

"You fucker, you're never around ugh" He muttered as he got up but his head felt suddenly heavy, so he gave in and sat back down, his phone was perched on the couch arm, he wanted to check it but also didn't; he knew he sent something stupid to Jongin, and now the younger was probably freaking out during the rehearsal period on MCountdown. It was the mornings after Taemin had done something extraordinarily stupid he felt the worst, it wasn't his fault he'd fallen asleep and choked on his vomit but it was his fault for never knowing his limit, it was terrifying.

If his manager didn't come back when he did, he'd be dead, actually dead. The concept of death never deterred him before but dying unplanned never crossed his mind, not that suicide was a great concept either, his throat felt dry and the acidic taste on his tongue never seemed to fade, his head fell back to rest upon the top of the couch; his tired eyes scanned the ceiling dreamily.

"Taemin, can I ask you something?" Jongin's voice filled the hospital room, he'd been quiet the whole afternoon and Taemin preferred it that way, he didn't feel like talking, he felt wrong, he didn't feel like himself.

"Mhm" 

"When do you feel happy?" Jongin questioned, the question made Taemin frown, he felt his thoughts running wild and he just wanted to sink through the uncomfortable bed into oblivion.

"When you don't ask me stupid questions" 

"Wow, you're so fucking mature.."

"I'm always happy Jongin, those pills I chucked down my throat weren't to eat away at my stomach; they were to make my smile brighter, I'm the happiest person alive" Taemin manically spat, his fingers picked at the thin blanket irritably.

"Taemin this is serious, I didn't save you so you could suddenly turn on me"

"I didn't want to be saved Jongin" Taemin whispered tiredly, he wanted to get out of the hospital more than anything; but they said at least three days are needed to get used to the searing pain till he fully recovers.

"I love you, idiot, I should have known something was up" Jongin sighed, the 'I love you' was always an off-hand comment but even then they knew it was the truth.

"When I'm released I have to go straight back to practice and then my debut is soon, you'll be on stage with me; you'll have to perform with me and know I'm in pain, and you know what? I don't want your sympathy"

"Why are you like this?" Jongin asked quietly, his eyes welled up but the tears refused to fall; he'd cried so much in the last few days, he thought his eyes would eventually dry up.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean any of that, I'm just not happy Nini... Can you do something for me?" 

"Sure, anything"

"Kiss me" 

Taemin's eyes flicked to the front door, in a strange way he wanted to see his mother, he wanted to feel that embrace that was only exclusive to her touch; if she walked through that door he'd probably burst into tears there and then, the existential crisis he felt often sank in again, braving it out he up he picked his phone up; the screen displayed a singular message.

K_A_I: I phoned and your manager answered, he's explained what happened; I'm trying to not get myself worked up about it because I can't be there for you right now. I'm mad at myself for not being awake but it can't be helped, I hope you get some rest today, please text me when you wake up, I'm busy today but I'll find time to phone you regardless.

Taemin sighed as he started typing a message, he hit the backspace more times than he'd like to admit, it was usually easy to message Jongin but he felt like any way he broached the subject it felt too much or too little.

Taem18: I'm alright dw. xxx

It was a weak message but he didn't feel right with any message or explanation he typed out, he just wanted it to be simple enough to reassure Jongin.

Ring Ring- His phone lit up and started ringing almost instantly after sending the message, Taemin answered on the first few rings, he needed to get this out of the way.

"Hello.." Taemin answered.

"Taemin, are you alright?" Jongin's voice blared through the speaker as Taemin's face hit the loudspeaker button, Taemin hit it a few times to turn it off.

"Y-Yeah I just woke up" 

 

"I don't know what to say, you didn't intend to choke... Was it the drink speaking or you?" 

"The drink, I just thought I should have a couple drinks to loosen up and a couple turned into a lot; I'm just scared Jongin" Taemin admitted quietly, his voice was a little rough from the dryness of his mouth but his head hurt too much to get up and get a drink.

"Scared of what hun?" Jongin spoke fast.

"Nothing, aren't you supposed to be performing soon?" Taemin hummed, he could hear the all so familiar loudness of backstage.

"Well, we are going to record the interview now-ish but I saw my phone go off, so I said I was quickly going toilet.." 

"Don't make Kibummie Hyung wait idiot, being an MC is stressful enough without some of the artists disappearing before a pre-rec" Taemin whined, he knew how Kibum got about recordings and he didn't want him to be pissed off at EXO because of one member.

"I'm sure he'll understand if I let him know-"

"-No, don't tell him anything please, it's bad enough you knowing" Taemin cut Jongin off.

"So, you wouldn't have told me? I see how it is now, you must have a lot of secrets; I thought I knew you Taemin but obviously I don't!" Jongin shouted before putting the phone down.

Taemin looked at his phone screen hopelessly, he hated being away from Jongin; being in a different country when a small argument spark's was helpless because he couldn't do a thing, the front door opened slowly, wearily; the manager walked in with a few shopping bags.

"Ah Taemin, how are you feeling?" 

"Fine, a little nauseous, I'd hate to be a pain Hyung but could you get me something to drink, my head is spinning" Taemin mumbled from the couch, he looked like a ghost, the pasty white skin that didn't compare with his otherwise lightly tanned self.

"Yeah, I got you some Haejangguk (hangover soup) and I've talked to a doctor, they say its best for you to stay hydrated, treat it like a common cold" Euisoo hummed as he served the soup and got a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"You didn't need to talk to a doctor, I just drank too much and choked, I'm still alive and kicking" Taemin groaned as he sipped on the hearty soup, it had a medicine-like taste.

"I've never dealt with getting puke out of someone's windpipe before Taemin, you could have died"

"But I didn't; so get over it" 

"Enough with the attitude-"

"-No, I'll talk how I want to talk, I'm sick of this respect your elders bullshit!"

"What has gotten into you?" The manager sighed, he has dealt with loads of different emotions in this job and he was getting to the end of his tether.

"Why are we even in Japan? Because clearly I spend a lot of time doing nothing at all; so tell me, why am I here?" Taemin grouched as he bites into a chunk of meat.

"For promotional reasons" 

"Admit it, you're keeping me away from Seoul for a reason" Taemin placed the polystyrene bowl onto the coffee table with force, some of the contents spilt onto the surface.

"What are you talking about? I'm your manager; I get given the schedule, I don't make them" Euisoo huffed as he leant against the couch arm, Taemin looked like a territorial dog perched on the seat like that, there was loathe in his glare.

"I give up, I'm going to bed, cause' I know what's going on but you're too scared to tell me" Taemin sighed as he struggled up, he took a couple steps before his body toppled forward, his hands caught his fall thankfully.

"Be careful-"

"-Fuck off" Taemin growled as he struggled up and through his bedroom door, once inside he clicked the lock and dropped onto the bed delicately; his phone buzzed to signal a new message.

bumkey91: Is your bitch alright?? x   
Taem18: Ugh, what's he done?  
bumkey91: He was just off and a little late for the interview/fanmeet segment, you know how I get about unorganised people... =_=  
Taem18: I warned him, we talked before that segment, he probably just misses me or smth  
bumkey91: Riiiiiight~  
bumkey91: He seems like he's in a shitty mood to me...  
Taem18: We had a minor argument,dw eue  
bumkey91: OoOOOOoooooOOooo~ Trouble in paradise? I love gossip~  
Taem18: We fight a lot these days sighs, it might turn physical someday and I'll punch his visual face into next year.  
bumkey91: Woahhh violence is never the way Lee Taemin, what happened?   
Taem18: 'I thought I knew you Taemin but obviously I don't' that sort of shit, and then he put the phone down.  
bumkey91: TT__TT that doesn't sound good, have you tried calling him? Give him the press your number treatment, eh?  
Taem18: I hate you =.=  
bumkey91: EXO have left already, I'm sure he can talk now; do it~~~~~~~ 

Taemin rolled about on his bed making annoyed noises as he contemplated actually pressing Jongin's number, he felt ridiculously childish for not wanting to face his problems but that was the normal reaction, right? Twirling his finger over the screen he acted like he carelessly pressed it by accident, the dial tone hummed as he brought the phone to his ear.

"Nini..?" Taemin spoke timidly as the phone was answered.


	36. The Carpal Tunnel of Love

"Jongin is having a shower, what's up Taemin Hyung~?" Sehun's voice filtered through the phone speaker.

"Ah, nothing; is Jongin okay?" Taemin pondered, he just really wanted to talk to Jongin.

"Uhm yeah, I don't know really? I'm in the dance studio and he went to the shower room, without his phone; which isn't normal. Did something happen?" Sehun mumbled on, Taemin could vaguely hear other people in the background; the assumption being, the EXO members. 

"Not really, could you do me a favour?" Taemin hummed quietly, he felt the taste of bile sting his throat.

"Of course Hyung, what is it?" Sehun questioned.

"Can you make sure Jongin is eating well, I'm going to order a big takeaway to get delivered to your dorm tonight; it's for all of you~" Taemin mused, glancing at the side he caught a look at himself in the mirror, his dark circles contrasted with his cheeks horrifically.

"You didn't need to, that is so nice; I'll make sure he gets the biggest serving" Sehun cheered down the line, it seemed to get quieter "I'm going to go and check to see if Kai is done~" The younger added gleefully.

"Thanks, knowing him; he probably fell asleep in the shower" Taemin joked, there was searing pain his head but he fought through it to hear Jongin's voice, Taemin heard a quiet gasp before Sehun's line got almost silent, Taemin could hear faint shower noises.

"Sehun?" 

"I think he's crying... What do I do?" Sehun whispered in a panic.

"Uhm leave the phone on a bench and put it on speaker, I'll deal with it; you can get back to practice" Taemin cooed to the worried younger, sure Sehun has probably seen Jongin at his low points but Taemin didn't want him to correct something he had wronged.

"Ah okay, bye; you're on speaker now" Sehun spoke in a hush as he placed the phone down on the closest bench to the shower.

Taemin bites against his knuckles as he thought about his options, if he started talking he'd more than likely scare the shit out of his lover. Options flew about in his head, one of them being to obtain Kai's teleportation powers; though, make up shower sex didn't sound too bad. Thinking followed by more thinking, a bulb lit up in his pretty head.

 

"Beolsseo myeoccnyeoni jinago... uri ireohge tto seoro ape.." He started singing 'Love Me Again by G-soul', it was a weak tactic but he didn't have any better options.   
(It’s already been a few years  
And we’re standing in front of each other like this)  
"..amuil eopsdeon geoscheoreom... geuttaecheoreom tto ireohge..."  
(As if nothing happened  
Just like the old days)  
"geunyang joheun ch-chingu rago... malhaneun neol barabomyeonseo"  
(As I look at you  
Who is calling me a good friend)  
"chamaboryeogo haessjiman na... kkok haeya hal mari issneunde.. apeuge hangeon aljiman"  
(I tried to hold it in  
But I need to tell you something  
I know I hurt you but)

 

"Could you love me again~" Taemin sang the last verse and grinned when he heard Jongin's voice join in, his crying calmed down slowly; he could hear damp footsteps get closer to the phone.

"Nini?" Taemin pondered softly.

"Y-Yeah, what do you want?" Jongin mumbled, Taemin could hear the pout in his tone; it was too adorable.

"To apologise and hear your voice.."

"Can you come back now, I miss you" Jongin sobbed, his tears got the better of him again; he choked on his weeps quietly.

"I get back tomorrow evening, and then I fly to Milan in the afternoon... you're so busy too"

"I'll be at yours I p-promise, I'll do the pre-rec for Music Core and then I'm going straight to yours" Jongin sniffed.

"Jongin-ah... don't push yourself, just rest up at yours please" Taemin pleaded, he wanted to see other, he needed to but he didn't want Jongin to not look after himself, sure Taemin was one to talk; being the president of not looking after himself.

"Just let me do what I want to do, I just want you close; even if it's for a few hours" Jongin whined, he heard a few things getting smacked about; presumably the younger was getting dressed or something.

"Fine, I've already told your lovely maknae, the real one; that I've ordered you all dinner for tonight~" Taemin gleamed, he put his phone on speaker as he pulled himself under the quilt, his stomach was painfully twisting and he thought it was best to get comfortable.

"Sehun isn't lovely, you didn't need to do that.." 

"I wanted to, I know what comebacks are like; you will all be grouchy, hungry and tired, but you'll choose bed over food. It's good for the members, cause' I don't know about you but by the fourth day of promotion I wanna hurt some of my members because it's hard work to balance the natural chakra level when you're under so much pressure, the food is good for your belly and better for your friendship" Taemin chuckled, his breathy laugh was always music to Jongin's ears.

"Chakra level? Listen, you weeaboo; stop watching naruto. I get what you mean, the members can be acting completely normal but because of my mood I get shitty with them, it is probably hunger" Jongin huffed.

"Naruto is a work of art, and chakra is a real word babe; I learnt the word from Naruto, though" Taemin cackled sweetly down the speaker.

"Silly boy.."

"I'm a man, wanker" Taemin tutted jokingly "I miss you too" He added coyly, he combed his fingers through his dishevelled hair in an attempt to tame it.

"A man who acts like a little boy" Jongin teased.

"And what are you? A little boy who acts like a man?" Taemin countered.

"Listen, there are only one hundred and eighty days between us, I'm barely younger than you" 

"Woah you must be a man, that maths was impeccable" Taemin snickered, a yawn escaped his mouth "Are you going to the dorm soon?" He continued, his yawn rippled through the rest of the sentence.

"Yeah, I hope; sleep hun, you sound exhausted.." Jongin insisted.

"I haven't done anything today, besides being a cunt to my manager and you" 

"You're not a cunt Taem, just look after yourself; that's all I ask, please" Jongin sighed, he could hear the EXO members beginning to leave the dance studio, so he knew that was his cue to leave.

"I will, no drink till my birthday; except maybe some wine in Milan.." Taemin giggled.

"I gotta go, I'll text you later after the meal you've prepared; I love you" 

"Love you too, bye Nini"

Taemin slumped against his apartment door, he was tired, tired was too much of a weak word to describe his state, exhausted still didn't cut it. The journey back was torturous, he hadn't spared one word with his manager, just grunts and nods; he felt stupid. A desolate feeling set within him, he hated it, why did he always have to feel bad about things? Perhaps other people felt this often too. The door behind his hunched over figure shifted, he shuffled forward on his butt as the door opened; he remained facing away, he knew who it was but he didn't feel like moving.

He felt long arms wrap around his waist before his body was lifted from the floor, he wriggled about cutely as he was carried to the bedroom, he catapulted himself out of the others arms as he threw himself on thei- his bed.

"Jongin-ah" Taemin smiled as he rolled onto his back and pulled his cap off, his hair was a shaggy mess as he pulled his face mask off also.

The younger grinned brightly down at the other as he crawled on top of him, soundlessly joining their lips in a sweltering kiss, Taemin's eyes closed slowly, he took in the last sight of Jongin's eyelids doing the same, a spark of adrenaline lit inside him, his senses were on fire as he took everything in; the strong natural scent that Taemin got addicted to over the years filled his nostrils as the kiss deepened. Jongin's hand fondled down his side, gripping his hipbone lightly as he became infatuated, their lips broke to catch their breath.

"Hey" Jongin wheezed, that dumb signature smirk shone in the dark.

"Less talking, more kissing" Taemin keened with a lecherous gaze as his delicate hands fisted into the younger's hair, dragging him down into another intense kiss. Possessiveness was always something Taemin associated with Jongin but he felt his own possessive side take over as his teeth dug into Jongin's bottom lip, the metallic taste of his blood spilt into his mouth as lust took over. The constant separation by schedule drowned them in insanity, the voracious urge to be close was worrying and almost agonising, blood painted their lips and tongues but they paid no mind.

Taemin felt the other's hand slip under his t-shirt, his finger's danced along the expanse of his chest as he pried the article of clothing off, their lips parted to rid of it, the elder snatched up Jongin's t-shirt too, Jongin chuckled as he watched his blood dribble down Taemin's chin "Kinky?" He snorted, Taemin rolled his eyes and wiped the crimson from both of their mouths.

"I didn't mean to bite you" Taemin chortled angelically, his hand reached up to trace down Jongin's tempting tanned chest.

"It's a parting gift" 

The man beneath him frowned, the fleeting feeling of gloom took over at the thought of parting again, some hours was never enough; knowing he could share a bed with his love for the night was only a mere shard of happiness. Their finger's laced together elegantly, their pretty finger's slotted together flawlessly "I already miss you" Taemin breathed, his eyes cast away from the others, it was too painful.

"Me too, I feel like crying honestly; when w-will I see you next?" Jongin babbled, his statement proving correct as his eyes welled up.

"Aww, you big baby" Taemin cooed as he flipped their positions, cradling the younger in his thin arms as he knelt between the other's long legs "It's not like you'll never see me again, I'll just come back with a tan to match yours"

"Can't we just run away?" Jongin hummed as he puffed a breath out, his face stayed buried against the elder's neck.

"I wish we could Nini, I really wish we could.." 

"We can" 

"Not right now, give it some time and thought first" Taemin laughed lightly, the number of times he thought running away would be easy was unreal; there were times he had packed up most of his stuff and then he'd hear or see something that reminded him of the things he would miss.

"I wanna marry you" 

"I know" Taemin grinned from ear to ear, his heart thudded in his chest.

"I wanna get old with you" 

"I know"

"I wanna adopt kids with you"

"I know and I hope you mean dogs" 

"I wanna live with you" Jongin continued quietly, most of his words were muffled.

"Move in then" 

"For real this time?"

"For real Nini" 

"Promise?"

"Pinky promise, now get your fat head away from my neck" Taemin snorted while presenting his pinky finger, Jongin lifted his head with the biggest pout known to mankind playing on his lips, linking his pinky with the others.

"No more crying for at least a week" Taemin teased as he kept their finger's in hold, he leant forward and peppered Jongin's face with small kisses, not leaving a part of his face neglected.

"Okay, no more drinking till your birthday" 

"I have to at least try the wine in Italy~" Taemin snickered.

"I can't believe you're going to another awesome place" 

"What can I say, I'm high in demand" Taemin smirked smugly as he pressed a few more kisses on the corner of the younger's plump lips.

"I'll handcuff you to the bed, so you can't leave" 

"Fine by me, as long as you treat me well" 

"Nah, that's a little too possessive; even for my standards" Jongin joked as he flipped their position again, tackling the shorter to lie under him.

"I like it when you're possessive, I feel special" 

"I feel crazy, though"

"I like crazy" Taemin taunted before joining their lips again, his arms snaked around his fiance's neck as he encouraged things to go further; his lower body leant up against the others.

Jongin's hands fiddled with the others belt buckle impatiently as he slipped his tongue past Taemin's lips, a moan sounded between them; neither knew who it was, nor did they care as the younger's hand pushed past the waistband of Taemin's boxers. The elder's hips bucked against his hand delightfully, his fingers encircled his length instantly; running and rubbing his digits around it.

"Mm" Taemin growled into their kiss as he keened his hips forward as his head fell against the pillow "Q-Quickly, please" He added needily.

"Why are you so impatient?" Jongin chirped teasingly as he pulled Taemin's holey jeans and boxers off in one swoop.

"Cause' you're so slow, if you wanna fuck me, fuck me" 

"These things take time" Jongin cackled as he undid his jeans, sliding them off his legs with the boxers in tow before straddling the others thighs and taking both of their cocks in his hand, pumping them together.

"Just get the condoms and lube idiot" Taemin sighed as pleasure took over his body; doing as he was told, Jongin leant over to get the goods.

"Have you got a butt plug for Milan too?" Jongin mumbled as he squeezed some lube onto their dicks after putting condoms on them both.

"C-Can you drop that?" Taemin demanded as his body shuddered, Jongin's finger's let go of their cocks and dance down his leg to hike it over his shoulder; his tongue lapped the other's smooth thigh.

"Nah" Jongin beamed, closing his teeth over some of Taemin's flesh before sucking ruthlessly.

"Ah N-Nini" Taemin groaned as the younger sucked a hickey onto his thigh.

Jongin left a trail of kisses away from the reddening mark, his tongue trail closer to Taemin's entrance, the elder let out an animalistic grunt as he felt the tongue enter him, a shameful shiver ran up his spine as his hands fisted the quilt beneath them. Taemin always liked to rush things because time was never on their side but he truly loved foreplay, relished in it even; the slip and slide of Jongin's tongue inside him was tantalising; a trance of delirium, everything felt unreal and perfect.

"You enjoying yourself?" Jongin chuckled huskily against the elder's butt cheek as he slowly pushed a finger into him casually, there wasn't too much resistance; so he pushed in another "So, was it the butt plug this time or?" The younger teased.

"F-Fuck you Jon-Jongin" Taemin gasped as he felt the digits inside him scissor around easily.

"Do you know how much of a turn on that is? Next time record it and send it to me, or even better video call me" Jongin groaned lowly as he prepped Taemin smoothly.

"N-No" 

"No?" Jongin repeated with a laugh, slipping his finger's out to tease Taemin, his lips grazed the growing hickey ever-so-slowly "Fine, just bring the toys out next time"

"You never give up, do you?" Taemin mused as he spread his legs for better access, or by judging by the quirk in Jongin's smirk; for a better view.

"Nope, never" Jongin laughed as he positioned his hips.

"Can we do doggy tonight?"

"Whatever you want cutie~" Jongin gave the elder an adoring smile, his thumbs rubbed circles against the shorter's hips.

"It's because it'll wreck my back this way and I'm getting on a 12-hour flight tomorrow" Taemin blabbed as he rolled over, smirking over his shoulder at his lover as he swayed his hips seductively.

"You're too hot, can you not" Jongin whined as he grabbed the tempting booty before him to stop the torturous swaying, his hands spread and squeezed at it softly.

"Can you just fuck me, if I'm that hot?" Taemin taunted, he knew how to light a raging fire within Jongin, he could feel the grip on his hips tightened and he could predict the younger's next move-- or not. He felt a thunderous feeling on his pert butt cheek as Jongin's hand made contact with it, he let out a whiny gasp involuntarily.

"What did you just say to your Daddy?" Jongin growled dirtily, Taemin's eyes widened for a short moment as his stomach twisted with a different type of turn-on.

"Nothing, I'll be good, I promise" Taemin whispered nicely as he looked at the pillow below him.

"Good boy" 

"But can you spank me again? Just one more time Daddy" Taemin moaned longingly, his eyes cast to the side to look in the mirror on the wardrobe to see Jongin's reaction in the dark room but Jongin didn't hesitate, complying immediately before grabbing Taemin's hips and slamming his shaft into him.

"Sh-Shit" Taemin let out a vulgar moan, his body shifted forward but he caught himself on his elbows as Jongin pounded into him.

"Mm, you like that?" 

"Yes!" Taemin choked on his words as the pleasure consumed him.

"Yes, what?" Jongin sneered, his hand making contact with Taemin's arse again.

"Yes, Daddy!" 

"Mhm, that's right; who's your Daddy?" Jongin groaned as he picked up the pace, his hips snapped back and forth sensuously.

"You, Jongin; you're my D-Daddy ah fuc-fuck" Taemin let out a wanton moan, he felt himself lose control quickly; the coiling in his stomach became very prominent.

Jongin leant down, his lips trailed a small line of kisses on the elder's arched back; the blond hairs on the back of Taemin's neck were slick with sweat and his skin glistened with a pleasing shine, making a bold move he leant down and bite against the small part that is usually covered by his hair. Their bodies shook in blissful euphoria as they came in unison, they both slumped forward in exhaustion, Jongin got rid of the condoms tiredly as he rolled them both under the blanket.

"Wow" Taemin yawned.

"Yeah.."

"Let's do that again"


	37. But It's Better If You Do

Taemin hadn't slept, he couldn't; his eyes felt dry and irritated, the alarm clocks crimson digits bleed into the dark room, 3:29am. It was windy outside, a whistling sound echoed through the apartment, bouncing off the bare walls easily; he always strove for simplistic design, otherwise his apartment would be more cluttered. Jongin whimpered in his sleep beside him, the younger squirmed and grabbed him roughly; Taemin wriggled about to loosen the grip on his waist and wrist but it was no use.

"Nini" Taemin hissed quietly, he really didn't want to wake the other; he had a schedule for Inkigayo in the morning, he felt that maybe he could calm him down in his unconscious state.

"Jongin you're hurting me.." He whispered calmly, he could feel his wrist cramping and his waist beginning to bruise.

"You're hurting me!" Taemin growled, using the little energy he had to elbow the man behind him, Jongin let out a little groan of pain as he was shoved back and hit his head on the corner of the bedside table.

"Mm, Taem?" Jongin mumbled sleepily as his hand rubbed at the back of his head.

"Fuck, I didn't mean to hurt you" Taemin gulped, pulling the other into his arms guiltily.

"What happened?" Jongin questioned, he didn't even seem that conscious; which was a good thing.

"I think you were having a nightmare and you started squishing me.." 

"Mmph I'm sowwy, why were you awake?" Jongin sighed as he rested his forehead against Taemin's, there was barely any light in the room but he knew his lover's body better than anyone, his deft finger's skimmed the soft skin on his side soothingly.

"I can't sleep, now you get back to sleep" Taemin cooed, leaving a small kiss on the corner of the other's mouth; his skin was warm and soft, it felt normal, like being with him was home, not the apartment, just togetherness, it was distressing.

"No, I won't sleep if you can't; what's on your mind?" Jongin uttered softly, he pulled the quilt around them both better; like they were a cosy love burrito, their bodies were bare but that was never an issue.

"You"

"Hmm, what about me?"

"Everything"

"Yeah?"

"It's always about you, I'm worse than your fans.." Taemin chuckled weakly, his warm breath heated up their faces as they were that close.

"You're thinking about Jongin, though, not Kai"

"True, I like Jongin more than I like Kai; he's cuter" Taemin hummed sweetly, his hands cupped the younger's face; squishing his cheeks lovingly as he nuzzled their noses together.

"Mhm, is that so? I like Lee Taemin"

"Kim Taemin"

"That still doesn't apply in Korea" Jongin laughed, his lips pouted out to meet Taemin's for a short time.

"Well, when we finally get hitched in uhmm uh Iceland, let's get married in Iceland; I can probably take your name there"

"Iceland? You're so weird" 

"I know" Taemin snickered, his finger's tapped against the others jaw.

"I guess it's one of the many qualities I like about you" 

"That I'm weird and have a pretty face" Taemin joked lightly, he could feel the prickle of Jongin's stubble under his thumbs.

"You're way more than just a pretty face" Jongin cooed as he leant into the elder's touch.

"Shush Nini, I get it; you kinda like me" 

"Kinda? Wow I wish, at least that way I'd feel somewhat sane"

"Mm?"

"I like all of you, and I'm madly in love with you; there's a difference" Jongin growled playfully, planting a peck on the latter's cheek lovingly.

"You're too sweet, go to sleep; so I can pretend you're actually a horrible person who likes to crush me in their sleep" The elder giggled, his lithe arms slung around the other loosely, he liked being this close; even if it was a tad too hot.

"I didn't mean to, are you okay? I didn't hurt you too much, did I?" 

"I'm alright, you sound like you've taken my virginity again; chill Nini, I might get a bruise but I've already got bruises in random places thanks to you" Taemin teased, his lips skimmed over Jongin's softly, a slow smooch; they both grinned like idiots before the kiss became heated.

"I love you" 

"Stop with the cheesiness, I love you too"

"Never, I don't think I can get back to sleep.." Jongin huffed in the realisation that he was wide awake and had to get up relatively early in the morning.

"I'm sorry I woke you, come here, lemme' play with your hair" Taemin chimed as he threaded his finger's through the younger's hair, his legs tangled with his as he pulled the taller's head down to his shoulder.

"You should sleep, Taem" Jongin said with a yawn, once a sleepy head; always a sleepy head.

"I'll be alright, I'll sleep on the plane tomorrow" Taemin mused as he pressed a chaste kiss on the top of the other's scalp.

"Mm, that's not healthy"

"Shh"

"No, you shhhh"

"Nini?"

"Mm?"

"Do you actually want children? In the future I mean.." Taemin quizzed quietly as he fiddled with certain locks of Jongin's hair, the younger popped his head up to meet their gaze; he nodded as the morning light started to seep through the curtains.

"Yeah, only if you want them too; it's just an idea for now"

"You'd be a great Appa" 

"So would you someday~"

"If I ever get better in my head" Taemin whispered wistfully, his eyes darted towards the alarm clock, 4:46am.

"You're fine Taemin, and by then you'll be perfect, it'll take time"

"You reckon?"

"Yeah, but for now let's enjoy our youth" 

"Of course, I can't wait to get drunk in Milan" Taemin taunted childishly as his finger's skimmed over the younger's cheeks.

"Drunk within reason"

"Drunk off of Nini" The elder purred as he nuzzled the other's face, pulling him into a warm embrace "Let's try and rest for an hour.

"Yeah.."

(a/n: I'm skipping Milan as being linear is a bitch when someone is never in Korea ¬_¬)

Taemin's eyes sprung open as he felt his manager tap on his shoulder "Mmph?" He groaned tiredly, he guessed they'd landed back in Incheon airport but he just wanted to sleep, he got up slowly; his head spun as he moved too fast but he pushed himself to get out of the airport, bed sounded like heaven. Slumping into the back of the car he let out an animalistic yawn as he settled into his seat "We're heading to the salon, so don't get you hopes up" Euisoo murmured from the front seat, Taemin rolled his eyes and let out a sigh as he grabbed his earphones.

There were several messages from Jongin that he'd not looked at for a few days because he was so busy and didn't feel like disturbing the younger at ungodly hours, he opened KakaoTalk to check them when he realised something odd, his chat with Wonshik was no longer visible, sure he hadn't spoken to him in a while but it was nowhere to be seen, he scrolled through the chat's he had and it was gone, he searched his contact and it was not coming up; the poor guy was probably having sasaeng issues. The chat with Jongin was littered with selca's with messages following 'My hair is black, do I look sexier uwu' and more messages along those lines, and yes he looked sexy, he always bloody did.

Tae-mmm: I like it, too bad about your nasty personality tho eue

The salon was practically deserted by the time they got there, they were blasting western pop songs as they assessed his hair condition "So, we'll just touch up your roots?" The lovely stylist suggested as she ran he finger's through the blond locks.

"Can you dye it black?" Taemin grinned down at his lap as he played about with his sweatpants drawstrings.

"Sure, let me tell your manager~" The stylist gleamed as she wandered off to the waiting area, Taemin glanced in the mirror and saw Euisoo nod before taking his leave from the shop.

Jongin threw himself onto Taemin's bed, his stomach rumbled but he ignored it as he let out a huff; he'd packed and left a note in the dorm saying 'Staying with my Umma'. The EXO manager had called later to say it was fine but Jongin just felt crap, why did he have to lie about being at his 'friends' place, he felt like he couldn't trust anyone anymore. Music Bank was a complete blur for him earlier, he barely saw Taemin backstage, the elder was always crowded backstage as all the juniors wanted to greet him and every other person wanted to congratulate him on his upcoming Japanese debut; why couldn't Jongin just have him alone for five minutes?

There was a thud that sounded from the entrance of the apartment "Niniiiiiiiii, I tripped on your backpa- oh wait that's mine, sorrrrrry" Taemin whined from the other room, from the sounds of things, it sounded like he was just laying on the floor "Ugh I'm so fucking tired" was the next overly loud complaint, Jongin rolled off the bed to go and help the useless man. The exhausted individual was strewn over the floor on his front, one shoe off and the other on, his hair was a dishevelled mess and his face was smushed into the rug, his hand clung to a plastic bag weakly "Are you okay there?" Jongin cooed as he crouched by the other's head.

"No, I don't wanna move; how did you get home before me?"

"Luck I think, I've only been here for about five minutes; c'mon get up" Jongin enthused as he poked the elders head with a feather-like touch, he just let out quiet groans as he wriggled about pathetically "Just leave me here to die" The elder huffed as he dug his face further into the rug.

"Tae! Get up" Jongin cackled as he tugged on the floor-huggers t-shirt, the latter raised his head and scowled, crawling forward till his head was resting in the younger's now crossed legs "There's fried chicken in the plastic bag, eat it" Taemin muttered as he wrapped his arms around himself.

"I'm not gonna eat it with you laying in my lap like that, get up so we can both eat" 

Taemin mumbled something under his breath as he slowly got up and waddled over to the couch to throw himself on it, he pulled the blanket sitting there around himself; the apartment was a mess again, when he's travelling in and out of the city that often he neglects it. Jongin went into the kitchen to get some plates to serve the food on, and two bottles of water; he sauntered back into the room and was actually pretty surprised to see Taemin still awake, barely.

"My body is telling me its some other time but my mind is telling me I'm gonna pass out" Taemin yawned as he brought a piece of chicken to his lips, he didn't even look awake for the most part.

"Mm I think you should have a couple bits of chicken and then we're both going to bed" Jongin murmured with his mouth full, handing the sweet and sour sauce to the elder.

"Mhm I wanted to fuck but I'm too tired, I'll give you a blow job in the morning before you go to music core, just cause'" 

"And they say romance is dead" Jongin snickered as he picked up more food.

"Who even says that? Romance never existed, there's not enough time in the world for romance" 

"Shush Mr. Pessimistic, we do the best that we can manage with our shitty schedules; plus I happen to think you're pretty romantic without much effort" Jongin mused as he offered a piece of chicken to the other, Taemin opened his mouth slowly and slipped his tongue over Jongin's thumb and index finger unnecessarily.

"Thanks" Taemin grinned at the lustful look on Jongin's face as he got up to go to bed, he left his plate there because the apartment was already in a state. 

"You're such a tease" Jongin sighed as he got up and followed the elder, who was already snuggled up under the covers, his skinny jeans were screwed up in a ball on the floor beside the foot of the bed along with that shoe he finally took off.

"I know, let's cuddle till we pass out" Taemin whispered with his arms spread out in hug-anticipation, Jongin shook his head fondly before stripping to his boxers and joining the elder.

"By the way, I like your hair"

"Thanks, cutie Nini, now sleep" Taemin scoffed.


	38. Shallow

Taemin woke up in an empty bed with a headache, there was a bit of paper on the pillow that Jongin's head usually rested on; sleepily reaching over he read it through his barely open eyes.

{I didn't want to wake you, I could have done with that bj but it can wait; I love you, J. x}

The duvet was wrapped around him tightly, most likely something to do with Jongin; he checked his phone and saw a message from his manager stating that he was going back to Japan in the late afternoon, he huffed as he pulled the cover's over his head; hoping this way he'd somehow disappear, he loved his job but he also loved Jongin. Scrunching his eyes closed tightly to prevent tears from springing out of his eyes, deep breathes relaxed him slowly; his lithe arms wrapped around his body delicately.

'Things will get better. Things will get better. Things will get better. Things will get better-' He thought continuously, he felt restless and he wanted to scream until he wrecked his throat; not the wisest idea for a singer, his teeth dug into his bottom lip in an attempt to calm down, but that attempt was in vain as he let out a heartbreaking sob. His hands concealed his face beneath the quilt, squishing his cheeks in hopes that it would all stop, it was like he was tormenting himself with copious thoughts, it was raw and unbearable.

"C-Can I please be happy? Just for a w-while, p-please" Taemin wailed, his voice cracked tirelessly, muffled by the blanket. The continuous cracks from his cries were painful, he felt like he'd never stop feeling this way; he thought he was getting better, he thought he didn't need the doctors and eventually he'd stop being a constant mess, he was so wrong.

Hopeless.

It took well over twenty minutes to finally calm down, his face was swollen and crimson from all of the useless tears that spilt from his eyes, his phone buzzed to show a reminder.

'Contact Wonshik'

He set that the night before because he was worried about his friend, they hadn't really talked since dream concert and that wasn't really a conversation; it was just Taemin fleeing from a potential argument between Jongin and the other, he still wasn't sure what that was all about. Skimming through his call contacts he found Ravi, tapping it with a yawn he noticed something odd, why on earth was his number blocked, he unblocked him before phoning. 

"Taemin-ah?"

"Wonshikie, are you alright? I haven't seen you since.."

"Yeah I'm good, how have you been?" Wonshik's deep voice sounded through the speaker.

"Fine, listen; I have to fly back to Japan today but I'd like to see you before then, just for a chat?" Taemin responded with a hum, his stomach clenched; he hadn't been the one to initiate anything with his friends in a while but he felt obligated to make it up to the rapper.

"S-Sure, I can come to your place now; if that's okay?"

"Of course, the place is a mess but you're used to that I suppose" Taemin chuckled lightly to make himself seem more human, organising an event with friends shouldn't be this hard.

"I'll be there in 10 minutes" Ravi gleamed before putting the phone down, the latter sounded so excited; Taemin huffed as he pulled the blanket off of himself, after a quick shower and brushing his teeth he heard the familiar buzz of his door release request, he pressed the button to let the other in; he had managed to put a t-shirt on and some boxers, it was only normal amongst friends. 

"Hey" Ravi mouthed as he poked his head around the open front door, Taemin smiled at him as he lit a cigarette; taking a few drags as he gestured for his guest to sit on the couch.

"Hey, are you hungry? Cause' I haven't got anything in the fridge but I have some EXO ramen that Jongin wanted me to try but I haven't had the chance ahah" Taemin mused from the kitchen where he was opening up cupboards and various containers to reveal nothingness, there were only two packets of cigarettes in the fridge and a half empty bottle of coke.

"Might as well try that ramen, how bad can it be?" Wonshik chuckled from the couch, he'd turned on the TV for background noise; it was nice to see how comfortable his friends were in his apartment, but Taemin still felt this borderline awkwardness between them. Taemin set a bowl of ramen in front of the taller male, joining him on the couch with a sigh "Whatcha' watching?" The dancer quizzed as his eyes slipped closed, his head was still banging but he just ignored it.

"Music core, aren't you gonna eat too?" Wonshik pondered as he quirked an eyebrow up at Taemin's distance and closed-off-ness. 

"Nah, I'll eat on the plane later"

"Ahh" 

A silence seemed to haunt the room often, Taemin couldn't place what was off; as music core continued he wondered if that meant Jongin was coming home soon, it was prerecorded after all.

"Do you-" "About th-" They both started at the same time, Taemin laughed and mumbled "You go first" to the latter.

"About that text, I hope you know that's actually how I feel..." Wonshik continued, his gaze was focused on the bowl of food on his lap; his chopsticks stirred the contents patiently.

"What text?" Taemin questioned in confusion.

"The one you've ignored for ages?" 

"The one about Jongin and the condoms?" 

"No, there was another after that.." 

"Lemme' check... Oh yeah, our chat on Kakao disappeared, did you deactivate?" Taemin asked as he opened up the app "Yup it's defo gone, what did you text me?" He added as he showed the chatroom list to the other, Wonshik's eyes skimmed over the chat with 'Nininin88- I love you so much, I wish I coul...' his eyes averted away from the screen quickly.

"It was nothing important, I was just uhmm going to ask about a collab?" 

"A collab? I'd really love to Shikie, seen as though I've already collaborated with Kai; it's only fair I guess~" Taemin grinned at the suggestion, his head turned as he heard the front door unlock; Jongin looked dead on his feet as he kicked his shoes off "One last stage" He muttered to himself as he hung his jacket up.

"Ravi?" Jongin queried as he noticed the two watching him, his eyes darted about as he glimpsed at Taemin bare legs, trying not to drool.

'Focus Jongin' He thought stupidly.

"You have keys for Tae's place?" Wonshik chuckled awkwardly, glancing between the two.

"I let him crash here-"

"-We're together, I'm sorry we didn't tell you earlier.." Jongin cut into Taemin's explanation, Taemin's eyes widened at the sudden confession "It's not because Taemin treasure's our friendship more than yours, it's because Taemin asked me to move in" The EXO member added "That's why I have a set of key's.."

"Oh.." Wonshik mumbled quietly, his eyes lost that light they held before "Well, Taemin is going to leave in a few hours; I should give you two some alone time, thanks for the food Tae; I've got to g-go" Ravi spoke in a whisper as he got up and put his shoes on before leaving quickly.

"Wonshik!" Taemin called out after their friend but there was no reply, he'd already left.

"Damn, he didn't even eat his ramen.." Jongin sighed as he sat in front of the food and started digging in.

"Jongin, what the fuck was that all about?" Taemin scoffed at his fiance's casual behaviour.

"I thought that maybe cause' Moonie knows, I should eventually tell him too; and the timing was perfect" Jongin murmured between slurping on noodles.

"You don't just drop that on someone, like 'Hey, we're gay and you better be okay with that'" Taemin hissed as he flopped onto the couch beside the younger.

"Well, straight people don't have to come up to us and be like 'Hey, we're widely accepted but I know you're okay with that' and I don't want it to be weird, we're just as normal as the next couple" Jongin whined as he offered some food to Taemin, which was rejected when Taemin gave him distasteful look.

"You make a valid point but I feel bad now.."

"You didn't say anything, he'll be okay" Jongin chuckled as he placed the now empty bowl down, Taemin huffed as he leant against the taller's shoulder.

"Can you hide me somewhere and tell my manager I ran away.." Taemin spoke lightly as he wrapped his arms around Jongin, just a few more hours of bliss before he was carted off again.

"I wish I could cutie" Jongin snorted as he wrapped his arm around Taemin and pulled him into his lap "Now I think I was promised a blowjob..?" He added with a smirk, fully anticipating to get slapped but Taemin just shrugged his shoulder's and slipped to the floor, simply no hesitation as he unzipped the younger's jeans "A promise is a promise.." Taemin hummed as he pulled the limp shaft out and licked the tip ever-so-slowly.

"W-Well damn, it was a joke; are you sure- ah" Jongin groaned lowly, the heat of Taemin's mouth coaxed his cock, both of his hands worked the shaft, stroking it deftly with vigour; bit by bit the elder took him deeper, coating his dick with a glistening sheen of saliva, his half-lidded eyes looked up devilishly as his tongue slipped around the width of the now half-hard dick. The younger clasped Taemin's hair in a fist, encouraging him to take more, the elder just smirked and closed his eyes as he deep-throated him easily, his small finger's wrapped around the rest of the length he couldn't reach with his slutty mouth. 

"Mm T-Taemin, fuc-" Jongin growled as the elder's other hand cupped his balls, his tongue laid flat against the underside as his mouth slipped off slowly; a small pop sound followed as those thick lips came off the tip, small kisses pelted against the sides of Jongin's cock, spit and pre-cum coated the top as Taemin mouthed the sides.

"You're too g-good at this, shit" Jongin whined huskily as he let loose Taemin's locks of black silky hair.

"I know how to drive you insane Kim Jongin" Taemin said in a hushed tone as his tongue dipped into the slit, squeezing lightly at the balls in his hand before taking the shaft into his mouth again in one smooth motion, his plump lips caressed the rock hard dick as his tongue laid flat, relaxing his throat to take his lover deeper; tears pricked in his eyes as his gag reflex shuddered but it subsided along with the dull ache in his jaw. 

"F-Fuck" Jongin groaned, he urged Taemin off as he wasn't ready to cum so soon, the elder grinned up at him as his mouth slid off again "Weak.." He teased as he sat on his heels, clearly erect in his boxer's; his knees were red and sinful.

"Shut up.." The younger pouted down, his hand cupped the elder's face, his thumb stroked his puffy cheek cutely "I didn't want to be the only one getting off.." 

"Aww so sweet~" Taemin joked as he shifted forward to rest his cheek on the taller's lap, blowing air on the proudly standing member beside him "I haven't got a great deal of time but we could work something out to both get off.." He purred as he crawled into the younger's lap.

"What have you got in mind?" Jongin hummed as he pressed his lips against the other's cheek softly, there was heat radiating off of Taemin; he wasn't wearing much but he was all hot and bothered from the tension.

"Let's just do it like this.." Taemin hummed as he pulled his boxer's down, his cock bounced up against Jongin's; his tiny hands encircled them together as he leant up to join their lips in a fiery kiss, rocking his hips to create a sweet friction between them. The couch creaked beneath them as they rubbed against each other roughly, both their tips leaked and created a slickness that was undeniably beautiful, Jongin broke the kiss and shoved a couple finger's into the elder's mouth; his eyes widened a little at the sudden intrusion but he sucked on digits hungrily nonetheless. 

"You're so good to me.." Jongin growled as his free hand took over the grip of their shafts, Taemin just gripped on the taller's shoulder's as he let the finger's in his mouth slip out; there was no messing about when the younger pulled the rest of his lover's boxer's off, tearing the fabric in the process as his digit's skimmed to the elder's entrance.

"Mhm.." Taemin moaned as Jongin's long finger slipped into him, his nails dug into the plane of the younger's shoulder's, the skin broke softly but the marks wouldn't scar "F-Fuck Nini, and you s-say I'm good to yo- AH!" The elder moaned lewdly as his sweet spot was grazed, Jongin smiled softly before pressing his lips on Taemin's; it was sloppy but neither of them gave a shit as their tongues fought for dominance pathetically, the younger's mouth went slack as Taemin rocked his hips with the same power he used on stage. They went slow even if they didn't have much time, they'd reach their peaks at any rate like this, their cocks rutted together pleasantly as Jongin fingered Taemin's hole with determined strokes; neither of them had the energy to come undone any other way, the closeness was enough.

 

"Close?" Jongin questioned as Taemin shook in his lap, the wanton moans escaping his mouth were enthralling; his plump lips were bitten and swollen from all of the open-mouth kisses, it was unnecessarily salacious as the word "Y-Yes" slipped off his tongue, it was truly a wonder how one person could be this perfect. Taking control of the situation, on the terms that they only had a little over an hour left together, Jongin thrust a second finger in as he snapped his hips up to rub his cock against Taemin's skillfully as he rode them both to orgasm, 

 

The elder chuckled as he came down from his high, slumping against Jongin's chest; is was a sticky and hot situation but that didn't bother either of them as Taemin pressed a kiss on the other's ear "I love you so much.." He whispered, his warm breath tickled and coaxed the younger's neck "I'm gonna miss you so much...." 

"I love you too.. It's just a week Taem, we'll get through it.." Jongin exhaled, wrapping his arms around the elder loosely.

"Jongin.."

"Mm?"

"I'm not happy... I need help"


	39. It's Okay

"Why aren't you happy?"

"Cause' I'm just not, I want to be but somewhere within me; it won't let me be happy..." Taemin sighed, he couldn't grasp the concept of his angst that well; it tormented him to no end.

"There must be points where you feel happy, even if it's a glimpse of happiness" Jongin hummed as he carded his finger's through Taemin's hair, it was silky and a little damp with sweat; deep down Jongin just hoped he made Taemin somewhat happy, that's all he wanted.

"When I'm on a plane and it feels like time has stopped for some reason, when it feels like time isn't moving really fast; those hours I spend looking at the back of a chair, I somehow feel free, even if I'm stuck on a flying metal tin, I feel free..." Taemin mumbled against Jongin's neck, his arms slung over the other's broad shoulder's "...and when I'm in your arms I feel safe, I feel like I'm home; is that happiness? 

"Happiness is whatever you make it out to be, for some people; chocolate is happiness, sunny days are happiness, baby hedgehogs are happiness, it's whatever you want it to be, the only way you can make yourself happy is to do things that make you happy, like dancing, skydiving and watching anime. Little things make all that difference and I'd like to make you happy, your happiness is my happiness" Jongin mused, running soothing circles over Taemin's back with his hands.

"Oh, Kim Jongin, when will you stop being so perfect?" 

"I don't know Kim Taemin, you tell me?" The younger teased, prying the other from the crook of his neck, before Taemin could protest Jongin cradled him in his arms and kissed him; softly at first, and then with a swift change of intensity that made the elder whimper and cling to the other as if he was the only stable thing in this forever spinning world. His insistent mouth parted Taemin's pretty lips, sending euphoric tremors along his now overly-sensitive body, the elder hummed as he broke them apart.

"I have to get ready, though I'd prefer making out with you for the rest of the day" Taemin let out a breathy chuckled as he slipped off the younger's lap, his torn boxer's fell to the floor uselessly "Also, you owe me new boxer's; those were diesel" He added with a pout as he looked a the tiny heap of material on the floor.

"I'll get you marco marco ones, but jocks" Jongin teased as he got up and lead Taemin to the bathroom, so they could both clean themselves up a little.

"Aren't those, those super gay assless boxer's by that designer?" Taemin giggled as he dampened a flannel to clean up both of their chests, there was no point in having another shower, considering that would be the first thing he'll do when he arrives back in Japan.

"Yup, the uber gay ones; they'd look great on you~" Jongin purred as Taemin scrubbed down his abs, at this point in their relationship, there was no shame; both standing there half-naked without a care in the world.

"Oh really? Are you staying here tonight?" Taemin laughed as wandered into his bedroom to get a change of clothes, he had left some clothing and necessities in the Japanese dorm, so he'd pack light for once; Jongin followed after a little while, smiling at Taemin who was pulling up his holey tight denim jeans over his new not-torn pair of boxer's.

"Yup, if that's okay with you?" The younger grinned as he threw himself onto the unmade bed.

"Absolutely, I did ask you to move in, didn't I?" Taemin beamed as he chucked his phone charger and some clothes into a backpack, finding a holey white tee to match his jeans in the process.

"Well yeah, so I'll be here more than you ahaha" Jongin cackled as he leant over and pulled Taemin on top of him by his wrist, the other wriggled about as he straddled him "You're already here more than me" Taemin laughed as he settled into a loose embrace, pecking Jongin's cheek lovingly as he leant down.

"True.." Jongin whispered as he joined his lips with the others again, Taemin giggled into the kiss; he really had no time to be doing these things but no flight could stop him, not now, not ever. They fit together, moulded against each other with wondrous perfection, the elder moaned as the taste of Jongin's mouth filled his being, that sweet spark with hints of the ramen he'd consumed earlier; everything was Kim Jongin, his natural scent coaxed Taemin, his touch left an imprint on his soul; Kim Jongin was a part of Lee Taemin, a part that Taemin could never let go.

They broke the kiss hesitantly, their eyes poured into one another's, love; it was a hazy feeling, the things it did to their senses, a sense of delirium and ecstasy all mixed into one. It was really something when Jongin knew that Taemin felt the same way as he did, it was a blessing; a bond so strong, no amount of pain could break it. The elder stroked Jongin's jaw delicately, his thumb grazed against those forever pouty lips "I love you.." Those three words slipped off his tongue gently, their eye-contact didn't falter; there was no need for embarrassment, telling the person he loved how he felt was as easy as breathing.

"I love you too..." Jongin gleamed in a hushed tone, sitting up slowly as he pressed his forehead against the latter's "Let's pack your bag properly now" He continued quietly as he tried to encourage Taemin out of his lap, but the elder wasn't having any of it, whining as he tried to push Jongin back down.

"Five more minutes.." Taemin uttered with a pout, to which Jongin gave in easily; laying back down with the elder laying directly on top of him, with a smug expression playing on his beautiful face.

"How comes when I say five more minutes when I wanna sleep more, you say no but when you wanna lay about for five more minutes; it's perfectly acceptable?" Jongin pestered, prodding Taemin's cheek childishly.

"Cause' I'm older.." 

"By one one hundred and eighty days.." Jongin snorted as he played with the fabric of the (by 180 days) elder's t-shirt.

"It's still a gap man-child.." Taemin cooed, snuggling closer; if it was possible to be closer, there were no proximity boundaries between them, if Taemin could shrink himself and live under Jongin's armpit, he'd be content.

"Shush, you're then one who still doesn't look his age"

"Yeah, yeah; I should seriously get ready now.." The elder clucked his tongue as he sat up, his phone buzzing as a signal for exactly that; a text from his manager read 'I'll be over to pick you up in 10 minutes.'

"I'm gonna miss you.."

"I'll miss you more"

"Impossible" Jongin commented before getting up to help with the packing, one week wasn't that long of a time.

It had been six days since Jongin had last seen Taemin, and he was coping well for once; it was actually nice openly speaking about his relationship with Sehun and Suho alike; the promotions were over and he had a lot more time on his hands, Taemin had practically messaged him every other minute, sending all types of spoilers for his Japanese debut, some grainy pictures taken of a computer screen but it had been over an hour since the last text and Jongin was starting to worry naturally; he was alone in his bedroom in the EXO dorm and he was only there to wait for the manager, seen as though he needed to know if he could stay at his parents house (Taemin's apartment) that night. 

Jongnini: Taemmmmm, are you okay?? x 

The text was simple and not possessive, which was a chore for his clingy self; one minute passed...two minutes passed... Buzz Buzz Buzz, Jongin willed himself not to open the message straight away but he couldn't help it.

Taeminini❤︎: Yeah..justuhm yeah.  
Jongnini: What does that mean exactly..?quq  
Taeminini❤︎: =__=  
Taeminini❤︎: Make a wild guess?  
Jonginini: A photoshoot?  
Taeminini❤︎: Omg that was so innocent, what have you done with my pervy Nini? o_O   
Jonginini: OHHHHH you're doing yourself??!? *^*  
Taeminini❤︎: Yup... Wanna see?  
Jonginini: Well yeah, who do you think I am?????? ouo  
Taeminini❤︎: Oh, there's my pervy Nini *rolls eyes*   
Taeminini❤︎: Let me skype you, I'll get my laptop; give me five mins.. x 

Jongin jumped out of his bed and sprinted to the door, closing and locking it in an instant before stripping to his boxer's and rolling back into his bed; his arm reached around under his bed, dragging a shoe box out, pulling out his strawberry flavoured lube and a box of tissues (skillfully hidden under an old script from Choco Bank). His laptop was shoved under his pillow, swiftly turning it on, he waited patiently as it started up; the familiar pop noise of skype logging in snapped him out of his dirty thoughts, he swallowed dryly as Taemin video called him almost immediately, he slipped under his blanket, the lube and tissues sat in the pit of his cross legs, hidden for now. 

As he answered the signal cracked a little, the stream popped up of Taemin sitting on his bed in a big sweater and boxer's; his knees drawn up cutely "Hey~" The elder greeted sweetly, waving his hand, or whatever part of his hand that wasn't covered by his sleeves.

"Hey, you alone?" Jongin quizzed as he waved back stupidly, it was so nice to see Taemin in real time; sure the elder would be home tomorrow but seeing his messy black hair stick up adorably and his cheeks flush was endearing.

"No, I was wanking in front of my manager and stylist; of course, I'm alone idiot, you?" Taemin joked as he facepalmed at the younger's question.

"I think Jongdae and Minseok are in but they're playing on the ps4 in the living room and it's really loud... So, have you cum yet?" 

"Pffft you're so casual with that question, but nah not yet; was kinda edging cause' I was bored.." Taemin snickered, licking at his lips out of habit "..but I was close, you should touch yourself too; right, Daddy?" He smirked devilishly, looking down at his keyboard as if there was something more interesting there.

Jongin raised his eyebrow at the boldness but Taemin had been so horny as of late, like his sex drive was up-ed; their relationship used to be purely based off sex, so it wasn't a surprise. The younger leant back a bit so the laptop tilted to show off his abs and low riding boxers, his hand skimmed down the expanse of his chest to pull at the elastic of his shorts to let it snap against his tanned skin "Should I?" He asked huskily as his thumb played with the band.

"Yes... Otherwise, you won't receive a treat" Taemin hummed as he shifted about uncomfortably, his hard-on jutted against his leg painfully; he'd cleaned himself up a little and pulled on the sweater and boxer's to make himself seem less wrecked.

"Treat? Hmm.. Sounds good~" Jongin commented as he slid his shorts down to expose his cock slowly as he pulled the blanket back too, the lube was sat next to his thigh obviously.

"Eager, huh?" Taemin chuckled as he caught sight of the kit Jongin had prepared, the younger just grinned as he squeezed some lube onto his palm before stroking his member languidly "You could say that"

Taemin let out a pleased moan as he took in the scene, the video shook a little as Jongin got comfortable; he thumbed at the slit softly "Aren't you gonna touch yourself too?" The tanned male grunted as he picked up his pace tauntingly.

"Sure.." Taemin smirked as he pulled down his undergarments, reveal more than Jongin anticipated; a jewelled butt plug, how could someone be such an angel and a devil at the same time? The elder grinned at Jongin's gaped mouth reaction "Do you like it?" He teased.

"Uh y-yeah" Jongin replied dryly, his motions stalled in awe of his lover, so perfect "It's beautiful.." 

"Thanks, Daddy" Taemin laughed as he crossed his legs and started stroking at his already erect dick; Jongin gulped as he caught up to speed, taking in every movement from the elders stream "Tease yourself for Daddy.." 

 

Jongdae and Minseok exchanged looks with their heads pressed against the door, both mouthing the word 'Daddy..?' with quiet laughs, they had both abandoned their game when they heard a bedroom door slam, the elder dragged Jongdae away from the door and back into the living room.

"Who would have thought, Jongin and Krystal have a Daddy kink.." Chen snickered, Minseok held in his laughter as they both pretended they hadn't moved from the couch "We have to subtly tease him.." The younger mused evilly.

"Deal.."


	40. Lost Boy

Jongin cracked his back as he stepped out of his bedroom, Chanyeol had joined Jongdae and Minseok in the lounge; running a live commentary on the two who didn't let him join in on the game.

"Is a manager back yet?" The younger hummed as he stood behind the couch silently, they all snapped their heads around as they heard him; Chen had a strange expression on his face, like he was fighting back the urge to laugh, strange.

"Nah, I think none will be back for a while; are you going to stay with your Mummy and.. Daddy tonight?" Minseok smiled as he side-glanced at Jongdae, and Chanyeol was too focused on his phone to answer the question.

"Yeah, can you just let them know cause' I've been waiting around for hours..." Jongin yawned as he leant on the back of the couch, his hair was dishevelled and he had a dreamy look on his face, too obvious? Nah.

"Sure, I'll let him know" Chanyeol piped in as he looked up from his phone for the first time.

"Stop reading comments Hyung, it'll drive you insane" Jongin mused as he glanced at the tallest's screen, wandering off to get his backpack and helmet; he grabbed his things, said farewell to the others and went to leave but walked straight into Joonmyun as he opened the front door .

"Oh hey Hyung~" Jongin grinned as he stepped aside for the other.

"Hello Jongin, are you leaving?" Joonmyun questioned as he slipped his trainers off, he was in his gym kit and had a plastic bag with him, presumably with takeaway food in it.

"Yeah just going to stay at.. Tae's.." The younger whispered, a sweet smile lingered on his face as he thought back to their skype session.

-

"You okay?" Taemin questioned as he cleaned himself up, Jongin had just relaxed into his bed; his laptop was now resting on his stomach and left an awful angle of his double chin on the camera as he kept his head into the shot.

"Yeah, just thinking.."

"About me?" Taemin purred as he pulled on some sweatpants, no boxer's; this boy had no shame, his laptop rested on his bed and captured his movements.

"Yeah, what else would I think about?"

"Your kids, how are the dogs anyway?" Taemin quizzed as he waddled over to the other side of the bedroom to 'borrow' some of Kibum's moisturiser, finally settling back to sitting on his bed as he rubbed the cream into his tired face.

"I don't know, I haven't seen them for a while..."

"N'aww, that reminds me; I have to show you something" Taemin sheepishly grinned as he got up again, stepping out of the shot completely "..I don't know if I should really be trying this on again but I love it so much" The elder called out softly, his voice got softer which indicated he'd stepped out of the room.

"It's not another butt plug is it?" Jongin joked.

"No it's not idiot, it's even better" Taemin chuckled, his voice seemed closer again; the sound of a zip being pulled up and some more rustling sounds before he stepped out in front of the camera again, in the sexiest jacket ever.

"It's what I wore during the MV shoot a few weeks ago, it's nice right? I wanted you to see it before the video drops" Taemin mumbled as he posed awkwardly, the cropped jacket showed off his stomach beautifully; sure it looked a little mismatched with grey sweatpants but it was perfect, made for Taemin.

"Wow! You look so good, holy shit.." Jongin gasped as he sat up to catch a better view of the jacket, well his fiance, not the jacket.

"Thanks.. It looked better when I was blond" Taemin sang as he did a twirl, before unzipping it and skipping off again.

"Aww no, that was the shortest fashion show ever.." 

"Fashion shows are boring, trust me" Taemin laughed as he sped back into the room, almost toppling into his laptop in the process "Oww.." He grumbled as he repositioned himself, the stream finally captured him again.

"What happened?" 

"I smacked my head against the headboard.." Taemin admitted with a pout, a small red mark shone on his forehead.

"N'aww poor you, don't be so clumsy, baby..."

"You're the baby" Taemin growled playfully, flipping off the younger childishly, hypocrite.

-

"Have a good night and drive safely on that bloody bike.."

"Will do, don't worry about me; I'll drive safe and eat loads when I get in" Jongin mused as he stepped out of the house, the wind made his hair flutter about annoyingly; it was humid but he could feel the temperature begin to drop.

"Text me when you get there" Suho laughed as he saluted the younger off, Yixing squished past him as he arrived "Bye Jongin~" The Chinese member called out cutely as he scrambled into the building.

"Bye Hyung's, and yes I'll text you" Jongin cooed as he skipped off to the garage.

Taemin couldn't sleep, big surprise; he'd given it forty minutes to try and sleep, letting his phone update all of the app's he'd ignored for weeks. Letting out a huge sigh he picked up his phone to message Jongin, hoping the beautiful bastard was awake, tapping on the Kakao Talk icon; it finished off a few updates, a screen showed the chat backup options and he accepted them as usual before it took him to the chat list. There were a few messages from people like Jonghyun and Minho, but one caught his attention.

Wonshixx: I like you.

Taemin's eyes widened.

"About that text, I hope you know that's actually how I feel..."

A gasp left his mouth, his thoughts started racing as he checked the time and date of the message; he jumped to his emails and checked his schedule that day, it was the day after dream concert... When Jongin had walked in on him doing naughty things, there is no other explanation, Jongin must have seen the message. Taking a deep breath he willed himself not to contact Jongin, he didn't want to jump to conclusions but his heart sank, was Jongin really this possessive, that he'd delete messages, it made Taemin wonder what else had he done.

There was this restless pace of his heart, pounding against his ribs uncomfortably as panic began to settle in; tapping onto his chat with Jongin, he typed aggressively.

Taeminini: I don't even know where to start right now, because you might turn it on me and call my crazy; I know I'm crazy I accept that, but you, yes YOU NEED TO ADMIT THAT YOU'RE MENTAL TOO. Deleting chats, really Jongin? Are you out of your mind, you don't own me; so what if Ravi likes me, did you think I'd just hop on to his dick or something? Is that what you think about me? That I'm some whore that'd drop you like nothing, I gave you my everything; all of my first's, and I was your first too, do you realise how special that is to me? I've kissed two other people with intention and regretted it straight away.. You're my everything, I don't understand why you'd do something so petty, why are you so insecure? I LOVE YOU, DON'T YOU GET THAT. I'm just disappointed in you Jongin, when I get home tomorrow I expect to see you because you need to explain yourself. 1:13am

Jongin felt his phone buzz in his jean's pocket, he had been watching Deadpool in Taemin's living room as he couldn't manage to sleep earlier; he smiled when he saw the elder's name but a frown took over as he skimmed through the message.

Guilt.

The familiar feeling settled in, he always acted on impulse; he never thought, it was true. A tear ran down his cheek angrily, pelting on the phone screen quickly; this was it, he'd fucked up too many times to be forgiven again. Life wouldn't be the same without Taemin and that lonely feeling settled in fast enough when they were apart for a week, of this was the end; what would that make of Jongin, nothing, nothing mattered without Taemin.

He took a deep breath before phoning the elder, he had to face this like an adult; he couldn't get away with avoiding things anymore, he just needed to be calm and breathe.

Ring.

"Fuck"

Ring.

"Shit" 

Ring.

"Fuck shit" Jongin cursed every time the dial tone rang, sweat trickled down his brow; sure he was nervous on stage but this was more intense, unbearable even.

"Hi" Taemin's voice filtered through the phone, it was cold; of course, it was.

"Hey..."

"So?"

"I wanted to talk now instead of waiting till tomorrow.."

"Talk then" Taemin grumbled, he was quiet; probably trying to not wake up the manager in the room over. 

"I'm so sorry T-Tae" Jongin cried, he couldn't hold in his emotions; everything felt like it had been destroyed, crumbling down into oblivion.

"Jongin cut the crap, why are you crying?" Taemin snapped, his tone wavered a little; hearing his lover breakdown over this was too much.

"I'm such a shit fiance, I don't d-deserve you; I'm so sorry.."

"Jongin calm down, we need to talk about this; what exactly do you think I would have done if I saw the text?" Taemin sighed, he was too tired for this but it really couldn't wait.

"I don't know, I just felt threatened for some reason" Jongin sniffled.

"Threatened? Jongin what is wrong with you? I love you okay, even if you're a controlling asshole" Taemin whined lowly, he didn't want to give in and pretend everything was fine because it wasn't.

"P-Please don't leave me"

"When did I say that I'd leave you?" 

"You d-didn't but you have before and I can't take it.." 

"I left you for a couple days once and before then we were solid, we were solid when we were just fucking; I've known you for so long, I'm not stable enough to throw you away and you should know that" Taemin whispered, he felt his insides twist with anxiety, it all crept up on him naturally.

"C-Can I see you?" Jongin mumbled, a hushed sob left his mouth pathetically.

"Jongin-ah calm down, you're obviously not thinking straight right now.. let me facetime you, give me a sec" Taemin hummed as he put the call down. Jongin wiped at his face with his sleeves to rid of the tears, though, they kept flowing. 

The phone began ringing in his hand again, he answered it slowly, thankfully the room was dim and didn't expose his blotchy red crying face "Hey.." He smiled weakly as he saw Taemin wrapped up in a hoodie, his hair tousled cutely.

"Nini, please don't do this to me, we have to make an agreement; the only way I'm getting over this is if we both talk to Wonshik" Taemin cooed, he looked exhausted; which wasn't a surprise, it was a wonder how he kept going, with all the schedules he'd had in the last few months, being on planes more than land, and now he was in a dance competition, great.

"Okay, let's do that... I need us to be okay.."

Jongin spoke softly, his hair fell into his eyes as he held the camera up weakly.

"We'll be fine Jongin, I just don't know if I can trust you anymore.." 

"I u-understand, Tae?" 

"Mhm?"

"You know I love you.." 

"I know that Nini, and I love you but I feel like I don't know you anymore... You kinda scare me" 

"Scare you?" The younger squeaked as he looked up at the screen where Taemin was only showing part of his face, a little bit of his cheek and lips.

"Y-Yeah, I thought I could share things with you, e-everything, and now I think I've shared too much to the extent where you think I'm your property; I'm a person Jongin, I'm treated like property by the company already and now you own me?" 

"No way, I don't own you! I just don't know how to control my possessiveness, it's crazy, your existence is everything to me; every thought is you. I guess I am crazy"

"Yes, you are.." Taemin hissed coldly as he kept his phone away from his face but Jongin didn't need to see him, to know he was in tears.

"Well, so are you.."Jongin mumbled under his breath.

"Wow, fuck you Jongin; seriously fuck you" Taemin gasped before ending the video call, Jongin's eyes widened as he tried to phone him again but it went straight to voicemail.

"S-Shit" 

Taemin slipped out of his bed, pulling on some jeans and grabbing his wallet and phone; he couldn't sleep and he was furious; he stormed out of the building thunderously, the manager didn't even stir as he hollered a cab.

"Where to?" The driver asked tiredly as it was nearing 2am.

"Uhm a club? Shinjuku perhaps, I want to get drunk and fuck a stranger, what do you recommend?" Taemin said bluntly in Japanese, the guy chuckled incredulously.

"I know a place"

"Then take me there"


	41. Somebody Else

Taemin stepped into the club with his hood drawn up, he'd just debuted solo in Japan and his face was plaguing the streets of Tokyo on billboards; the music was loud and trashy but he felt at peace with that as the bass took over his body, pushing past people awkwardly he found himself at the bar. The bartender nodded at him to indicate he'd be served next after the busty drunk foreigner, she caught Taemin's eye and winked salaciously, he scoffed and looked away as he was about to get served.

"What can I get you~?" The bartender purred as he put a few dirty glasses on the back bar.

"Uhh a Jägerbomb please" Taemin grunted as a few people shoved into his back, placing the cash onto the counter, he was so tired but his mind wouldn't rest; the drink was placed in front of him kindly "Thanks, keep the change" He murmured as the man held the change out to him, he picked up the little shot glass and dropped into the bigger glass of red bull with a bored expression.

"How long do you think it'll take that chick to pass out?" Taemin pondered to the bartender, who was taking a breather as the bar wasn't as packed as the dance floor in that moment, his colleagues were shifting about the bar and serving the few customers about.

"I give it another ten minutes, you don't sound Japanese; where are you from?" The man chuckled as he wiped down the bar to look like he was doing something productive, the bar closed at 3am; and Taemin could only imagine most of the shift was procrastinating.

"Let's just say I'm from somewhere in Asia" Taemin mused as he downed the rest of his drink, a smile played on his lips as his worries began depleting.

"Ah, mysterious" The guy laughed "Do you want another drink? I'll give it to you on the house" 

"Sure, the same thanks" Taemin giggled as he spun on his bar stool to witness the mess of limbs that was happening on the dance floor, there were people around his age grinding up on each other, it was liberating; they were average people with normal lives, if he could have just one day of normality, he'd take it within an instant.

He spun back around to get back to drinking, his bartender friend had wandered to the other side of the bar, settling down some drunk middle-aged man. Taemin grabbed his glass and wandered into the mass of dancing people, shifting about and swaying to the music as he sipped at his drink, it was more bitter this time, probably too much Jäger to the red bull ratio; oh well, he wanted to get drunk anyway.

The music took his body on an adventure as he stirred up the dance floor, his hood kept his face shielded as a crowd of people began cheering him on; a few people tried to pull him aside to dance with him but he kept to himself, dancing in a small group occasionally. Sweat drenched his body, and the room spun around at a sickly pace; he sang along to the words he didn't know, but his throat felt like it was closing in on itself, he coughed a few times as he tried to wash away the dryness with the remains of his drink, his eyes focused on the glass as he brought it to his lips; clumps and flakes of white covered the bottom of the glass.

Realisation set in as he tried to get away from the dance floor, it was near to impossible; there were loads of people and drowsiness was coaxing him as he felt his body slam against a wall; the room around seemed to drag around slowly, figures would come up in two's or three's as he tried to focus, feeling winded as panic settled in.

"Help!" Taemin screamed but his throat felt hoarse as he tried to gain someone's attention in the noisy club, the lights and bass made things unbearably fuzzy; he felt hands on his shoulders, dragging him and leading him somewhere "No, please!! Don't t-touch me" He squeaked as he was lead away from the safe haven that was the wall. Cold air hit his face as he brought outside, he struggled and fell onto his butt while getting away from his attacker.

"Calm down" He heard a voice coo, his vision focused a little and he vaguely recognised the bartender.

"I'm not attacking you, I think someone drugged you" The man continued as he helped Taemin sit against a brick wall.

"Bartender-san?" Taemin mumbled quietly as tears started brimming his eyes, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket but he felt too weak to get it; he struggled to slip it out of his tight jeans but the man before him helped, handing the ringing phone over with a pitiful look.

"Taemin?" Jongin's voice sounded through the speaker, the elder just let out a sob.

"Taemin!?" 

"J-Jongin-ah.." Taemin sobbed, he felt powerless and sick, he didn't know what was going on; a headache sat at the back of his skull, pounding heavily, confusion took over his being.

"Taemin, what's wrong?" Jongin pleaded, the rush of worry in his voice was horrible.

"Someone d-drugged me, I don't what's going on.." Taemin slurred his words, it was a wonder how he was making sense at all in that state.

"Oh fuck... Stay calm, I'll phone your manager and let him know"

"No! Please don't, he'll never l-let me out of his sight again, I'll probably have to move back in the dorm... Oh I know, Bartender-san will help me" Taemin whined, he sounded so out of it, it was making Jongin worry.

"Bartender-san?" Jongin quizzed.

"He saved me, one sec-" Taemin mumbled as he put the younger on hold, he looked up at the man who still looked like an army of men with bleach blonde hair and a sweet smile "Can you help me get home? Also, what is your name" The dancer sitting on the floor garbled in Japanese.

"Of course, I'll give you a lift; if you don't mind. I'm Itaru.." 

"Ah thank you, let me just talk on the phone; I won't be long-" Taemin thanked the man before taking Jongin off of hold "S-Sorry about that, yeah my friend Itaru will give me a lift home; I'm so scared Jongin.."

"Just stay calm Taeminnie, who is Itaru? Where exactly did you go?" Jongin questioned, trying to hide his panic but it wasn't working.

"Somewhere near S-Shinjuku, Itaru is a b-bartender, I wanted to do something reckless but I just want to be h-home now" The elder sobbed, the pain in his head was like a dull ache that didn't fade; he could taste bile building up his throat but he tried to swallow it down.

"What were you planning to do Tae? Please stay on the phone with me as he drives you, you can't trust strangers.."

"I w-was, I don't know, I... I don't know what's wrong with me N-Nini; I wanted to be unfaithful, I need to see a doctor, I'm not okay, I'm really not okay!" Taemin sniffed, he felt terrible and that wasn't only because of the drugs in his system, there was barely any sense left in his body but he still knew he was wrong.

 

"O-Oh.." 

"Jongin I l-love you, okay? I'm crazy, I admit it; when I get home tomorrow I'll phone a doctor so they can help.."

"Yeah, n-now get in the car with that guy, it's almost 4am Tae" Jongin sighed, he hadn't slept a peep but obviously neither did Taemin; he felt sick and didn't feel like talking to the elder after what he had admitted, but he wasn't about to let him get into a stranger's car with no contact.

"O-Okay... When did it turn 4am?!? Itaru-san, can you help me.." Taemin called out to the guy, switching from Korean to Japanese with much struggle; he couldn't get up alone, his body felt like jelly and his head was still all over the place. It took a little over ten minutes to get into the car with the other, it's not like Taemin weighed a lot but when you're leaning onto someone with full weight, it could be pretty daunting; also considering the other was just a little under Taemin's height and was similar in body shape, it was a disaster. 

 

The drive with pretty quiet and Jongin kept telling Taemin to calm down over the phone, he kept having small anxiety attacks every now and again and he no longer made sense; the drug must have been pretty strong to make him this way.

"Thanks, Itaru.." Taemin whispered as the man helped him to the lift in the apartment complex where SHINee stayed in Japan, it took a while to get back to the room but he managed it after complaining every other minute to Jongin who was still patiently listening on the other side of the line, a couple huffs and a blanket being tossed about later.

"I'm safe" Taemin whispered to Jongin through the phone.

"Drink loads of water, please; you're going to feel even worse later when you're less numb" Jongin nagged to the other, they both knew there was no point of sleeping but it was easier to lay in bed than walk about for Taemin.

"I've got a bottle of water, don't worry Jagi.." 

"Telling me not to worry is like telling me not to breathe" Jongin snapped, he couldn't stand it when Taemin treated things with carelessness.

"Woah calm down princess, let's just say we're even now" Taemin stammered on his words as he wriggled about in his bed.

"Even? Wow... I deleted a chat and you go out with an intention to fuck someone else and then get slipped a date rape drug, yeah I guess we're totally 'even'" Jongin hissed.

"I didn't mean that, I didn't mean anything; I'm an asshole, okay? Can you just promise me that you'll hug me today and not punch me"

"Why would I punch you?"

"I don't know, I want to punch myself right now but my arms feel like blades of grass.." Taemin sighed, he sounded so groggy and raspy, it was worrying but a given; there was no way he could go to a public hospital and risk getting caught.

"Well, when your arms start working please don't; Tae can we just come to an agreement..?"

"Go on, what's the agreement?"

"We talk to Ravi as we planned and we don't talk about your intentions earlier, okay?" Jongin proposed in a hushed tone, he knew how easily things could turn into an argument.

"That's not fair on you, I don't know what to suggest; cause' I honestly don't deserve this, you could dick-slap me and break my jaw and I'd still feel guilty"

"What...? I honestly don't even want to know what goes on in your head; how about this, you tell me how you're actually feeling when you get home today?"Jongin suggested, he knew it was a shot-in-the-dark because Taemin was the worst at opening up.

"Ugh Jongin, why? You know how I feel about talking about feelings.." The elder whined into the phone.

"Fine, I guess we'll have to go for the dick-slap.."Jongin scoffed, he knew the latter would react like this.

"I'd seriously prefer that over the emotional stuff"

"You would! You freaky boy, no, we're talking about you and that's final"

"Boy? Listen to you, mydongsaeng of 180 days; I'm a grown-ass man" Taemin joked hoarsely, the headache had faded to a minor tick by his temple and the room span less.

"Shush, I can't believe it's nearly 6am; you ruin my sleeping pattern all the time.."

"Oh poor sleepy bear, I'm sure you can catch a few hours of kip while I suffer" 

"Sure, that's if you ever get off this phone call" Jongin teased, their dynamics never faulted, even if they were in the most unstable state, it was best to forgive and forget.

"That hasn't stopped you before, you have fallen asleep on the phone to me loads of times; I must be boring, hmm?" The elder giggled as he pulled the blanket onto his now cold body, his temperature kept changing, as if he had a fever.

"I only fall asleep because your voice is so dreamy~"

"Not when I'm whining on about life, I probably sound like an annoying old man, I only sound good when you're fucking me, to be honest," Taemin grumbled, his voice cracked a little through the sentence but at least he was making sense now, somewhat.

"You're so shameless sometimes"

"I have to be, it's a part of my job ahaha~"

"I love you, ya' know?"

"I love you too, more than steak Nini" 

"That much? Damn" The younger chuckled, how could Lee Taemin be all things wrong and right at the same time? Was he good for Jongin or bad for him? All the younger knew was that they were good together.

"Mhm, that much; more than steak and probably more than dancing" 

"I can't wait to see you later, I miss you.." 

"I miss you too and we need to talk, I think I'm ready to; at least.."


	42. I Follow Rivers

Taemin faced his apartment door, his heart rate picked up; he couldn't bring himself to unlock the door, he still felt like everything was spinning but he had to mask being fine the whole trip back with the manager, so the facade had taken over a little. There was this desolate feeling settling in his gut, he wasn't even sure that Jongin would be in but he still wasn't ready; talking about how he felt was too alien, he was scripted for most of his career when it came to his opinion; coming off script was too much. 

Ten minutes passed like nothing and he still hadn't budged an inch, he just kept his hand stretched out as he held the key shakingly; the door opened suddenly, snapping him out of his gaze, Jongin gave him a sad smile "I saw the car pull up a while ago, how long have you been standing here?" The younger mumbled bashfully as he held the door open.

"Uh, a few minutes.." Taemin replied quietly as he shimmied past the taller male, his backpack dropped to the floor with a quiet thud "You know how I said I was ready to talk..."

"Yeah?" Jongin hummed as he closed the door behind them, Taemin was facing away as he toed off his trainers; holding onto the wall for balance, the little glimpse of his face that Jongin saw was sickly white, he must have felt ill from the drugs still.

"I don't know w-what to say.." Taemin whispered, his voice caught on the lump forming in his throat as he wobbled to the couch; there was sweat coating his hairline as he looked up at the younger, his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed saliva down his incredibly dry throat.

"Just be honest about things, like let's take me deleting Ravi's thing; how did that make you feel?" Jongin mumbled as he slumped into the couch by the other, his eyes stared at him calmly, but the elder didn't look at him.

"Angry I guess, sad; I don't know Jongin, this is stupid.." 

"It's not stupid, I just want to understand why you turn to reckless extremes and I want to help you; look at me Taemin-" Jongin spoke softly, patting the latter's shoulder to encourage him "-I want to understand you, it'll be better for us"

"W-When things get too much or complicated, I just.. I just wanna wreck myself, but there are times I'm rational; you know how I mentioned t-there was other times I tried to.." Taemin swallowed, his face draining of whatever colour was left in it "Kill myself, it wasn't always the same; other times I'd j-just stand on the edge, ya' know or close my eyes while crossing the road, stupid things; and sometimes there wouldn't even b-be a trigger, I'd just wake up and t-think this is it"

"Right, and you told the doctor this when you were admitted to the hospital?"

"Uhh yeah, at the time the companies management was so focused on getting me through my debut; they kinda rushed me through the psychological tests and well I just dealt with it myself, they gave me a few diagnoses but I don't think it matters.." Taemin whispered, he didn't talk about these things, he loathed the feeling that settled in his stomach when he thought back to that day.

"And those diagnoses? Did they conclude anything?" The younger blabbed, resting his hand on Taemin's, the latter looked up at him tiredly; his eyes didn't have that natural shine to them in that moment, dull and pained, hopefully, the drugs would completely deplete soon.

"T-There was a few conclusions, I mean the obvious ones being depression and anxiety; the others they didn't finish the tests for them.." 

"The others being?"

"Uhm bipolar and uh borderline s-schizophrenic; but like I said, they were just rough ideas, I don't think I'm that far gone, do you?" Taemin mumbled in a hushed tone, his exhausted eyes skimmed over the material of his trousers.

"Well, we'll never know unless you see a doctor soon Taem, it's been nearly two years since then and you haven't seen a doctor since, right?" Jongin muttered, he didn't want to upset Taemin, he really couldn't conclude something as serious as mental illnesses or disorders, he just wanted him to be healthy, physically and definitely mentally.

"Yeah, I haven't really had time; the last thing I want to do on my rare days off is to see a doctor, I just want to see you.."

"I get that but next time you're free we'll go together, okay?"

"Yeah.. J-Jongin I'm so sorry.." Taemin cracked, the tears he had been blinking back for the longest time defeated him, they tracked down his cheeks furiously; his already shaking form shuddered madly along with each wracked sob that left his mouth.

"Aww c'mon Tae we'll be okay, we all make mistakes; yes I'm disappointed in you but I can't change your previous intentions, you weren't thinking.." The younger cooed as he wrapped his arm around the latter's shoulders, they sat like that for a while; soft cries and gentle words filled the room, Taemin slowly came around and hid his face in the crook of the younger's neck.

"I love you so fucking much.." He whispered against the tanned skin, well it was a little muffled and sounded more like "I wuv you so fuckin' muc" But Jongin got the memo, he smiled cutely as he ran his fingers through Taemin's hair.

"I love you so fucking much too" 

"Let's go to bed before I pass out and you have to carry me.." Taemin hummed, all muffled again; Jongin was pretty surprised he was still awake honestly.

The morning was full of lazing about and not wanting to do much with the day, neither of them had a schedule for once and they didn't intend to do anything with that time; Taemin was feeling a little better, but he kept avoiding subject they had touched on the evening before. 

"Do you think the company will make you interact with Soojung at SM Town in a few days?" Taemin piped up randomly while they were tangled up on the couch together, some movie was playing, forgotten in the background a while back once they got bored and started cuddling.

"Uhh I don't think so, she won't be on the stage with me at any point; she hasn't gone on the ending stage since Jessica left, so, probably not.. Why? Are you jealous?" Jongin retorted with a cheeky smirk, rolling around a bit, so the elder toppled over on top of him.

"No, I was just curious because they set it up and they don't even have the decency to follow up on it, no random car park photoshoot's or getting into car photoshoot since April; does that mean you're gonna break up soon?" Taemin joked, his petite fingers plucked at the stray threads on Jongin's shirt.

"I have no idea, hopefully soon.." The younger grinned as his hands snaked up Taemin's lithe clothed legs to grope at his perky butt, the elder just gave him a cute look and settled his face against his shoulder tiredly.

"We could start planning our wedding then, once you've rid of your other love-ties~" 

"What's to plan?"

"We get married and live happily ever after, of course," Taemin giggled, Jongin's fingers skimmed just under the band of the latter's sweatpants; poking at his buttcheeks randomly.

"I like that plan, nice and simple"

"We can make it happen.." 

"Woah calm down Taem, you're starting to sound like me" Jongin snorted, as he pulled the band up and let it snap against the other's lower back.

"That's not a bad thing baby" Taemin chided, smiling smugly like Jongin would after saying something sickeningly cute.

"Ugh, get away from me" Jongin whined as he pretended to shove the other away; who in turn just snuggled closer, leaving small kisses on the younger's temple.

"No, I like being close to you cutie" 

"Stop acting like me" Jongin pouted, wriggling about as he sat up; Taemin slumped in between his legs ungracefully.

"Why did you move?" Taemin frowned "I was comfortable.." 

"I'm hungry.." 

"Fine! I'll order us something to eat then" Taemin cackled, earning a pinch on his cheek from the other.

A/N: /Gonna cheat and skip to SM TOWN, please tell me why I thought being linear would be a good idea O_o/ Sorry bebs ;w;

Jongin whistled an addictive tune to himself as he packed his bag for Japan, he had been staying in Taemin's apartment for the rest of the week; quietly enjoying his own company as Taemin left a day prior to him, the manager was due to pick him up with the other EXO members en-route to the airport, he just had to make his way to his parent's house and act natural. The place was more or less neat for once, thanks to Jongin obviously, but it still had that organised chaos flare Taemin held; he grabbed his stuff and left for home.

The motorbike ride was brisk and it cleared his head a little, the feeling of weaving through other vehicles gave him a sense of freedom and he'd never get enough; he parked his bike in the drive and hopped off gracefully, he had a little under an hour till the manager would pick him up; so, he thought he'd be a nice son and actually visit his parents. When he moved to the dorms, his parents hadn't cut him out from the house; they said 'you'll always have a room here, wherever we live; it's your house too' and he was grateful for that, he stepped into the house and it was silent for a few seconds before he heard the tiny taps of dogs paws, the three cuties greeted him at his feet, yelping and jumping up sweetly "Aigo my kids~~" Jongin cooed as he petted his babies. 

"Jongin, is that you?" Jongin heard his mother call from the kitchen softly.

"Yeah~" He replied as he made his way to her, the pups crowded around his feet and followed him around like sheep; he greeted his mother and sat across from her on the dining table, she was going through letters and doing adult stuff.

"Do you want anything to eat? There're some leftovers in the fridge" 

"Sure, I'll just help myself" Jongin gleamed as he got up to raid the fridge, nothing beat homemade food, especially his mothers; though others would argue that their parents were better. The dogs had finally calmed down, they were sprawled over the floor enjoying the sun while it lasted, the windows were open and created a lovely breeze as Jongin stuffed his face ungracefully.

"You can heat those up you fool" She commented about her only son's animalistic behaviour, he just chuckled and continued munching his last big bite.

"I haven't got time for heating them up, do you think I could get the kimbap through customs?" Jongin hummed as he swallowed his food and gestured at the plate of kimbap.

"No, that's my dinner"

"Oh... Are you alright? You seem a little stressed, Umma" He uttered as he took a seat again, glancing at the letters sprawled on the table.

"I'm fine, just sorting through some bills; we've had some repairs done in the bathroom and it cost more than we-"

"-Why didn't you tell me? I'll cover it, I'll transfer some money to your account" Jongin cut in at the mention of cost as Jjangah jumped onto his lap adorably, the poor baby missed him so much; he really needed to spend more time at home.

"Don't be silly Jongin, that's your money"

"Exactly, my money, so I can do what I want with it" He retorted smugly as he scratched behind the dog ears.

"Alright, but I don't want this to be a regular thing; you already do enough for us" She smiled as she bunched up the letters "Isn't it Taemin's birthday soon?" His mother asked as she got up to put away the papers.

"Yeah, in a few days; which means he's going to be annoying for 180 days" 

"Have you got him anything?"

"Not really, I won't have time to see him on the day as it is and he isn't materialistic, he's the worst person to buy for" Jongin muttered as he thought about things Taemin liked.

"Well, maybe give him something sentimental?" She suggested cutely as she opened the back door for the dogs.

"Like make him something? He gets all funny when I do cheesy things.." 

"If he gets all funny that means he likes it and is too ashamed to admit it, your father is the same~" 

"Really? I don't know Umma, Tae is complicated.." The younger pouted, Jjangah abandoned his lap to play with the others in the garden but had left a lovely mess of white fur on his lap; it flew about in the air and tickled at his nose annoyingly.

"Everyone is complicated, if humans were simple; we'd have the cure to fix this crazy world, just be your lovely self and that's enough" The woman gleamed as she set down a small box on the table.

"Whats is this?" Jongin questioned as he picked the box up, not that he was given permission to but he didn't care.

"A present from me and your sisters to Taemin.." 

"Can I open it?"

"Do you look like Taemin?"

"A little bit apparently" Jongin chuckled as he pretended to open the small jewellery box.

"You little rascal, can you give it to him on the day or whenever you can?" 

"Of course, Umma~" Jongin chimed, his phone buzzed as his manager phoned him to let him know that the car was outside "Gotta go, love you and I hope I see you soon" He cooed to his mother, kissing her on the cheek softly before scrambling to the door.

"Jongin! The bloody present" She called after him, and handed him the present; the EXO members howled with laughter in the car as Jongin got scolded openly.

"Taeminnie~" Kibum's voice filled the apartment, which made the younger sink further into his bed; if that was possible, he was grouchy and didn't want to bite off someone's head because of his mood.

"How long have you been in bed? Your Hyung's finally join you in Japan and you don't have the decency to greet them?" Jonghyun's voice joined but was closer, closer as in the foot of his bed; poking at the younger's toes.

"I'm tired" Taemin whined as he tucked his feet beneath the quilt, he heard more footsteps followed with laughter.

"I guess I'll tell Jongin to leave then" Kibum sighed, stepping into the room with his suitcase.

"Jongin?" Taemin questioned as he sat up and looked around the room, he'd been played obviously.

"Wow, so your Hyung's come home and you don't react but when Kibum lies about Jongin being here you're suddenly full of energy" Jinki commented as he wandered passed the room, Jonghyun squeaked in fits of laughter.

"So, Jongin's not here?" The youngest quizzed sleepily, his puffy face was framed with his ungodly hair and he had dried tear tracks adorning his cheeks.

"No sweetie, are you alright? You kinda look like death" Kibum commented as he began unpacking, Jonghyun finally skipped off to his own room as the manager stepped into the apartment.

"I just felt a little sick, I'm fine now, though"

"Right, do you want me to run you a bath or something?" Kibum hummed as he put his phone on charge, his short fringe was styled perfectly; as if the weather wasn't humid, Kibum was obviously a beauty wizard.

"Sure"

 

Taemin slipped into the bath soundlessly, the heat surrounded him as the steam coaxed his face; he always felt alone, his job was pushing him further and further away from people, the ones he cared for, the ones he needed. The water whirled around his fingers as his hand swam through the water like a fish, his digits caressed his taunt stomach smoothly; there was still a dull ache settling there, he had told Jongin he was fine but he was still having moments of sickness. Thoughts of Wonshik were at the back of his mind, he wanted to talk to him; wanted to let him know what had happened but at the same time he just wanted to forget about it, after all, he had put Jongin through, it was only fair to drop it, right?

"I need help" Taemin whispered to himself before sinking under the water, he kept his eyes open; the sting of the water covering eyes settled down after a little while, his hair floated around his face. The echoey noise surrounded him, he could hear things from all over the apartment along with his heart beat, that familiar thud that was always there; the one he wanted to stop sometimes. His lungs were aching from the lack of oxygen seeped in, he poked his head up with the undying need to breathe; he could hear voices filling the living room and he could smell food, reality. 

The evening went by well, they all talked a lot in anticipation for the concerts; it was nearing midnight and Jonghyun and the manager had already gone to bed, there was a knock at the door and the ones still awake snapped their heads around at the quiet noise.

"You get it" Kibum mumbled to Jinki who gave him a look.

"Maknae get it" The leader refused.

Taemin glared at the elder's and got up to get the door, to reveal a very tired looking Jongin "Oh hey Nini.." 

"Hey Taem~"

"Why're you here?" Taemin asked as he let the younger in.

"I just want- Oh hey Hyung's..." Jongin greeted the elders, who just sat and smiled at him.

"We'll give you guys some time, it's late; bedtime soon and Kai, you have to get back to your hotel without getting into trouble" Kibum whispered while leading Jinki to his room and then stepping into his own.

"Weirdos, now what's up?" Taemin asked sweetly as he laced his finger's with Jongin's and lead them to the couch.

"I just wanted to see you"

"Aww cute but you should be sleeping, you'd see me tomorrow anyway" 

"I couldn't sleep and I know it was your fault, it always is; are you alright?" Jongin whined, pulling the elder into an awkward side-hug.

"I'm fine, just worrying about things and I don't wanna talk about that right now" Taemin remarked while leaving little smooches on the younger's cheek.

"Do you ever want to talk, though?" Jongin teased as he relaxed into Taemin's strange affection.

"Nah, I'm fine with touching" The elder smirked as his hand traced down Jongin's chest, cupping him through his jeans.

"Oh.."


	43. Worst Case Scenario

The manager's voice sounded from behind them, Taemin snapped his head around and threw himself to the other end of the couch "Uh, h-hey Hyung" The elder mumbled awkwardly, his face flushed in shame; it's not like Euisoo could have seen Taemin's hand from that side of the couch but he might have seen something else.

"Why is Jongin here?"

"Uh I-"

"-He's worried, ya' know how I get sometimes; he just needed to talk, can he stay the night Hyung? Please" Jongin started but Taemin cut in, giving the manager his best pleading face.

"Uhhhhhh, I'll let your manager know Jongin; don't stay up too late, and Taemin, this isn't to happen again" 

"Thanks, Hyung" Taemin hummed as the man made a beeline to the fridge to get a bottle of water before returning to his room.

"D-Do you think he saw us?" Jongin stuttered, his face was a deep red; visible even in the dim room, the flashes of the moving images on the screen bounced over his figure.

"I don't know but that doesn't matter, right? At least you get to stay with me"

"Yeah I guess.."

"This couch has one of those pull-out bed things... If I get some comfortable clothes for you; you can crash here"

"Sure, aren't you gonna stay with me?" The younger pestered as Taemin was about to sneak off.

"Of course, but I need to be stealthy"

"Ah, quickly"

 

It took no less than five minutes for Taemin to get back and help set up the bed, he had brought his own bed linen along with sweatpants and a t-shirt for Jongin. They were cosily snuggled up on the sofa-bed, those things were never huge but they didn't mind; the closer they were, the better. The elder carded his finger's through Jongin's hair smoothly as he laid sweet kisses against his lips, their tongues brushed softly together as they relaxed into the kiss; eyes hazy and pooling into one another's as the separated slowly.

"I miss you so much, it's not healthy.." Jongin whispered softly, his hand curled and caressed at the latter's delicate cheek with his knuckles.

"It's alright, I think I'm the same; we're definitely in the same boat sometimes, I was crying about you earlier, I guess I've lost my stone-cold image, eh?" Taemin snorted at his actions earlier as he cuddled closer, if he was being honest, Jongin needed a shower but he really didn't care; was he weird for liking his man's natural musk a little, just a little.

"Crying is my thing but you need to let it out too baby but please let me know when you're down or lonely, I want to be there for you; even if we may be a sea apart.." Jongin sighed while rubbing circles into the elder's back.

"You're being cheesy again cutie" 

"I'm not being cheesy, I'm being your lover" 

Taemin had to bite Jongin's shoulder to stifle his laughter, the younger squirmed a little but chuckled into the other's hair nonetheless; it was late yet they didn't think they were going to sleep anytime soon, after a few more minutes of uncontrollable giggles they were just smiling stupidly at each other; their faces lit up only slightly by the dim light they always kept on in the kitchen. Moments passed before their lips were together again, they grinned happily, numb in love as Jongin's tongue slipped passed Taemin's lips naturally; it was a wonder if they even had to think about their actions anymore, it was as easy as breathing, as easy as dancing for them. 

The younger's hands tangled into Taemin's hair slowly, running his fingertips over his scalp with feather-like decorum; one hand stroked down his oh-so-beautiful face, cupping his cheek as the intimacy deepened, their noses jutted together cutely as Taemin leant away from the kiss to breathe "I really love you, you know?" He purred softly before returning his lips to his lovers, Jongin couldn't help but smile sadly, his heart felt heavy for some reason. The elder pulled away again when he felt Jongin's cheeks, they were damp with tears; his eyes closed and quiet sobs left his beautiful lips as he attempted to cover his face "Shhh baby, c'mere' what's the matter?" Taemin cooed softly as he pried the younger's hands away from his face so he could wipe away the tears sweetly.

"I can't take i-it Taemin, I j-just want to be with you; I don't want you to k-kill yourself, please don't leave me" 

Taemin's eyes widened as he took in Jongin's statement, his own eyes watered a little; his stomach clenched uncomfortably "I w-won't, Jongin I won't, okay?" He whispered weakly, his hands trembled as he hugged the other tightly; they stayed like that, in an embrace as they fell asleep, their thoughts were all over the place.

\- (flashback)  
"Come on Jongin, I think its best if we go together" Taemin's angelic voice coaxed him as he followed the latter like he had him in a trance, they were going up the stairs in the elder's apartment building; but they had passed his floor. Taemin rushed, dragging Jongin by his wrist as they reached the roof, the cold air surrounded them and the elder was chuckling maniacally; he let go of his wrist and spun around drunkenly, they had been drinking since they left the company building; a celebration drink as Taemin was to have a solo later in the year and Jongin got the honour of featuring on one of his tracks.

"Why are you laughing idiot?" The younger giggled, the alcohol in his system told him to laugh along as Taemin danced about the deserted rooftop, there were small beds of flowers with shrubs; all decorated with fairy lights spread across the railing, it was beautiful but not as beautiful as the man before him.

"Because life is funny Jongin-ah~" 

"How so?"

"Look at me Jongin, I'm getting a solo; me! The person who tries and tries yet people still say I'm not good enough, the one who couldn't sing~" The elder snorted comically as he wandered closer to him, moving around him so the younger's eyes and body would follow, like a magnetic force.

"You're perfect Taemin, only a few people say you're not good enough; in my eyes, you're perfect already" He pleaded softly, as they kept spinning and their eyes never faltered; never lost their light as they took in each other.

"You think I'm perfect? HA! As if, you only like me because I take away your sexual frustration, I give you everything you can't have because you're far too popular to date, you might even get caught~! At least if you're caught with me we can play the best friend card, eh?" Taemin chuckled, his hands taking hold of Jongin's shoulder's gently to stop their spinning; their eyes said it all, their deal was coming to an end, they couldn't carry on like this.

"I don't know what you're talking about Taeminnie, I think you're too drunk.."

"There is no such thing as too drunk, I know what I'm saying right now! It's the truth, right? I'm just a plaything, an object for your pleasure and once your fame dies down, you'll get a sexy girlfriend and forget about me as, I, Lee Taemin, am worthless" The elder hummed weirdly, he really had lost it.

"Are you alright? I'm worried about you, about us" Jongin questioned as the craziness of the situation sobered him enough to take in the words Taemin was spewing.

"Yeah I'm perfectly alright Jongin, I'm just too drunk right now; just forget about what I just said, c'mon lets look at the stars before we return to my apartment and do something unspeakable.." 

That was four months before Taemin had tried to kill himself; Jongin should have seen the signs then but he was too naive, to wrapped up in lust and comfort to think about Taemin any differently to the idiot best friend he'd known for years. The hospital was always buzzing, it was a private sector but there was always this strange feeling with hospitals; the maternity ward was so close to the palliative care unit, life and death so closely knit and Jongin didn't know where Taemin fell, near-death? Perhaps it really didn't matter, all he knew is that the love of his life had tried to end himself; end everything without so much as a goodbye and now he was sitting in a hospital bed pestering everyone about when he could practice his new choreography. 

"Jongin-ah, you don't have to spend your whole day off here; go and see your family or something.." 

"No, I want to stay right here, okay?" Jongin snapped, he couldn't take it; this careless attitude to what had just happened the week before, as if life was just a joke.

"Because life is funny Jongin-ah~" 

"Wow, someone is touchy today? What's up?" The elder asked oh-so-casually as a nurse came in to check his blood pressure again, she was around their age but didn't seem to care about their celebrity status. Jongin waited for the woman to check his stupid friends charter and note down his updated vitals, she commented lowly of the slight improvement before taking her leave again; taking the menu form Taemin had filled out for lunch with her.

"I'm worried about you, that's what's up.."Jongin finally breathed out, he hated it; the four white walls surrounding them; the view of the ambulance depot from the window, the vase's full of various flowers from people, people who weren't there.

"Don't worry about me, I'm alive, aren't I?" 

"You don't want to be, though. So, don't give me that crap Taemin, you're alive because you had the decency to give me one last drunken phone call before chugging down copious amounts of pills" Jongin sighed, looking at the white floor in defeat; he couldn't take it but he'd take it until Taemin was alright again. The colour white seemed to be ironic, so pure and angelic like Taemin's sickly skin when he had found him, Jongin wondered if the mother's in the maternity ward saw the same walls, the walls of pureness they deserved; maybe littered with Disney characters and baby plan posters, but that pureness could only be right there, not here with someone who detests life so much.

"I feel like you're mad at me, and that's totally cool; do you ever wonder how much easier it would have been if they lost me in the ambulance? Then you and my Hyung's wouldn't have to wait hours in the hospital waiting room, wouldn't have to visit my sick self" 

"Can you stop tormenting me with stuff like that, I love you Taemin! You are treating this like a wild joke you've told, if you had died, I would have followed."Jongin growled, his eyes wide and angry as he glared at the other, who still looked so blank.

"I got the chicken for lunch cause' I knew you'd be staying, we could share and you can eat the pudding if you like.." The elder whispered, his finger's dug into the light blue cellular blanket tightly; he looked into the void that was the closed door sadly.

"Sure, is it the vanilla one?"Jongin mumbled, his hand reached for the others; their hands nestled together naturally, Taemin smiled weakly at the affection as he brought the younger's hand up to his chapped lips.

"Yeah, I know you like vanilla.."

"It's only because you smell like it"

"That's a little weird Nini, but I'll take it cause' you are weird; you used to smell like cinnamon, ya' know? But now you just smell like sin-namon" Taemin laughed, his pun made Jongin cringe internally.

"What should I do when you make such a gag?"

"You do nothing but like me more~" Taemin squealed as his food arrived, the waiter smiled as he put the tray down and left soundlessly.

"Chicken or pudding first?" The elder quizzed as he lifted the plate cover, the steam from the chicken filled their nostrils pleasantly.

"Chicken, of course, who the hell eats the pudding first?" 

"Any misbehaving child" Taemin cackled as he picked up some chicken and held it out on his chopsticks for the younger like he was a baby, Jongin obligated and wolfed down the food happily; it seemed like the elder was having way too much fun serving him food, moving the chopsticks away on purpose of even dabbing sauce on Jongin's cheeks annoyingly.

"You're so obnoxious" Jongin whined as he wiped sauce off of his cheek with the tissues on the side.

"I know and as you put up with me, the pudding is your prize~~" 

"Asshole"

"I love you too" 

 

It was way in the afternoon, Jongin had ran off to his group's dressing room as he had hitched a ride with the SHINee member's and had not laid eyes on Taemin since; the morning was a little weird as Minho had arrived and had to wake them, so the manager didn't see them all snuggled up like lover's. The rehearsal period was draining, he had heard some of these songs so many times and it was getting tiring, he sat on the stage and dangled his legs off the edge as the other members either ran through some choreography or socialised and Jongin didn't feel like doing either.

"Pssssst, boyfriend, psssst" Jongin heard a voice from behind him, Soojung was creeping up the stairs on the other side with a sweet smile on her lips as she waddled over and plopped herself beside him, he heard some of his members whistle and make annoying 'bow chicka wow wow' remarks.

"Hey, Soojungie" Jongin sighed as he tried to ignore the idiots, Jongdae's comment confused him the most; something about 'Oh daddy-" but getting cut off when Minseok hit him.

"Are you okay? Why are you sitting here by yourself?" She asked softly as she looked around the arena with a bored expression, there were some staff and idols alike wandering around the seating areas.

"Just tired I guess, how have you been?" 

"I'm good, it's nice to be with some of the company members again"

"Hmm, what about Soshi Noona's?" Jongin joked, earning a sharp elbow in the ribs.

"Let's not go there, where's Taemin-Oppa?" 

"I don't know, I saw him briefly this morning before he was carted off to exclusively SHINee activities" Jongin laughed just as he caught the sight of Taemin in the seating areas with Kibum, smoking, it seemed "There he is~" He laughed as Taemin noticed him too and started waving like a fool, they looked like the school bad boys, really pretty bad boys... Who acted like fools.

"Better not draw attention to him, he'll get scolded if they see him smoking there" Soojung giggled as she waved too and as if a trigger went off, Kibum and him started dancing to 4 walls; the perfect sync of the crossed above head arm movement before they pointed at each other and started laughing while kicking their legs about. 

"He looks like he's in a good mood, I hope it lasts~" Jongin smiled as he got his phone out and dropped Taemin a message.

Jonginxoxo: Stop smoking ❤︎ x 

Taemin looked at his phone as he received the text, putting his middle-finger up gracefully at the younger before taking a long drag of said cig, Jongin just squinted and pretended he couldn't see; shrugging off the elder's childish behaviour.

"Yeah, I hope so too; I need to go, we're shooting an MV backstage, well, Amber is doing her scenes ughh" Soojung blabbed as she got up and dusted her jeans off, more coo's and shouts were heard from the idiotic member's who were none the wiser.

"I'll see you around" Jongin grinned as the girl scuttled off.

-

The concert was going well, the setlist wasn't flawed and everyone was doing their best... That was until Taemin's solo stage for Sayonara Hitori, he stumbled; he missed a beat, Jongin was watching from the sidelines as Taemin's face fell, that good mood wasn't to last too long obviously, he still performed outstandingly and the outfit that adorned his body so much flowed well but Jongin knew he'd beat himself up over it, he knew. The performance ended with the same position it started in and the elder got up and shook his head and muttered curses as he moved the mic away, Jongin tried to catch his wrist as he stormed passed but it was hopeless. 

The show had to go on, and he knew Taemin was putting himself down during the talking segment's; Jongin wasn't amazing at Japanese but he could pick up on Taemin's tone of voice instantly, there wasn't long until the ending stage and he really hoped he could grab his attention there. As the ending stage started Jongin knew he wouldn't get a word in edgeways with the elder, there were too many people around and it seemed like Taemin was avoiding people or well, not talking; the younger caught his attention finally but all Taemin did, was hold his hand and turn and greet Ten, before wandering off again, motherfucker.

'Gotta get backstage, Gotta get backstage, Gotta get backstage, Gotta get backstage, Gotta get backstage;' Jongin thought to himself as he moved past the mass of labelmates on the stage, Taemin obviously one of the first off the stage was nowhere insight. He stormed through the hallways to SHINee's dressing room, he slammed open the door and caught Taemin punching the far wall; he grabbed his arms back before he did some serious damage "Hey! Taemin, calm down" Jongin soothed as he pulled the elder back.

"I fucked up Jongin, it was the first live performance; how can I mess up so much!? I've been practising this song for months and I just c-couldn't" 

"You tripped a little, I was watching Taem; it was still beautiful, don't stress out over this please" Jongin comforted the elder, turning him in his arms to hug him properly; he could hear people filter into the room but he didn't care, Taemin needed him right now.

"Are you two okay?" Jinki asked as he walked around to make eye contact with Jongin as Taemin's face was hiding against the younger's shoulder, Jongin nodded and his lover pulled away and invited Jinki to the hug too "N'aww, I'm honoured" The eldest squealed as he joined the hug, which made the other member's who were entering the room want to join in too.

"You were great Taemin" Kibum purred as he joined the group hug.

"Don't be so hard on yourself maknae~" Jonghyun added while Minho just wrapped himself around everyone somehow.

"Shut up you guys" Taemin whined which resulted in all of them laughing at him, they all separated to get their stuff together and get back to their respected housing to sleep; Taemin met up with Jongin in an empty corridor before the cars were going to leave, just to say goodnight, cheesy, yes.

"I'll see you tomorrow, get some rest tonight; no more crying~" Taemin cooed as he leant against the wall, Jongin was leaning into him charmingly.

"Hmm, that goes for you too" Jongin smirked, glancing once right and once left before bringing his lips to Taemin's, the elder chuckled into his mouth as he linked his arms behind his lover's neck.

 

They were more than ready for day two.

 

-

"It's day 2 and I'm tired!!" Jonghyun sang as he threw himself into the styling highchair, they had finished rehearsals and were getting ready for the real thing now; Taemin could relate to the elder's statement but he was used to being on autopilot, he settled into his chair and let the stylist do what she needed to do.

"I'm hungry" Minho complained as he sat by Kibum who rolled his eyes at the lack of volume control his member's (say's him) there was a calmer feeling today, there always was by the second day of a concert; the manager's were taking more smoking breaks and chilling out instead of nagging.

"Can you all stop complaining?" Taemin grumbled as he picked at threads on his jeans.

"Wow, I know it's someone's birthday at midnight but you're still a baby sweetie~" Kibum chuckled at the maknae's attitude issue.

"Sowwy~" Taemin apologised in a sickly sweet way, batting his eyelashes at his Hyung's.

"You're forgiven" Jonghyun smiled.

 

Taemin waited in standby, f(x) were performing 'Papi' vigorously; the fans were screaming and it made the standby room quake; he decided to take his undershirt off this time as it was too hot on day one, he went through the steps calmly, he knew he'd perform better, this time, around, he had too.

"Hey~" Jongin voiced against his ear, making him jump a little.

"You scared me, asshole" Taemin mumbled, hugging his waist while pouted like a child.

"Sorry baby, no undershirt?"Jongin hummed as he poked the exposed skin of Taemin's stomach.

"It was too hot yesterday, so I thought; fuck it" Taemin uttered while doing a little twirl in his outfit.

"I'm sure thinking, 'fuck it' too" Jongin smirked, Taemin just turned to face the latter and glared at him; bringing his hand up to slap him slowly.

"Please shut up.." Taemin laughed, it was a good thing it was too loud for the staff member's to hear their antics.

"Never~" 

"Why're you here so early anyway? Aren't you supposed to come here as I go on stage..?" Taemin questioned, Jongin's eyes were only glued to the slither of skin visible on his toned midriff; Taemin clicked his finger's in front of his eyes to take away his focus "Hello, earth to Jongin-ah" 

"Hmm?" 

"You're unbelievable" Taemin groaned as he leant forward to cover the distracting skin.

"Don't bend, I'll get ideas" Jongin joked but jumped back when Taemin almost punched him in the stomach.

"I'll end you"

"Well, you have to perform like right now; so end me later sweetie~" The younger teased, just as a staff member came up to Taemin and double-checked his mic before leading him to the stage entrance.

"Good luck Taeminnie~" Taemin heard Jongin call after him, his nerves depleted as the lights dimmed and he found his starting position easily; this is it, time to redeem day one.

-

Taemin was glowing as he stepped onto the ending stage, his heart felt lighter; it's almost like he had a second chance, his eyes skimmed over his labelmates, looking for a certain tall tanned sweetheart but it seemed the other found him first, his hands held his arms in an instant. They spun around a few times before Jongin grabbed his hand and walked through the crowds, they split up eventually but Taemin felt a genuine smile paint his face. It didn't take as long to get into their regular clothes and get their crap together after, it was a simple routine by now; the SHINee members were leaving their dressing room when they heard a disruption down the corridor.

"It's his birthday in an hour!! I'm not going to be long, I just want to see him" Jongin's voice echoed loudly down the hall, it was pretty deserted already but it was a little unprofessional to be shouting backstage at a concert venue.

"Just send him a text Jongin" A rougher voice followed, an authoritative voice.

SHINee's manager was already in the car waiting for them, but it could wait; they were all down for drama, they crept down the corridor together, Taemin was a little wary because he didn't want Jongin to be in trouble or anything. Jongin was leaning against a wall like a naughty school boy with his arms crossed, his body language screamed anger and the manager was standing in front of him with a stoic expression playing on his face; the EXO members were at the end of the corridor, looking as awkward as SHINee, but the two in the middle paid no attention to them.

"A text message!? Are you kidding me? I might as well slap him, his schedule is shit enough, can't he at least have a birthday celebration? We could have had one on stage.." Jongin spat, he was just seeing red at this point, shouting at a manager was bad news but Jongin had, had enough.

"Why are you treating this like the end of the world!? He's just your labelmate, you can celebrate it any other day you're free" The manager growled.

"Well, 'just a labelmate' is bullshit; IF HE WAS JUST A LABELMATE, WHY WOULD I BE ENGAG-" Jongin began shouting but Taemin ran over and covered his mouth, his eyes wide and wild as he glared at the younger.

"Oh, for fuck sake, now you've intervened he definitely won't listen" Their manager Seunghwan sighed as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"I don't want any trouble, Jongin-ah, just go back to your hotel; my birthday is not that important, okay?" Taemin whispered as he took his hand away from Jongin's mouth, the younger looked at the floor like a beaten puppy.

"At least he has some sense.." 

"No, he doesn't, he really doesn't" Jongin muttered under his breath, walking off to join his members sadly.

"Wait, can't Taemin come with us?" Joonmyun piped in "We could always arrange for him to get back to their dorm by tomorrow; Taemin doesn't have a flight tomorrow, right?" He added while looking at the manager hopefully.

"I guess we can arrange something, there is no space in the car for him, though" The man huffed, he was stressed; it was understandable but often being in charge of a group of men makes you forget to be human, how to be reasonable.

"He could always sit on Kai's lap" Sehun suggested with a small smirk "It's only a short drive" He continued, to which Jongin and Taemin gave him an incredulous look.

"Fine, but what about SHINee's manager; he needs to accept this-"

"-Sorted, I just phoned him and let him know" Jinki cut in this time, a sweet grin covered his face.

"OK, to the car now" Seunghwan gave in, stomping off to the car park; all of the EXO and SHINee members were laughing as they went off to their respected cars, well, Taemin joined EXO's, which was a little cramped, to say the least. Jongin's lap was comfortable but having to bend his neck down was horrid, they were all talking about the concert; not paying attention to Jongin's hands that were rubbing his tummy softly for some reason. Sehun was right, the drive was short and they were in the hotel in no time "Why don't we get champagne from the bar and raise a glass for Taemin's birthday" Minseok suggested as they walked by the bar.

"You guys don't need to do that for me" Taemin mumbled bashfully as he walked by with Jongdae and Yixing, while Jongin was apologising to their manager in a quiet corner.

"We want to" Joonmyun cheered as he went to the bar to order "Your finest champagne and 10 glasses thanks" He ordered in awkward Japanese, it was just nearing midnight and the bar was about to close but they didn't mind.

Jongin joined them again with a mopey face, the manager had gone off to bed and left the trust in the leader again; he waddled over and plopped his chin on Taemin's shoulder with much struggle with their height difference but he managed, the bartender began pouring drinks when he noticed something "It's you!" He called out to Taemin.

"Me? What? Ah Itaru-san" Taemin gleamed at the man, who just smiled and continued pouring drinks.

"Who's that?" Jongin mumbled near Taemin's ear grumpily.

"The guy who saved me from that club, he must work here too.." The elder hummed as Chanyeol handed him a glass of champagne.

"To Taeminnie~" Joonmyun smiled as he raised his glass, the members followed in turn just as the clock indicated it was 00:00.

"Happy birthday~"


	44. Idfc

1:43am 18/07.

"Thanks for the drink Joonmyun Hyung~" Taemin quipped as he wobbled off of a couch, there was only staff around and it was pleasantly peaceful, they had retreated to the second-floor luxury lobby. Kyungsoo mumbled something about being exhausted as he helped Taemin balance, the birthday boy may have had more of the champagne than everyone else, along with some rosé and whatever Jongdae was drinking because why not.

Jongin only had one drink, he was never a big drinker and he knew Taemin would go overboard; he moved over to take the responsibility away from Kyungsoo who with struggling as Taemin leant all over him. 

"Ninibear~! I missed you" Taemin purred as he slung his arm over the younger's shoulders, most of EXO had trapesed off to bed earlier; it was no surprise, they were all fatigued and achy from the concerts and it seemed that Taemin was so far gone, his body wasn't telling him to be tired.

"I missed you too, now let's get you a taxi" Jongin said firmly as he kept his face away from the other's snuggling, their relationship was so private; it felt weird acting this way in front of people who didn't know, but onlookers could just see it as Taemin being too drunk.

"Taxi!? Why? It's my birthday, you haven't even given me a present.." Taemin whined as he clung to the younger while they stepped into the lift to get to the ground floor.

"Because we promised to get you back to your dorm by tomorrow.." Jongin sighed as he leant to press the level 1 button but Taemin swatted his hand away and clicked the very top floor before shielding the buttons with his back.

"Taemin, what are you doing?" Jongin huffed as he tried to move the elder.

"I booked a night in the best suite-"

"-What-"

"-Shh, don't worry I'm rich" Taemin chuckled as he pushed Jongin's arms away.

"I'm not worried about that Tae, you have a showcase tomorrow and if-" Jongin worried but Taemin cut him off with those gorgeous lips of his, he practically shoved him to the opposite wall as he kept him quiet with sweet intimacy, the door dinged to signal their arrival, the elder cracked his eyes open a little as he tried to walk backwards but Jongin took over as it was just an unstable mess of legs, they broke apart as Taemin fetched a key card from his jeans.

"I need to get my stuff" Jongin breathed, his cheeks were flushed and his lips were beautifully worn out.

"I made Sehun drop it off earlier.."

"Huh? He listens to people?" Jongin mumbled as he followed Taemin into the huge room, there were high ceilings and blue strobe lights lining the wall of the all opaque glass bathroom and there were also warm star-like lights dangling all over, it was a big room but everything was viewable from the door.

"I guess" Taemin giggled as he kicked his shoes off, his feet were covered by the most adorable red fluffy socks but Jongin decided not to comment as he kicked his own shoes off; the elder slinked towards the piano in the far corner "This room is so fancy it has a piano wow.." He mused as he lifted up the piano key lid, running his delicate fingers over the ivory white keys as he played the tune of Soldier.

"Hmm play it, I love that song; or that album I should say..." Jongin commented as he wrapped his arms around the other's waist, there were vast windows stretched over the wall, allowing the city view to wash over them, it was typically romantic as fuck.

"I don't wanna, my head is cloudy and I had other intentions" Taemin hummed as he traced the keys before closing the lid; resting his hands on top of Jongin's "Nini..?" 

"Mhm" 

"Are you okay?" Taemin whispered as he turned in the latter's arms, he leant back and kept his gaze focused on their hands; they fit together so well, long and short fingers slotted together like perfect piano keys.

"I'll be alright, if you're alright" Jongin smiled, the dim light merged with the strong deep sea blue light against the younger's face; it was fantasy-like.

"I'm alright, so does that mean you're alright?" Taemin questioned as he let go of the other's hands to reach up and squish at his cheeks.

"Well, that's what I said; in that case, I'm great" 

"Nope, you can only be alright; that's the deal, Nini~" Taemin teased as his hands slipped to loosely link behind his man's head, threading his finger's in that thick luscious brown hair. 

"Fine, I'll just be alright" He laughed as his hands crept down the elder's sides, stopping at his hips; his tight black jeans didn't hide anything, they were horny and drunk, it was a given, well, one was more drunk than the other but that didn't matter.

"Yeah that sounds better, we're both alright; so, where does that leave us in this big room on the top floor of a fancy hotel?" Taemin suggested as his twinkly eyes pooled into the younger's dreamily, there was this sinful spark behind it all but Taemin got like this when he was drunk, sorta cute and cuddly but full of sin nonetheless.

"Well, it'd be rude to not make use of the piano somehow" Jongin smirked as he jutted his hips eagerly, Taemin fell against the lid and started cackling, his cheeks were red from the consumption of alcohol and his eyes were hazy in lust.

"Yeah, it'd be a missed opportunity" The elder snorted as he brushed his fingers over the glossy black wood of the instrument "Are you seriously thinking about fucking me against this piano?" He added quizzically.

"Well sorta, the way you were draped over that one in your new MV drove me insane I guess.." 

"Hmm, really?" Taemin asked coyly, glancing at the grand piano behind him "Did you bring handcuffs?" The elder quizzed as he turned around and fiddled with the book holder before taking it off and placing it on the floor beside the stool and closing the lid above the strings.

"No, of course not, why?" Jongin answered with a glint in his eyes as Taemin hopped on top of the piano, spreading his legs for the younger to stand in between them.

"We can use this then.." Taemin spoke softly as he leant back a little to pull his belt off from his jeans, the clink of his buckle sent a shiver up the latter's spine.

"What have you got in mind?" Jongin voiced huskily as his hands fell to the elder's thighs, squeezing softly as the belt was placed on that very lap.

"Bind my wrists and do all the work, I want you to work me up and fuck me hard, Daddy..." 

"If that's your birthday wish, babe?" Jongin laughed softly as he took the belt into his hands, he ignored Taemin's wrists that were presented to him and leant in to capture those perfect lips, he'd never have enough, this addiction that never ended, Lee Taemin. Jongin knelt up on the stool as he leant further into the other, the kiss deepened with vigour as the younger laid the other flat on the expanse of the grand piano; he shifted away slowly to pull their t-shirts off one after the other.

The belt was tightened onto the elder's wrists softly, if they caused bruises it would be troublesome after all, he moved away from the piano slowly to admire his work as he slipped off Taemin's jeans and boxer's with ease. The elder breathed calmly as he waited for the other's next move, laying bound and stark naked on a piano was an odd sort of thrill; playing the piano is probably the most innocent thing he did but now it will be associated with all things naughty. The familiar noise of a suitcase being opening rang in his ears, there was a pause before he heard the sound of a plastic bag; Jongin wandered back over and placed whatever he'd grabbed by Taemin's hip, the elder just kept his bound hands above his head and waited silently, jumping a little when he felt Jongin's hand on his thigh.

"I wanna turn you on until you can't take it and then I'm fucking you on that huge circle bed over there, I don't want you to hurt your back on this.." Jongin's soft voice filled the air, Taemin let out a small noise in agreement. 

"Can you blindfold me?" Taemin piped up again, his eyes were closed because he wanted every touch to come as a surprise.

"Uhh sure, I think I have a tie in my suitcase; wait a second..." The younger replied before jogging off again, he came back soon after; walking around the piano to where Taemin's head was resting, he leant down and joined their lips for a chaste kiss, the elder smiled up at him "What was that, spiderman?" He commented on the upside-down kiss as Jongin covered his eyes slowly.

"I don't know, Mary Jane" Jongin chuckled as he lifted Taemin's head up to make a knot.

"How come's I'm Mary Jane when I'm the one wearing a mask?" Taemin giggled as he wriggled about to get comfortable on the piano top.

"Cause' I don't remember Mary Jane fucking spiderman up the arse" 

"Fair enough but I don't think spiderman fucked Mary Jane up the arse.." 

"Why are we talking about this?" Jongin cackled as he made his way around the piano again.

"Cause' I'm drunk and you kissed me like Mary Jane!!" Taemin mumbled as he blindly kicked the younger, earning a quiet 'Ow' giddily.

Jongin went quiet as he fumbled around with something, Taemin's heart rate picked up as anticipation filled his being; he felt the other's warm hands map out his bare thighs, stroking gently as one encircled his cock gently and slid something on it, it was tight but felt like silicone, a cock ring. The elder gulped as the skin contact was gone, his breath hitched when his legs were spread after a pregnant pause; a slick caress pressed against his entrance, fingers. Sweat trickled down his brow as those long fingers he adored worked him open, there was something so intense and different about taking such a sense away; he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss that look Jongin got in his eyes when ecstasy took over, though.

"You okay?" Jongin asked softly as he slid the second digit in, the elder trembled in pleasure; there had been barely any contact but his cock was already rock hard, maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the build up, the cock ring felt too tight but it only added to the thrill.

"Mm-yeah.." Taemin let out a throaty noise as he rested his face on his bicep.

"I got you something.." Jongin whispered as he kissed his lover's thigh, it was odd doing it like this on the piano top; the younger felt like he was treating a patient on a hospital bed, a very different treatment, of course, but it was like he was an undercover puppeteer, without Taemin's gaze pooling into his, he felt powerful; seen as though, that gaze made him weak to the core. 

"Hmmm?" 

"It's a little longer than a butt plug but I'm sure you'll like it" Jongin commented as he slipped his fingers out, the puckered hole twitched needily as he prepped the toy; a 6.5 inch prostate massager, it wasn't that wide but he was sure to get the most powerful one in the shop, he had purchased it the night after the first concert once he ran out of ideas for birthday presents. Taemin seemed to relax, the trust in his body language was unbelievable, he just spread his legs further and waited.

After fully coating the toy in lube he stood it on the piano top carefully as his fingers went to stretch and scissor at Taemin's hole, whines sounded in the room; bouncing off the long wall of windows sinfully as Taemin's toes curled "F-Fuck Nini... I t-thought you were gonna use something" He moaned in a pitchy voice as his body became sensitive, little did he know, it was a special type of lube, it had enhancing properties and could turn the body on insanely with pleasure.

"Be patient sweetie..." Jongin laughed lightly as he replaced his fingers with the toy, he pushed it in slowly and a shrill of moans left the elders mouth "Calm down, I haven't even switched it on yet; breathe baby" He added huskily, leaving reassuring kisses on the latter's thigh.

"W-Why does every-- Ahh fuck-- thing feel s-so good!" Taemin groaned lewdly, his body twitched and shuddered with each push of the toy; it felt flat against his sweet spot before it was switched on, the vibration sent pleasure through his body; his back arched and his legs quaked but Jongin held them in place.

"FU-FUCK NINI!! AH" Taemin growled as his body shook, sweat drenched him quickly; his black hair clung to his forehead and the tie covering his eyes, his dick leaked painfully as the cock ring stopped any potential climax, he laid in unbearable pleasure for a few minutes before Jongin turned the massager off.

"You alright?" 

"Huh? Y-Yeah shit, what was that?" Taemin asked as he caught his breath, he looked so beautiful like that; all wound up and presented so finely on the piano top; but then again when did he not look perfect, Jongin crept away a little and got his phone, a few pictures wouldn't hurt.

"Jongin?" Taemin called out when he didn't get a reply, as the younger directed a silent photoshoot.

"Uhh it's a prostate massager, only available in Japan, I forget the name; pleasure beat or some shit, it's yours now" Jongin mumbled as he tiptoed around and took a few more pictures.

"Oh.." 

"Mhm.." 

"What are you doing?" Taemin asked frustratingly, the silence and the feeling of being full with no intention was driving him mad, he could feel Jongin pull out the massager and take off the cock ring, then a few moments later he felt the younger's hands on his head as he undid the blindfold followed by the belt.

"Just took some pictures.." 

"Jongin!" Taemin whined, a blush coated his cheeks; sure they had some unholy pictures of each other, it was rare for couples not to these days and in their situation where there were times they didn't see each other for weeks on end, it was good to have backup material to get off to.

"What? You look so good laying there like that" The younger taunted as he stroked the others hair, the sweat clung to his hands but he didn't care one bit.

"Shush, now what..? I'll fall asleep if you keep playing with my hair like that.." 

It was nearing 3am and Osaka seemed so serene at night, there were lights across the city that rivalled with the ones across Tokyo but the added feature of the Yodo river made it almost ethereal; the wide windows showcased it all so well and Taemin couldn't help but think that he wanted to live there some day. "Well, normal cuddly sex now cause' I think I went a little far with the foreplay...?" 

"Just a little, I loved it, though" Taemin giggled as he sat up slowly, his wrist still felt as little numb but the sensation settled in fine; as he slipped off the edge of the piano "I was gonna comment on being the only naked one but I'm wearing socks still.." Taemin added as he waddled to the bed drunkenly.

"They're cute.." Jongin mused as he joined him on the bed, there was no rush; they knew where things were leading.

"They're Kibum's, I didn't pack enough socks and stole these when he wasn't looking, I was gonna ask if you could lend me some for the next few days" 

"Of course, if I packed any at all, cutie" Jongin mumbled as he brought his lips to the other's softly, it was passionate and slow; Taemin rolled on top of the other gracefully, undoing the tight jeans in tangent, it was only fair, being the only naked one was maddening. They shifted about till no article of clothing (minus the fluffy red socks) was in sight, with little effort Jongin slipped into the elder suddenly; a moan resounded in their joined mouths as they both adjusted to the feeling of each other, the connection and chemistry. Their lips broke apart as the got into a pace, they were both sitting up now; moving against one another effortlessly; all those years of dance practise really helped the hips. 

"You feel so good, fuck" Jongin gasped beside Taemin's ear, the noise alone sent shivers down his spine; a tantalising feeling struck through their bodies, lust is all they breathed at that point.

"Hmm yeah, I love y-your cock so much, s-shit" The elder cried out as he got closer, all the foreplay earlier had made him lose his usual stamina.

"I was expecting an 'I love y-you' mmph" Jongin chuckled in the sexiest way and Taemin almost wanted to punch him but he couldn't cause' that's assault and totally uncalled for, the younger's hands gripped at the other's hips roughly as he made them topple over, driving into him restlessly.

"I love you too, along with your c-cock and everything else" Taemin breathed as the pace picked up and he could feel the latter's length get deeper in this position, pounding his g-spot dead on with each thrust.

"So sweet" Jongin grunted as he left a trail of kisses up his lover's jaw "You close, Jagi?" He smiled against the other's cheek teasingly.

"Mm y-yeah, touch me bastard" 

"Your wish is my command~" Jongin moaned as he took the other's leaking member into his hand, pumping it in time with each thrust; the same coiling feeling took over the pit of his stomach as he drove Taemin to climax.

"Fuck we're not wearing condoms, we're g-gonna make a--Ah shit Jongin!!" Taemin let out a wanton moan as he came over their stomachs, Jongin followed soon after; finishing inside the latter who was still coming down from his high.

"Happy birthday.." Jongin giggled as he leant down to plant a kiss on Taemin's forehead.

"I hate you"

26/07

"I think all you do is get injured so you can sit during concert's" Moonkyu cackled as he took another swig of his beer, they were having a small get together at Taemin's place since Jongin had injured himself in concert again, it was a wonder why SM hadn't given them a break (a/n: like seriously). It was only Kwonho and Moonkyu this time seen as though Wonshik hadn't exactly been in contact, which is understandable.

"Ha ha, very funny" Jongin pouted from his position on the couch, Taemin had gone as far as getting him a dining room chair to prop the poorly one's ankle.

"And here's me thinking we were gonna have a late birthday celebration for Taeminnie" Kwonho piped in as he grabbed a handful of crisps, that Taemin had presented beautifully on a paper plate.

"If that's the case, where's my present?" Taemin grinned as he held his hand out to his friends.

"Hey, you're the rich one; you don't need a present, our presence is enough; am I right??" Moonkyu laughed as he patted the other bullies shoulder.

"Your presence is annoying me right now" Taemin muttered as he sat next to Jongin, who had been quiet; probably beating himself up as usual.

"Ooo~ you've upset the princess" Kwonho snorted as he reached for another beer.

"Princess? Do you want a slap?" Taemin gasped but his phone started ringing so he glanced at it before going mad "...Hmm it's unknown, you answer." He hummed to himself as he threw the phone to Kwonho, who was sitting by the coffee table. After a few greetings, he passed it to Moonkyu childishly; so, naturally Moonkyu talked also "Who is it?" Taemin mouthed at the idiots, Jongin was completely unfazed by the call or anything for that matter, poor thing.

The phone finally reached Taemin, Kibum's voice filled his ear immediately "Ah a broadcast.." Taemin mumbled as he left the room soundlessly.

"What if they have to amputate?" Moonkyu said in faux-concern before erupting with laughter along with Kwonho.

"Get out" Jongin spoke sternly as his eyes fell on the other's, there was no softness; it wasn't a joke, he'd had enough.

"You can't tell us to leave, you don't live here," Kwonho remarked and Moonkyu just stayed silent, a little shocked.

"Well, I do; I have a set of keys, is that enough proof; now fuck off" 

"Wow, fuck you Kai" Moonkyu spat before getting up "C'mon Kwonho, let's let the gay-lords be" He added as he grabbed his stuff and another beer, Kwonho didn't say anything, he just followed and slammed the door behind them as they left.

Taemin came out of the bedroom at the commotion "Where'd they go?" He asked confusedly as he pocketed his phone and stepped back into the main room, Jongin's face was pale; like he'd seen a ghost.

"Nini, what happened?" Taemin questioned in concern as he sidled up to the younger.

"Huh? Nothing, they booked a billiards table and had to go.." He whispered, putting on his best fake smile for the love of his life "I'm all good" 

"Nah, we're alright; remember" Taemin smiled as he wrapped his arms around his wounded soldier.

"Y-Yeah.."


	45. Because I Want You

"I can't believe how much laundry I produce" Taemin sighed to himself as he collected the mounds of dirty clothing littering his floor, Jongin was barely awake as he skimmed through Naver.

"I still can't believe you're then one who decided to clean for once.." Jongin yawned as he sat up, hugging a pillow to his chest.

"True... Perhaps, I'm growing up for once, and I need to have clean clothes for LA" The elder cackled, he was only wearing sweatpants as usual; some sort of routine that he had when he was at home, commando whenever the opportunity came by.

"Either way, you're gonna wear those ugly ass slippers, might as well pack dirty clothes" 

"Yah, they're Gucci and really comfortable" Taemin defended his overly expensive slippers, sure they didn't look pleasing but they were the best thing for his tired feet.

"Whether they're Gucci, Prada or some other expensive brand, they still look like you stepped on a dead animal" Jongin mumbled, his tired eyes glanced around the room; it honestly looked like more mess was being made than cleared.

"Rude, do you need anything to go into the washing machine? I think I have to do a couple loads.." Taemin asked softly, he had a made a clothes pile on a chair 'neatly' in the corner.

"You sure can swallow a couple loads.." 

The elder just stood there in shock, his mouth ajar and his eyes wide "Kim Jongin, I can't believe you just said that" 

"I'm honestly shocked that you're shocked, c'mere" Jongin laughed as he beckoned the other over, his grabby hands and pouty lips were too inviting to decline.

"What is it?" Taemin chided as he stepped by the bed, to only get dragged on to it by the needy one "Yah! Nini-ah" He squeaked as he was wrestled onto his back, his attackers face mere centimetres from his, smirking cutely.

"You look so good.."

"When don't I-" Taemin mused before his lips were captured, morning breath was usually a taboo between them but they both didn't seem to care this time; their simple movements against each other were enough to grin and burst into fits of giggles, they broke apart for that very reason.

"Why do you taste like chicken?" Jongin chuckled as he left a few more kisses on the corner of his lover's mouth.

"Cause' I ate some of the leftovers when I went to the washing machine earlier~" 

"Cute" Jongin commented as he joined their lips again, he was practically sitting on Taemin's legs seen as though he had the casting on his ankle; his hands slid down the other's bare chest, his soft skin prickled up with goosebumps, tweaking at his pert nipples softly before caressing further to cup at the elder's cock through the thin material of the sweatpants.

"Jongin-ah, I was gonna do housework" Taemin hummed as he broke away from the kiss, but his expression wasn't telling the latter to stop.

"Is that so?" The younger grinned as he palmed him roughly, the friction must have been blissful as Taemin arched into his touch like putty in his hands.

"Mm" 

"Mhm" Jongin purred, the elder grew hard with each stroke; his eyes pooled into his with a fiery gaze as he slipped his hand beneath the waistband of Taemin's sweats, wrapping his hand around the base tightly, making the other wince.

"J-Jongin-ah, just touc- ah" Taemin groaned as the younger began stroking again, his body shuddered deliciously as he gave into the pleasure; Taemin's hips bucked as he switched their positions, so it was easier on the latter's ankle.

"Hmmph, am I not getting anything in return?" Jongin teased as his strokes slowed down, his lips pressed against the junction between the elder's neck and shoulder.

"H-How about a half-assed blowjob?" Taemin moaned as he felt a pinch in the pit of his stomach, it was clear the morning was going to be wasted as usual.

 

"Baby, why I'm so lonely~~" Taemin sang to himself as he threw himself onto bed by Jongin; the younger was staring at something on his phone; a phone number screen.

"Wonshik?" The elder quizzed as he poked his head in front of the screen.

"Yeah, I want to tell what happened; but I don't know how.."

"Just call him and tell him, he's your friend Nini~" Taemin cooed, planting a kiss on his neck before sliding off of the bed again, he was packing for LA as he had finished his obsessive laundry run earlier that day; his suitcase was open on the floor with an array of 'folded' clothes spilling out of it because Taemin was a 'no organisation' type of guy.

"Alright, be quiet" Jongin sighed as he tapped the phone symbol, the elder imitated zipping his lips closed before returning to his closet.

The phone answered after a few rings and Jongin was secretly hoping it wouldn't but this way he couldn't put it off any longer "Wonshik-ah" He mumbled through the receiver.

"Jongin? What's up?" Ravi's voice boomed out of the speaker as he switched the loud speaker on by mistake, Taemin looked at him like a deer in headlights as the sound scared the shit out of him and made him drop several things on the floor.

"Ah, just need to t-talk to you" Jongin mumbled as he fumbled with the screen to make it go back to normal.

"About what? Is everything okay? Did something happen?" The other gushed down the phone, Taemin could hear the conversation either way; iPhone's weren't the best at sound control, in all honesty, he kept to himself, though.

"No, nothing happened; I just need to apologise" Jongin hummed as he leant down and fiddled with his bandage.

"For what? Dream concert, I should apologise too; we were both being dicks.." 

"No, you weren't being as much of a dick as I was; it's about Tae"

"Oh, what about Tae...?" Wonshik's voice became uneasy suddenly.

"Well, weeks ago you texted him.... A confession of sorts and he didn't see it; I did and deleted the chat room and blocked your number"

"You did what? Wow, what the fuck Jongin; you don't own him"

"I know that, I just felt threatened, okay" Jongin sighed, he could feel himself getting into another argument real soon and he definitely didn't want that to happen in front of Taemin.

"Threatened? You must think lowly of your boyfriend"

"I don't, we've just been through a lot and I thought that things could only get worse; please don't hate me for this"

"I don't hate you Jongin, I'm just a little disappointed that two of my closest friends kept their relationship a secret from me; not to mention Moonkyu blurted out about you two last week in front of Kwonho; who kept going on about how he knew Tae was a.... attracted to men" 

Taemin stared at Jongin and raised his eyebrow, making it obvious that he could hear the whole call.

"What did he say..? You don't need to censor it from me" Jongin gulped as Taemin paused his movements and paid attention to the call.

"Uhh he was drunk and he called Taem a f-a-g-g o-t, I'm not gonna say it cause' it's a disgusting word; he didn't mean it, like I say he was drunk.."

"Is that so?" 

"Mhm, I had a word with them both and honestly I think they think it's all a joke, I don't know, don't let them get to you if they say anything"

"Thanks for telling me, do you want to come over sometime? When Tae isn't flying to another country or in another country; it'll be nice to hang out"

"That'd be nice, we'll have to find a schedule-free day and I'll just come over to Tae's; I'll bring food and we can chill. Can I talk to Tae? I know he's there, you guys are glued at the hip"

"Uh sure, once again; I'm sorry Wonshikie, here's Tae.." Jongin spoke softly before handing the phone to Taemin who waddled over when he heard Ravi ask for him "Hey~" He cooed as he placed the phone against his ear.

"Wonshik?"

"I just wanted to say, I don't want things to change between us; friends?"

"Always" Taemin grinned as he concluded the call, it was getting late and he was surprised Jongin was still awake; considering he'd came right there after a concert.

"So... did I hear that correctly? About what Kwonho said..." The elder whispered as handed the phone back, sitting down by the younger with a huff.

"I guess, don't worry about it sweetheart.."

"I'm not, just a little pissed at them; but I'm proud of you, talking to him like that must have been tough.." Taemin mused as he leant over and nuzzled the other's neck, his skin was warm and smelt like his cinnamon wash, smelt like home.

"Now that I've done that, will you see a doctor?" Jongin nagged gently, laying down and bringing Taemin with him.

"Uhhh, yeah, when I get back from LA and Dallas; I'll make an appointment then because I'm busy as usual" Taemin mumbled sleepily as he snuggled closer "I'll do the rest of my packing tomorrow..." He added while stifling a laugh.

"You're unbelievable but I love that about you.." 

"Well, what can I say; I'm one of the seven wonders of the world~" 

"Mhm, by the way; when were you gonna tell me you won Hit the Stage, I saw the trophy behind the couch..." Jongin chuckled as he pulled the blanket around them, the lights were still on but neither of them had the willpower to switch them off.

"Around the same time, you were gonna tell me that you left a video message for me.." Taemin retorted, pinching the younger's nipple cheekily; earning a whine in pain.

"Yah! That hurt, I did something nice and this is what I get in return.." Jongin said in fake hurt as he rolled away pathetically.

"I was about to perform and saw that, Koharu-san thought something was wrong with me cause' I couldn't stop smiling because of a ten-second clip of your stupid face, but yes I did win, I think your stupid face helped.." Taemin uttered as he wrapped his arms around the latter.

"Glad I could help somehow, I can't wait for the broadcast" Jongin yawned as he settled into Taemin's arms, it wasn't often he got to be the little spoon but he felt safe this way.

"Mhm.."

"Tae?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you turn the light off, please?" Jongin mused, giggling when he heard Taemin scoff and get up.

"Sure, that ankle injury really turns you into a precious baby" Taemin hummed as he got up to switch the light off; relaxing behind the younger again and expecting a reply but all he got was a snore.

"I love you so much," The elder said to the unconscious cutie as he settled down to sleep too.

A/N: yup I'm gonna skip LA/Dallas, I had plans for phone sex but staying linear is driving this sad author insane @_@

"Jongin!!!" Taemin yelled from the front door as he waddled back into the comfort of his apartment, he heard footsteps.... no, paw-steps; Monggu charged at his feet happily, he crouched to scratch behind the poodle's ears "Nini, why is your dog greeting me and not you?" He called out again.

"Cause' I'm injured..." Jongin mumbled as he made his way to the door anyway "My Umma is here" He said flatly with a huff as Taemin picked up the lump that was Monggu.

"Oh, why?" Taemin whispered as he wandered around the younger with the dog in his arms, Jongin followed slowly, using the wall as a support instead of using his crutches "She was worried about me, the manager went over there and wondered where I was" Jongin hummed.

"Long time no see~" Taemin greeted the woman as he stepped into the kitchen, where she was sat at the dining table with tea.

"Taemin, my pretty son-in-law to be~" She cooed as she got up to hug him, he put the dog down before relaxing into her arms; it wasn't often he got to see Jongin's mother, she was one of the sweetest women he'd ever met, always caring and there for her only son.

"Oh wow, it feels weird being called that; I don't think I'll be that for a long time" Taemin chuckled as he let her go, Jongin slumped into the other chair; as there were only two in the whole apartment, his Umma sat across from him.

"I can't wait for that day~" She smiled as she picked up her tea to sip at it again.

"Where are the other kids?" Taemin asked as he leant down to pick up Monggu again.

"At the groomer's with Jungah" Jongin grinned up at his two favourite things.

"My Hyung always gets Adam and Eve groomed for me, I'm too busy for that and I like it when their fur grows wild" Taemin cooed as he nuzzled the dog's fur with his nose.

"Jongin, did you give him the thing?" His mother interrupted and gave her son a look.

"Oh shit, I mean no-- I've got it with me, one sec" Jongin gasped as he got up, Taemin gave them an odd look and handed the crutches perched against the counter to his fiance before he limped off to wherever. It took a few moments of awkward silence for the younger to return, the slow tap of the crutches got closer after he'd rustled around in the bedroom for a while.

"Here, it's from my Umma" Jongin breathed as he handed the small box to Taemin.

"It's for your birthday~" She smiled as Taemin fiddled with the box, opening it to reveal a gold ring resembling a nail.

"Wahh, this looks expensive, I can't take this" Taemin whined, closing the box and trying to hand it to the woman.

"No, I want you to have it; you make my son happy and that means a lot to me" 

"This is Cartier!? I seriously can't take this..." Taemin mumbled as he peered inside the box again.

"Please have it, it's just a symbol of accepting you into the family~" She insisted, taking the box from the dumbfounded one to take the ring out and hand it to him.

"It's beautiful, thank you so much" Taemin mused as he put it onto his index finger.

"No problem and happy belated birthday. Jongin I told you to give it to him on the day, silly boy" The woman giggled as she got up "I need to get home, Taemin can you walked me to the car?" She requested sweetly.

"Sure, I'll walk Monggu, I'll be back in a bit" Taemin answered as he helped the woman get her stuff together and he attached the lead to the lazy dog. 

"Talk to you later" Jongin murmured to his mother as he got up to hug her softly, he could feel his eyes well up but he blinked away the tears to not make his mother worry, he just missed her so bloody much, he missed being a kid; going home and telling her about school and settling into her arms as a regular thing, growing up was tough.

"I'll be back in a few" Taemin uttered as he wandered to the door, his mother followed his lover after a few more seconds of embrace, it wasn't enough, as soon as the door closed he crumbled. He knew he was down because of many aspects, the injury probably being the biggest one but it was everything and anything in between, he was scared and sick of feeling scared. Getting up shakily he limped to the bedroom, the darkness felt comforting for once as he crawled under the quilt; the musky smell of nicotine filled his nostrils as he covered himself, a cigarette would help in that moment but he couldn't stop crying. Tears were funny things, it could be the smallest thing that could set them off or a build-up of multiple things, regardless it's always overwhelming; people often said you felt better after crying, some sort of release mechanism; but it made Jongin feel worse, feel weak.

"Jongin-ah.." He heard Taemin's soft voice fill the room, there was no need to reply as the elder joined him within seconds, crawling under the blanket and on top of him; pressing their lips together delicately, Jongin's eyes widened a little before he settled into the kiss, the quilt covered them both like a shroud of comfort when Taemin pulled back "You miss her, don't you?" He whispered; it was always a shock when he acted maturely, it's like the same Taemin he met all those years ago, caring, sweet and beautiful; no wrecked soul, no ambulance lights; just Taemin.

"Y-Yeah, so f-fucking much" Jongin choked on his words, the tears streamed down the sides of his cheeks; he could feel Taemin's soft hands wiping them away tenderly, it was pitch black and honestly it was easier that way.

"You should stay with your family more, they understand you and you need them" Taemin continued in that hushed tone.

"I c-can't"

"Sure you ca-"

"-You don't u-understand" Jongin sobbed, his body just shook tirelessly as he tried to calm down.

"What don't I understand?" Taemin asked quietly, his voice was so soothing and it helped.

"I don't want to be without you.." 

"You don't need me Jongin, I'm what makes you like this and you can't argue with that, do you ever think we are as good for each other as we are bad?" Taemin mumbled against the younger's cheek, his fingers dove into Jongin's hair, massaging his scalp lightly.

"Maybe but I d-don't want to be apart from you, not for a while; you say I don't need you but I r-really do, and you, you need me"


	46. Nana

 “So, how often do you feel worthless?” The aged doctor questioned as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“Worthless? That’s a funny question-”

“Lee Taemin, please can you just answer the question..” The man interrupted his patient who was irritably playing with his sleeves.

 

“Uhh well it all depends, I often don’t get time to think about things; I’m always moving, always active but when it gets quiet and the walls close in on me, I feel shit.. Sorry for my choice of language but it is what it is, I feel like tearing myself apart, destroying myself in hopes I’d disappear… U-Uhm but like I say I’m active a lot of the time and so, I don’t get those moments often I guess.” Taemin gushed as he looked at the speck of dirt on his jeans, the scratch of the man’s pen echoed in the room as he took notes.

 

“Now, how about happiness? When do you feel happy or do you ever feel happy?” 

 

Another question that made the idol’s brain stir uncomfortably, thinking of feelings was as hard as talking about them it seemed, the speck of dirt glared back at him as his blunt nails attacked it subtly.

 

“I feel happy when I perform sometimes or at least I think that’s happiness, or maybe that’s just relief…”

“Relief?”

 

“Yeah, the relief of getting the performance done and pleasing our fans; the fans are the reason I can see a private doctor after all..”

 

“I see..” The doctor hummed as he jotted a few other things down on that pad of his “Anything else, how about friends? I noticed a friend of yours is in the waiting room, do they make you happy?” 

 

“Jongin-ah… Yeah, he makes me happy; I feel like he’s one of the few people I truly connect with, he’s always there, even if I’ve let him down loads of times, he’s always there to pick up the pieces and I’m really thankful for that” Taemin smiled a little sadly as he continued to pick at the dirt that didn’t lift.

 

“Ah, I read through your notes from your admittance into A&E all that time ago, that Jongin is the same Jongin who contacted the emergency team, am I correct?”

 

“Yup, that Jongin, the same Jongin who made this appointment for me..” Taemin chuckled as his eyes met the doctor's for the first time in the whole session.

 

“Hmm okay, I want you to fill out this form; it’s a few pages of questions, most of which have a scale system from 1 to 5, 5 being the more extreme” The man mumbled as he swivelled on his chair to grab the form from on top of the table holding his computer, coffee mug and various bits of equipment. The form felt heavy in Taemin’s hands as he looked down it, one of the questions stood out immediately.

 

‘H a v e  y o u  e v e r  f e l t  s u i c i d a l?’ 

 

“If you could kindly fill that out in the waiting room or perhaps one of the side rooms, that would be wonderful while I contact a colleague about getting you a prescription”

 

Taemin nodded silently as he stepped over to the door in a couple strides, he held the form to his chest as he reached for the handle.

 

“Mr Lee, don’t worry too much, we both know this is overdue; oh and here, a pen..” Dr Dong, as his ID card read; held out a pen kindly before the dancer.

 

“I’m not worried..” Taemin muttered as he took the pen while turning on his heel to get back into the dull waiting room, Jongin was in the same spot he had left him; by the fish tank holding a paper cup with watery hot chocolate contents in it resting against his knee, he looked up sheepishly as he pulled a face that looked as if he was saying ‘You okay?’

 

“I need to fill out this thing, you can help; let’s go into a side room..” Taemin whispered in the eerily quiet room, he gave the receptionist a look before he stalked his way to ‘Side Room 3’. 

 

  -

 

“Ya’ know you have to answer all of the questions honestly..” Jongin commented as Taemin fretted over the dreaded form.

 

“I’m just reading through it first and then I’ll answer them all… Honestly” Taemin pouted as he flipped over the page, 4 pages of mundane questions, how joyous.

 

“I’m watchin’ you” Jongin grinned as he put his arm around the elder’s shoulders, they were sitting at a small table in a dainty room, beside them; a window on the far wall facing a cafe, a small cactus adorned the sill sweetly.

 

“When aren’t you..” Taemin mumbled as he filled his name in and other details.

 

“When I’m not with you and when you’re sleeping, mostly.” The elder hummed as he pressed his lips to Taemin’s cheek.

 

“What was that for?” Taemin purred as he ticked a few boxes, the ink from the pen blotted in a few places as he rested it on the paper while thinking of the simple yet hard to answer questions.

 

“I’m proud of you, that's what” Jongin spoke softly as he nuzzled the elder’s neck delicately.

 

“Proud that I’m admitting I’m crazy officially?” 

 

“Yeah sorta but you’re not crazy, you just need some help sweetie and I’m glad you’re going through with it, most people are too ashamed to; you were ashamed too and probably still are but because you’re here right now, proves you’re in the right mindset”

 

“I guess you're right… How do you feel about this question?” Taemin pondered as he pointed with the pen at the same question that had caught his attention earlier.

 

“As in, have I personally felt that way or?” Jongin queried as his eyes narrowed at that word, suicidal; it was almost taboo to mention, having dealt with someone that way firsthand had tainted his view on it, it was as if Taemin was asking whether the tanned male would ever want to put someone through the same grief the elder conducted. 

 

“Yeah, have you?” 

 

“Nope, I think it's something that everyone contemplates at one point in their lives but I've never acted on it or slumped so low that I'm seconds from doing it..” Jongin cleared his throat uncomfortably as Taemin ticked ‘most of the time’, being 4th on the scale, he was nodding through Jongin’s speech while filling out a few things here and there. 

 

“That's what I thought, it's pretty normal..” Taemin uttered as he ticked a few more things about random energy bursts and irritable/snappy behaviour.

 

“Mhm..”

 

“Ahaha, look at this question; do you feel you have increased libido? 1 being not at all and 5 being all of the time” Taemin snorted, Jongin just quirked his eyebrows and snatched the pen to tick 5.

 

“Rude…” Taemin mused as he pointedly stole the pen back.

 

“It's true! You're a horny mess 98.9% of the time” Jongin whined as he downed the rest of the now cold hot chocolate, the paste-like powder stuck to his tongue grossly. 

 

“Then what's your excuse bitch” Taemin giggled as he turned the page over. 

 

“You're really, really, really, really sexy and I can't help myself sometimes..” Jongin replied huskily, earning an elbow in his side’ 

 

“We're not fucking in the doctor's office” Taemin sighed “No matter how tempting that is..” 

 

“I wasn't insinuating that… But now that you mention it, that'd be hot~” Jongin cackled, muffling his laughter as he pressed his face against the elder's neck.

 

“Such a teenager” Taemin commented as he flipped another page “You better stop being clingy before a staff member comes in here to ask why this is taking so long” He added as Jongin started leaving open-mouth kisses on his neck. 

 

“I'm not being clingy..” The younger grumbled as he retracted a little, just a little. 

 

“Hmm..” Taemin hummed as he eyed the arms around his waist.

 

“Fine, be a fun sponge” Jongin pouted as he let go of the latter, opting to get up and look through the window. 

 

“A fun sponge? That's a new one..” Taemin laughed as he signed and dated the bottom of the last page.

 

“Ooo~ Is that your personal signature?” Jongin quizzed as he looked at the form. 

 

“Yeah..”

 

“It's a lot different to your autograph one, no star and such..” 

 

“Well, that's the idea babe” Taemin snickered lightly as he got up with the form in-hand. 

 

“C’mon, I wanna get out of here as soon as possible Nini” Taemin encouraged their departure while patting the younger’s shoulder.

 

“So, what happens now?” 

 

“I hand in the form and then there's a diagnosis, oh also they're gonna re-prescribe me those mood stabilisers I never took last time” Taemin quipped as he held the door open for his fiancé.

 

“How long does the diagnosis take and what mood stabilisers you never took..?” 

 

“I'll explain after this” Taemin said in a hushed tone as he handed the receptionist the form. 

 

-

 

They stepped back into the apartment an hour or so later, the weather was getting cold and they didn’t feel the need to be out often; Jongin wrapped his arms around the shorter male before he could even slip his trainers off.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I’m so proud of you..” 

 

The hushed tone sent a shiver down Taemin’s spine, it was so raw and real, the man he loved, the man who cared for him above all, Kim Jongin, his saviour.

 

“T-Thanks, it means a lot... If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have done any of that” The elder hummed as he settled into the embrace, they fell silent and didn’t move for moments that felt like hours; if anyone was onlooking the display, perhaps a fly on the wall, they’d think they were two mad people or even actors shooting a dramatic scene.

 

“I love you so much..” Jongin whispered in a broken voice as his hands travelled up to tug at the scarf on Taemin’s neck, it slipped off effortlessly; thrown on a hook soon after along with their coats, and their shoes laid scattered beside the doorway. In any case, this wasn’t a movie scene; there wasn’t a trail of clothes in disarray towards the bedroom, just two men madly in love rolling around on the carpet beside their lumpy couch leaving chaste kisses against one another's plump lips between chuckles and soft smiles.

 

“I love you so much too..” Taemin snorted as the younger nuzzled his neck longingly.

 

“I don’t even think those words are strong enough at this point, you’re my all Lee Taemin..” Jongin uttered delicately.

 

“Ah cheesy Kim, we meet again” 

 

“I never left” The younger grinned stupidly down at the other, their lips met again with feather-like passion; as if two smiles joined together, teeth clashed and drool mixed, how could something so odd be so beautiful, in that moment there were no problems, they hadn’t just been to see a doctor, one hadn’t just been officially diagnosed with bipolar, it was just them, in love, kissing and being fools on a carpet that should have been vacuumed more often. 

 

-

 

They snuggled on the couch after a long bath, the heating was on full blast and they had skipped dinner and had ice cream instead; Jongin was due to fly into Sapporo the next day, he’d packed early for once, so there wouldn’t be a rush in the morning, the latter was zoning in and out of sleep, he was sitting comfortably between the younger’s legs, the ice cream long-forgotten, the spoon he had balanced on the top had dripped the sticky substance over the coffee table.

 

“Taeminnie, let's get you to bed” Jongin cooed as he rubbed circles on the other's side.

 

“Mmmph, I’m watching this…” Taemin grouched through a yawn as he woke up for the umpteenth time.

 

“No, you’re not” Jongin chuckled as he switched off the TV, sitting up to collect the pouty individual up in a loose embrace.

 

“It’s only 9..” Taemin hummed as he checked his phone, the digital light bled into his tired eyes painfully, he locked it quickly before dropping it on the floor.

 

“Yeah, and you’re busy with promotions at the moment, so, of course, you’re sleepy idiot” 

 

“Shush” 

 

“Never, now bed, get up or I’ll carry you” 

 

“I’ll get up, just give me a sec, don’t wanna strain your ankle carrying me” Taemin yawned again, wriggling about before getting up finally, he stretched elegantly and extended his hand out to help the younger up. 

 

“You're so pretty when you're tired” Jongin smiled as he stared up at the latter instead of taking his hand.

 

“For fuck sake, Jongin” Taemin growled playfully, opting to just leave the idiot he called the love of his life on the couch while he waddled to bed.

 

“You love me really~~” The younger howled with laughter, the sound of the latch being fixed on the front door and the living room curtains being drawn followed. 

 

“Yeah, I guess I do; you asshole” 

 

A few quiet moments passed, Taemin had tucked himself in the bed, one corner of the duvet was folded in as an invitation for the other; the lights were off and the curtains sealed tight, yet Jongin could still sense the dumb grin on the elder's face. 

 

“Why are you smiling baby?” Jongin mused as he slipped into the bed soundlessly. 

 

“Cause’ of some idiot I know” 

 

“Ah… Do I know him?” Jongin teased as he pulled his lover into a spooning position.

 

“Perhaps, he's tall, tan, disgustingly attractive and talented? Ring any bells?”

 

“Hmm sorta, I know someone like that but he's really smart and is great in bed too” 

 

“Must be talking about different people..” Taemin snorted.

 

“Yah!! That's soooo mean” Jongin whined, pinching at Taemin’s sides childishly.

 

“I'm kidding, you are smart..” 

 

“I'm not talking to you”

 

“And amazing in bed, let's sleep before I slander you more”

 

“Good idea, sleep well bitchface” 

 

“Love you too” 

 

A/N:(After Sapporo or some such, OK I've skipped a lot already, let's just say this is a vaguely linear plot from now on eue)

 

“I'm home!” Jongin called out from the doorway, struggling out of his shoes as he kicked the door close and threw his bag on the floor. Enough noise was created to grab anyone's attention but only silence followed.

 

“Tae?”

 

A soft tap interrupted the serenity, a wince followed, all from the kitchens direction; the younger kicked off his shoe and stepped into the room and noticed some glass scattered on the floor first and then the blood dripping delicately from Taemin’s foot as he sat on top of the counter.

 

“Hey Nini~” He murmured as cheerfully as he could.

 

“Uhh hi, what happened?” Jongin asked sceptically as he searched for the first aid kit.

 

“Just stepped on some glass from uhh last night…” 

 

“What happened last night? Raise your foot for me” Jongin sighed as he soaked some gauze with disinfectant.

 

“Watch your feet idiot, put some shoes on before you tend to me” 

 

“Ugh,” He replied in a huff as he stomped to the hallway again, coming back soon after.

 

“So, tell me what happened last night?” Jongin demanded as he grabbed the gauze again.

 

“Had an argument with- f-f-fuck that hurts!!-” Taemin's winced as the alcohol stung against his wound, which was a way smaller once all the blood was cleaned away.

 

“It's not supposed to feel good, with who and why?”

 

“Moonkyu, I hung out with him in the evening and he seemed cool till he had a drink in him and then he was all like ‘can I crash at yours blah blah’ and I agreed- AND THEN OUT OF NOWHERE HE’S BITTER ABOUT EVERYTHING, LIKE HOW HE IS NOT IN EXO AND HOW HE DOESN’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND THEN I JUST TOLD HIM TO SHUT UP CAUSE’ IT WAS LATE AND HE IGNORED ME” Taemin groaned on, his voice went a little loud as Jongin applied more disinfectant. 

 

“What about the glass? When did that happen?” Jongin quizzed as he stuck a plaster on the boo boo. 

 

“Well, like I said he ignored me; so, I dropped a glass to grab his attention” 

 

“And you just left it here and forgot about it?”

 

“Yeah, I was pissed, I told that giant asshole to fuck off and he did, so I just went to bed and then low and behold the glass was still here and I only got up like 20 minutes ago.,” Taemin mumbled as he pulled his knees to his chest, having enough of nurse Kim for today.

 

“But other than that, you're alright?”

 

“Yeah, just missed you” 

 

“I missed you too, have you been taking your lithium things?”

 

“This is like 21 questions, yes I've taken my pills” The elder snorted “Can you clean up the mess, seen as though you have shoes on..” 

 

“Sure”

 

“Grumpy sleepy Ninibear, my dearest cutie c’mere~” Taemin spoke with the most sickly sweet voice as he flopped his legs against the cupboard beneath him and held his arms open.

 

“I was worried about you and then I get home and there's no sound and blood everywhere” Jongin whined as he settled in between the latter's legs for a hug.

 

“There's not that much blood, chill baby” Taemin cooed softly as he ran his fingers through the others soft hair.

 

“Let's just go to bed, I'll clean this later” The younger hummed as he pulled Taemin off of the counter, wandering to the bedroom with him in his arms.

 

“So lazy, it's only 4pm”

 

“Calling me lazy when you woke up 20 minutes ago, typical.” Jongin mused cutely as he dumped Taemin on the bed, rolling onto it soon after; his eyes already sealed tight.

 

“Mhm, I’m gonna have a shower and do something practical while you sleep a while” The elder whispered as he straddled the sleepy one, leaning down to capture those sweet lips before hopping off and carrying on with his afternoon.

 

“Mmmph” 

 

-

 

It was nearing 8pm when Taemin decided it was about time to wake the slumbering giant, it’d be bad if his sleep pattern was even more messed up than it currently is. He crawled on top on of the man carefully, sometime during his sleep he must have dragged the duvet around himself, cocooning adorably like a big baby.

 

“Jongin-ah” 

 

“Mm”

 

“Jonginnie-ah”

 

“Mm”

 

“Jonginini-ah”

 

“Mmm”

 

“Nini-ah” 

 

“Hm”

 

“Kai-ah”

 

“Mhm”

 

“Daddy”

 

“...Yeah” Jongin cleared his throat sheepishly as he opened his eyes, the curtains were open and streamed the streetlights over the room warmly.

 

“You should get up and eat something”

 

“I wanna eat you”

 

“I wouldn’t make much of a meal, a bit boney and probably taste like cigarettes” Taemin joked as he started pulling the duvet off the other.

 

“I don’t wanna move”

 

“It's for your own good” Taemin insisted whilst patting the other's stomach softly “I'll order food and I'll even throw in a blowjob if you're good”

 

“Always bribing me when I just wanna sleep”

 

“It's worth a shot, other than sleep, you like food and sex, so…”

 

“Be honest, you're just bored and lonely”

 

“...Yeah, c’mon keep me company” Taemin's giggled, pinching Jongin’s cheek lightly.

 

“Alright, alright” The younger huffed with faux annoyance as he sat up, only to grab Taemin and wrestle him onto the bed, toppling on him ungracefully.

 

“Yah! You big kid, get off”

 

“Never” Jongin smiled widely as he attacked his lover's neck with kisses.

 

“You better not leave marks, pretty boy”

 

“And what if I do prettier boy?” Jongin countered as he halted his ministrations, sweeping Taemin’s bangs out of his eyes gently.

 

“I’ll mark you too” The elder smirked coyly, leaning up for a kiss that lasted mere seconds as Taemin’s phone interrupted them, wriggling his arm free he grabbed the annoying device.

 

“Ah, it’s Moonkyu; I’ll phone him later, let’s order some food and we’ll continue whatever the hell we’re doing right now later” 

 

“Sounds good to me, so, pizza or chicken?”

 

“Both, that pizza place does chicken too~” 

 

“I like the way you think”

 

“I’m on a diet, though; so, just don’t tell my manager that I’m pigging out”

“I won’t speak a word”

“Good boy”


	47. White Blood

“I should have planned my own Halloween party, I haven’t been this disappointed since I had a bowl-cut” Taemin huffed as he threw himself onto the sofa, he’d been in the dance studio at the company building when Jongin had tracked him down to question whether he had heard the infamous Halloween party had been cancelled.

“It’s just a costume party Tae” Jongin chuckled as he closed the door behind himself, the apartment was chilly, the weather had dropped considerably over the last few weeks and winter was settling in nicely, he flicked the heating onto the ‘all day’ setting before kicking his trainers off.

“Yeah, but I had so many costume ideas, what am I going to do with my sexy nurse outfit now?”

“Nurse outfit?” Jongin questioned with a suddenly dry mouth.

“Yeah, skin-tight latex, it cost a fortune and it’d be such a waste” Taemin sighed as he looked away longingly, or well to conceal the laughter bubbling up his throat.

“U-Uhhh you could use it next year or uhh..” 

“I don’t have a sexy latex nurse outfit, fucking hell Jongin, I can practically hear your thoughts racing and your blood rushing somewhere” Taemin cackled as he reached over to hook his index finger into the younger’s belt loop, dragging him over cutely.

“Well, that’s disappointing” Jongin smirked while cupping the latter’s face, his knee came to rest on the couch; a compromising position to say the least.

“You could always order me one, but it’s not really my style~” Taemin purred as he nuzzled the warmth of the other’s hands.

“Nah, I prefer you in sweatpants and a tee over that any day, and naked, which is even better” Jongin laughed as he fiddled with Taemin’s damp hair, he’d taken a shower after dance practice and met Jongin in the car park.

“You’re so sweet, always saying the right things, I w-wish I said things that made your heart flip too” Taemin whispered as he cast his eyes away, his finger fell free from the belt loop delicately.

“Shush, you say beautiful things all the time; c’mon let’s go to bed” 

“Yeah, I’ll join you in a sec, gonna take my pills” Taemin hummed as he got up and wandered to the bathroom, closing the door behind himself; Jongin understood that he didn’t like exposing that to him but it upset him that Taemin was so ashamed.

The click of the lock sounded before Taemin opened up the cabinet above the sink, there were three orange screw-top pill pots facing him, and other necessities; one containing lamictal, the other containing lithium and the other were sleeping pills. Placing two lamictal pills and one lithium onto his palm, he stared down at the pills sadly before chucking them into the toilet, the pink pill could be seen against the china white of the toilet sink, the other’s seemed to disappear before he flushed them away. This was his usual routine, he had to take them in the morning and before bed, three simple pills, one rounded and two identical rhombus shaped ones, there was less guilt behind ridding of them; he concluded that taking them would only make him worse.

-

Jongin was sitting up in their bed in his shirtless (probably naked) glory by the time the elder had entered the room, his hair was a mess, he was wearing glasses; a rare sight while he was chewing on his bottom lip while concentrating on the book in his lap.

“You okay?” He questioned while looking up from the book.

“Yeah, you look so good” The elder cooed as he crawled into the bed, he had stripped to his boxers somewhere in the hallway, his figure stopped seductively in front of the younger.

“I-I do?” Jongin asked softly as all thoughts of finishing the next chapter crept away.

“Mhm..”  Taemin moaned lowly as he cornered his prey, he flipped his bangs out of his face while closing the distance between their lips, the small lamp showered their silhouettes softly as the kiss became more passionate by the minute, the book was lost on the floor, the duvet was shoved and tucked to the foot of the bed, which reveal that the younger was in-fact nude. They tumbled over, a fire was lit within Jongin’s stomach as he pulled the only bit of clothing off of the latter’s body; small noises left both of their throats as they shifted about till they ground against one another’s growing hard-ons.

“F-Fuck” Jongin groaned as they broke apart, his eyes pooled into the elder’s with want, his breath hitched as Taemin reached down to stroke at his member.

“It’s been too long” Taemin chuckled sexily as he hooked his leg over the younger’s back, to gain friction from his moving hand.

“Yeah, I miss it; f-feeling so close to you; all of you” Jongin hissed as his hand traced down the other’s chest, his stomach was taut and toned from all of the dancing; his fingers skimmed down his lover's soft skin, rubbing along his hip bone that jutted out a little; taking his length into his fist delicately.

 

“Let's take it slow for once, I-I want to feel every inch of you fill me gradually, I want your h-hands to caress my sides with that caring grace you hold, J-Jongin-ah, I n-need you” Taemin choked out with difficulty as tears started streaming down his cheeks, sliding off with vigour; hitting the pillow beneath his head; soaking tiny blotches of the salty wet emotions.

“Taemin-ah? What's wrong?” Jongin questioned in his velvet-like voice, halting his movements as he leant down to wipe at the tears, bringing his lips to the elder's cheeks smoothly; as he lay there in a state.

“N-Nothing, just love you so much, okay?” Taemin sobbed tiredly as he covered his face with his forearms, crisscrossing them over like a child. 

“I love you too Tae, you can tell me what's up; ya’ know?” Jongin tried as he pried those lithe arms away, pinning them by the others sides.

“I told y-you it's nothing, Jongin please; drop it…” 

“I'm not gonna drop it, you should know me by now; the first time I dropped it and followed my lust filled thoughts, you ended up in a hospital..” Jongin sighed as he kicked the duvet up to cover his back as the heat of the moment fled and the cold settled in again, pulling the latter into a strong embrace. 

“I'm alright, Nini, can't w-we just continue” 

“Tell me.”

“It's nothing”

“Tell me.”

“I said it was nothing”

“Tell me.”

“No..”

“See, there's something, Tae, tell me or I'm going to the dorm and leaving you alone” Jongin spoke sternly, an empty threat of sorts; his grip tightened a little.

“You wouldn't do t-that” 

“Yup, I would; now unless you want me to leave, tell me” 

“...I've been lying to you” 

“About what?” Jongin asked quietly, betrayal set in quickly; without any mention of Taemin’s lie.

“I uhhh… I haven't…. uhmm, I haven’t taken my pills since I got them..” 

 

Jongin took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly “Why?” He hummed calmly, keeping his anger in; getting angry would result in an argument and they both didn't need that right now.

“Cause’ I don't wanna, they'll probably make me lifeless… the side effects are troubling Jongin, I mean weight loss? C’mon, as if I should risk dropping more weight? Fatigue? Can I really be more tired with this job? It'd be a mess..” 

“Side effects? Tae those things are never definite, okay? Now let's make a scenario, you might lose some weight, but that means you eat twice as much, yeah? Now compare it with not taking the pills, you get aggressive or really emotional on stage, which of those do you prefer?” Jongin uttered, his eyes tried to capture the elders but he all but resisted.

“I don't care… what's the point anymore, Jongin? What is the fucking point? I became an idol cause’ of the money and cause’ I liked dancing and now it's everything I hate and more! I guess this is our punishment for having ambition” Taemin wept, his face laid to the side in hopes he'd disappear. 

“Our punishment? Don't be insane Taemin, you're the one punishing yourself; I love it, I love dancing, I love the fans and the money is just a sign of hard work, you work so fucking hard Tae, harder than anyone I know, you push yourself until you ache, you sing so beautifully till your throat hurts; if you hated it that much, you wouldn't try!” Jongin shouted, blinking back the tears in his eyes, he had to stay strong. 

“I try cause’- I try caus- I don't know Jongin…” 

“See, the only reason you feel this way is down to self-doubt and you shouldn't doubt yourself, Tae; you're perfect and you need to feel that way, now please, start fresh tomorrow, take the pills and I'll phone the doctor to explain, seen as though we’ll have to cancel that blood test for next week..” 

“Okay..” 

“Promise?” Jongin challenged as he held his pinky finger out, a pout played on Taemin’s lips as he linked his own finger with the youngers.

“I promise..” 

Jongin just pulled him into a hug, kissing his temple subtly “Thank you..” He mumbled in relief, retracting from the embrace by a fraction to crash his lips against those perfect plump ones he loved oh-so-much.

“Can we just go to sleep? Then fuck in the morning? Cause’ crying really exhausts me” Taemin giggled as he broke away from the kiss, his fingers ran through the layers soothingly.

“Sounds like a plan”

-

 

Jongin felt his heartbeat quicken as the heat surrounded his senses, the soft sucking noises followed; that sinful mouth took in his length as he woke warily, his hand travelled south to fist into that silky black freshly cut hair.

“Tae f-fuck” He grunted as his lover woke him up with a blowjob, his body thrashed a little as the pleasure settled in. 

“Mmm?” The elder moaned around his shaft from beneath the covers, a soft pop sounded as his wet mouth slipped off the tip.

“Jesus Christ” 

“Yah, don't use the lord's name in vain” The sinner cackled as he crawled up the expanse of the youngest body. 

“Morning” Jongin huffed with a dumb smile plastered on his face, his raging boner pressed into the other's leg.

“Morning” Taemin mocked, his lips locking onto Jongin’s soon after, his deft hand circled his lover’s member, stroking at it delicately.

“You always stick to your words, d-damn” 

“Mhm, I've prepared myself already” The elder hummed as he left a trail of kisses down the tanned male's jaw, a smirk graced his face as he flipped their positions in one movement.

“Bare or condoms?” Jongin queried as he slotted his knee in between Taemin’s legs, spreading them wide to assume his usual position.

“Condoms, what's with your fascination in being even dirtier than we already are; in both senses of the word” Taemin mused as he leant over to ‘the lube drawer’.

“Dunno, just like making a mess of you” The younger snickered as he put the condoms on both of their cocks skillfully. 

“Ribbed for her pleasure? Did you buy these ones??” Jongin asked as he read the packet. 

“Nah, I took them from the private clinic while I was waiting for my prescription”

“Sneaky”

“They were free, chill” 

“Well, in any case; they're ribbed for your pleasure” 

“Can you just shush and put your dick in my ass?” 

“Mmm’kay sunbae” Jongin chortled as he propped the elder's legs in the crooks of his arms, meeting the other's entrance with his tip slowly. 

“G-Good Nini” The bottom sighed lustfully as he pulled the other in. 

“Does it feel good?” Jongin smiled sweetly as he leant down to peck those delicious collarbones. 

“Yeah, when doesn't it?” Taemin moaned as he gripped the sheets beneath them. 

“True, can you pop your leg on my shoulder; I wanna get closer”

“I can try, I think I'm gonna have to start doing warm-ups before we fuck; you're ridiculous” Taemin mused as hiked his right leg up easily enough. 

“Much better” Jongin purred as he began to thrust deep, pulling almost his whole length out before repeating his action. 

“Y-Yes” Taemin gasped as his back arched into the sudden bolt of pleasure, his desire never faulted with the younger; always raw and heavy; those deep brown eyes bled emotion for him that he hadn’t seen from anyone else.

 

/skipping some weeks/

Jongin yawned for the hundredth time that evening, he had arrived back in Korea in the afternoon and had put off sleeping to get his pattern back to normal but also to wait up for Taemin; who had been at practice this whole time; the apartment felt more quiet than usual, yes there was a character missing but it felt like an empty vessel.

“Surely you should be home already” Jongin whined as he looked at his lock-screen again and again, Taemin’s dumb beautiful face adorned the wallpaper, it was almost midnight, this was getting ridiculous. The phone lit up and vibrated, an incoming call from that said person came through; he answered on the second tone.

“Nini baby” 

“Mm, where are you?”

“In Jonghyun’s lambo, he’s dropping me back at the apartment”

“Ah..”

“I was phoning to see if you were awake and low and behold, you are~” 

“Uh huh, can you bring me some food and also hurry up, I’m tired” Jongin yawned (again).

“I’ll ask the driver, don’t worry I’ll be back within 20ish minutes; what do you want? If I do manage to get food”

“Something unhealthy with a side of Taemin’s lips..” 

“Ah cheesy Kim, how I love thee’; I’ll see you soon mwah” Taemin snickered as he cut the call with a kissy sound.

The younger smiled cutely as he huddled more under the blanket that hugged his sides as he sat on the lumpy couch, he hadn’t moved in hours and he had no intention to; he’d even switched the TV off over two hours ago cause’ his brain couldn’t focus on anything other than, sleep, Taemin and food.

A soft buzz sounded again, as his  home started ringing again; perhaps Taemin forgot to say something, he glanced at the screen and saw another name. 

‘Soojung-ie’

“Hmm” Jongin mumbled before answering, he pressed the phone to his ear and heard a quiet sob.

“Soojung? What's wrong..?” He asked in concern.

“N-Nothing I just wanted to talk to somebody..”

“Nothing? Yeah right, so what's wrong?”

A broken chuckle cracked through the phone “You're the b-best boyfriend, to be honest, too bad you're gay”

“Yup, so, are you gonna tell me what's up?”

“I just feel low, I needed to talk to someone who I know won't judge me” 

“Awwwh, I'm touched that I'm that person to you”

“Yeah, you're really too kind Jongin”

“I try” 

“You really do, how's Tae?”

“Annoyingly beautiful, annoying but so lovely..” 

“He is all of those things ahaha”

“Yeah, I'm not sure if I should reveal too much to you but Tae isn't perfect ya’ know and those words you used about being low reminded me of him a little and I just worry that I'm not getting the right signals…”

“Signals?”

“Uhh… you're not uhmm suicidal or anything? Cause’ I can help you, I promise, I don't wanna go through with that again, the guilt kills me… uhh I came across too strongly there sorry--”

“-Suicidal? No! It's not like that Jongin, I'm just having an off day…. what are you getting at? Taem..?” Soojung gasped quietly as she pieced together the information.

“Crap.. only me, his members and managers and mother know… Krys, you can't tell anyone, ok?”

“That's fine, I promise not to utter a word; when did that all happen? If you don't mind me asking… I don't want to impose too much” 

“It happened a couple years ago now but that wasn't the only time h-he tried to… kill himself, he's doing much better these days, try not to think about it too much”

“I won't… Jongin?”

“Mhm?”

“Don't feel guilty, what were you to know… depressed people can come across as fine, it must have been a lot on your mental state too”

“I try to stay mentally strong for him, it gets to me sometimes; I dream about it a lot, just picturing life without him freaks me out, he's my best friend before anything and if anything happens to him I wouldn't cope, I know that for a fact. That image of his pale skin clamming up and his eyes rolling to the back of his head is sealed in my memories forever; almost losing him once and to think there were other times where he attempted to destroy himself suffocates me, I t-try to get it, yes it's down to his mind state but to get to that stage where h-he didn't even think about m-me, about how it'd destroy me hurts the most, is that selfish? S-Sorry I'm ranting..” Jongin let out his feelings, his chest felt like a huge weight had been lifted; a cold feeling. 

“That's not selfish at all, that's human Jongin”

-

Taemin felt hot tears stream down his face as he took in the words, he felt disgusting; he leant against the wall in the dark hallway, controlling his breathing to not be caught, he hasn't closed the door behind himself; the handle fit loosely in his hand. His hair fell into his eyes, the strands stuck to his wet lashes; he could feel his breath become laboured, his free hand clung to the bag of takeaway food, setting it down silently to catch his balance as his eyes slipped closed.

The thud alerted the younger as the apartment was otherwise silent “Soojung-ah, I think Tae is here.. I'll call you later, bye.” He hummed as he cut the conversation, he shoved the blanket off his lap and stepped into the hallway.

“Tae..?” He mumbled as he saw the boy curled in on himself on the floor; his pretty face was sunken and coated with tears.

“Mm?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m s-so sorry, I’m such a fuck-up; I’m so h-horrible, just g-give up on me, I’m a selfish, careless and ugly bastard”

“Tae-”

“-No! Don’t say it isn’t true, you know it’s fucking true” Taemin choked on his words as he pulled his head in further, concealing it as he started tugging at his hair, as if the pulling would rip him to shreds and make him disappear.

“You heard all of that, right?”

“Y-Yes, you were talking to Krystal, weren’t you?”

“Yeah”

“You get along with her, d-don’t you?”

“We do”

“Then be with her, she is the type of person you should be w-with, not me” The elder sobbed, his words were becoming more incoherent as he broke down into a million pieces, shards and fragments of him seemed to stain that apartments floors and walls, he wrecked himself countless times and each time it left a heavy imprint on his soul, you could sew those bits and pieces together and make a crooked spirit.

Jongin froze at those words, his face felt hot with anger; he held it together as he reached down to pull the latter’s arms away, his hand swept away a few tears as he finally caught eye-contact with him “Did you listen to what I said?”

“Yes”

“Then why don’t you take it upon yourself to do me a favour and think about me for once, who do I love?”

“M-Me”

“Who do I think is the most beautiful person I have ever set my eyes on?”

“Me..”

“Who do I want to spend the rest of my life with?”

“Me”

“Correct, and haven’t I expressed that millions of times?”

“You h-have” 

“Tae, the only person I have loved in a romantic way is you; there hasn’t been a second thought about other people; every fucking relationship in existence has ups and downs, we’ve had our fair share but my feelings remain the same, these feelings are unwavering and you, you f-feel the same way, right?”

“I do J-Jongin, I really do”

“So, stop saying stupid shit that breaks my heart, I need you as much as you need me” Jongin whispered, his fingers ran through the soft locks of Taemin’s hair.

“I got you a crepe, it should still be warm..” 

“Thanks, idiot, now stop crying, please” Jongin cooed as he shifted to his feet, offering his hand to the bundle of emotions on the floor.

“I’m not crying, I’m merely leaking” Taemin huffed as he took the hand and help himself up, his pout spoke volumes as he averted his eyes; stepping into the other's embrace without prompting.

“Leaking? Nice..” The younger commented as he pulled his lover close, his damp face fit in the crook of his neck.

“Mm, eat the crepe, it’s got chocolate sauce and cream on it, strawberries too”

“You really take notes when I say ‘something unhealthy’” Jongin snickered as he broke away a little to grab the plastic bag off the floor, there was a cardboard box in it, with a cute bear printed on it.

“Mhm, I don’t play around, the bear reminded me of you” Taemin mused as he waddled off to the bedroom, the younger followed in tow.

“You forgetting something?”

“Hmm?” 

Jongin chuckled and lightly pulled him by his wrist, turning the shorter on his heel before joining their lips softly, short and sweet, much like Taemin “Have you taken you pills already?” 

“Yup, in the studio; I’ve got my choreography down for MAMA”

“Yeah? Can I see a preview?”

“Nah, don’t wanna turn you on” Taemin smirked, sin written all over his face; the glint in his eyes asked differently.

“The crepe can wait” Jongin spoke softly as he dropped the bag, forcefully tackling the elder onto the bed.

“Me over a crepe, you really do love me” Taemin growled cutely as he started fumbling out of his clothes.

“You over a crepe, any day"


	48. Skeleton

“Yeah, I'm opening MAMA this year” Taemin chuckled smugly as he pointed at the setlist, the red carpet had gone well; Jongin had found the elder in his stage outfit already, which was puzzling as he hadn't the slightest clue to what and when his lover was performing. 

 

“Ahh I'm jealous, you get to get it out of the way”

 

“Nah, you wouldn't like it; it's stressful, besides NCT get the harder bit, performing before me ahaha” Taemin hummed as he skimmed down the setlist with his index finger “And there's you” He added while pointing out EXO.

 

“Yup, closing” 

 

“Well, sort of not really, those prestigious awards close this event and make fans angry or delighted” Taemin snorted as he fiddled with his camouflage green coloured jacket.

 

“What's under that?”

 

“Not much”

 

“Lee Taemin, starting position in the next few minutes” A staff member called out as the beginnings of ‘Firetruck’ started. 

 

“What do you mean, ‘not much’?” Jongin cackled as he pulled the front of the jacket towards himself, peeking down.

 

“You'll see, now you better not miss it, get to the seating area” Taemin chortled as he slapped the latter's hand away “See you soon” He mused as he wandered off to the under-stage. 

 

Jongin smiled fondly as he re-joined his members, that's when the bass from ‘Guess Who’ thundered across the arena, smoke filled the stage as the Taemin appeared, seemingly tied to a frame, an army or well, his backup dancers surrounded with lighting fixtures shaped like guns, the elders vocals boomed after gesturing a shot into one of the dancers chests.

 

“Wow!” Joonmyun cheered besides him as he was mesmerised by the performance seconds in.

 

‘Soldier’ graced the crowd with those beautiful strong vocals as Taemin strutted down the promenade, the instrumental softened as Taemin's voice did, “I was born to be a soldier”

 

Jongin’s heart raced as he saw one of those petite hands clasp the zip puller, he knew where this was going in a heartbeat; a hand shifted in his vision.

 

“You okay there?” Sehun’s voice resounded in his ear.

 

Jongin couldn't reply coherently, so he nodded with his mouth agape as the silky bounds of Taemin’s costume were loosened. He could vaguely hear laughing, assumingly Joonmyun and Sehun but it was like white noise to him as his eyes were glued to the ethereal beauty that glided about the stage effortlessly, it was over all too soon and the ceremony had officially started. 

 

“Uhh, toilet” Jongin mouthed to his leader as he stumbled backstage; the maknae’s laughter howled louder at the sight of his peer in a flustered state. 

 

Backstage was a battlefield of sorts, the organisation of other groups was admirable; he felt someone run past him, headed the same direction he was but they were so fast that he couldn't catch their face, an idol? blonde hair? 

 

Reaching Taemin’s dressing room finally, he walked in without warning; his eyes were greeted with Taemin being hugged by someone who wasn't him, someone short, that blonde hair.

 

“Hyung, it was seriously amazing, I'm gonna watch it 10 times when I get home” The slightly nasal voice cooed as he pulled out of the hug.

 

Park Jimin, a new edition to the squad; as per usual, Jongin had been the one to encourage him into their tight-knit friendship circle, and also as per usual, they were Taemin-biased as hell. 

 

“Hey..” Jongin called out softly.

 

“Hey, Jonginnie Hyung” Jimin snapped his head around to greet him. 

 

“You got here quick” Jongin commented as he helped himself to a new bottle of water set on the makeup table.

 

“Yeah, had to congratulate Tae on that performance; it was amazing, right?” Jimin squealed, Jongin just stared at him, the ‘hyung’ dropped so easily; Taemin was somewhere in the back with a cordi-noona, getting fussed over as he caught his breath.

 

“Yeah, same reason I'm here” Jongin smiled a fake smile of sorts, it was happening again; his jealousy was getting the better of him and yet again he couldn't hide it, he noticed Taemin glance his way with those ‘are you kidding me?’ eyes.

 

“When are you performing, Hyung?” Jimin questioned as he looked into the mirror by his side, blending the concealer that had collected under his eyes with his ring fingers. 

 

“Last”

 

“Ah, hopefully, Bangtan can get to that stage in our career someday” Jimin giggled, his attention got grabbed again once Taemin joined them. 

 

“Hey, Nini” The elder hummed as he pushed him to the side a little to get to his bag.

 

“Your performance, it was the best of the night..” 

 

“It's only just begun, Jongin” Taemin snorted as he grabbed a few toiletries “I'm gonna have a shower and get ready for hours of sitting around, I'll see you two out there” He added, waddling off to the en suite.

 

“Let's get going, Nini Hyung” 

 

Jongin just nodded and followed the short ones lead, as he tried not to get pissed that he'd just been called ‘Nini’ by someone who wasn't Taemin.

 

These ceremonies were always the most tiring, the waiting, the congratulating and the performing, obviously. Taemin felt the strain in his eyes as he tried to keep them open, he'd received an award for dance; which he was extremely proud of, if there was one thing other than the obvious that meant the world to him, it was dancing. It was mid-performance for Exo and he couldn't focus for the life of him, he felt bad but it's not like he couldn't watch it later, there were these light-up choker things, all red except one; he'd obviously missed the memo on why that was significant, all that mattered was that Jongin looked hot, mad but still hot. Taeyeon sighed beside him, the strain of exhaustion was getting to her too as she fiddled with the end of her dress.

 

“Tired?” Taemin called out to her over the loudness of the event, she smiled softly and nodded.

 

“Yeah, my hotel bed is calling to me” She mused cutely, her nose scrunched up as the fans cheered enthusiastically. 

 

“Next time, we’ll arrange stunt doubles to sit here for us, Noona” 

 

“Impossible, how are they going to find anyone as pretty as you, Taeminnie” She cackled as she resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks. 

 

“Don't be ridiculous” Taemin hummed bashfully as he fiddled his sleeves “I'm not that pretty, I'm not pretty at all” 

 

“There's where you're wrong, pabo” Taeyeon insisted as she clapped for the end of their labelmates performance. 

 

“I'll only agree with you verbally cause’ you're my Sunbae, but I'm not being honest” He chortled as he clapped even though he hadn't the slightest clue what had just happened. 

 

“Daesang time” She smiled, not because she was eager to know who would win, but rather that'd mean the night would be over soon. 

 

“Yup..” 

 

The ending stage was a mass of bodies as Taemin stepped onto it, waving down at the fans, not that many were his fans but he couldn't care less; Minseok hugged him to congratulate him on the award before he was beckoned over by Jongin, who looked somewhat stressed.

“You okay?” Taemin mouthed as he wrapped his arm around his lover.

“Yeah, jus’ a little tired”

“Congrats, I expected it, to be fair” Taemin chuckled as they moved around the stage in their own little world, fans waved, some glared at the elder in jealousy, but it never bothered him.

“Thanks, babe, when you flying back?”

“In a couple hours”

“Really!?”

“Yup, got things to do” Taemin chided as his eyes locked with Jimin’s “I’m gonna congratulate Jimin, I’ll see you backstage”

“Yeah, see you then” Jongin spoke softly as he broke away from him, keeping his cool as he focused on the crowds; if Taemin was the medically ‘crazy’ one and could keep his chill, then he could too.

 

-

 

“Congrats, Jiminnie~” Taemin cooed as he pulled the other younger idol into a hug. 

 

“Thanks, Hyung, I'm so overwhelmed..” 

 

“Yeah, I was like that too with ours; I hope there will be more where that came from for you, album, artist, song next time~”

 

“We can only hope”

 

“Yeah… I know I’ll never get that moment again, but I'll treasure it forever” Taemin hummed while waving at a few Jimin fans.

 

“Don't say that..” Jimin huffed as he pinched the elder's side.

 

“I can say what I want, I'm older and your sunbae; now enjoy the rest of the night” Taemin mused as he disappeared into the crowd of talent, headed backstage. 

 

“Hey,” Jongin’s voice broke him out of his daze on the way to his changing room.

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“Have a safe flight, ok?” 

 

“C’mere” Taemin chuckled as he pushed open the door with his name pasted on it, Jongin followed suit; getting attacked into a hug immediately as he stepped in the room, no staff were about thankfully. 

 

“What's up?”

 

“Nothing, just wanna hug my fiancé and maybe kiss him without ruining his makeup too much” Taemin smiled, genuinely for the first time in a while; his cheeks hitched up, his eyes disappeared into two single creases, he wasn't even prepared for the lips on his in a matter of seconds.

 

Taemin’s legs felt like jelly as the kiss deepened, Jongin's lips tasted like bubblegum; sweet and inviting, his tongue swept against the elder's lips deliciously, querying an invitation which was accepted within a matter of seconds.

 

“Uhhhhh” Someone's voice cut them out of their moment, both snapping their heads around in fear but were greeted with Sehun and Jimin. 

 

“He was asking where you were, Jongin, and I said that you'd be here but he didn't wanna go alone in case there was staff and yeah….”

 

“Ever heard of knocking, Oh Sehun?” Taemin quizzed, as he looked at a wide-eyed Jimin. 

 

“Nah, is that a SHINee thing?” The sarcastic one asked in monotone.

 

Jongin finally let go of Taemin’s waist as he pondered whether he should say anything, Jimin just shuffled from one foot to the other; fiddling with his outfit.

 

“No, it's a common decency thing; ah Jimin, you can have Jongin now…”

 

“I w-was just gonna say congratulations, do you guys always kiss like that?” Jimin asked innocently.

 

“Yeah, it's an SM thing; me and Tae do it all the time too” Sehun chortled as he leant against the makeup table.

 

“Omo” The youngest gasped.

 

“That's Tae Hyung to you, and no, don't listen to him, me and Taemin are a thing…” Jongin sighed as he flopped onto the couch in the centre of the room. 

 

“A thing? Aren't y’all engaged or something” Sehun yawned as he drank from a water bottle with Taemin's name on it. 

 

“Engaged, oh my god!” Jimin gasped again.

 

“Yup, I have a flight soon; so, you do the talking, I'm gonna shower and get ready” Taemin nagged Jongin as he grabbed some comfortable clothes and headed for the en suite again.

 

“So, when did you realise you were gay?” Jimin asked boldly as he sat next to Jongin, Sehun just spat out the water he was sipping and started laughing hysterically. 

 

“I don't know, like 5 minutes after meeting Taemin for the first time”

 

“Wait, don't you have a girlfriend?” 

 

“Ughhhh no; that's a publicity stunt” Jongin groaned as he got his phone out of his pocket “Look, me and Tae have been through a lot” He added as he tapped onto the photos app, going on to a folder called ‘Sarang-ie’ that was hidden at the bottom of the album's, others named ‘Dogs’ or ‘Selcas’ and other mundane stuff, it contained hundreds of pictures of Jongin and Taemin together over the years, perhaps even thousands. 

 

“When did you start seeing each other?” Jimin asked as looked at the pictures cutely, even tapping on to some himself.

 

“It's just been about 2 years, officially..” 

 

“Officially?”

 

“Yeah, about 6 years unofficially, almost 7..”

 

“Ahh, and the engagement?”

 

“Tae proposed first, then we had an argument and then I proposed to him, that was some months ago now..” Jongin commented as he tapped on a picture of them during SHINee’s ‘hello’ era, that dirty blonde, orange hair look was a blessing; his puffy cheek was squished against Jongin’s, as he pouted out his lips cutely.

 

“Woah..”

“As much as I love romance, Jongin; we should probably head back to our changing room” Sehun cleared his throat while pretending to not be interested in the pictures.

“Yeah, you’re right; I’ll see you around Jimin, you should head back soon too, Tae is just gonna be in a rush” Jongin hummed as he patted the younger’s shoulder, the Bangtan member got up fast, knocking Taemin’s backpack and it contents on the floor after the Exo members had left.

“Pills?” Jimin questioned as he started fixing the bag, there were a few bottles; the prescription sticker said in bold; LEE TAEMIN, TAKE TWO A DAY, WITH A MEAL, all the rest seemed like a blur, concern and worry filled his being.

“Jimin, what are you doing?” Taemin quizzed as he stepped out in sweats, a towel gracing his shoulders; his wet hair sticking up manically, flushed cheeks and a dampened chest.

“Uhhhhh, I k-knocked your stuff over; sorry” Jimin gasped as he threw the pills back in the bag, shuffling to his feet uncomfortably; a blush crept up his neck embarrassingly.

“Oh, my meds… chill out, are you blushing?” Taemin cooed as he took the bag out of the other’s grip.

“I j-just thought you’d be mad..”

“Nah, these things keep me from being mad” Taemin chuckled as he shook the bottle of pills, pulling a vest and a sweater out.

“What do you mean?” 

“Ahh, I don’t really speak about this to anyone; I don’t think there should be a stigma about it, though…” 

“You can talk to me about it, I haven’t known you for long-- well, I’ve known you from a distance ahah, but now I can talk to y-you and stuff, which is pretty mind-blowing” Jimin giggled as he leant against the couch in an awkwardly adorable way.

“Jesus, you’re too cute; you give me a toothache, how about this, we can meet up back home when I don’t have a flight in an hour”

“Uh ok~”

“Just you and me, and maybe we can make a collab; be productive while I explain this crap” The elder spoke softly as he chucked the pills in his bag, dropping it onto the couch before pulling the rest of his clothes on.

“Collab? A c-collab with you, me and y-you collabing, together?” 

“Yeah, I’d love to collab with you, hun” 

“You, you would love to collab with me!?”

“I just said that ahaha” 

“Wow, am I dreaming?” 

“He’s dreaming, he’s dreaming~~” Taemin sang, a rendition of Exo’s song sweetly as he kicked his slippers on.

“Taemin, are you ready?” A stern voice cut in from the doorway.

“Yup, just saying bye to Jiminnie~” 

“Get to the car park in the next 5 minutes, your stuff at the hotel has been collected” Euisoo grunted before taking his leave.

“See you in SK, uhh can you tell Nini that I’ll see him at home; I really gotta go” Taemin mused as he pulled the younger into a small hug.

“I will do, bye Hyung~~”


	49. Drowning Lessons

A/N: I upload on AFF better, sorry~ (plus idk how to format on this site) http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1049193/punishment-shinee-taemin-exo-kai-taekai-shineexo

 

“So, you really have been through a lot, huh?” Jimin mused as he crashed on the dance studio couch; they’d been chatting over low music as they pieced together a choreography for the segment of the dance they’d join after their solo’s.

 

“I guess, I don't think it's any different to most people's life experiences; everyone experiences something in their lives that leaves an invisible scar… I just happened to be dramatic about it, I was just sick of being pressured from every direction, I was a kid and reality didn't hit me till I turned 20”

 

“Mhm, I understand Hyung… when you debuted; most people your age were going to school and being regular people” Jimin empathised, grabbing the back of Taemin’s shirt to make him sit down too.

 

“Take a break, your stamina is no joke’ The younger giggled as he stopped the other from dancing into oblivion.

 

“I'm well aware that I don't know when to quit” Taemin snorted as the ache of his muscles settled in, grabbing his water bottle from the sill.

 

“It's weird being in the SM dance studio, it's like walking into one of your dance practice videos”

 

“Oh really? Which vid?” Taemin teased as he fiddled with the water bottle.

 

“The lucifer one is my favourite” Jimin grinned as he grabbed his phone; pulling the said video up.

 

“Ewww, the quality and those hair styles, besides that studio is nonexistent now” Taemin cackled, trying to peel his eyes away from the monstrosity.

 

“It was the concept to destroy all concepts, though” Jimin beamed as he closed the app.

 

“It was pretty different I guess, I don't miss the hair; Jongin does, though”

 

“It did suit you” The younger hummed as he bounced back to his feet “Let's just finish here today, let's get something to eat”

 

“But we haven't gone through the whole thing enough times, Jimiiiiin” Taemin whined as the other dragged him out of the room “You're a bad influence, let's just head to mine and get something on the way”

 

“Agreed, I'm paying” Jimin smiled, skipping out of the studio halls.

 

-

 

“You're actually insane” Taemin commented as he carried the sides and drinks, opening his apartment door with his free hand as the plastic bag pressed into his other hand cruelly; it was reaching midnight quickly but that didn't bother them, as long as Jimin let his manager know his arrangements.

 

“It's just 3, calm down”

 

“Yes, 3 large pizzas” Taemin chuckled as he held the door open for the latter, he could hear the TV murmuring quietly as Jimin kicked his shoes off, letting himself in cutely.

 

“Jonginnie Hyungggg”

 

“Hey~” Jongin's tired voice cut in.

 

Taemin rolled his eyes at their loudness as he dropped his bag and balanced his backpack on his feet; he stank for obvious reasons but his stomach was chatting irrationally as he pulled his trainers off.

 

“Taem hurry up, before this kid eats everything” Jongin whined as the clutter of all three pizza boxes sounded.

 

The eldest entered the room after a few minutes, sitting on the floor beside his lover's leg as he reached for a slice pathetically.

 

“I still don't understand why you guys got three pizzas” Jongin questioned as he poked Taemin to get him another slice.

 

“That's all down to the kid over there, not me; he paid, so I'm not complaining” Taemin answered mid-chew, Jimin was quiet; as he tested each pizza.

 

“He's a strange one, have we adopted him or something”

 

“Yah, I'm only a year younger than you, Jongin” Jimin defended himself, reaching for his drink sassily.

 

“Still, that's Jongin Hyung to you” Taemin cackled as he leant over to pinch the youngest’s cheek.

 

-

 

“To do list, 2017” Jongin groaned from the depths of the quilt, it was a week into the new year but no effort to do much had been made.

 

“You're gonna fuck the year instead of me, cool” Taemin cackled as he sprung to his feet to waddle to the bathroom; the clatter of pill pots sounded softly on the sink top.

 

“Yah, you know what I mean; besides we haven't done anything in a couple weeks, starting to think you're bored of my dick” Jongin muttered in a sleepy voice, with an obvious hint of sarcasm.

 

“I'd never get bored of him, don't worry” Taemin giggled as he wandered back into the room, sitting by his lover's nest of a head.

 

“Mhm, good” Jongin yawned, his face still 50% covered by the blanket, his eyes and the bridge of his nose poked out cutely.

 

“You wanna do anything today? You do know I'm gonna be carted between Japan and here the next few weeks, and then we'll be going all over but so are you” Taemin hummed as he started untangling the youngers unruly hair with his petite fingers.

 

“Uhhhhhhh, we could nap and go on a date tonight”

 

“A date? That's a new one” The elder cooed, pulling the blanket down a notch; reveal the rest of the latter’s face, his stubble had grown out a little; it was prickly as Taemin pressed his plush lips against his chin.

 

“I take you on dates when I can idiot, how about you plan one”

 

“Dates? When?” Taemin asked in a confused tone, stroking the other’s cheek affectionately.

 

“Billiards, dinners, ice cream parlours and even cinemas” Jongin whined as he sat up, his hair went off in different tandems funnily as he practically pulled the elder into his lap; resting his forehead against one of those sharp collarbones tiredly.

 

“Some of those involved the guys and are you forgetting our trip to Japan? That I funded, hmm?” Taemin chirped as he played with the younger’s hair soothingly.

 

“Mmm, I guess”

 

“I don’t expect dates, bitch; as if we have the time, not to mention we weren’t allowed to up and off to Hakone without mentioning it but we were badasses back then” Taemin snickered, halting his hands while his thoughts took over.

“We should try the dating thing, cause’ that’s the normal approach to relationships; go on a few dates, go steady; get to the fucking then the relationship forms naturally I guess, but with us… it was an awkward friendship that turned into a beneficial thing, and the rest is history…..”

“Yeah, where has the romance been” The elder whispered softly, the hushed tone made the other snap his head up delicately; their eyes met like rain against a window on a stormy day as if the light of morning decomposes every tiny detail of their being, it was a realisation that hit them like a tonne of bricks, was this all love or was it child's play?

“Yah, you can hide our memories but you can’t erase the history, our history that created them; in our lives together there has been romance but that doesn’t come with the ups and downs, we aren’t the typical couple as far as I’m concerned, we’re two male idols, one of which is dating someone in the public eyes and the other was given the image of innocence that they ripped away like a bandaid at first but now it’s written large-” Jongin preached confidently, his eyes remained cast away as the strong words whirled around the room; the latter stayed silent as each tone bounced against his ear drums, ingraining all that was being said in his heart.

“-Taemin, I wouldn’t trade you for anyone; I feel really fulfilled with how things have ended up, I don’t need the valentines chocolates or the spontaneous back massages… I just love you, ok..” Jongin huffed as he finished his speech, flicking his eyes back to the man on his lap when he heard a giggle from behind a hand.

 

“Why are you l-laughing? I just poured my heart out, dickhead!”

“Cause’ you were so serious, I wasn’t serious about the lack of romance; you’re the sappiest bastard I know, if we had time, I’m pretty sure, you’d take me on trips to Paris on a weekly basis, serenade me to sleep and even buy me a star, I don’t need more from you, you’re perfect babe” Taemin mused, pushing his plush lips on Jongin’s forehead.

 

“Do you want a star, though?” Jongin grinned, pelting kisses all over the elder's cheeks.

 

“No, why would I need another one; I already have one~” Taemin chuckled, bringing his lips to the others gently; they broke apart soon after as the sourness of morning breath fought back.

 

“You're the mushy one, really”

 

“How?”

 

“You just referred to me as a star, how sappy is that?”

 

“No, I was referring to myself; I'm the real star here” Taemin sassed, the cockiness oozed easily; though they both knew that it was indeed Kim Jongin he was referring to.

 

“Of course, my star”

 

“The SHINe-est one, right?”

 

“Please stop” The younger cringed, playfully pushing the latter off of him.

 

“Never”

 

“Never? So, you're always gonna be by my side to say bad jokes; I'm at peace with that” Jongin mused as he flopped beside the other, their faces mere centimetres apart, their hands met, fingers lacing together naturally.

 

“Yeah, always” Taemin smiled, a dazzling site; no shyness, no hand covering his beauty; he was himself again.

 

“I like the sound of that”

 

“Forever or never, eh?”

 

“Ok, two bad jokes minutes apart is a bit excessive”

 

“It's a good song, dude”

 

“Self-praising is really your thing”

 

“I barely sang in that song, but yes I love myself” Taemin assured Jongin sweetly, running his fingertips over the stubble poking out of his chin.

“Let’s have a bath or something”

“Mhm, I’ll run it, you chill here for a little while-”

“-Taem I have something to tell you”

“Yeah?” The elder replied as he was interrupted in getting up, the younger tugged him closer.

“I’ve been viewing apartments..”

“Oh… ok” Taemin murmured quietly, his warmth seemed to disappear a little.

“I actually have a viewing planned today, it’s walking distance from here”

“Cool, what time?”

“Late afternoon, 4:30” Jongin grinned happily, wriggling over to the bedside table to grab his phone “It has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, it’s like a suite at the top of a high-rise villa complex, the view looks incredible in the picture..” He continued as he tapped through an app, pulling up the said apartment and handing it to Taemin.

“Mhm, ₩50,000,000 (estimate, £35,000) upfront and ₩3,000,000 (estimate, £2100) monthly, that’s a lot…” Taemin commented as he skimmed through the details, it did look amazing.

“Not for us, I have loads of savings and so do you, so-”

“-Wait a minute, us? I thought this was your apartment or do you need my help cause’ I don’t mind-”

“-The apartment, for us, Taemin; I want to get a new place with you, without the bad memories and more space”

“OOOOOH RIGHT, I thought you were getting your own place because you were sick of staying at my place, this all makes sense now” Taemin sighed in relief, covering his face as he felt stupid.

“Of course I want to get a place with you, idiot, don’t you wanna move?”

“Yes, let’s move; live together officially and stuff”

 

“I’ve already talked to my manager about it, and I mean; all you have to do, is let your manager know and they can just make their own assumptions about us moving into together; they already know that when we aren’t with our groups or parents, we’re together.” Jongin laughed, crawling over to the boy covering his face, straddling his mid-waist lightly; prying those hands away timidly.

“That’s cause’ we are in fact, together” Taemin snorted, picking up the phone again; scrolling through the specifications again “A balcony? Hmm we should get a jacuzzi for it and fairy lights”

 

“Fairy lights? And you call me ‘so gay’” Jongin mused rolling over to look at the phone screen too “I was thinking.. because there's more space, we could have the kids there sometimes..”

 

“The kids, as in your dogs; we should get a dog, for ourselves too~~”

 

“You do realise, you have 2 dogs and I have 3, and you want another… that's 6 dogs”

 

“Your maths is impeccable hun, I'm talking about the future” Taemin smirked, flopping his head on the other's shoulder “When we’re married and have grey hairs..”

 

“No grey hairs, I refuse; I'm gonna keep my stylist forever”

 

“You had grey hair a few weeks ago, what's the difference~?”

 

“That wasn't natural”

 

“Getting old is natural, I'm gonna have grey hairs all over and embrace them; from my pits to my pubes”

 

“You gonna stop shaving down there then?” Jongin chuckled, leaning over to ruffle the elder's hair.

 

“Uhm… probably not but definitely when I'm old, like hella old, like 70’s, that's when I'll stop shaving”

 

“That's commitment”

 

“I stick by my words, now let's have that bath; we have a viewing at 4:30”

 

“Yes, we do~~”

“It’s a 20-minute walk but my motorbik-”

“-Lazy”

“I don’t wanna get recogn-”

“-nised, yes me neither, the bike is fine” Taemin grinned as the younger glared at him for the consistent interrupting, rolling off the bed and darting towards the bathroom with the other hot on his trail.

“You’re such a little shit” Jongin whined as he grabbed the elder from behind, winding his arms around his lithe waist against the bath side.

“I know, embrace it” Taemin hummed as he leant down to turn the hot tap on, whirling his hand around to clean the tub before chucking the plug in “It’s funny when it’s cold, we suddenly start wearing clothes to bed without a word; it’s cute, cause’ Nini in sweaters is the best” He cooed as he stroked his hands over the latter’s arms, sweater-sleeve-covered-arms.

“It’s all the little things that please you in life, right?”

“Yeah, that’s why I love your cock so much”

 

“I hate you” Jongin groaned, burying his face against Taemin’s neck.

“Liar, and it’s not little; don’t worry~”

“Have you ever measured yours?”

“No, I’m not a loser”

“I thought it was normal to do that”

“I don’t think it is or I’m just not interested in dick size that much” Taemin chortled as he reached for the bubble bath, pouring an excessive amount in the running water.

“Not even a little bit?”

“Nope, only been with one person and I’m satisfied with their size and I don’t care about my own size, it’s just a part of me.. I’m more conscious about my hand size in all honesty, as these are things people see; the only one seeing Taem-junior is you, really”

“Why are you so wise about random ass topics?”

“Cause’ I think with my dick, now I think this bath is ready; strip baby boy” Taemin hummed as he shuffled away to take his clothes off shamelessly.

“Yes sir”

“Sir? Hmm, a new kink?” The elder teased as he kicked his boxers off before stepping up, into the bath cautiously “F-Fuck it’s hot, oh well” He winced as he sat down quickly.

 

“How hot?” Jongin quizzed as he dipped his toe in the water “Son of a bitch! How are you even sitting in that?”

 

“Pussy” Taemin uttered as he reached around his back to turn the cold tap on.

 

“Ah sorry, I don't remember being okay with sitting in lava”

 

“It's better than standing stark naked outside of the lava tub”

 

“I'm alright, your heating is always on” The younger huffed as he crouched beside the bath, resting his head on his arms.

 

“Yeah, cause’ I live with a baby”

 

“It's not even about me, I came here when you were in Japan once and you left your heating on; like who does that?”

 

“Well, fair enough… c’mon get your butt in here, it's gonna get too cold any minute now”

 

“Fiiiiine” Jongin yawned, hopping to his feet before stepping into the free side.

 

“Better?”

 

“Much”

 

“Does this place have a bigger tub?” Taemin commented as he took in the strain of Jongin's posture, his knees raised and his feet on either side of the elder.

 

“In the picture, it looks like it but all these estate agents purposely make things look bigger”

 

“For that price? I'm sure it's as big as it looks”

 

“True, either way; we're getting a jacuzzi”

 

“Agreed” The elder confirmed, crawling over to flop onto the taller man's chest, he’d, had enough of the taps jutting into his back.

 

“Thanks” Jongin mumbled as he stretched his legs out more.

 

“No problem, just have to deal with me laying all over you for 10 minutes as I muster up the energy to actually wash”

 

“Fine by me, I'll most likely get a boner because you wriggle so much”

 

“And I will too, don't worry”

 

“You scratch my back, I scratch yours; right?” Jongin quipped, smiling cheekily.

 

“Oh god, I remember when you said that a year into us messing around; do you know how much that pissed me off, I think I muttered it 100 times in dance practice the next day”

 

“I didn't know that, your hyung's must have thought you were summoning a demon or something”

 

“Yeah, it's safe to say I looked crazy while practising everybody; surprised they didn't throw me outta’ the room on the first move” Taemin grumbled, drawing dots of water over the expanse of the younger's chest.

 

“I think we both said some stupid shit back then”

 

“I think I'm gonna pass out” Taemin breathed as he slid down the mirror in the dance practice room.

 

“I did tell you to stop about 45 minutes ago” Jongin laughed as he got off the couch in the corner, stepping over to the elder to slide beside him.

 

“You know me”

 

“Yeah, you weren't installed with an off button”

 

“Yup, something like that”

 

“You're gonna run yourself into an early grav-”

 

“-grave, if you carry on like that; stop with that bullshit, I'm well aware”  Taemin finished the other’s sentence while reaching for his bottle of water, the strain in his breath and the sweat coating his body voiced exhaustion.

 

“Chill out man” Jongin hummed as he grabbed the water for him, tossing it into his lap.

 

“I am” Taemin snapped before downing the rest of the water.

 

“Mhm, you really seem like it”

 

“Honestly define ‘chill’ for me”

 

“Hmm, lying about eating junk food in your boxers, a jerk here and there, more junk food”

 

“So, a regular evening for you pre-debut” Taemin snorted, bringing his knees up and hugging them.

 

“Nah, I still do that”

 

“Even the junk food part?”

 

“Yeah, unless I'm due on stage within the week”

 

“Hmm”

 

“C’mon, that's what we should do tonight; you're crashing at your parents, right? I'll just invite myself” Jongin spoke softly, stretching his arm around the elder casually.

 

“I'm going to eat healthily regardless of what you say, we have a comeback in a few weeks; but yes I agree, let's ‘chill’ at my parents tonight”

 

“I think you’ve had a comeback every month this year, I'm losing count; next time, show me this infamous everybody choreo”

 

“Mmm, will do; my parents are having a trip in Singapore, at the moment, so, the house will be empty sans the dogs that my Hyung is dropping off in about 10 minutes”

 

“Singapore? Nice, what's the occasion?”

 

“Wedding anniversary, it was a gift from me”

 

“Damn, they're lucky to have you”

 

“You think? It's hard to tell sometimes” Taemin sighed, jumping to his feet in a single movement; holding his hand out to the latter “C’mon, it's 9pm already; we need time to lie around in our boxers”

 

“True as fuck” Jongin grinned, patting the hand away and getting up in much the same way.

 

“Oh okay, anyone would have thought you were a dancer or something” The elder remarked while grabbing his backpack and then his phone from the speaker aux.

 

“I am, you ever heard about this little group called exo?”

 

“Nah, I have taste”

 

“Hey!”

 

“I'm kidding, but you can hardly call your team a ‘little’ group”

 

“Pfft yeah, let's get a taxi back”

 

“Lazy ass, I was gonna shower first”

 

“Ya’ know that fancy villa you got your parents? It has showers, right?”

 

“For fuck sakes, not only are you lazy; you like smelling like shit”

 

“You love me, really”

 

“Fuck no”

 

“I think my heart just shattered” Jongin scoffed, clutching at his chest dramatically while holding the studio door open for Taemin.

 

“Good”

 

“Tae-meanie”

 

“Kill yourself”

 

“I just might, with all the hate you're giving me right now”

 

“Again, good”

 

“Asshole, I’m gonna call a taxi now”

 

“Mhm, let's wait by the entrance” Taemin yawned, the younger nodded with the phone pressed against his ear; wrapping his free arm around Taemin loosely.

 

“Yeah, can I book a taxi please…”

Taemin leant into the other as they stepped toward the entrance area, Soojung was in one of the chairs fiddling with her phone impatiently; he glanced at her, making eye-contact for a small time before he averted his gaze.

“It’s gonna get here in 10 minutes or so, try not to fall asleep in that time, Taem” Jongin muttered, gesturing to the free chair next to Soojung.

“I’m very awake, thanks” Taemin yawned as he threw himself in the chair, Jongin leant against the armrest softly, waving at Soojung with a smile.

“Hey” She greeted them, looking away from her phone finally.

“How’re things?” Jongin asked nicely, throwing his signature smirk at her.

“Good, just waiting for my sister; she’s been in a meeting for a while now; she said she’d treat me to dinner; perhaps she snuck out passed me”

“Dinner? What were you craving?”

“Anything at this point”

“Bahaha; Taemin and I are gonna have something to eat soon, I’m gonna force him to eat something unhealthy”

 

“Don’t force him, he has a comeback soon; right, Oppa?” Soojung defended Taemin, patting his shoulder gently.

“Mm”

“Yeah, but he’ll cave when I start listing food” Jongin giggled, stroking Taemin’s cheek a little too affectionately; retracting his hand awkwardly when Taemin looked at him.

“You bully” She uttered, jumping to her feet as Jessica stepped out of the elevator.

“Hey you~” The elder girl cooed “Sorry, for the wait” Jessica continued, grabbing her sister protectively; strutting towards the entrance.

 

“Bye” Soojung called out to the boys.

 

“Bye” They replied in unison, one noticeably cheerier than the other.

 

“They're both so pretty” Jongin sighed, as he slipped off the armrest; wandering over to the now free chair.

 

“Yup, like everyone in this company”

 

“Yeah, not as pretty as you, though; yeobo”

 

Jongin's phone vibrated, the message popped up confirming their vehicle had arrived; he sighed as he had to get up right after sitting, holding his hand out to the elder, who in turn, batted his hand away.

 

“Let's go”

 

-

 

“I was thinking chicken” Jongin commented as he scrolled through his takeaway app.

 

“When aren't you?” Taemin replied as he crouched beside his dogs, Eve tiredly put his snout in his hand whereas Adam just looked at him.

 

“When I'm thinking about you”

 

“Mm, did my brother tire you guys out?” The elder asked the dogs as they both let a yawn out after one another, they didn't reply, of course they didn't, they were just dogs but he’d prefer talking to them than replying to the younger's last remark.

 

“Done”

 

“Done?” Taemin queried as he got up, stretching his arms over his head.

 

“Ordered chicken”

 

“I swear to god; you enjoy it, did you remember to deliver it to here?”

 

“Fuck”

 

“Your members will be grateful”

 

“I'll just cancel and redo it”

 

“I'm gonna have a shower while you do that” Taemin grouched, wandering into his room to look through his closet; his mum always kept it so neat, but he had stayed there a few nights already and it was showing.

 

“I'll join you” Jongin called out as he followed him, tapping things on his phone quickly.

 

“Why?”

 

“Cause’ chilling out requires time, and we can't waste a second apart”

 

“You're so weird”

 

“Aye, you scratch my back; I scratch yours, right?”

 

“Hmm”

 

“Can I borrow some clothes?”

 

“Of course, help yourself… I'll be in the shower” Taemin said in a hushed tone, stepping towards his bathroom, peeling his clothes off lazily on the way.

 

“Damn” Jongin whispered to himself as he watched the elder's silhouette disappear into the other room.

 

-

 

“Fuck, Jongin, can you keep your hands to yourself” Taemin winced as the younger stroked his length, their bodies were still dotted with water from their shared shower, hair dripping everywhere as the stumbled toward Taemin’s bed.

 

“Do you want me to?”

 

“N-No, but you're so eager and your food will arrive at any point” Taemin breathed as he fell on top of his bed gracefully, the latter crawling on him like he was capturing his prey.

 

“So, I can touch you all I want; till the delivery comes?”

 

“You're such a per-” Taemin squeaked but his words were cut off by the devil's lips, he let an involuntary moan out as Jongin slipped his tongue in his mouth; the water from the younger's hair trickled off his neck softly.

 

Taemin’s hand ran up the other's neck, the water slipped through his fingers as he took a grip of Jongin’s hair; pulling their lips apart “Pervert, is what I was going to say” He breathed the end of his sentence, smirking up temptingly; loosening his grip.

“I know, you like it, though” The younger replied, jutting his hips down; his hard-on rubbed on the others with tender friction.

“So full of yourself, Kai”

“Stage name, eh?”

“Yup, because you’re acting like your stage persona; just be Jongin with me”

The latter just clucked his tongue before kissing Taemin again, soft noises passed between them as their hands naturally wandered; embracing all of the affection they often didn’t get, it’s as if they only had each other in this world but that wasn’t correct, moreover, they only wanted each other but would they ever admit that?

The intercom buzzed, signalling the food had arrived; they scrambled apart and the younger dashed over to his dirty sweatpants, pulling them on before taking strides towards the front door, stepping out to collect it from the reception area. Taemin stared at the ceiling, his bare body felt exposed and wrong; he felt hot all over, every trace of Jongin’s touch felt like it was on fire, a sense of being paralysed almost set in but he snapped out of it, sitting up while pulling his duvet over his body.

 

“The dude gave me a discount code for next time, how cool is that?” Jongin cheered as he walked back into the room with a few bags.

“You went out with no shirt, commando with a hard on; you really are something else”

“I held Nini Jr. between my thighs so, don’t worry, and the delivery dude was only at the end of the hallway”

“I’m not worried, it’s your image at stake babe”

“Yeah, I don’t care; you gonna eat?”

“Mm, I’ll have one piece”

“One? More for me then”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m missing out; let’s eat in the dining room, with more clothes on”

“Fine by me”

-

“Do you ever think about the future?” Taemin murmured as he watched Jongin dive into various bits of chicken.

“Me? Nah, I just wanna get rich, be adored and get better at performing”

 

“I mean like, settling down and stuff”

“Uhh yeah I guess, once I m-meet the right girl”

“Hm, I’ve never pictured it, the future and what I want with it..” Taemin whispered, the atmosphere in the room suddenly cold and uncomfortable.

“I know one thing”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll still be your best friend in the future” Jongin beamed as he placed a chicken bone down.

“Of course, can’t get rid of me..”

“My life would be pretty boring without you, to be fair”

“I’m sure you’ll cope” Taemin spoke under his breath, getting up and wandering to the bedroom.

“You gonna join me or not?”

The sound of a chair being pushed back on tile flooring sounded, Jongin sprinted after the elder; wrapping his arms around him delicately.

“Mhm”

“Wash your hands and face first, I don't want any chicken grease on my bed”

“Your wish is my command” He giggled as he ran off to the bathroom.

 

The SHINee member sighed as he flopped onto his bed, he’d never understand his weakness and willingness for Kim Jongin; always questioning whether it was lust or love on the regular.

“All clean, that lavender soap is to die for” Jongin boasted with his hand flapping about.

“Cute, now give me attention” Taemin spoke seductively, wiggling up the bed a little to make his t-shirt ride up and his sweats ride low.

 

The younger crawled on him, much like he had earlier; capturing as if he was ready to devour him.

“As long as it’s mutual”

 

 

“So, your honest opinions?” Jongin questioned as soon as the real estate agent left the room to take a call, Taemin was peeking outside of the window; taking in this new view.

 

“It's perfect, Jongin; I know people generally look at a bunch of places before deciding on one but if we don't act now, we won't have this one” Taemin urged as he gestured around the spacious apartment.

 

“I like it too but I don't know shit about renting or buying”

 

“I know a little bit considering I've had to get a place before, we could talk to the dude and ask the options; renting can be expensive as fuck but buying a place is sometimes not an option”

 

“Well, surely we can pull some strings cause’ we're famous…” Jongin mused, poking his index fingers together.

 

“First, we talk to our managers and company maybe; only because it's more difficult for your schedules, as you normally promote with Exo a lot, whereas my schedule is wishy-washy and I don't see my members for weeks sometimes” 

 

“Well, we can contact them now and then maybe put a deposit down within a week; as both of us are touring soon”

 

“Shit”

 

“What?”

 

“This is really happening”

 

“Happy?”

 

“The happiest I've been in a long time”

 

“You being happy means I'm automatically happy, I love you so much, Taem” Jongin cooed, stumbling over to the elder to hold his hands in his.

 

“I love you too” Taemin replied lovingly, tiptoeing to capture the other's lips with his; leaning into each other till their arms fell into place around one another; their chests met, the rings hidden beneath their clothing clinked together.

 

“I c-can't wait to be your husband” Jongin gasped as they broke apart for oxygen.

 

“Ditto”


End file.
